How fucked up am i?

Hey im a 16 year old male (currently blazed off my ass) and i think im going crazy. I've been smoking weed almost everyday for the past year and i've done many other drugs along the way, way more than i ever expected to. In the past year i've done xanax a few times, salvia 10x alot, acid once, shrooms twice (no hallucinations, just a horrible mind fuck), DXM twice, X twice, a few painkillers, and of course alcohol on occasion. When i first started smoking weed i never thought i was going to try anything else, but as i started to read more and more about drugs I became more aware of all the lies surrounding them. I only try drugs that i research on erowid.com and decide are safe enough to try. Well anyways, lately i've been thinking alot about life and i've come to the conclusion that it is completley meaningless. I believe in the big bang, evolution, ect.. and i consider myseklf a rationalist. The problem is that i dont want to be this way anymore. I want to be like everyone else and see a purpose in life and enjoy every moment of it but I cant. No matter how much I tell myself that life is meaningful, its like im stuck in this mindset and can't get out of it. I dont care about school anymore, i dont really care about my family anymore, i dont care about my own life anymore, or anything for that matter. I love my family, and i want them to be happy, but being in this mindset has caused me to lose value in everything i once held dear. I used to care about school, and making my family proud, but now all i care about is my own confusion about reality. I dont know if im depressed, as i dont feel sad, i just feel empty, less creative, emotionless, and bored with everything. I take 100mg of zoloft everyday but it doesnt seem to help. Its really hard to have to wake up and go to school everyday when i think its all meaningless. All i want to do is sit aroudn and smoke weed and enjoy my life, instead of actually working to achieve something that will eventually be non-existant. Nothing in my life seems real anymore, i am just an observer. Does anyone else feel like this? Could it be the drugs that are doing this to me? (the last time i did anything other than weed was about a month and a half ago-shrooms and; but i still feel this way) I really would like to just stick to weed from now on and see if that helps anything. well sorry for writing so much and thanks for reading. PEACE

:( you are going to hate me for this!!! so only read this if you are ready!!
My friend, although I am a pot head, I also have a really great education, if it wasnt for that and my family, I would have be fucked.

This is the drugs that is doing this to you, Im sorry, you might all think that Im a looser for saying this, but come onnnnnnnnnnn, youre not gonna live with your parents forever and trust me, you do want to have that papper from that certain school!! It might not mean anything to you now, but it will help you soooooo much later. Soooo much!!

I feel like an older sister, youve gotta trust me, what you have to do is to change those friends of yours that got you into this, change your attitude and start thinking like an adult!!!

you will have so much time to have fun, you want to be a president of a company and smoke pot and not a looser on the street that smokes pot!!!

Although I am a pot head, I am also the owner of a very well known marketing company! :eek:

cheers
dont take my messeage forgranted,

Much love
weedarasta
:o

YUP, its the weed my friend. i feel the same way, but not to your extent... yet. ever since i started smoking weed more, ive been thinking about life and my actions almost reflect it. it can really suck, i dont know how long this will last, but i think that if we just hold on a little longer and get out of school AND college, our lives will be much more meaningful and important to us.

kurupt man we must share brains i feel exactly like u man. nothing matters to me anymore i feel like a robot with no emotions....im always sad but id ont get sad over things i used to likke ppl dieing or relationships ending

i honestly think its the dxm that does this

but i wont stop doing it

later

dont be saad or Ill cry =0(, Im serious, just dont smoke if you feel that way, have a bit of respect for yourself!!

you want to get high and feel good, not get high just cuz its there, available!! be good to you!! you are all you have!

i think your just waking up to a state of awareness that life aint nintendo games and smoke sessions

what your thinking shows that your aware that drugs can mess u up if you let it
so dont let it,dont forget it

just becuase ya friends do xanax dont me u got to
i use them,to sleep,not to get high,least not now
i used to do alot of drugs,id over medicate myself just to put my mind in neutral
it took a long time for me to not to do so,cuase doctors would write out Rx's for me and send me away,
now i medicate me as needed,and only do pills when absolutely needed to stop pian or get some sleep when weed wont relax me.
just dont get cuaght up in the "im the highest mofo here shit'
and you should be ok,cuase at least you think about it
peace

where the hell you been Nowhereman?

Nah man dont worry...like what he just said above me...u are starting to mature and starting to realize that life isnt about smoking weed and chilling with your friends, reality just smacked u right in the face...i was like u 2 years ago when i was 16...i was depressed tho...and only smoked weed...i dropped out of highschool even. The only ways i got through the day was knowing i still had some herb too smoke...man it was BAD. But one day i snapped out of it and realized you cant let weed take over your life(in ur case other drugs)...try to get your prorities straight and have weed on the side but make sure you are succeeding and not failing and smoking, I turned it around got My GED went straight to community college and my parents are proud of me for not being a bum. Now im persuing the career as a music producer and i get a natural high off that :D its great and weed is jus something to do...instead of somthing i need to do to get by...i hope that made sense im pretty smacked

but hey jus cause it sucks now, it will get better. Sooner or later you r gonna realize what u wanna do in life and what makes you happy without herb/drugs, Just be positive and positive things will happen, dont be negative or it will bring u down ;)


trust me i went through some bad ass depression with NO pills to help

just me myself and i.....and a fat sack-nojoke

leave the drugs alone mate, even leave the weed alone for a bit, say a month or two, your body will react and you will see things more clearly, then when you smoke the weed again you will appricate why you smoked it in the first place, i am a total pot head, and every now and then i leave it alone for a month to gather what is reality, this allows my tollerences to weed to drop and i find myself once again enjoying a week joint instead of the fattys that i was rolling, there is a big difference in getting high and getting stoned, if ya must keep smoking then change ya dealer or strain, smoke a sativa your less likely to get wrecked on them, most indicas are serious stoners, and it seems to me that your compleately stoned, just detox yourself for a while and you will be fine, peace and happyness to you

I too have only recently became aware of everything around me and im finding it hard as everything around me is so depressing. Im having so much trouble sleeping cos life means nothing to me now. At the moment im studying and hav a part time job. Being busy keeps my mind off the more important things that make me depressed. Im still depressed and constantly anxious. Reading spiritual books may sound lame but does help plus it uses time that you may usually use pondering the inevitablities of life. I dont know whether youll get over this feeling bcos im still going through it myself. I recently had a 6 week break off all drugs and although it helps a little i dont see any great benefits. Keep smokin weed if you want and get off the rest of the stuff ur on bcos it wouldnt be helping. Time may be the answer as over time your mind might figure out ways of coping with this new way of thinking. This may not be helpful but i thought id add a comment bcos what you're suffering is very similar to what im going through. Good luck Hope all goes well

just a little bit sens

not much

yeah due, this is the part in life where everyone either gets over it, or kills themselves. life sucks its a rat race......but you can either suck it up and make the best out of it, or not....or just kill yourself now bc its not going to change. you havent done that many drugs at all really, i dont think its the problem here, but could be contributing.

HEY I'LL MOTIVATE YOU...

I'LL COME DOWN THERE AND GIVE YOU A GOOD BOOT IN THE ASS.....

THEN SCARLETT CRUSH CAN COME IN AND DOMINATE YOU.....

WE'LL WHIP YOU INTO SHAPE....


NOW....ON YOUR KNEES SLAVE!!!!

NO BUT SERIOUSLY.......

Ease off on the drugs for a while ...

Get into something.....

It may take a while...

You will come through....

OTHERWISE WE CAN ARRANGE ON OF THESE SESSIONS....

LMAO!

Man i seriously just went through exactly what you went through like a month ago. Bottom line, now I'm out of school and for what? Because I was getting all paranoid over life. I was going through all the same stuff in my mind that you just described. It got so bad i stopped going to school. Do you sit up at night paranoid that you are going to die right there? That be your last moment and you cant sleep until your totaly tired that you just physically stay up anymore? Thats what happened to me. One night I woke up and was in a panic and while i was still half asleep i jumped out of bed and punched my window out is how bad it got. I dont know if it has to do with the weed (I dont do other drugs including alcohol) because I stuck it out and now i feel fine and i didnt give up the weed. I think it just has something to do with growing up and realizing you cant turn back the clock and once you're old there is no turning back. Once your dead thats it. But dont let it run your life now. Live for the moment. Try getting a girl or guy for whatever your case might be. That might help. I thought i could never feel good again but eventually the feeling passes.

DONT WORRY

BE HAPPY

COS EVERY LIL THINGS

GONNA B ALRITE

SAYIN

DONT WORRY

BOUT A THIN -- DONT WORRY

COS

EVERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLITTLE THINGS
GNA BE ALIRTEEEEEE

i've never done any drugs in my life except for alchohol... i smoke weed all the time, and about one year ago i also came to the conclusion that life was meaningless, and i was just meant to be a passerby, never involved, just observing.

but then i tried Salvia Divinorum. it was the 40x shit and it made me trip hardcore. I was no longer a person, and i didn't remember being a person. All i was was the motion of my little world, back and forth over and over for hours.

during this part of the trip i realized that there was a psychedelic world to explore so i tried to pull back. But that just sent me into a circular loop and i was stuck again.

I then saw the real world, everyting was a dark blue color(like in TOOL music videos). I bagan laughing uncontrollably and this bacame another loop. on the inside, tho, i was scared shitless.

after a while i came out of it and i was so glad to be in life. it tought me a purpose, but that i can't explain.

blah blah blah...

that story probly didn't help at all, but this will.

First thing, drugs will suck the life out of you. They kill your hope and your body. All of the people i know who moved on from pot has had their life ruined.

Take advantage of life, but never take it for granted. Each moment of life is special, for at any time it could be gone. Have as much fun as you can while you can, as long as you dont ruin anybody else's.

if anything, it is an assumption, using drugs have opened your level of awareness up..life is meaningless if you make it meaningless. make your own purpose and help humanity evolve and you wont be a waste..I'm a first year college student and my major is undecided...

basically all you're doing is evaluating life..socrates said somehting once like if life is not evaluated it is a waste...

if you love weed, study biology and become a grower in amsterdam..

be happy, that's my life's meaning.

be glad you aren't blinded by lifes fallicies.

shit i think this applies to evryone i feel the same

Quote:

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Originally Posted by somebody someone

shit i think this applies to evryone i feel the same

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many artists deal and have dealt with this.

i can totally c wot ur going through :( cause im going through the same thing but ive had a lot of shit through the past and still hav depression til this day. i smoke weed evry day all day and think life is meaningless 2.but ive cut on drugs now( not much thou lol) still smoke evry day, but i cn think clearly a lot more and ive learnt to enjoy life while u still can... id say cut down on the drugs 4 your self !... i feel 4 u man totally :)

we're all he 4 u xxxx
love tia :)

take heed to what people say here cause im pretty sure they will give you som of the best advise you can get...and they give it to you straight....:)

just settle down abitjust do weed like once aweek for acouple of weeks to gert ur head back in orderand it helps if u set up rules for ur self like never smoke alone or onlty a certain way it realy narrows down how much u smoke plus when ur geting high the way u want to its alot more fun
ps. im a strait A student and i smoke quite often

I too have been overcome with a sense of meaninglessness. I feel college has gotten me stuck into a horribly boring routine. I haven't been keeping healthy and I'm just now beginning to do something about it (including $15,000 of dental work which my parents will have to pay for because I drank way too much soda and neglected my teeth...and man does that make me feel guilty). I don't even know what I'm going to do with my diploma once I get it. All I know is I want to move to the Netherlands because this country has been pissing me off, and I don't even mind doing some crappy job once I get there for just enough money to afford housing, food and weed.

I feel increasingly alienated from everyone around me. I have no friends at school whatsoever, and no prospects of a girlfriend in sight so I just smoke weed alone in my dorm room all day. I don't even care that I don't have any friends since I'm just going to leave the country in a couple of years anyways and it would be best to not be too attached to this city. I procrastinate on all my classwork and am always sleep deprived. Somehow I've kept my grades up though (3.9 GPA for all three semesters I've attended).

I see no intrinsic purpose to my life. I am an atheist and feel all of life is just some grand chemical accident, which over billions of years yielded me, a big bag of organic chemicals arranged in a structure designed to be active for a couple of decades and then perish, becoming nourishment for other organisms. But I try to look forward to the day when I can pack up, move to the Netherlands, grow my own ganja and of course smoke their fine hashes and weeds, dabble in shrooms and peyote and such, and live my life for each moment. And maybe I can finally lose my virginity there.

But I'm stuck in college for now. It almost feels like a prison at times, holding me back from what I really want to do. It sometimes feels ridiculous, going to classes and studying all this information I doubt I'll ever use just to get some piece of paper in the end. But I trudge through. Partly because it might get me a better job someday, partly because my parents want me to, and partly because I don't want to waste all the effort I've already put in.

Wow i had no idea that anyone else actually thought this way. I seriously thought i was going insane and was going to be like this forever. I've decided that im not going to do any drugs besides weed and salvia because those are the two i've enjoyed the most and actually make me feel better. Thanks for all the advice guys, it helped alot. PEACE

nah dude everyone thinks that. its just bc youve expanded your mind. its good you dont just believe everything you hear like most stupid people.

As its been said b4 be greatful you are aware bcos although it may not seem like it awareness is better than ignorance