There was an ole woman from Kilfeeling,
Who was put in jail for stealing.
So she lay on her back
And tiddled her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.:rasta:
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There was an ole woman from Kilfeeling,
Who was put in jail for stealing.
So she lay on her back
And tiddled her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.:rasta:
having alot of irish in me there is a few i know
I ONCE PLAYED A PRACTICAL JOKE
AND PUT POWDER IN SOME OLD MANS SMOKE
HE GAGGED AND HE WHEEZED
BUT IT WERN'T TILL HE SNEEZED
THAT THE PIPE JUST BLEW UP THE OLD BLOKE
There once was a man named Dave
He kept a dead whore in a cave
She had only one tit and smelled like shit
But damn think of the money he saved.
My aunt taught me that.
Lmao!
Good ones lol!
There was an old man from Dajealing
Who boarded a bus to South Ealing
Is said on the Door
Dont spit on the floor
So he looked up at spat on the ceiling
Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two but very small,
Himmler has something sim'lar,
But old Goebbels has no balls at all.
Hitler, has only got one ball
The other, is in the Albert Hall
His mother, was a dirty bugger
She cut it of when he was small
She threw it, over Germany
It landed in the deep blue sea
The fishes, got out their dishes
And had scallops and bollocks for tea
There once was a man from Nantucket
He got kicked in the face and said "fuck it"
What's the one about the guy walking up a mountain or some shit, he slipped on a rock, cut his cock and now something, I dunno lol, haha!!!! LOL.
:D:D:D:D:D:D
Wish i stole my dad's book of Limmericks, it was a big book full of dirty limmericks, it rocked, wish i would've stole it from the fucker! lol
Shoot him from your window, wherever he is, then steal it :DQuote:
Originally Posted by potsmokingnome
Nah the fuckers miles away from me! thankfully!Quote:
Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind
"wherever he is" implied that I don't care where he is... just bust some caps man :D lol :pQuote:
Originally Posted by potsmokingnome
Sucks that your relationship is like that, but it sounds as though it's for the best... sweet man :)
There once was a man from Sweden.. etc.
Yeah unfortunately it is for the best, too long of a story to ever post hear, but sorry for going way off topic!Quote:
Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind
Meh, I don't mind, off topic, on topic, it's all the same in the end :D..Quote:
Originally Posted by potsmokingnome
I stayed on topic back up there ^^ lol.
LOL
JULIE
Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas
LOL, that was a good'un! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by endo..jay
There once was a man from Peru
... It's the one where he splits hit cock on a rock and turns into a woman haha :p I can't remember how it goes :(
the only one i know abouit peru is this one
There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo
Not a Limerick but here goes anyway lol.
Johnny went down to cut some wood hurah, hurah
Johnny went down to cut some wood hurah, hurah
The wind blew
The axe flew,
Johnny came home nob in two hurah, hurah, hurah.
Johnny went down to milk a cow hurah, hurah
Johnny went down to milk a cow hurah,
He pulled the tail instead of the tit,
And all he got was a bucket of shit hurah ,hurah hurah!
One of my favs,
What can I say I'm easily amused lol.
I once went to bed with a stripper
The head could never be quicker
I put my hand down
And quickly I frowned
To find out her cock was bigger!
There once was a guy named Kongo
Who smoked all his Weed playing his Bongo
He snorted a line
And then, by that time
His Mom came home, Where did the fun go?
:clap: :clap::clap: :clap: hahahaha---I like that one.:thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by STDzRus
Thanks! It came off the top of my head!Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelbay
Hahahaha,
Good one STD!
Mary had a little lamb,
Full of tricks and frolics
So it tried to jump an 6 foot fence
And landed on its bolox.
There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away
I once met this girl from New Jersey
Who was just a bit too flirty
She lost her pants
Fired my ants
Fucked me left and called me nerdy
ah yes jersey girls are sluts...i love it:pQuote:
Originally Posted by STDzRus
there was a young man from Spleen
who invented a wanking machine
on the 99th stroke
the fucking thing broke
and whiped his balls to cream
haha!! awesome!!Quote:
Originally Posted by endo..jay
I have a left nut named Charley
Who got caught on a Harley
I was quick to stand up
And Quickly manned up
When I lost my left nut and started barfing
i heard one similar to thatQuote:
Originally Posted by kongo
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
1000 volts shot up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon
or somthing like that.;...i used to know loads but can't remember them anymore
i used to know the one your thinking of about hitting his cock on a rock and it turning into a vigina or somthing
I busted a nut on a video cassette
I was admiring the video and couldn't resist
It was a porno
About lesbian homo's
It stuck to the VCR and now I'm pissed
There was a man from China
Who wasn't a very good climber
He slipped on a rock
and broke his cock
And now he has a vagina
Not ALL Jersey girls are sluts :|
There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.
There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do ya' wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"
There was a man named Ping
Who had a very small thing
He went to take a piss
and barely missed
Pissed on his nuts and made it sting
There once was a man from Nantuket,
Whose dick was so long he could suckit.
With a big happy grin,
He wiped off his chin.
And said,
"If my ear was a cunt, i'd fuckit!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyFacedAbortion
haha i love it!
Right well.. i guess i wasn't original enoughQuote:
Originally Posted by BobBong
ok then
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water...
Nobody knows what happened up there..
But now, They have a daughter!
Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!
there once was a man from madrass
whos balls were made of fine brass
and in story weather
they both clanged together
and sparks shot out of his ass
There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.
there once was a man called sprocket,
who went to the moon on a rocket.
His arse went bang,
his nips went clang,
and he found his balls in his pocket.
Mary had a little lamb,
she knew it couldnt swim,
so she took it to the swimming baths,
and kicked the fooker in.
Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon,
10 thousand volts went up it arse,
and turned its wool to nylon