It's so hard to like myself.

[nevaquit01]

I really have struggled with this for the longest time and I still don't know why but its so hard for me to like myself. I do fine in school I've graduated and am now in grad school. I have a good career ahead of me no problem I've already got someone paying for my school. I am alittle out of shape but by no means overweight.(just alittle beer belly) I have friends who all respect me.

This self image really fucks things up. Its never an issues with guys. I don't care if they like me (even if I feel like they shouldn't). It causes all sorts of issues when there's females at all. I do care if they like me and I want them to but I start out thinking why would they....

Its almost like the only thing I don't like about myself is that not liking myself fucks things up with girls....

I'm fucking crazy... I know in my head its the dumbest thing ever why can't I just tell myself to quit thinking that...

nevaquit01 Reviewed by nevaquit01 on 09-12-2007. It's so hard to like myself. I really have struggled with this for the longest time and I still don't know why but its so hard for me to like myself. I do fine in school I've graduated and am now in grad school. I have a good career ahead of me no problem I've already got someone paying for my school. I am alittle out of shape but by no means overweight.(just alittle beer belly) I have friends who all respect me. This self image really fucks things up. Its never an issues with guys. I don't care if they like me (even Rating: 5

[partcleguy]

I've asked myself the question (why would they like me) and have found that its far easier to tell yourself it doesn't matter. If they really like you, there is a reason for it and questioning it will only make you far less confident. Use this, and you will find a girl that will make you feel like yourself when you're around her. Most people (except narcissists i suppose) lose sight of how they appear to other people. Its a known psychological phenomenon that people assume others around them know more than them. You could think about a similar phenomenon- assuming others are better than you, but the thing is they're most likely thinking the same thing. You've gotta break those lines of thought and just go for it. Life sucks when you can't prove to yourself you're living it.

[birdgirl73]

I'm fucking crazy... I know in my head its the dumbest thing ever why can't I just tell myself to quit thinking that...

You're not crazy. And it's not the dumbest thing ever. It's no wonder it's hard to like yourself when you're putting yourself down in practically every other thought or sentence.

You're actually brave to be so refreshingly honest and vulnerable about what you're feeling. That alone is proof to me that you're eminently likable.

Time for a self-help plan. Maybe even check out some titles in a book store or on the Web having to do with self-esteem. Try some affirmations, too, where you find yourself some esteem-bolstering things you repeat to yourself till they get through to your conscious and unconscious mind and you start believing them.

Can you have a trusted friend start drawing it to your attention every time he/she hears you put yourself down? That'd help you cut that out real quickly if you realized how much you're undercutting your own self-confidence. And if you have friends or family in your life who put you down, take a nice long vacation from them. I'm betting that somewhere in your background, someone did that to you and that you then incorporated that into your own psychological technique. That's how that tends to work. You can also ask your friends to give you positive strokes, but the person you really need to be getting those from is yourself. If you're open to the idea, counseling/psychotherapy is a great tool that not nearly enough people take advantage of for self-esteem issues.

Physically, nothing'll get you feeling better about yourself than exercise. It's an amazing confidence booster and a natural antidepressant. I guarantee that if you exercise three or four times a week for the next two weeks, you will feel better about yourself at the end of that period. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. Lift some weights or some books or canned goods. Do some walking or running. Anything to get your body and muscles moving for at least a half hour.

The person I wish were online to add her wisdom is Granny Storm Crow. She will have something marvelous to add, I know, and will do it with great love and affection.

Let us know how you're doing, Nevaquit. You're a good guy and need some major pats on the back!!! If and when you begin to feel better about yourself, I also guarantee that the girls you'd like to know will begin to take notice.

[beachguy in thongs]

Just be honest with girls. Eventually, one of them won't be able to turn away. Then, the girls won't stop rolling in.

That last sentence was a quote. I've never actually seen it happen, personally.

[HighTillIDie]

dude... put on your pimp robe sitting in your closet

everyman has one, he just has to put it on

confidence radiates to women, if you don't have it, fake it well, and it will come along. Find things you like about yourself, and start there. like admirable traits that you have picked up, because they are super important to you, and define you as you would like to be defined.

dont worry about it, be confident, because you can be no one else, you only live once, so this is the best, *insert current date*, you could ever have

and yea, the biggest thing is not to care so much man, that's why non-single guys get way more attention, confidence

[cannabis campbell]

Well it seems you have a pretty good life, and things are going great for you at the moment by the sounds of it.

I think maybe you just need to be a bit more confident with girls, I dunno you should just be yourself just imagine their your boy-friends if you know what I mean dont think of them as different people or that wont really help.

[rusty1606]

sorry to jump in on this thread. ive been on can.com for a while, but never post. just a reader. anyways i know exsactly how you feel. i am the same way with myself. i often question why i even have friends and what they see in me. i feel as if i have nothin to offer to them in anyway. it also really gets to me when i get a girlfriend. i consider myself a nice guy and think that i know how to treat a girl. but i never feel like i deserve to be with someone. a song by tal bachman always reminds me of this, "shes so high above me". i guess thats what it all comes down to with myself is that i dont think i deserve anything. sorry about the ramble on, im ripped and had to post on this thread cuz ive never talked to anyone about it.

[birdgirl73]

You don't have to apologize for posting on a thread, Rusty. That's what they're here for.

You need to stop the negative self-talk, too. Get someone to call you on that if you can. You deserve to be with someone who will love you from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. All people deserve that. At least the ones who want the company of romantic partners and close, loving friends. That starts, though, with liking yourself. Which takes hard work if you're starting from a place where you don't see a lot to like.

Welcome to these boards. We're glad you're here. Hope you'll post more!

[realgood]

What a remarkable thread to stumble upon. This very same thing has been on my mind for a while. Wonderful advice all

[PopaBean]

Great thread!
If you think about it, everyone has hang ups about themselves.

I felt the way you do when I was younger ....as you get older, you realize more and more that EVERYONE has issues man...and lots of them.

No one is better than you...remember that!