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The next time your having a bad day just imagine:
You're a Siamese Twin.
Your brother attached to your shoulder is gay, your not.
He has a date coming over tonight and you only have one ass...
omg could u imagine that....
that cracked me the fuck up... :D
peace
Quote:
Originally Posted by tokinsmoke
lmfao Brandi the shit u say never fails to amuse me :D :D
Whenever people are feeling down, I like to tell them "Things could be worse. You could be getting ass-raped by a clown with herpes." I find that people generally fail to appreciate the abject horribleness that that situation would entail.
lol...
i know ammie...
thats why u love me...
lol
peace
k....i got another one...
what did raggedy ann say to pinnochio when she sat on his face?
lie, tell the truth, lie, tell the truth...
lmfao
peace
meh
A guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the lady at the front desk what he could get for $5. "Five bucks? That ain't much...you can get Scabby Sally, Crackhead Patty, oh and Whistlin' Mary is in tonight. She can give you a blow job while she whistles!"
Confused and intrigued, the man accepts the offer. "Just walk into the second door on the right there, put the money on the table and turn out the light."
So he walks into the door, places his $5 on the table and turns out the light. A few minutes later the door opens and he sees the silhouette of Whistlin' Mary come in, and the door closes again.
The lady begins to pleasure him and starts whistling some familiar tunes. It feels good and the man goes along with it, tapping his feet to the songs, but after a while he starts to get really bugged by it. He simply can't figure out how she's doing it! So he quickly leaps up and turns on the light, but as soon as he turns around to look at her, he catches a glance of her bolting out the door, slamming it behind her.
Absolutely bewildered by this point, the man sits back down and glances at the table, where he sees his $5 and a glass eye.
I dont get it :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by ermitonto
Thats a sick excuse for a joke. I'd be laughing at it if I was drunk though :p
:D I like that one hehehe... I got one (barf-bags at the ready)
Quasimodo is desperate for a shag, so he goes into the French red-light district. All the whores run away when they see him walking along.
Eventually, Quasi happens across Manky Maude (a real leather bag of a thing), so he asks her for business.
Maude has been a bit quite of late (about ten years, actually lol), so she reluctantly agrees to service him.
When they get back to his place, she undresses and jumps into bed and watches Quasi get undressed. She sees the horrific vieny legs. She sees the scarred and disfigured arms, and when he removes his shirt, she sees his scabby back - it is covered in warts, and scars, and pus - it is so horrible that she barfs onto the floor just behind Quasi.
Quasi looks round and sees the puke on the floor behind him, and exclaims, "What the hell is THAT?!"
"I'm sorry Quasi," replies Manky Maude, " but I couldn't help it, I threw up!"
Quasi breathes a sigh of relief.
"Thank fuck for that," he cried, "I thought that my back had burst"
:D
Res...
I can't wait to fuck that turtle....
brandi ya nutter only you could think ov something mad like that
hehe...
like i said...thats why ya'll love me...
ill get some more for ya...
peace
think about it rizla, the glass eye is the clue n its a sick joke lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Pass The Rizla
im not funny? :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaylord Focker
i thought it was kinda cute...
wtf
peace
your crazy and funny if ya sask me lol
im fucking retarded to i dont get it either o wait holy shit OMG EW WTF ugh man wow sick mother fuckers! :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pass The Rizla
omg it was just a joke ya'll...
hahaha laugh...
geez wheres ur sense of humor?
everybody else thought it was funny...right???
whatever...
peace
i dont get it either
dude tell more dirty jokes, i almost busted a gut at the glass eye shit, hehehe
there was this family and they were too poor to buy food so this old
man went and shot them a squirrel and it still had the bbs in it...
they ate.........it was the lil girls bedtime so they went upstairs and
the lil boy went outside...
one lil girl came downstairs and said mommy mommy i peed a bb...
thats good hunny go back to bed...
the other lil girl came down and said mommy mommy i peed a bb...
thats good hunny go back to bed...
the lil boy came in and said mommy mommy...
let me guess u peed a bb?
no i was jackin off in the backyard and shot the dog
:D :p :D :p :D :p :D :p
this is kinda a long one but..........
it was thanksgiving dinner and this lil boy was walkin through his house...
he walked past the bathroom and his dad was shaving...he heard shit...
he said whats shit mean..........oh its another word for shaving cream...
so he walks past his brothers room and heard dick....he said whats dick mean..........oh its another word for toys...
so he walks to his sisters room and hears tits buns tits buns....whats tits and buns mean.........oh its another word for hats and coats....
so he walks downstairs and his moms fightin with someone he hears bitch bastard bitch bastard....whats bitch and bastard mean.............oh its another word for people who come over for thanksgiving dinner............so he walks to the kitchen and his moms spicing the turkey and hears fuck................whats fuck mean........oh its another word for spicing the turkey........
the doorbell rings...
he opens the door and says hello bitch and bastard
may i take your tits and buns........
dads upstairs smearing shit all over his face.......
my brothers in his room playin with his dick........
and moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey.........
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
what does bees do???
????????????????
how many birds are in a nest?
??????????????????
how many lives does a cat have?
9
why u know so much about pussy and not the birds and the bees...........
lol
Bad Day
Im having a fuckinf nightmare of a day....this day sucks!
1st we got a power cut 13,000 homes wit no power including my work place, you think they let us go home?? like fuck did they we stood around doing fuck all for 8 shitty hours!
2nd ive fucked my leg up down the gym
3rd i fucking missed my stop on the train,,,so had to goto the next stop and wait 115 mins to get back ffs!!!!!!!
4th i come home to find my kids being lil cunts to my mrs and trashed everything and to find my new colombian shark dead in my tank caused by this power cut
I think thats a bad fucking day if you ask me!
Peace
Yup Dog - your day was a washout :(Quote:
Originally Posted by dog420
Get those kids to bed early
It won't be too late to turn things around :p ;) :D
that is a sucky day........
im sorry..........
peace