It's so hard to like myself.
I really have struggled with this for the longest time and I still don't know why but its so hard for me to like myself. I do fine in school I've graduated and am now in grad school. I have a good career ahead of me no problem I've already got someone paying for my school. I am alittle out of shape but by no means overweight.(just alittle beer belly) I have friends who all respect me.
This self image really fucks things up. Its never an issues with guys. I don't care if they like me (even if I feel like they shouldn't). It causes all sorts of issues when there's females at all. I do care if they like me and I want them to but I start out thinking why would they....
Its almost like the only thing I don't like about myself is that not liking myself fucks things up with girls....
I'm fucking crazy... I know in my head its the dumbest thing ever why can't I just tell myself to quit thinking that...
It's so hard to like myself.
I've asked myself the question (why would they like me) and have found that its far easier to tell yourself it doesn't matter. If they really like you, there is a reason for it and questioning it will only make you far less confident. Use this, and you will find a girl that will make you feel like yourself when you're around her. Most people (except narcissists i suppose) lose sight of how they appear to other people. Its a known psychological phenomenon that people assume others around them know more than them. You could think about a similar phenomenon- assuming others are better than you, but the thing is they're most likely thinking the same thing. You've gotta break those lines of thought and just go for it. Life sucks when you can't prove to yourself you're living it.
It's so hard to like myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevaquit01
I'm fucking crazy... I know in my head its the dumbest thing ever why can't I just tell myself to quit thinking that...
You're not crazy. And it's not the dumbest thing ever. It's no wonder it's hard to like yourself when you're putting yourself down in practically every other thought or sentence.
You're actually brave to be so refreshingly honest and vulnerable about what you're feeling. That alone is proof to me that you're eminently likable.
Time for a self-help plan. Maybe even check out some titles in a book store or on the Web having to do with self-esteem. Try some affirmations, too, where you find yourself some esteem-bolstering things you repeat to yourself till they get through to your conscious and unconscious mind and you start believing them.
Can you have a trusted friend start drawing it to your attention every time he/she hears you put yourself down? That'd help you cut that out real quickly if you realized how much you're undercutting your own self-confidence. And if you have friends or family in your life who put you down, take a nice long vacation from them. I'm betting that somewhere in your background, someone did that to you and that you then incorporated that into your own psychological technique. That's how that tends to work. You can also ask your friends to give you positive strokes, but the person you really need to be getting those from is yourself. If you're open to the idea, counseling/psychotherapy is a great tool that not nearly enough people take advantage of for self-esteem issues.
Physically, nothing'll get you feeling better about yourself than exercise. It's an amazing confidence booster and a natural antidepressant. I guarantee that if you exercise three or four times a week for the next two weeks, you will feel better about yourself at the end of that period. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. Lift some weights or some books or canned goods. Do some walking or running. Anything to get your body and muscles moving for at least a half hour.
The person I wish were online to add her wisdom is Granny Storm Crow. She will have something marvelous to add, I know, and will do it with great love and affection.
Let us know how you're doing, Nevaquit. You're a good guy and need some major pats on the back!!! If and when you begin to feel better about yourself, I also guarantee that the girls you'd like to know will begin to take notice.
It's so hard to like myself.
Just be honest with girls. Eventually, one of them won't be able to turn away. Then, the girls won't stop rolling in.
That last sentence was a quote. I've never actually seen it happen, personally.
It's so hard to like myself.
dude... put on your pimp robe sitting in your closet
everyman has one, he just has to put it on
confidence radiates to women, if you don't have it, fake it well, and it will come along. Find things you like about yourself, and start there. like admirable traits that you have picked up, because they are super important to you, and define you as you would like to be defined.
dont worry about it, be confident, because you can be no one else, you only live once, so this is the best, *insert current date*, you could ever have
and yea, the biggest thing is not to care so much man, that's why non-single guys get way more attention, confidence
It's so hard to like myself.
Well it seems you have a pretty good life, and things are going great for you at the moment by the sounds of it.
I think maybe you just need to be a bit more confident with girls, I dunno you should just be yourself just imagine their your boy-friends if you know what I mean dont think of them as different people or that wont really help.
It's so hard to like myself.
sorry to jump in on this thread. ive been on can.com for a while, but never post. just a reader. anyways i know exsactly how you feel. i am the same way with myself. i often question why i even have friends and what they see in me. i feel as if i have nothin to offer to them in anyway. it also really gets to me when i get a girlfriend. i consider myself a nice guy and think that i know how to treat a girl. but i never feel like i deserve to be with someone. a song by tal bachman always reminds me of this, "shes so high above me". i guess thats what it all comes down to with myself is that i dont think i deserve anything. sorry about the ramble on, im ripped and had to post on this thread cuz ive never talked to anyone about it.
It's so hard to like myself.
You don't have to apologize for posting on a thread, Rusty. That's what they're here for.
You need to stop the negative self-talk, too. Get someone to call you on that if you can. You deserve to be with someone who will love you from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. All people deserve that. At least the ones who want the company of romantic partners and close, loving friends. That starts, though, with liking yourself. Which takes hard work if you're starting from a place where you don't see a lot to like.
Welcome to these boards. We're glad you're here. Hope you'll post more!
It's so hard to like myself.
What a remarkable thread to stumble upon. This very same thing has been on my mind for a while. Wonderful advice all :)
It's so hard to like myself.
Great thread!
If you think about it, everyone has hang ups about themselves.
I felt the way you do when I was younger ....as you get older, you realize more and more that EVERYONE has issues man...and lots of them.
No one is better than you...remember that!
It's so hard to like myself.
EVERYONE struggles with insecurity and it doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, what you look like or what you do. Anyone that says otherwise is a damn liar. Most people just hide it well, and a rare few get to the point where they're completely comfortable with who they are.
You're dead on when you say the only thing keeping you from getting a girl is you believing you can't get a girl. Bun that...get it out of your head. You gotta go in with the mindset that she's as interested in you as you are in her, even (especially) if its not necessarily true. You seem like an educated, motivated, thoughtful guy thats going somewhere real in life. Just ask yourself why a girl wouldn't find that attractive.
It's so hard to like myself.
ok check it out the law of attraction. this is a really deep subject that could go on for hours. but basiclly, every thought has its own frequency. (literally) and if u think negative thoughts or think 'shit i hope this doesnt happen' chances are it will because that is what u r subconciously seeking out.
if its a self image thing then i would just say work out. and i dont mean eat less (which will slow metabolism) eat more whole, unprocessed foods. and do some intense exercise. switch up your routine so your body wont adapt. run 2 miles a day. do pushups and pullups. get some new clothes, fresh gear :thumbsup:
the only thing more fundamentally important than $$ is stayin healthy/in shape. btw i work @ mcdonalds.
donny
It's so hard to like myself.
I've been there too questioned it to the point where I thought they were always just in my life to use me for something they could take away from me as soon as they had my confidence.
I've always had my guards up with friends, I can't let it down.
I don't know if it was in my head but at some points in my life I've had friends manipulate me and back stab me, and just been plain mean to me.
I would stop wondering about it though because just because you had a bad run of luck doesn't mean its going to keep happening. All of my friends up until now have left my life and to me its a real bruise to my ego to the point where I didn't think I deserved to have any friends because something about me kept pushing people away. So any friends I encountered up to last year I always questioned why they wanted to be with me in the first place which in the end pushed them away leaving me alone; back to square one.
Just think to yourself you can't be that bad of a person if someone is willing to stop what they're doing to chat with you or want to spend time with you, the world doesnt do that. They want to be with you because there is something about you that attracts them to you and you should be flattered instead of putting yourself down. I've been there and trust me you're insecurities are all in your head, people DO like you for who you are so stop putting yourself down so much. You're a great person and I bet all your friends and family think so too.
It's so hard to like myself.
I truly believe that everyone is special. Yes, EVERYONE, including YOU, Nevaquit01. Everyone has a special quality about themselves that no one else has. Some have MANY! Nevaquit01, I believe yours to be honesty, and most of all BRAVENESS, as birdgirl73 put it. Honesty for admitting your innermost feelings, and braveness to be able to share them with others, and try to get help and advice.
Shoot, I've questioned why I was even born, especially after the divorce of my first wife after 15 years of marriage and three children. Man, I was one bullet short of suicide, I was so far in the hole. Not liking yourself is just something you have to work through. It's hard to stop putting yourself down - I STILL catch myself doing it at times. But you gotta realize that the answer lies solely within yourself. YOU must be the one to change, and you CAN do it. If I can, ANYONE can, trust me, LOL... I, for a long time, thought I was hopeless.
Here's an exercise for you. One I did when i was in the dumps - the valley of the self-flagellators.
Get some paper and a pencil, and on one page write down all of your GOOD qualities, This one will probably givce you the most trouble, as you are constantly putting yourself down. But STICK WITH IT. YOU CAN DO IT!
Are you honest? Write it down. Do you consider yourself good looking. Write it down. Will you do things for others even though they haven't even asked yet? Write it down. Are you willing to do things at work or at school for people, even though most others won't? Write it down. Are you funny? Write it down? Witty - can think of things quickly? Write it down. Are you loyal to friends and family? Write it down. Are you a good student? Write it down. Do you learn and pick up things quickly? Write it down. You've already stated you have a good career ahead of you. There's one, by itself. Two, you do fine in school, and are in GRAD SCHOOL. Not very many people have accomplished what you have accomplished. These are just a few examples, and I bet'cha that you qualify on the GOOD SIDE with most of them, just by reading your posts.
Then go to the "Bad" page. Do you fart in public? (Just kidding on that one, LOL) but you catch the drift (no pun intended). I bet a dollar to a donut that this list will be FAR SMALLER than the GOOD list.
And the thing with the girls - shoot - all guys want the girls to like them - excepting the ones who are out for just one thing, a quick, well uh, you know. Just be YOURSELF. Don't try and put up a front, just treat the ladies with respect, and be a gentleman, and things should go nicely.
If you have eyes for just one special lady, let her know it. Tell her she is the most amazing thing God ever made. That you would (ok rebgirl, this is where you say "that's corny", LOL) climb mountains, swim oceans, etc., just to be with her. Heck, you already stated a few reasons they will like you - you a good student, have a bright future ahead of you, and you are honest and brave (by reading between the lines in your posts). Plus, add that "respect the girls" thing in, and try being romantic (always worked for me), and inventive, and most of all, creative. Think of different ways to approach girls, other than "hey, your cute", or the usual speel guys give the ladies.
But by all means, be yourself. I hate "fake" people; I am sure most of us human beings do. And there are a LOT of fakers out there. Don't be one of them! Remember, that guy next to you puts his drawers on the same way you do, one leg at a time. NO ONE is better than ANYONE ELSE. We are all the same in God's eyes. You are JUST AS GOOD as I am, and as others are, and probably even much BETTER than me! I never made it past the second year of college, LOL. I just fake Intellectualism. LOL...
And one last thing. Work on your confidence. It sounds like you don't have too much with the girls right now, but don't worry, it'll come along. Look them in the eye. And if one turns you down, DON'T GIVE UP. There are way too many "fish" in the sea for that. My dad used to say when He was in the Navy that he'd just walk up and ask a gal to go to bed with him. Of course, he got his share of slaps in the face (remember, this was the 1940's), but he said he also got as many who DID go to bed with him! My dad was a work of art, let me tell ya!
Hang in there, bro. I see big things on the horizon for you. As birdgirl73 said, come back and let us know how you are doing. We'll help in any way we can. I've only been here for a few days, but feel like I've made some friends already.
And like crudemood said, I bet your family and family think you're a great guy!
Take care, and let us know if you need anything!
Peace,
Old Stoner
It's so hard to like myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevaquit01
I really have struggled with this for the longest time and I still don't know why but its so hard for me to like myself. I do fine in school I've graduated and am now in grad school. I have a good career ahead of me no problem I've already got someone paying for my school. I am alittle out of shape but by no means overweight.(just alittle beer belly) I have friends who all respect me.
This self image really fucks things up. Its never an issues with guys. I don't care if they like me (even if I feel like they shouldn't). It causes all sorts of issues when there's females at all. I do care if they like me and I want them to but I start out thinking why would they....
Its almost like the only thing I don't like about myself is that not liking myself fucks things up with girls....
I'm fucking crazy... I know in my head its the dumbest thing ever why can't I just tell myself to quit thinking that...
It's ok to doubt yourself, everybody does it and there's no sense in falsely believing you're better than you really are. But the only way to raise YOUR confidence it seems, is to have positive female reinforcement. To get that, you can't let a girl know of your lack of confidence, because it's a huge turnoff. You need to act confident, and point out everything that's awesome about yourself,
