Well that's the end of that. I want to cry.

Sad news... in case anyone wants to hear my misery...
Last night my dear boyfriend, who I love very much, and I finally called it quits after living together for more than 2 years.

It was a sweet love story too... we met at Okemo ski resort in Vermont while he was working there as a snow-maker and I was skipping work to ski the first day of the season.

He had the absolute worst pickup line that I had ever EVER heard... "How do you like the snow? I made it. Wanna share a lift?" And it worked.

He is the person responsible for changing my attittude towards the Herb from "I don't mind it but don't use it" to appreciating the value it has for helping me with my anxiety.

And when I started my garden, it was he who was always there doing the electrical wiring and making sure it was to state code.

But he has always been terrible with money and would rather lie about hard issues, or get in his truck and drive away and go drink beers, than just talk about them... It's breaking my heart to see him go but I need to take care of my own future.

I think everyone eventually comes to a time in his or her life where you're in a relationship and you start asking yourself, "sure my partner is a sweet person but can I see myself married to them? Or having a family together?" And I'm kind of starting to feel my age and ask those questions... and as much as I tell myself that he could change, and grow, and be the man I want.. I don't want to have to force it. And it has already been so long that -well- it's been long enough to expect SOME light at the end of the tunnel.

So that's it. I can't afford to be with someone whose honesty and loyalty even are doubtful, especially with the garden and having so much to lose- my entire life savings is tied up in my home, and the State could seize it if anything ever happened.

I guess it's kind of a sad fairy tale for anyone who is considering growing any more than about a small closet of plants, too. I'm afraid I am going to be alone for a LOOOONG time before I find someone I can really trust.

So Jeff, this one's for you. I'll miss ya, big guy.

I can't even begin to say how sorry I feel, I am so sorry babes - be strong, and go with your heart (and I know you are doing).
So many people on here love you and your rounded attitude, firey yet tollerant nature.
It does happen and it's sure as hell happened to me - Jan is wonderful but it's taken me 40 years to find her.
You are caring, sensitive, deep, intelligent, and most of all VERY thoughtful underneath that "Tom-Boy" exterior.

My heart goes out to you, and I shall think of you and your kindness always.

forever your friend and companion in whatever path you should choose from now on.

Love and light - Hall and Jan x x x x

Thanks sweetie. You just finally pushed me over the edge and I'm getting teary. I can't believe how caring the growers on this site are. It's good you have you around.

Sorry to hear that, Stinky. Our oldest daughter had that happen when she was your age. The guy was ok, but they didn't have that chemistry for a family future and they split.
She just got married a couple of weeks ago to a young man (10 years younger) that she's been with for the last six years or so. Your partner will come along, I'm sure.

Meanwhile my best regards, hoping you get feeling good-great soon.

Shov

sdhall is right we all love you and what you bring to the community. Be strong hun I know it's hard but you have to look out for number one and I think you're handling the situation both fairly to you and him. Your soulmate is out there and it's just a test of patience till you find him. And us growers know all about patience. Take care dear we're all hear for ya! ::hugs::

..I always found..January..is a good month..to start a new life...

I do it almost every year.....

Yes DP - totally right

H

Oh man, that's so sad and I feel for you Stinky. Those are tough choices to have to make but you are obviously a smart & strong woman so I am sure you are making the correct one. My thoughts and my prayers will be with you as you walk through this. (yes, I do pray & meditate). I'm sure you already know that the hurt will pass...it feels like crap today but it won't always be that way. You will have much happiness ahead of you & the person meant for you may be just around the bend.

Don't hold back the tears...it's good for the soul to embrace the pain and recognize our frail humanity.

now i feel sad

I think after work I am going to head over and plant myself in front of my neighbor's woodstove and drink hot cocoa and feel sorry for myself.
Until 7:30 when the lights come on and it's time to get the flower room aired out.
Man I don't know what I'd do without friends. Especially friends who keep lots of chocolate at their houses.
I just got a phone call from Jeff's dad inviting us to dinner Friday. That was depressing to have to tell him that there really isn't an 'us' any more.

Aww, man, Stinky. That sucks. I wish I could come up with some real kind words for you, but everyone else already beat me to it. You seem to be taking it well, probably just due to the fact that you are a level-headed person. Everyone has emotions, though, so there is no avoiding that, even for me...:(

But as my gf always reminds me, 'we go through life in stages, and for every stage in your life, there is a person you are supposed to be with. That person gives you just what you need for that time period, whether it be negative (learning experiences) or positive (life enrichment). You just have to embrace the time you had with that person, and then move onto the next stage. You are always a better person afterwards.'

I hope you know what I'm trying to say, as I don't always type exactly what I'm trying to say! ha.

Well, I'm sure you'll be fine, and I hope he will too. I'll smoke one for the both of yas, especially you Stinky. :D

:rastasmoke:

TGF

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Originally Posted by TheGreenFog

But as my gf always reminds me, 'we go through life in stages, and for every stage in your life, there is a person you are supposed to be with. That person gives you just what you need for that time period, whether it be negative (learning experiences) or positive (life enrichment). You just have to embrace the time you had with that person, and then move onto the next stage. You are always a better person afterwards.'


TGF

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I think that's the best advice I've ever heard. Ever. If I ever have a daughter that's what I'm going to tell her when she's bawling over some guy... I wish someone had told me that when I was just a silly kid.

(friendly hug)

Well breaking up sucks. There is nothing I can say to you to make you feel any better.

However, after having recovered from my divorce I can say to you it is better to have done this now than wait 10 years like I did.

So feel the pain and go on. You are stronger than you think you are. Take some time to get to know yourself again.

I was crushed after my divorce. But I can see a new person within me rising and getting stronger each day.

The same thing will happen to you.

Vibes tonight - just for you x

You are better off figuring this out now, rather than after getting hitched and having to do a divorce (possibly with kids). You hit it right on the head- "I can't afford to be with someone whose honesty and loyalty even are doubtful". There is only trouble in a relationship if honesty and loyalty are a problem. There is no relationship, if there is no trust! On top of this, he drinks (at a bar?) when he is upset-that is a red flag right there for later alcoholism! He refuses to communicate on issues that are important to you. (What does this say about his opinion of you, as a thinking, feeling, human being?) At best, you were in a 60/40 relationship. I think you are lucky getting out when you did. In a few days, when the shock has worn off, get out of the house- go to a party and mingle. (There are lots of parties this time of year- I don't want to hear any excuses out of you, young lady! You get out there and party! :jointsmile: ) I will have been married for 40 years in a few weeks. You just gotta find the right one! ;) Staying at home and being bummed is not going to help you find him. - Granny Storm Crow :stoned:

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

I can't believe how caring the growers on this site are. It's good you have you around.

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when i buy a cabin in the yukon, you and bear can come live with me:p we'll build a 50,000sf greenhouse...:D

sorry babe, i know how it feels:o but like my brother always says...

"if at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer"

sorry if this comes off wrong, i'm just trying to make you smile:) how you're doing all right, and my thoughts are with you...

love, kp:p

Sorry to hear about your breakup. I went through the same thing last year (about money) with someone I'd been with for over 10 years. It was hard. I know how you feel now but remember that it will get better with time.

Hey Hey Hey...Well, it has all been said basically...hugs all around...peace

yeh, you know u got friends here, ;) at least thats some comfort... and friends that keep lots of chocolate too! its not all bad eh? well, sad to hear that stinky, and even though i hardly know you, i can tell your a very nice person, youll get a nice man sure enuff! after all, every man wants a bit of stinky attic in their lives! lol :)

Thanks guys...
Well I'm not weepy anymore after coming home from work last night and discovering that while I was off at my 9 to 5, Jeff was busy in my garden. And I don't mean watering either. He stole the BIGGEST BADDEST plant I have ever grown, a sick Haze cross so covered with crystals it looked like pale green velvet... and I had seeded it with my Afghani male... fucker.
So being rather pissed off I got on the horn with my contacts and just put out the heads up that anything green he's trying to sell was stolen... WHAT A SCUMBAG!!!! I can't believe I was actually SAD to see him go!

Okay. My plans this weekend are:
Tonight- bruschetta and cheap wine with my neighbor
Friday- Beer and college hockey (go UMass!!!! Woot!!! BC Sux!) with my girlfriends. Seriously it's such a fun girl's night out to go to a sports event with no men!
Saturday- I'm prepaying 2 months on a storage unit, renting a UHaul, and putting all Jeff's shit in it.
Sunday- Rearranging my furniture back to the way I like it, with the television NOT the focal point of the living room.
Monday- Going to work and forgetting all about him

:D

It's always hard to say goodbye and it's even harder to let go. I'm not going to say that I'm sorry for what you are going through because what you are going through is going to lead you to who you are going to be. It's a natural fact that in order to find our prince/princess we have to kiss some toads (and sometimes we love those toads!) but what's most important is what we glean from each relationship, whether at the commencement, in the middle or at its' end. I know that trust isn't easily earned and that to find someone who you can truly trust is a rarity, but you have to trust the fact that as long as you are following your heart you will be led in the right direction. Contradict your heart and you will be torn in two. The road that leads to bliss/peace/nirvana or whatever you choose to call it is different for each person, but the end result, bliss/peace/nirvana, is the same for all of us. Keep focused on whatever it is that truly makes you happy whatever form that happiness takes, (this is what I call 'gathering sparks') and I guarantee that those sparks will lead you to wherever you're meant to be and to whomever you're meant to be with. I hope this helps.

Shit, just read about what he did to you. Don't let him steal your sparks too! Call on the Karma police to arrest the jerk! Peace!

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Originally Posted by HiProGlow

It's a natural fact that in order to find our prince/princess we have to kiss some toads (and sometimes we love those toads!) !

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LOL I've always loved that concept.
If I have to kiss any damned toads they'd better be Bufo marinus... all you Aussies know what I'm talking about!!!

Who wants to send me a giant toad for Christmas? I think I NEEED a toad in the house!

That's the trouble with growing and relationships. If they go bad then you never know what's going to happen. Lucky it wasn't worse like the cops knocking on your door. Anyway it's rotten but at least it's only one plant and you can recover.

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Originally Posted by Perp

Lucky it wasn't worse like the cops knocking on your door.
.

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Knock on wood... they haven't stopped by... YET.

LOL, I just got rid of a giant toad but I highly doubt you'd want her in your house. She isn't psychadelic but she's certainly psychotic. After 7 years together she left me feeling like I'd been on one hell-of-a-bad trip. The only difference being that I came off of this trip with the best daughter a father could ever want....so in a sense my toad led me to the greatest joy I've ever known....fatherhood. Peace.

Man stinky, I hate to hear that. I'm afraid I can't give you any better advice than has already been posted, but you seem like a great person so I'm sure it will all work out better for you in the end. You've definitely been one of the nicest people I've met on these boards, always having something positive and constructive to say, which is why everyone likes you :) Just try not and let it get you too down, sounds like with the lying/stealing he didn't deserve a woman like you anyway, so its his loss not yours.

Keep your chin up

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

LOL I've always loved that concept.
If I have to kiss any damned toads they'd better be Bufo marinus... all you Aussies know what I'm talking about!!!

Who wants to send me a giant toad for Christmas? I think I NEEED a toad in the house!

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funny you should mention it, i have a friend who owns an exotic reptile store... and he does carry marine toads:D

love, kp:p

ps, jeff will get his... of this i'm sure, just wait...

Stinky, sorry to hear of your breakup- i was married for 20 years - the last twelve were not my happiest in life- a breakup is hard regardless of what your relashionship is- I do know that my life is much better now- at the time of the divorce you could not have told me that, there was heartbreak and as you there was drama- sounds as if Jeff showed you his true colors by stealing from you - I have known a lot of couples that have seperated and all in time found someone that was a better partner in life -ALL -so keep your spirits up and Believe things will get better-from experience try and stay in spirit and avoid all drama if possible
Best to You
clovisman

Here Here...What an ass...Hey funny you mention Boston...I lost the love of my life in the 80's after she went to school in Boston. I was playing in the 60's-70's Top 40 band...the "Grass Roots" at the Mill Hill club on Capecod...In Dennis, I think. and I met her. She was sunshine. her name was Bridgett...I have never beeen able to find her. Oh well.

nothing to do with your story, but you reminded me of her with your correspondence. Maybe I took your mind off You know Who.

P.s. the 1st chore on your list should be New Locks, and going to animal shelter to find big lovable "killer puppy, with loud bark. later.peace

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Originally Posted by latewood

P.s. the 1st chore on your list should be New Locks, and going to animal shelter to find big lovable "killer puppy, with loud bark. later.peace

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That's a bummer about not being able to find someone you thought was the bees knees. Too bad. The Cape is nice but SUCH a zoo in summer!!!
And as for the chores, new locks are already on the weekend list and my tenant has a 200 pound English MAstiff named Mr. Butters who ALREADY doesn't like Jeff... maybe I will borrow him for a while! I'm hoping to get a puppy this winter to keep my little girl The Tess company. Tess (she came from a shelter! Woot! I love Petfinder.com!!!!!!!) isn't much of a guard dog- she looks fierce from her Boxer side but is a total mush. I'm thinking about getting an Olde Boston Bulldogge pretty soon but the only breeders I know of are in Ontario and Texas! Dogs are the best. They always love ya.

Hi Stinky- I only just joined this board but you have been so nice and helpful to me that I feel like I have known you a long time- your sweet spirit shines through the lines of your posts! I am 10 years into my third marriage- the first two husbands chose cocaine and crack over me, and that's not too flattering, but after the second one lied and stole from me, I moved up here to Boston with my cat and my dog (I lived in the Berkeley YWCA for a month until I found a place!) and went to graduate school. I met my current husband about a year after I got here and he made all the other rotten men disappear from the hurt places in my heart! Please don't give up hope- all of this is happening in order to take you to a stronger place where you can insist on a love that is worthy of you. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend who is suffering, and give yourself lots of treats- hot baths, massages, pretty toys and tons of chocolate! Do not settle for less than the best when you start dating again- and please get some good locks on your doors to keep you safe. If you need someone to help you in any way- let me know and I will be in your corner (I have a bag of Dove dark chocolates right here!). I believe we cross paths with people in order to share our experiences in order to help each other, and you have already made me feel as if I am not alone by responding to my posts, so please know that my shoulder is here if you need to cry or yell or whatever. Hang in there lovely lady!

Beautiful post, Liberiamom. YOUR sweet spirit is shining through, too! :)

my german shepherd is going to have pups in a few months; want one? she's big, she's loveable, she's smart, and she hates strangers... the stud is the same, just times 10...:)

love ya stinky, stay safe;your christmas present will be off this upcoming week:p

kp

Stinky after your post about the boyfriend returning and stealing from you I had to smile. Isn't it amazing how we push anything negative out of our minds when we miss someone or something? I'd like to personally thank him for reminding you in a big way who he really is.

I have always found (for myself) that if I set aside a period of time--however much time--to grieve--not try to "forget" or ignore it makes things easier later on. When things hurt realize that they hurt because of all your energy and love. That is worth a huge amount which is why it hurts so much. Respect that; don't dismiss it. Take care.

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Originally Posted by Storm Crow

Beautiful post, Liberiamom. YOUR sweet spirit is shining through, too! :)

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So nice of you to say that Storm Crow! I've admired you for the wisdom you share in your posts - some very cool women visit this board!

I'm not great with words stinky but I feel for you. Broken heart mixed with sever anger? Not fun. Makes you want to kiss him as he lies dieing from the holle you just blasted in him. Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

Gee slow, don't know if I agree with you about you not being good with words...seemed you said things pretty clear there to me :)

Stinkyattic,

I just want to offer my hopes for you to find a great man when you are ready for a new relationship. I have been lurking around these boards for a while now, and you are one of the main inspirations I have found here. It has been said before on this thread, but it bears repeating: your wonderful personality shines through in your posts! Best of luck!

Oh Stinky what can I say?? I just found this thread, just have been so busy. You have had some great words given to you throughout this thread and I hope that you take them to heart because they are all so true and filled with loving kindness.
Life is indeed a journey and sometimes the road is ruff, believe me I know. It is funny, in the midst of all of the losses, those scarres have toughened up and added some character to this rugged bear hide and I am no worst for the where. I know that the days may go a little slower now, but just keep doing what your doing, keeping a positive attitude and occupy your self with those things that you enjoy along with continuing to share your life with those around you.
I am glad to have you as a friend and even when you don't here from me for a while, just know that you are still a partner and I don't let time and distance change those factors.
About finding a new man, yah they are out there, but no need to hurry, good men are like good wine, sometimes it takes a long time to find that truly seasoned one that just touches your taste buds like know other and is a true gift to all of your senses. I wish that men would find fulfillment in really wanting to be a man, not a little boy that is still playing games and looking for a mommy to take care of him and let them throw their tantrums when they don't get their way.
I like being a husband and a father, but I had to lose a 8 year relationship and 3 children to figure all of that out. Now I strive to be a better husband and father and love and nurture my family. I always try to go the extra mile to be a good man for my family and friends, that is something that no one can take away from me and the same with being a beautiful woman, mother, wife or friend. Big buds, big bucks, nice cars and big houses are nice, but they just don't compare to having a good steadfast heart that wants to love and help IMO.
Well, let me get down off of the soap box and find a tree to scratch my back on. LOL
Love you, per, per..
PS, KP can't wait for you to get that cabin up here, I will be the bear rug in front of the fire place that keeps you gals cozy and safe.
Adieu
PPS, want a good protector of a dog, look up the Rhodesian Ridgeback.