Thinkin about killing myself

[mrdevious]

why? fuck it, that's why. I remember in high school they gave these stupid seminars on suicide telling us "people commit suicide because they want the pain to stop". well they're fucking stupid, because there's always more than one reason, and sometimes it may even be justified. I hate people who say "it's never the answer". well maybe sometimes it is, maybe the world isn't a big happy simple place where one answer fits all. And right now I realized that it may be my only choice left because I have nowhere left to go.

right now I'm in college and as it's goin, I'm not going to pass. I've been studying for hours, but no matter how hard I try it's too much and I keep falling behind. it doesn't matter what I do, I've tried and tried, but I can't do it. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that i just need to buckle down, and it'll be hard, but I'll suceed in the end. pretty fucking words don't pass my tests, don't finish my projects, don't make me understand all the material and catch up. I can work my ass off 24 hours a day, but I'm not gonna pass.

but hey, no big deal right? I'll just drop out, get a job, finally move out, and live a little first. oh wait, nope I'm fucked there too because I'm in so much fuckin pain all the time I can't possibly work. it hurts like hell for me just to take the bus to school, 3 hours a day sitting in class is enough alone to put me in a world of pain. so obviously, I can't go out and work, because I can barely manage to go out shopping.

so hey, if I should disappear suddenly, that's why, because I can't see a fucking way out. I can't finish college, I can't work, i can't move out, and my parents will never let me just sit at home doing nothing. What the hell else do I have for options? NOTHING. there's absolutely no other course I could take that I can see. don't listen to these assholes that say "suicide is NEVER the answer", 'cause I'm living proof that it's the only answer sometimes. I'm not saying I'll pop myself off today, 'cause I'm not, but I imagine I'll have to do it pretty soon.

mrdevious Reviewed by mrdevious on 02-09-2006. Thinkin about killing myself why? fuck it, that's why. I remember in high school they gave these stupid seminars on suicide telling us "people commit suicide because they want the pain to stop". well they're fucking stupid, because there's always more than one reason, and sometimes it may even be justified. I hate people who say "it's never the answer". well maybe sometimes it is, maybe the world isn't a big happy simple place where one answer fits all. And right now I realized that it may be my only choice left because I Rating: 5

[hihigh]

first post

[dingobaby]

Fuck that shit, find something your good at and go to a trade school! They're only about 1 year long, and you end up getting a pretty good job after. For the pain I'm sure you could move to a state with medical MJ, and there are many strains out there that can cure your pain, or get perscribed pills. I know someone that has been on ultrams for 10 years, and he says it helps his pain and hasn't had any negative affects on him. Try aderol for school, try a bunch of shit before you puss out and give up.

[LovelyTasha]

Suicide isn't the awnser for you. Talk this out with a professional or a loved one. Don't do anythingwithout tlaking to someone in a calmer mindset.

<3 Tasha

[Powder Puff]

Dude.. Drop out if it's making you so misserable..

Get you're own place.. Grow some MJ.. Sell it.. Have a job to pay the bills and use weed money on food and stuff.. You'll pull through man...

I like you.. You usually are fun here.. I'd miss you..


Just put a smile on you're face!



BTW.. I know how you feel.. It's not a nice feeling.. Get a Girlfriend.. Just something to make you feel more appreciated.. Don't go and kill you're self...

Smile!

[bedake]

itll be alright, (insert positive comment here) yada yada yada, lifes worth living


ive tried killing myself before, iddnt work, and it wasnt the i want attention kind of attempt since i nobody knew about it in school.

but yea life sucks get over it i did, everyone goes through depression

[CrAzYpOtHeAd]

ok.

[orangeman]

Well I have to say this and it's breif but at the same time it's a ***True story, True Story***...Before pot was introduced to me I always wanted to commit suicide...I fuckin' hated my life. But when I start smokin cannabis I swear I felt so much better. Not only when I was high but sometimes I felt better about my life...dont ask me why, I just do..most of the time lol.

[Das Boot]

take less hours in college. It will take you longer to graduate but you can lead a less stressfull life. Thats what im doing now.

[mrdevious]

man you guys don't even get it.

I CAN'T go to trades school because I don't have the math and science prerequisits, nor am I any good at either of those disciplines.

I CAN'T go into a trades because of my physical condition. it's not a simple matter of painkillers, I can dope myself up till I'm seeing trains flying in the sky, it still hurts too much just to stay on my feet.

I CAN'T even get a girlfriend, or a friend for that matter, because I'm a fucking loser piece of shit.

and I STILL CAN'T get a job and move out because I'm too physically fucked to work. and the government won't give me disability insurance or anything because I live with my parents, and they're not going to give me money to move out.

see what I mean? there's all sorts of wonderfull cliche solutions out there, but in practice non of them add up. even if there was a god, I'd fucking hate him.