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My mom was over the other day and she told me I still haven't learned how to shit correctly. She tells me it shouldn't depend on excessive amounts of force and I shouldn't be grunting so much. Now I've been on this planet for over 30 years and thought I was proficient at the art of crapping, is my mom correct?
Im moving on to the next tread and pretending i havent read this one:eek:
In the words of one of the guys from Monty Python's Flying Circus, "And now for something completely different.."Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammie
Shit how you want, as long as it ends up in the toilet no one really cares.Quote:
Originally Posted by toejam
ummmmm,does the word crackhead ring in anybodies head?
That's what they want you to think!Quote:
Originally Posted by Syrus
:eek: :cool:
Straining too hard can give you a hernia. And that shit would HURT!
i think its time for some mother-son bondage in the art of taking a poo ;)
why do I frequent these forums again?
*comic book guy's voice* "Worst Thread Ever!!!" *comic book guy's voice*
I cant poop unless im naked...
?!
your mother is correct, although she failed to mention its probably a diet thing. she isnt cooking u proper meals lmao.
praise the portal potty. all naysayers of this thread can bite my brown log.
speaking of- i performed the hallowed foot long yesterday. ass to bowl, one perfect unbroken specimen.
:)
Ha ha. I dunno, I hate my pants around my angles, it just gets so annoying. you cant move,
Now what if someone came in to stab you or something, you can stand up and get away with your ankles like that, you'll just fall off the toilet.
Ohh oh, im wierd....
We'll at least im not as bad of as ocmpleltey naked boy over thier.
Ha ha no im j/k, were all fuct up here :D
The C
Your a God in my book's!!!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Imotep
www.ratemypoo.com LOL great site!!!
sometimes us gods destroy, sometimes we create :DQuote:
Originally Posted by apsinthion
Im the envied shitter of all my friends. I can take a full shit in less then the time it takes most people to pee. And its fully compressed regular brown shit too. Straining is baadddd. Don't do it. If you have to grunt, you're doing it allll wrong. Try blowing your nose into a kleenex while crapping. It helps the process. Also, lotsa fiber. Hernias and Hemroids and Ripped colon's oh my! - All come from too much strenuous pooping.
I like to take about 45 minutes on the throne usually. And having to be naked in order to "do the deed" makes defacation in public places a real experience...
?!
Ohh no mabe i've strained to hard before with crapping, what now?!
Little worried.
The C...
lol. Don't worry about it. As long as you aren't shitting blood, you're prolly good. Just don't strain too hard boys and girls.
what gave your mother the impression that you were using too much force? is there some sort of invasive, probing tool to determine the amount of pressure exerted by my colon on an average day's shit? I am certainly interested in this product, and would like some more information...my colon is important to me, as I would prefer to not have to poop into a little bag attached to my belt.
please tell me how I can find out if I am using excessive force in my bowel movements, I need to start a healthy drink craze that will 'free your colon from the pressures of excessive force syndrome' and make millions of dollars off those dumbass Atkinsers who can't poop and when they do it floats!
Take a laxative :DQuote:
Originally Posted by DrGonzo
that's gonna be the secret ingredient in my Pwnz0r Drink of Furious Detoxification and Wonderful Release! right near the bottom in tiny letters, it will say 'may cause explosive diarhoea, tremendous gas, damage to clothing and/or surrounding environment. Do not ingest before bedtime, or after bedtime, in fact don't drink this unless you are already physically seated on the toilet'
DrGonzo I love your avatar.. "Batteries taste like happiness" LOL :p
This thread is too fucking crazy... lol... rock on people!
---
I'm stoned.
eat more fiber that makes you shit easier to shit ;)
omg..........................................
stop talking shit literally
why do i keep coming back to this thread? dammit
For the same reason I do, to learn to shit correctly.Quote:
Originally Posted by GHoSToKeR
Mothers know everything. How you shit. What's in it etc etc this comes from years of cooking for you and then having to clean up your shit. Sort of like a degree after four years of studying and experience in the area all mothers should have letters c.r.a.p after their names (Certificate in Refuse and Poop). They alsa have highly sensitive ears which can pick up any sounds of pain or strain that their offspring make and she could probably hear you straining from the other side of the country.
Any how your wise mother is just trying to save you the embaressment of having to explain to your girl why you have a bunch of grapes dangling from your arse :eek: .