I am in love and I'm moving away

This might be kinda long:

I have been in love with Andrew for a long time. We were friends for two years before we got together and then we were together for a year and a half. It was the most amazing and wonderful and perfect relationship I have ever been in. We broke up and I was really depressed for awhile and then I decided to move to Maui. I have been there before and I am looking forward to it.

We are friends again and I know we both have feelings for each other. We have sex and it's almost like we are together again except for the fact that I am moving and I know he doesn't want a relationship regardless. It's so hard knowing I am going to have to say goodbye to the person I love the most. I am going to miss him so much but I know that moving is the right thing to do right now. He promised he will come visit me and that sounds great. I am just so scared. I know I will miss him terribly and I don't want to date anyone while I'm there. The thing is I also don't want to hold back from life and wait around for him to realize he wants me back and somehow go from there, I don't even think that would happen, but I know he's the one I want!! No one compares to him.

I don't know how to deal with this. It's so hard. I am afraid of being lonely in Maui. I am afraid he will never come back to me. I am afraid of how I feel about him. You have no idea how perfect we were together! He is afraid of commitment or something. He says he loves me so much and cares about me and is attracted to me but he doesn't want to get back together.

I will always love him. And I will miss him so much. But do I hold out for him? I can't imagine myself having feelings for or sex with anyone else.

Any thoughts?

This may not be what you want to hear, but there is more fish in the sea.

darlin, nothing is perfect. do what is best for yourself, and you already know what that is.

no you don't hold out for him, that isn't fair to either person. secondly, it doesn't sound like he thinks of his future, as being with you...

now, will you be lonely in maui... only if you are being a pouty puss. i can see it happen if you continue in this frame of mind. date people, you sound like you need to, because of how much you idolize this one man... i would move on with your life, i mean everything you say, sounds like you are completely setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak... and this happens when sex is involved, especially.

i know what it is to think you will never fall for anyone else, or be sexually attracted... luckily our bodies don't care much about our minds

I understand how much you love him, it's so powerful it scares you. Regardless what we tell you, you're still going to do your own thing just promise to really listen to the advice that everyone is giving you. You need to do what is best for YOU, sure you love him but if you guys are really meant to be together then it will happen. You cannot force someone to be with you, and waiting around for them just wastes your time. Trust me I know what I am talking about, if he really loved you and wanted you then nothing would stop him from being with you. Im sorry that sounds so harsh but it's the truth. Go to Maui, have a new start you deserve it. It hurts now but you need to be away from him in order to get over him.

thanks guys
I knew what you guys would say but I just need to hear it.

basically, what we are saying... is

i'm going to HA in about 7 months on buisness... and i heard you smoke weed and give nocturnal head....

i am 6'1, 198 pounds of lean muscle, and a reatded pothead myself.... "how you doin?"

LMAO

Sweetie, you heart will go on (cue titanic theme music)....
OK, seriously and not to sound like an ass but if it was soooo perfect the two of you would still be together. If he has comittment issues then you don't want to be with him anyway (too dangerous with all the shit floating around that penecillin won't get rid of).
I understand that you love him and want to be with him, but don't hold yourself back waiting for someone that's not ready for you...that's HIS loss, not yours! Go to Maui and have a blast there! Pining away for a love that once was will only make you miserable. Maybe he'll get his shit together once you're gone and realize that you really are the one he wants and that he needs to grow up and commit before he loses you for good. Or maybe he'll feel free to let his inner manwhore loose. Just try and keep the friendship intact, but don't hold out for more than that.
Another thought....you've told him how much you love him and how you feel right? You've now given him all the power cuz to him you're the sure thing waiting in the wings...shake things up a bit and let him wonder what you're up to in Maui so he doesn't think that you're just sitting around waiting for him...

good advice

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Originally Posted by mauichick

good advice

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Sweetie, I wasted 2 1/2 yrs pining over a "perfect" ex. We got along GREAT after the breakup and I was always waiting for him to say he was ready for us to get back to the life we'd planned. Then I met my fiance and realized that my ex, though he's a GREAT guy, he wasn't the one for me. My fiance and I started off as friends and it was the beautiful progression of a wonderful friendship. When you find "the one" there won't be any question in your mind or heart...you'll just know. It's like a really soothing calm that washes over your heart and soul....

i just wish he wasn't so god damn sexy

hahahaha that's how he can play you...

I have a long-distance relationship over a continent. It's entirely possible if two people are willing to tango.

But if he doesn't clearly state he wants to be with you, don't wait for him. You don't need to play games across an ocean. Hold him close to your heart as someone special in your life and move on. You got one life. Live it to the max.

see u later lol

Mauichick, i wasted some good years of my life wishing to be back with my ex... i thought she was the only one, my soulmate, and so... it took me several years and a lot of weed until i get over her. Now, i look back and see how much time i wasted... how many things i could be done, how many people i could have met, how many sadness was in vain...
So, live in the present time... if you still are with him, enjoy. Enjoy every day, every moment, as if it were the last. Dont waste your time worrying. Let the worries for when you were alone. Now that you are still with him, be happy. So, when the end comes, you wont say "i should have enjoyed it more"... you will look back and will can say "well... thats over. BUT i enjoyed as much as i could. so, i cant complain."
Enjoy the present, let the future take care of itself. We live in the present, so be happy in the present.
And my best wishes for you! :)

Well if you are so in love with him why did you break up if you don't mind sharing? How much of this is motivated by the fear of being alone?

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Originally Posted by mauichick

I know he doesn't want a relationship regardless.

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if you are sure he is sure, the sooner you come to terms with this fact the better....for your sake!

Sometimes having sex with someone you want to be with....when you know you arn't going to get together again can make things worse....on the other hand it can sometimes it can give you some sort of closure and a chance to say goodbye.

I know what you mean and it's a difficult situation to be in....but at the end of the day...it's up to you....don't wait around for things you know arn't going to happen and don't close all the doors too soon.

Trust me though, things will turn out ok in the end though.
If something happens with you two....or if you don't get back together and things move on.

You will find happiness...don't get caught up on things like this.

everybody suffers this fate at one time or another
id rather be shot and stabbed than to feel that feeling
that empty lonlely feeling you get that creates doubt
id like want nurse mj says

you guys are great. i knew people would respond but I didn't know what thought and care people would give to my situation.

thanks. i really appreciate it.

Go off to Hawaii, girlie.

SHIT TAKE ME WITH YOU!

Lots of hot surfer guys mmmmmmmmmmmm.

When a person has gone thru something...they understand and remember the feelings...i know the confusion and hurt that you're going thru....but don't let it drag you down....shit like missmary said you'r going to HAWAII!!! that in itself is a mood booster!! and before long you will look back on this time and wonder why you were even so down in the first place about a guy that was too stupid to know what he had right in front of him!!

I do feel like he's an idiot sometimes for not being with me. I wanna slap some fucking sense into him and be like, "hello! the greatest thing in your life is staring you in the face and you're letting it go!"

girl don't even give him the satisfaction.... could it be that he's so distant cuz he knows how much u love him?

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Originally Posted by mauichick

I do feel like he's an idiot sometimes for not being with me. I wanna slap some fucking sense into him and be like, "hello! the greatest thing in your life is staring you in the face and you're letting it go!"

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OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA.....


We all feel like that at some point or another.

Its sooooooo damn frustrating!!!!


As much as it hurts, its their loss. They will realize it long from now when they find out that no other girl will put up with their shit like us.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mauichick

I do feel like he's an idiot sometimes for not being with me. I wanna slap some fucking sense into him and be like, "hello! the greatest thing in your life is staring you in the face and you're letting it go!"

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Then do so instead of playing games. You are about to leave, and you just want to wonder?

I'm moving 700 miles to be with my girlfriend, who was more of a best friend to me for 5 years. We've been through a whole heap together. She came to Portland, and stayed with me for like 8 days. We had amazing sex and she is the best person I've ever met. I could see myself marrying her one day when we're both ready to settle down.

I really hope that after some time, who knows how long, Andrew and I will be together again. He's the one I want to end up with...