what the hell is wrong with me

**WARNING THIS MIGHT BE A BIT GRAPHIC**

This nay be a long read but I really need some help.


So I've been going out with this girl for about 2 and a half weeks. We had sex for the first time on Saturday night, and before then, I was a virgin. Whenever we're getting close with each other I always get a hard on. The first time I got a hand job from her, I didn't reach orgasm, I got close a few times, but didn't hit it. The second time, I had to try to help myself orgasm by fondling her breasts a lot, and it worked. Before we had sex for the first time the other night, I was getting pretty worked up (pun intended). When I put it in, my erection would only last for maybe 20-30 seconds. I would be completely gone, but it wasn't as hard. I just didn't understand, she has one of the most perfect bodies i have ever seen. Eventually, I lasted long enough to orgasm.
Today, though, I wasn't able to. We had a little time today, though. I just don't understand what's going on. I mean, I get really turned on during all the preemptive stuff all the time. She said it was probably thinking too much about it. I think that might be it. Maybe I thought I wasn't living up to her expectations, because I know she has had experience. She also doesn't move at all and expects me to do all the work. I just want to see what you guys think...

Thank's for any help.

Are you on any medications? There's one psych med in particular I'm thinking of that has as a side effect the inability to orgasm in some men who take it.

No, I've only been taking an antibiotic for acne but I stopped a week ago when I ran out.

You are indeed thinking too hard about it. This is a classic case of performance anxiety and nothing more. If you can get hard and achieve orgasm by hand and by yourself but are having trouble in a partner situation, that's performance anxiety. I mean, when you think about it, it is a situation that's fraught with tension.

You're a healthy, able-bodied young man. Try and chill out and give yourself a lot more foreplay time in advance to achieve a nice, solid erection. Sounds like you're also rushing things. That's easy to do when you're new at that. Good luck!

Thanks for the help, BirdGirl. You always have an answer to every question. I probably have to get more comfortable with her. Thanks again.

When you reach the moment, let go of all your fears, and just do it!

You're welcome, hun. Just take a little more time. Long foreplay is what does more for erectile function than nearly anything else (other than not smoking cigarettes!), and that'll get more and more true as you get older. I'm sure it's not easy to slow down when you're new at the activity and don't have a lot of long-lasting privacy. Just try and realize that she's not judging you or your performance.

You allways give the best advice birdgirl :)

Oh and make it legal I was the same way my first time..ya just have to relax, and go with the flow, just think its the most naturual thing in the woirld and there is nothin to worry about. To be honest i still get performance anxiety I've only had 3 sexual partners in my life, and the first doesn't really count cause everytime we tried, my little gnome would not stay stiff in the garden! I use to get sexual anxeity with my x-wife too, that may sound real messed, but when she'd ask me questions like "so are we going to have sex later tonight?" it kind of messed with my sexual anxiety big time, she never understood that..but yeah listen to birdgirl she's allways got the best advice.

exactly what Birdgirl said I was gonna tell you...it has happened to me a few times in my lifetime...almost everytime it was me psyching myself up to make sure I do good and oh shit...what happened..nothing..pretty embarssing and can snowball because it will even get more built up..which makes it worse..
it is best just to chilled with the situation, relax, good foreplay and man what a difference that makes...plus knowing what it is makes a big difference in how you deal with it.

It has happened to probably all of us. It's happened to me. It's called performance anxiety. It's cuased by just thinking too much or nervousness. Don't worry, you'll definatly get over it. It's normal, seeing it was only your first couple times.

you can be watching to much porn or jerking off to much. and by the time your ready to smash your batter ain't up cause he's to tired.

one time my girlfriend gave me a blowjob like once a day for a few days straight till we finally had the right circumstances to straight up fuck. but by then my player couldn't stand up and she got all sentimental about it and took it personal. i was like damn...

yeah its performance anxiety... ive had a virgin and the same thing happened to him the first couple of times... what girl just lays there?!? yeah it i just told him to lay back, relax, concentrate on the feel of everything, got him nice and hard with my mouth and hands and enjoy the ride!!! (that was also the only time i let him come inside of me, cuz i figure the first time should be complete!lol im too nice..) he sure as Hell never had a problem after that!! good luck!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hilder420

yeah its performance anxiety... ive had a virgin and the same thing happened to him the first couple of times... what girl just lays there?!? yeah it i just told him to lay back, relax, concentrate on the feel of everything, got him nice and hard with my mouth and hands and enjoy the ride!!! (that was also the only time i let him come inside of me, cuz i figure the first time should be complete!lol im too nice..) he sure as Hell never had a problem after that!! good luck!!

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Yeah, you definitely broke his ass in right. and plenty of women will be thankful:jointsmile: for a long time.

its funny u mention that, cuz a few months ago, his new girlfriend was at a mutual friends house, and she didnt know i was his first.. well after a few drinks it came out, and she was like oh my god, that was you! thankyouthankyouthanyou!!!! lol... hehe i taught him everything he knows, and he was a very good student! lets just say shes a very happy girl!! I got mad skills!! lol

Make It Legal, I'm hoping your girlfriend will be as helpful as Hilder, but if she's not, just give yourself more time and less pressure. As you're getting into what's going on, concentrate on the physical feelings and the pleasure instead of the procedural aspects. It's focusing on the steps themselves that causes you to lose your concentration on the sensations. That'll take the wind out of anyone's sails. In other words, just close your eyes and go with the physical sensations. Let the animal instinct take over and not your conscious or self-conscious mind.

Thanks for all your help, guys, I really appreciate it. I'm also really glad to know I'm not alone in this. I was really getting worried. Well she'll be here in about 20 minutes then I have to go to work but I'll tell you how it goes tonight.

take a shot of hard liquor about 20-30 minutes before you plow

Quote:

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Originally Posted by make it legal

**WARNING THIS MIGHT BE A BIT GRAPHIC**

This nay be a long read but I really need some help.


So I've been going out with this girl for about 2 and a half weeks. We had sex for the first time on Saturday night, and before then, I was a virgin. Whenever we're getting close with each other I always get a hard on. The first time I got a hand job from her, I didn't reach orgasm, I got close a few times, but didn't hit it. The second time, I had to try to help myself orgasm by fondling her breasts a lot, and it worked. Before we had sex for the first time the other night, I was getting pretty worked up (pun intended). When I put it in, my erection would only last for maybe 20-30 seconds. I would be completely gone, but it wasn't as hard. I just didn't understand, she has one of the most perfect bodies i have ever seen. Eventually, I lasted long enough to orgasm.
Today, though, I wasn't able to. We had a little time today, though. I just don't understand what's going on. I mean, I get really turned on during all the preemptive stuff all the time. She said it was probably thinking too much about it. I think that might be it. Maybe I thought I wasn't living up to her expectations, because I know she has had experience. She also doesn't move at all and expects me to do all the work. I just want to see what you guys think...

Thank's for any help.

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During the Act, and after foreplay try to take your mind elsewhere like the Bahamas! And when you(mentally)return she'll love you like Wrigleys gum! And as for the guys doing all the work, sometimes it's the woman's way of seeing(feeling)what ya got. You'll be okay with practice. Just remember, mind over meat!

Yeah... just relax dude, it's happened to the best of us.

I'm married to a goddess... the first time we had sex: nothing! Couldn't pop!! I was thinking too much, wanted it to be "great" and all that...

Now... some seven years in 90% of the time there are zero issues, then there are times when I go off in under a minute and still there are times where we go for hours, she gets "hers" and even after position after position I finaly throw in the towel. It's just the way it is...

The human body is weird, the mind is even weirder. Some of you younger cats will understand when you hit your thirties...

El Fantistico :smokin:

Yeah, thanks guys. It went muuuuuuch better this time.

Hahaha yea thinking too much is the answer, i do that too man it blows someitmes :p

Shit, so she left and I had no luck today, man shit it's really kinda embarrassing.

Hey don't give up brother man

nothing embarassing there, you are currently in a learning phase
don't you do martial arts? think of it this way... when you started learning the arts, I'm sure there were embarassing moments, but you evolved and now, I don't doubt that your confidence level is much higher. Yet, I'm sure there are still embarassing moments, and I'm sure you get over them quickly too.

Sex is just the same. It's an art, and it starts sloppy, but it evolves! Read up on it on the web, look up kama sutra and tantra, as both these arts are powerful, efficient, and deep in the subject. Little things that you can learn and apply, that will make you improve fast and gain that confidence you possess when you do the martials :jointsmile:

Haha martial arts? You must be thinking of someone else lol. But thanks for the help. I'm sure I'll get better. But hey, I play guitar so I'll replace martial arts with guitar hahaha. And yeah I know what you mean.

Damn, who says marijuana impares memory ?!

Were you using a condom? They can cause some issues but I'm not saying you shouldn't use one.

yeah condoms suck

so what happened you smashed the other day and it was great? then you tried again and it sucked?

before you bump dirties next time you and the main man need to have alone time. just have some one on one with it and let him know who hes fucking with. let him know there is a vagina out there and he needs to be on his a game. it can't be a panzy in situations like this man. you need to like get crazy. talk dirty, let yourself go.

It could be worse some pplget so worked up that they come them selves the second they touch the girls vag. Just chill out and relax,sometimes lettin her ride u helps

aww poor guy you'll be okay sounds like shes not gettin it either,

young love there is nuthin like it~~~~

my sex course practices....


takes longer 4 Rebecca to "get there" than it does for Peter

IF Rebecca can GENTLY sit on you' with peter all the way in __ something about the clit and that bone in a guys pubis makes me and my guy lock up << everytime

ok

be gentle, girls are fragile, so are guys, you have nothing but time on your side, soft sexy music, darkness, dankness, some vino, and lead free candles
and


cover peter you do not want babies yet ,or STD's

domes suck, but the peace of mind will be worth it

it takes a village to raise a child

practice makes perfect :thumbsup:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by silkyblue

aww poor guy you'll be okay sounds like shes not gettin it either,

young love there is nuthin like it~~~~

my sex course practices....


takes longer 4 Rebecca to "get there" than it does for Peter

IF Rebecca can GENTLY sit on you' with peter all the way in __ something about the clit and that bone in a guys pubis makes me and my guy lock up << everytime

ok

be gentle, girls are fragile, so are guys, you have nothing but time on your side, soft sexy music, darkness, dankness, some vino, and lead free candles
and


cover peter you do not want babies yet ,or STD's

domes suck, but the peace of mind will be worth it

it takes a village to raise a child

practice makes perfect :thumbsup:

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No, I can tell she is enjoying it, besides the fact that she told me I'm pretty good for a beginner. She has had quite a bit more experience than me. That might be one of the reasons I think so much, because I guess I feel like I have something to live up to but I'm more comfortable every time so I think it will be better.

Performance anxiety was common for me with a new partner. Once I got settled in with a new woman, everything worked just fine, but the first time or two with each was not always what I hoped for. It takes awhile to get really comfortable. Also, with my very first partner, I was actually getting so excited that I was coming early and not even really recongnizing it. The sensation of coming inside a girl is not the same as when you wack it, or she wacks it for you. It is sometimes not as intense a physical sensation, but more satisfying in other ways. So for me I was finshing earlier than I though, not feeling like I thought it would feel, thinking I hadn't finished, and then wondering why my boner was fading. Once I got better control, I made it last longer and had much stronger and satisfying orgasms. I'm not saying this is what is happening to you, but something to consider.

When you mentioned that fondling her breasts helped you during the hand job, I think that is key. What makes sex really work is enjoying the ride and not focusing on the destination too much. Enjoy the ride enough and you will get there. What is strange is that pausing and enjoying the scenery works for both going soft too early, and also for finishing too quickly, if that is ever a problem. You don't want to get in and then just bang away until you finish anyway. Foreplay type stroking should not end as soon as you get in. Even after you get inside, keep touching her breasts --- stroke, squeeze, lick and suck. Kiss her face and neck. Run your hands over her body and feel how good she feels. Smell her hair. Look at how good she looks. Squeeze her ass. While you are inside, lick your finger and then stroke her clit with your moistened fingers to get her squirming. Get a girl really squirming while you are inside, and you will not go soft!

Try a different position. If she doesn't move much, then you are probably going in straight missionary style, which is actually one of the harder positions for a man because of the strain of holding yourself up on your arms. That strain can affect your control. Maybe she's not comfortable starting off in other positions, but if you start off missionary style, you can get to some different positions without even pulling out. Put your hand behind her knee and bring her leg up some, or put the crook of your arm behind her knee to bring her leg up. Just doing that can sort of spread her a little wider and change the sensation for both of you. You can do it with both of her legs too if you want, but don't strain her too much, and don't do it if she doesn't like it. Bring your own knees forward so that you are sort of sitting up on your knees and shins, her legs over your thighs, you still inside, with her laying in front of you --- sometimes you have to hold onto her hips to keep from pulling out with this one, but once you are there, that is a good position for stroking her clit and inner thighs, because you have space between your bodies. Also your weight is not on your arms, so your hands are free for stroking her breasts and the rest of her body. From there, you can go a few different ways. You can pull her up to you so that she is in your lap facing you, straddling your legs, her chest up against yours, but if you can't sit on your knees like that you do need to do some tricky leg movements to get your legs out in front of you, and its hard to get good thrusting once you are there --- still it's nice holding her in your lap like that, and it's also possible for you to lay back from there and have her on top of you then, but then she generally needs to do the tricky leg move too, which is not always easy. Or, from that kneeling position with her laying in front of you, instead of lifting her into your lap, you can lift and straighten her legs so that the backs of her legs are resting on your chest --- you are on your knees/shins, sitting up straight, she's on her back, with her legs up in the air on your chest. If you kind of squeeze her legs together when she is like that and thrust, you can often stimulate her G spot and get her going pretty good. From there you can lower her legs to one side or the other so that she is laying on her side with you still on your knees/shins behind her. It's sort of a sideways transition position where you could lay down beside her going in from behind with you both on your sides, or roll her all the way over for a rear entry position with you on top or with her on her knees doggy style, or roll her back for more missionary, or just keep going sideways.

Anyway, not to get off on a whole tutorial on how to twist your girl up like a pretzel, but the point is that changing things around a bit can alter the sensation, and can give you more angles to look at her and to touch her, and it can be really exciting for both of you.

Good luck, and keep going! This thing will definitely work itself out with more practice.

well damn....
its like 17 positions without even pulling out

it might be a condom cuttin off your circulation, that happens to me a little bit like 15 min if i leave the condom on