Thinkin about killing myself

why? fuck it, that's why. I remember in high school they gave these stupid seminars on suicide telling us "people commit suicide because they want the pain to stop". well they're fucking stupid, because there's always more than one reason, and sometimes it may even be justified. I hate people who say "it's never the answer". well maybe sometimes it is, maybe the world isn't a big happy simple place where one answer fits all. And right now I realized that it may be my only choice left because I have nowhere left to go.

right now I'm in college and as it's goin, I'm not going to pass. I've been studying for hours, but no matter how hard I try it's too much and I keep falling behind. it doesn't matter what I do, I've tried and tried, but I can't do it. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that i just need to buckle down, and it'll be hard, but I'll suceed in the end. pretty fucking words don't pass my tests, don't finish my projects, don't make me understand all the material and catch up. I can work my ass off 24 hours a day, but I'm not gonna pass.

but hey, no big deal right? I'll just drop out, get a job, finally move out, and live a little first. oh wait, nope I'm fucked there too because I'm in so much fuckin pain all the time I can't possibly work. it hurts like hell for me just to take the bus to school, 3 hours a day sitting in class is enough alone to put me in a world of pain. so obviously, I can't go out and work, because I can barely manage to go out shopping.

so hey, if I should disappear suddenly, that's why, because I can't see a fucking way out. I can't finish college, I can't work, i can't move out, and my parents will never let me just sit at home doing nothing. What the hell else do I have for options? NOTHING. there's absolutely no other course I could take that I can see. don't listen to these assholes that say "suicide is NEVER the answer", 'cause I'm living proof that it's the only answer sometimes. I'm not saying I'll pop myself off today, 'cause I'm not, but I imagine I'll have to do it pretty soon.

first post

Fuck that shit, find something your good at and go to a trade school! They're only about 1 year long, and you end up getting a pretty good job after. For the pain I'm sure you could move to a state with medical MJ, and there are many strains out there that can cure your pain, or get perscribed pills. I know someone that has been on ultrams for 10 years, and he says it helps his pain and hasn't had any negative affects on him. Try aderol for school, try a bunch of shit before you puss out and give up.

Suicide isn't the awnser for you. Talk this out with a professional or a loved one. Don't do anythingwithout tlaking to someone in a calmer mindset.

<3 Tasha

Dude.. Drop out if it's making you so misserable..

Get you're own place.. Grow some MJ.. Sell it.. Have a job to pay the bills and use weed money on food and stuff.. You'll pull through man...

I like you.. You usually are fun here.. I'd miss you..:(


Just put a smile on you're face!:)



BTW.. I know how you feel.. It's not a nice feeling.. Get a Girlfriend.. Just something to make you feel more appreciated.. Don't go and kill you're self...

Smile!:):):):)

itll be alright, (insert positive comment here) yada yada yada, lifes worth living


ive tried killing myself before, iddnt work, and it wasnt the i want attention kind of attempt since i nobody knew about it in school.

but yea life sucks get over it i did, everyone goes through depression

ok.

Well I have to say this and it's breif but at the same time it's a ***True story, True Story***...Before pot was introduced to me I always wanted to commit suicide...I fuckin' hated my life. But when I start smokin cannabis I swear I felt so much better. Not only when I was high but sometimes I felt better about my life...dont ask me why, I just do..most of the time lol.

take less hours in college. It will take you longer to graduate but you can lead a less stressfull life. Thats what im doing now.

man you guys don't even get it.

I CAN'T go to trades school because I don't have the math and science prerequisits, nor am I any good at either of those disciplines.

I CAN'T go into a trades because of my physical condition. it's not a simple matter of painkillers, I can dope myself up till I'm seeing trains flying in the sky, it still hurts too much just to stay on my feet.

I CAN'T even get a girlfriend, or a friend for that matter, because I'm a fucking loser piece of shit.

and I STILL CAN'T get a job and move out because I'm too physically fucked to work. and the government won't give me disability insurance or anything because I live with my parents, and they're not going to give me money to move out.

see what I mean? there's all sorts of wonderfull cliche solutions out there, but in practice non of them add up. even if there was a god, I'd fucking hate him.

before you think about suicide think about your loved ones and how they will feel if you do that.

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Originally Posted by mrdevious

man you guys don't even get it.

I CAN'T go to trades school because I don't have the math and science prerequisits, nor am I any good at either of those disciplines.

I CAN'T go into a trades because of my physical condition. it's not a simple matter of painkillers, I can dope myself up till I'm seeing trains flying in the sky, it still hurts too much just to stay on my feet.

I CAN'T even get a girlfriend, or a friend for that matter, because I'm a fucking loser piece of shit.

and I STILL CAN'T get a job and move out because I'm too physically fucked to work. and the government won't give me disability insurance or anything because I live with my parents, and they're not going to give me money to move out.

see what I mean? there's all sorts of wonderfull cliche solutions out there, but in practice non of them add up. even if there was a god, I'd fucking hate him.

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solution: buy an xbox 360, buy xbox live, play online all day, video games replace the need for women over time. and make you not depressed.

Or buy world of warcraft, meet chicks, meet friends, get addicted, live life through WoW, my friend met his girlfriend who lives a hundred miles away through world of warcraft

life isnt so bad when you have video games, but if you were born with no hands... i dont know what to say, all i can is i would seriously kill myself if i had no hands but was otherwise completely OK life without gaming or drugs would not be a life for me, masturbation would suck too

hey dude i think about suicide everyday i lost my wife to cancer after being married for three weeks and i live in constant pain everyday also not just physical either but life is a fight everyday is another round with youreself and being alive is better than losing that fight talk to somebody that you trust and can help its definitely worth it believe me i hope you can get through the depression youre in i know its not easy but its worth it fight on bro and if you ever need someone to talk to im bigjez67 on aol im im here for you peace

My husbands dad killled himself when my husband was 12. It affects him to this day....be strong,nothing is so bad that it can't be worked out.:)He is a very stong man but he will not even go to his dads grave...he hurts so bad. Don't do it.

well if you feel that you should, than do it. if the deciding factors to whether your going to kill yourself is what a couple of stoners on the internet say your obviously not serious unless were the only ones you have which isnt good either.

I suffered from bad depression when i was pretty young and i had suicidal thoughts but after a couple grands worth of weed, some good reading material, and a lot of sleepless, long nights i decided it wasnt how i wanted to be remembered and plus it is a pussies way out, but im not saying this for your case because i dont know about your pain you keep talking about but im sure that it is really shitty to not be able to work or even stand on your feet for any length of time.

Dude, what if the next life/world/etc. is even worse? Don't think ya can change your mind once you leave this one. This is much too big of a decision to not think of the consequences of your actions. Also, there are too many examples of people who are right where you are now, but they, with great effort, persevered and eventually walked into the sunlight of a new day.

nah man dont do it. you just gotta keep on keepin on, lifes a garden dig it. nah seriously if i was you just ask your doctor about depression cause you might have it. i have depression but the medicine they have me on is great it really helps. just find some help things can get better.

Ive thought about it man Im a very big guy im 16 6'ft 320 pounds history of diabetis is in my family my dad died when he was 44 from a bad heart (I was 8) I get pains in my chest alot so im scared about getting it and no girls like me not alot of people dont want to hang out with me so i pretty much stay at home eat and chill online from when i get home till i go to bed and get more fatter (cant even make friends online) so what do i have to live for? not much, but i hang in their man Im trying to get healthy buts its so fucking hard, So just hang in their I know what it feels like to not have any friends and to have bad pains i cant even run becouse my fucking knee gives out and im just all around a fat loser... but im not just going to kill myself...

TTYL

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Redbeard007

Dude, what if the next life/world/etc. is even worse? Don't think ya can change your mind once you leave this one. This is much too big of a decision to not think of the consequences of your actions. Also, there are too many examples of people who are right where you are now, but they, with great effort, persevered and eventually walked into the sunlight of a new day.

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we should all draw straws to see who kills them self, the loser must kill them self in order to see wats in the after life, once they leard its secret, recon must return to base at 0500 hours, tell general Patton where the krauts are dug in at, we will call in artillary support to provide cover for baker companies assauly from the west. this will in turn take the eyes away from the south where the recently combined forces of the army of northern virgina and the army of the potomac will be marching with all reserves pulled in on their flanks. Mead is late as usuall but hopefully that prissy boy will pull through and take up covering the rear, we just out fitted the men with the new 1862 springfields so their aim will be true! may god bless our souls. MEN MOVE OUT!
HUZZAH HUZZAH

We are a band of brothers
And native to the soil
Fighting for our liberty
With treasure blood, and toil
And when our rights were threatened,
The cry rose near and far
Hurrah for the Bonnie Blue Flag
That bears a single star!

HUZZAH! HUZZAH! FOR SOUTHERN RIGHTS HUZZAH!! HUZZAH! FOR THE BONNIE BLUE FLAG THAT BARES A SINGLE STAR!!!

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well if you feel that you should, than do it. if the deciding factors to whether your going to kill yourself is what a couple of stoners on the internet say your obviously not serious unless were the only ones you have which isnt good either.

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actaully you guessed it, these forums are the only people I know pretty much, except for 2 friends that both live in cities so far away I maybe see them 3x a year for a day.

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I suffered from bad depression when i was pretty young and i had suicidal thoughts but after a couple grands worth of weed, some good reading material, and a lot of sleepless, long nights i decided it wasnt how i wanted to be remembered and plus it is a pussies way out, but im not saying this for your case because i dont know about your pain you keep talking about but im sure that it is really shitty to not be able to work or even stand on your feet for any length of time.

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yeah, I was all suicidal from 13-17 too because of getting bullied every day. then I found weed and totally left that state of mind. but now I'm almost 21, and weed doesn't cut it anymore for life. I don't know what I think right now though, I'm just inredibly high and numb.... but yeah what she said earlier about how much it fucked up her husband after that many years, it did make me think. I sorta figured they'd be over it after a year or 2, maybe not. but it's not much of a life just living to spare somebody else's feelings, I mean that can only hold you so long before it's just too tiring.

well where should I go? I feel totally stressed in social situations, so I have no social life, I'm not going to finish college, I can't work, and my back and neck and sometimes armas and legs all hurt like hell all the time. is like something that I never thought of??. god damnit Im too highh.,

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mrdevious

actaully you guessed it, these forums are the only people I know pretty much, except for 2 friends that both live in cities so far away I maybe see them 3x a year for a day.




yeah, I was all suicidal from 13-17 too because of getting bullied every day. then I found weed and totally left that state of mind. but now I'm almost 21, and weed doesn't cut it anymore for life. I don't know what I think right now though, I'm just inredibly high and numb.... but yeah what she said earlier about how much it fucked up her husband after that many years, it did make me think. I sorta figured they'd be over it after a year or 2, maybe not. but it's not much of a life just living to spare somebody else's feelings, I mean that can only hold you so long before it's just too tiring.

well where should I go? I feel totally stressed in social situations, so I have no social life, I'm not going to finish college, I can't work, and my back and neck and sometimes armas and legs all hurt like hell all the time. is like something that I never thought of??. god damnit Im too highh.,

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seriously id reccomend trying to not smoke for awhile see how that turns out, back whjen i smoked all the time id get all feeling burnt out and jaded

try going to a psychologist for the social situation thing, or go to a seminar, they can help you out with shyness

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mrdevious

actaully you guessed it, these forums are the only people I know pretty much, except for 2 friends that both live in cities so far away I maybe see them 3x a year for a day.




yeah, I was all suicidal from 13-17 too because of getting bullied every day. then I found weed and totally left that state of mind. but now I'm almost 21, and weed doesn't cut it anymore for life. I don't know what I think right now though, I'm just inredibly high and numb.... but yeah what she said earlier about how much it fucked up her husband after that many years, it did make me think. I sorta figured they'd be over it after a year or 2, maybe not. but it's not much of a life just living to spare somebody else's feelings, I mean that can only hold you so long before it's just too tiring.

well where should I go? I feel totally stressed in social situations, so I have no social life, I'm not going to finish college, I can't work, and my back and neck and sometimes armas and legs all hurt like hell all the time. is like something that I never thought of??. god damnit Im too highh.,

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And these, ladies and gentleman, are the words of a suicidal maniac.

I wish everybody could get that song stuck in their head, from Monty Python, "Always look on the bright side of life".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mrdevious

actaully you guessed it, these forums are the only people I know pretty much, except for 2 friends that both live in cities so far away I maybe see them 3x a year for a day.




yeah, I was all suicidal from 13-17 too because of getting bullied every day. then I found weed and totally left that state of mind. but now I'm almost 21, and weed doesn't cut it anymore for life. I don't know what I think right now though, I'm just inredibly high and numb.... but yeah what she said earlier about how much it fucked up her husband after that many years, it did make me think. I sorta figured they'd be over it after a year or 2, maybe not. but it's not much of a life just living to spare somebody else's feelings, I mean that can only hold you so long before it's just too tiring.

well where should I go? I feel totally stressed in social situations, so I have no social life, I'm not going to finish college, I can't work, and my back and neck and sometimes armas and legs all hurt like hell all the time. is like something that I never thought of??. god damnit Im too highh.,

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Just wondering, and I'm not trying to be a dick, but why do you hurt so much? Is it a disease, or were you in an accident or what? I just want to be another one of those people you hate who says that suicide is not the answer. Life will get better.

I wish you guys lived near me because I would be your friend.

Please, please don't hurt yourself. My grandfather shot himself a few years back and it was devastating to the entire family.

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Life may look hard now, but you will survive. You can. Please, find a social worker or someone who can help you. You will thank yourself very, very soon when you feel better. I totally know how you feel. For a while, I felt like life just didnt have a purpose. You might feel like you're totally alone now, but you're not. Depression is an extremely common disease. Yes, it is a disease. It's treatable and you CAN beat it.

Please, dont kill youself.

hey all, I've come down mostly now. look, I'm sorry I brought this up really, I've just been having these nervous breakdowns about 2-3 times a week, seems taking a toke is the only way to stop it. I'm not going to kill myself, it was stupid of me to post that, I just convinced myself I had to 'cause I was so stressed out. so sorry about this crap.

DavidMtMl, you're not an asshole at all for asking, it's cool. I've been in pain for 4 years now because I injured my lower back in Judo from all the getting flipped and having to lift big guys which was quite a strain. then a year later I thought I was healed enough to join a softer martial art, so I went into Aikido. We spend a 2 hour class practicing throwing opponents who were trying to hit you. so I fell on this vertebrae in my upper back like 50 times that night, and it's been screwed and extremely painfull ever since. then, a couple months after that I went to a chiropractor about my back as usual. I mentioned I had a minor kink in my neck so he adjusted it and wrecked it so bad that I was in a neck cast for a month. it's probably my neck that hurts the most now, though hard to say at times. anywhoo, now it's also going down both my legs, and the neck injury gave me nerve damage so I get burning pins needles going down my arms and into my hands.

If your gonna die then do it. Don't waste everyone elses time looking for sympathy and pity. That's all suicide is. Cause if your commiting suicide to get away from life you'd already be Dead.

Listen...dude...drop out of college. Spend the next however many years of your life pursuing only things that make you happy. Do not kill yourself. Life is fucking hard. It's hard as shit...everyone has their own demons and their own mountains to climb but we all have them. I've screamed at the top of my lungs, "I hate my fucking life.." but even I knew that suicide is not the right thing to do...

If anything, don't kill yourself because you have us. Yeah, we're "Internet friends" but we're better than nothing! Your buds here would miss you if you were gone!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mrdevious

man you guys don't even get it.

I CAN'T go to trades school because I don't have the math and science prerequisits, nor am I any good at either of those disciplines.

I CAN'T go into a trades because of my physical condition. it's not a simple matter of painkillers, I can dope myself up till I'm seeing trains flying in the sky, it still hurts too much just to stay on my feet.

I CAN'T even get a girlfriend, or a friend for that matter, because I'm a fucking loser piece of shit.

and I STILL CAN'T get a job and move out because I'm too physically fucked to work. and the government won't give me disability insurance or anything because I live with my parents, and they're not going to give me money to move out.

see what I mean? there's all sorts of wonderfull cliche solutions out there, but in practice non of them add up. even if there was a god, I'd fucking hate him.

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You CAN'T do those things, or you WON'T??

Honestly, depending on how far behind you are in school, and if you do fail, there is always academic probation. This of course varies from college to college, but at least know your options before making a decision. And as far as killing yourself, thats no way to solve anything, and only causes more problems for everyone else you leave behind. A coward's way out if you will. Suicide is not an option.

Hey, there still hope.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/200602...elprodentscope

Of Mice and Bullies: Scientists Help Rodents Cope

Bjorn Carey
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.com Thu Feb 9, 5:00 PM ET

Scientists have tinkered with the genes in mice brains to help them cope with depression and stress.


The alterations work just as well as giving the rodents antidepressant medications normally prescribed to humans, a new study shows.

The research could eventually lead to new treatments for depressed people.

10 days of bullying

Mice are generally social animals, and they frequently introduce themselves to unfamiliar mice. But if exposed to daily bouts of "social defeat," such as being beat up by a stranger, a mouse will stop approaching unfamiliar mice.

Scientists subjected mice to 10 straight days of such bullying and found that the defeated mice avoided bullies even four weeks after their initial beating.

In fact, they were so traumatized that they avoided all other mice as wellâ??even those that were smaller and more docile.

"For both mice and men, social status is important; for mice, losing to a dominant mouse usually means that they avoid the dominant and they avoid social situations," said Thomas Insel of the National Institute of Mental Health.

When researchers gave the mice the human antidepressant drugs Prozac or Tofranil, social interaction improved. The treatment resembled that for depressed humans, said the study's senior author Eric Nestler of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.

Scientists noticed that defeated mice had increased amounts of a gene called BDNF in a region of their brains involved in social memory. BDNF helps regulate the neurotransmitter dopamine, a chemical that carries signals from one nerve cell to another along the brain's reward pathway.

By removing this gene, researchers found mice could be bullied endlessly and not become depressed or socially withdrawn.

"Removal of BDNF before bullying, or treatment with antidepressants after bullying, both removed the behavioral abnormality observed," Nestler told LiveScience.

Help for humans?

Lacking this response, however, could make these mice more susceptible to being bullied in the wild.

"Without BDNF in the circuit, an animal can't learn that a social stimulus is threatening and respond appropriately," Nestler said.

Despite this and other possible negative effects of totally inhibiting BDNF, the research could lead to new antidepressant drugs for humans.

"The challenge is to find a way to inhibit BDNF signaling within the reward pathway specifically," Nestler said. "The many genes we show that are regulated by BDNF or antidepressants in this pathway may provide clues."

This research is detailed in the Feb. 10 issue of the journal Science.

DO IT!! I DARE YOU!! DO IT!!

They say this technique always works.

I feel like killing myself sometimes




I live in Vernon BC

man... suicide is not the answer
were all here for ya!
also if you off yourself... its another thing the gov't can say
weed makes ppl commit suicide.
fuck that shit!
take ten acid hits
that'll make you see the afterlife

Alright dude, I know how you feel. But shit happens to everybody, so don't let stupid modern society crap get to you. I finished college, only to find out that I still couldn't get a decent job, and so I have to go back to school, but screwed up a test so have to at least wait a year. And I tried sitting at home playing videogames, and it made things a lot worse for me and I really felt suicidal, and well let's just not think about that. Get into the mindset of how people have lived for most of human history, before modern society caused all these problems. Maybe consider joining something like the Peace Corps and getting out to the undeveloped world, where they are keeping it real.

Dude... Try and sue the fucked up judo instructors for fucking up your life...

EDIT: Yeah, man... life is good.

It can always get good again and it's worth it to stick through until then.

Beat the shit out of some kid in an alley. No joke. Worst case scenario is you get in trouble, spend maybe a week in jail, realize how good you have it compared to the people in jail and you get a lot of your back by beating up the kid.

Don't just beat up any kid. Make sure he fits the description of a person you would absolutely despise. No weapons. Just fists. Maybe a shard of glass if the kid gets frisky.

move to one of the caribbean islands and get a job like taking tourists on snorkel trips or somthin. Who cares if you dont make alota money because if i lived down there with a fun job that would be better than living in ohio making more.

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Originally Posted by mrdevious

why? fuck it, that's why. I remember in high school they gave these stupid seminars on suicide telling us "people commit suicide because they want the pain to stop". well they're fucking stupid, because there's always more than one reason, and sometimes it may even be justified. I hate people who say "it's never the answer". well maybe sometimes it is, maybe the world isn't a big happy simple place where one answer fits all. And right now I realized that it may be my only choice left because I have nowhere left to go.

right now I'm in college and as it's goin, I'm not going to pass. I've been studying for hours, but no matter how hard I try it's too much and I keep falling behind. it doesn't matter what I do, I've tried and tried, but I can't do it. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that i just need to buckle down, and it'll be hard, but I'll suceed in the end. pretty fucking words don't pass my tests, don't finish my projects, don't make me understand all the material and catch up. I can work my ass off 24 hours a day, but I'm not gonna pass.

but hey, no big deal right? I'll just drop out, get a job, finally move out, and live a little first. oh wait, nope I'm fucked there too because I'm in so much fuckin pain all the time I can't possibly work. it hurts like hell for me just to take the bus to school, 3 hours a day sitting in class is enough alone to put me in a world of pain. so obviously, I can't go out and work, because I can barely manage to go out shopping.

so hey, if I should disappear suddenly, that's why, because I can't see a fucking way out. I can't finish college, I can't work, i can't move out, and my parents will never let me just sit at home doing nothing. What the hell else do I have for options? NOTHING. there's absolutely no other course I could take that I can see. don't listen to these assholes that say "suicide is NEVER the answer", 'cause I'm living proof that it's the only answer sometimes. I'm not saying I'll pop myself off today, 'cause I'm not, but I imagine I'll have to do it pretty soon.

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Mrdevious... you always struck me as one of the more intelligent people on this site... suicide... suicide is not an intelligent idea. Chances are you are going to get alot of nasty replies just because no one wants to here about this "bullshit" but I think we all have times in our life in which we feel similar if not exactly on point with how you feel now. I agree with bedake. The weed can definitely cloud things, try quitting for a week, just seven days. It's been proven a depressent. You'd be amazed the amount of shit you realize after a good week of being sober