I think I may be becoming insane.... (spiritual discussion)

:(OK I think this is really serious and I don't know if anyone has gone through this or not. But here it goes -

It all started 2 days ago - I went to sleep one night having no idea I was about to embark on by far the most powerful / strangest dreams I have ever had in my entire life. I went to sleep around 1AM. - I found myself sitting in the backseat of the truck with about 4 other people in the car maybe 3- I'm pretty sure I knew all of them but I don't remember exactly who they were. It was night time and we were sitting in the parking lot of where I worked slowly driving out. There were plenty of people all around walking to their cars I guess like something just let out - everyone was probably around my age (teens) - It looked like a concert just got out or something and everyone was going to their cars... anyways we are slowly inching out of the parking lot and something happens- A young man with long brown hair darts out in front of our slow moving truck and stops, I notice he has a gun he shoots twice maybe hitting other people in the car then I see his eyes look directly at mine This all happens so fast I dont even know its happening really until it's too late once he looks directly at my eyes I had never been so scared in my life, he shoots all I hear is the shot ring in my ears. everything goes black - I then experience the strangest feeling I have ever felt in my entire life the feeling after you die... This feeling is not even a feeling - there is nothing - It is the "feeling" you feel before you are born. Normally I could not even begin to comprehend this feeling in my conscious normal state of mind, but I did in the dream. It was horrible - I then come to a strange realization of my life... -" I had never really believed in my own death" I never stopped to think - "hey I will die someday and there might not be a conscious state of mind after death" I felt bad about all the people I would leave behind and never see again... it was as if mankind was nothing but the product of matter, energy, and time throughout the universe... I woke up around 5:50AM and slowly came back to reality. I have no idea what caused a crazy dream like this all of the sudden. The next morning before going to school I couldn't stop thinking about death and afterlife and If there was an afterlife and what dying would feel like. I felt extremely depressed the next day and at some points throughout the day feareed that I would not forget the feeling and that I am becoming mentally insane.... I feel depressed and strange over this feeling.... I don't know how to get rid of it. But I hope It goes away. I also tried to research a little on religion. I myself WANT to believe in god and after life but theres apart of me that won't let me believe in it because it doesn't seem real I guess... should I try to pray more? I really want to make myself believe in god and in an afterlife but I dont know how. Should I seek help on this? Please guys tell me what you think - sorry for all of my rambling on.

BTW I didn't smoke before this dream or anything - actually I haven't smoked since like the middle of august and this dream happened on the night of September 9th

Wow thats a pretty lucid dream.

You have found complete nirvana

Maybe ^^^ But That feeling that I had been experiencing in the dream keeps coming back to me in waves.... It hit me in the middle of class so intensely today I almost cried for some reason....Does that sound like I have a problem? I took the time to write the dream down and all my feelings in a journal... I feel like im becoming some kind of freak..... and now when I walk down the halls in school and see all the people I feel alone like Im in my own kind of realm and the feeling is almost dreamlike in a way in the fact that I know no one has experienced what I did - (and Im not some sort of goth emo kid which im sure your picturing in your mind right now) I'm a normal guy like everyone, I have friends, a job play a sport and am into normal stuff... I just now am feeling I am becoming an outcast in a way..

you should research the theory of parrallel universes its a very interesting concept

read the book DMT: the spirit molecule by rick strassman

I have had dreams that felt more real then life and dreams that have changed me

I have had feelings in real life that i knew were related to a dream

there is more to this world then what you see and feel, you just have to find that

all the feeling of being alone is just a mind trick man that dream effected your life for sure and because you dont understand it, it is effecting it in a bad way, when you understand it and accept it, it won't seem like a bad thing

This is all IMO so idk if you understand

just trying to help

jake

For me, being an atheist and not believing in an afterlife makes life that much more fulfilling. I mean, think of the time we have here on this earth, and think about how much there is to experience!

When I think about death, I get restless, I want to do things, to meet people, experience all that life has to offer before my short time here is over.

I think maybe your problem is that you feel like there is so much left to do, but when you consider that you could die tomorrow, you get frustrated and just go on a downward spiral. What you need to do is to realize that YES, you are going to be dead and gone forever some day, and so you need to experience as much joy in life as you can.

When you wake up every morning be glad that today is another day and that you can do anything you want. Be with friends, be with family, find someone and something that makes you the happiest.



YOU'RE ALIVE! And life is great. Now go do something awesome.

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Originally Posted by Jake420

you should research the theory of parrallel universes its a very interesting concept

read the book DMT: the spirit molecule by rick strassman

I have had dreams that felt more real then life and dreams that have changed me

I have had feelings in real life that i knew were related to a dream

there is more to this world then what you see and feel, you just have to find that

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Thank you - I needed that. It's nice to know that someone else in this world has an idea of what I experienced - I feel as If the afterlife if there is one, is too complex and that mankind can no way comprehend the feeling because it is so beyond out intellect.

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Originally Posted by Adjacent

For me, being an atheist and not believing in an afterlife makes life that much more fulfilling. I mean, think of the time we have here on this earth, and think about how much there is to experience!

When I think about death, I get restless, I want to do things, to meet people, experience all that life has to offer before my short time here is over.

I think maybe your problem is that you feel like there is so much left to do, but when you consider that you could die tomorrow, you get frustrated and just go on a downward spiral. What you need to do is to realize that YES, you are going to be dead and gone forever some day, and so you need to experience as much joy in life as you can.

When you wake up every morning be glad that today is another day and that you can do anything you want. Be with friends, be with family, find someone and something that makes you the happiest.



YOU'RE ALIVE! And life is great. Now go do something awesome.

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Yes your right I did feel what you just explained... I have no Idea how you knew that.... something in me wants to believe in religion though.... I feel so depressed if there was no afterlife for some reason... maybe it's a stage of denial?

nice call Adjacent

so you feel better pycho?

YOUR RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS NIRVANA I FELT! I JUST LOOKED IT UP -

"There is that dimension where there is neither earth, nor water, nor fire, nor wind; neither dimension of the infinitude of space, nor dimension of the infinitude of consciousness, nor dimension of nothingness, nor dimension of neither perception nor non-perception; neither this world, nor the next world, nor sun, nor moon. And there, I say, there is neither coming, nor going, nor stasis; neither passing away nor arising: without stance, without foundation, without support [mental object]. This, just this, is the end of stress."

there you go man

few people achive that without work

Sometimes I feel that, I had a similar experience when I was stoned one day. I was thinking about relegion and wondered, "what the fuck is this?" For one moment life did not exist. That one idea mindfucked me for nearly a year. I have not gotten over it and it still haunts me. But I beleive I understand it and accept it and I try not to ponder it or I am sure I will have to go into therapy or even attempt a suicide. Sorry about the long story but I hope it relates.

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Originally Posted by Jake420

there you go man

few people achive that without work

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That quote......it was EXACTLY what I felt but with better words... would this mean that all religions are, are theories or reasonings that people make to cope with their fears of the unknown (afterlife) people fear what they don't understand so maybe they created explanations to the afterlife with religions?

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Originally Posted by zach5993

Sometimes I feel that, I had a similar experience when I was stoned one day. I was thinking about relegion and wondered, "what the fuck is this?" For one moment life did not exist. That one idea mindfucked me for nearly a year. I have not gotten over it and it still haunts me. But I beleive I understand it and accept it and I try not to ponder it or I am sure I will have to go into therapy or even attempt a suicide. Sorry about the long story but I hope it relates.

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well said...I love you- I go through the same thing

yeah its a very good quote

if everyone in this world pondered what this world is and what the afterlife is and what everything is it would ruin all of our lifes because some questions are just unquestionable even though they are the questions that we want the answeres to the most. kinda shitty lol

That makes sense, the questions that we want the answers to the most ( truth of afterlife, point of life) are unanswerable and if we do attempt to answer them, it will destroy our lifes?

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Originally Posted by Jake420

yeah its a very good quote

if everyone in this world pondered what this world is and what the afterlife is and what everything is it would ruin all of our lifes because some questions are just unquestionable even though they are the questions that we want the answeres to the most. kinda shitty lol

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yeah I mean when I think of Nirvana I think of the band Nirvana which makes me think of Kurt Cobain and how he commited suicide to achieve Nirvana. I don't think I'll commit suicide and ill live until im really old or until I die of some car crash or some shit... Ill stick around and experience this crazy thing called life with all of you guys.......man.....this is one crazy fucken world........how the fuck did we all get here.....

I mean I guess all we can do is experience this world and life, It is very strange if you try to think of it in detail. It's as if nothing matters at all forever... But, hey we are here somehow on this planet in this massive universe all just trying to live in happiness so why not live it out?

Sometimes as I ponder Nirvana I need to go do something crazy and exciting to forget about it and remind myself that THIS is my life. The best things are smoking bud, free rock climbing, reading. It just depends, do you like the feeling of nirvana? Or do you hate it and want to get away from as I do?

This is no big strange occuerrence. Everyone has dreams that they experience death in. As soon as you die you wake up really quickly. Its a feeling of terror the second you wake up. But when you are awake you realize it was a dream and theres a thing called REALITY. And time goes on.

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Originally Posted by steme

This is no big strange occuerrence. Everyone has dreams that they experience death in. As soon as you die you wake up really quickly. Its a feeling of terror the second you wake up. But when you are awake you realize it was a dream and theres a thing called REALITY. And time goes on.

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What is reality?

Zach - I am curious about the feeling of Nirvana but in order to live my life I need to put the feeling out of my mind. I think it is necessary to live a normal life. I'm guessing that time will put it out of my mind and I will move on and continue to live life out. MAYBE people have realized that Nirvana would come when they die so they created religion to live out normal lives.

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Originally Posted by zach5993

What is reality?

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the state of things as they actually exist - from wikipedia don't know if it helps at all lolz

good talk guys I hope I will be able to get out of this mindfuck state of mind and live like I did before I got mindfucked

The state of things as they actually exist.... haha check out this fanatical website for its veiws on relegion. I do not follow its policies but its got some info on reality. I swear its not porn, I dont think they know it spells anus.

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Originally Posted by Psychoactive420

Zach - I am curious about the feeling of Nirvana but in order to live my life I need to put the feeling out of my mind. I think it is necessary to live a normal life. I'm guessing that time will put it out of my mind and I will move on and continue to live life out. MAYBE people have realized that Nirvana would come when they die so they created religion to live out normal lives.

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Man... i think if you actually forget this experience and live a "normal life", you will be wasting the greatest gift you ever had in your whole life.
Have you stopped to think how much millions of people spends hours, days, and even their entire lifes meditating, praying, or whatever, for trying to reach the so-called nirvana?
And you had the vision of it absolutely free, with any effort from your part. It would be like winning the big prize in the lottery...

We all will die. Everybody should be aware of it. Everybody should remember it all the time. We dont know when, so it may be right now. You said that it makes you depressed. Well, you and everybody else are gonna die regardless their feelings.
So, use the memory of death for your benefit. Do the things you would like to, as soon as possible. Tell everybody you like how much you like them. Enjoy the simple pleasures of the life. Dont worry about the future. Dont worry about unimportant things. You are alive, and thats the ONLY thing that really matters.

Im one of the ones who spends their time seeking the nirvana, so if i had an experience like yours, it would change completly my life. I know (rationally) that nothing in this wolrd really matters, but dont have the "feeling", i didnt experienced what you did, and thats why my life is still pretty "normal". I worry, i suffer, i dispair, like any "normal" people. I know that all suffering and pain can be transcended, but im not able for doing it myself, and fear i wont while i dont have a great life-changing experience like yours.

So, i would suggest you to dont try to forget your experience, even because you wont. You know that it was deeper than the undertanding, deeper than the reason. Your mind just cant erase this. You can bury it, deny it, as many people does when have "traumatic" experiences, but its no good, because this buried things always come back, sooner or later. Any psychanalist will agree with me here.
So, my advice is: use your experience for your own growth, mental, and spiritual. You dont need to believe in God for being a spiritual peson. Read about religions. Buddhism is a very good one for start with, as you experienced the ultimate goal of it.

And, please, dont acomodate yourself with the "normal life". The "normal life" is for the common people, the not-enlightened ones, the ones that think they will never die, and make all the mistakes caused by it. You was enlightened. So, again, dont waste it. It is the greatest gift any human may recieve.

"and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32

PS. One last note. Most western philosophy wont help you. Most western philosophers are too much down-to-earth to even concieve what you experienced, so their views about life and death are helplessly wrong. If you find any answers, it will be in religious texts, oriental philosophies, or psychedelic literature. Anyway, good luck! :thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by zach5993

That makes sense, the questions that we want the answers to the most ( truth of afterlife, point of life) are unanswerable and if we do attempt to answer them, it will destroy our lifes?

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Well... i think it would "destroy our lifes" because our lifes are based upon illusions, and misconceptions about everything. We humans are so lost that we dont even know that were lost. It like the Matrix.
How it would be to realize that everything you believed that was "real" and "your life" was only an illusion?
BTW, Matrix is much more real than people thinks... not that we live a computer-simulated life, but, what we call "reality" is an illusion created by ours senses and our mind. This point is discussed also in many different religions (mainly the oriental ones), as well as in shamanism, magic religions and so.
There is one part in us that fears the unknown, and likes its confortable and known life, so this part makes all the efforts to shut up any perceptions or glimpses we may have about the "true" nature of the reality. Thats why people feels "divided" after experiences like that. One part of your mind wants to live the "real" life, but another part wants to keep you pinned down to the "illusional" life, cause its well known to it.
To choose between reality or illusion is to choose which mind you will hear, and which mind you will ignore.
Note that the mind which lives in illusion is VERY cunning, so it will make everything possible for deny the "real". It will use ALL rational arguments, it will make you feel sad, it will use anything at hand for trying to led you again to the illusion.
But remember that your perception [of the nirvana] was beyond words, beyond reasoning, beyond feelings, so dont let this perception of the nirvana be clouded by words, or reasonings, of feelings, or whatever. They all are just your "illusion-liking" mind trying to dominate again. So,
May the force be with you.

PS. BTW, this illusion-liking mind is not actually ours... its a "foreign instalation", in the words of Don Juan Matus. But i wont enter in detail here...

Sounds like you had one of those life-changing dreams. That's a good thing -- you learned something from one of your dreams. It is one of the functions of dreams. You aren't insane, you have a lingering atmosphere of the dream. I've had these, where the feeling of the dream lingers while you're awake. If you can learn how to control the atmospheres you feel, then you can get rid of it, or change a bad one to a good one.

Coelho Thank you.... you are exactly right....I will not be able to erase the feeling I felt or deny it. I am thinking about it all the time.... my perceptions of people and relationships and pretty much everything are completely changed.... I had no idea people actually spend their lives trying to feel what I felt in the dream. I guess I thought I was going insane because the feeling contradicted my parents feelings on afterlife and many other peoples. So I guess I would try to ignore it... and act like everyone else did and believe in god so I would fit in with society....thank you Coelho that was very helpful. I have already wrote like 17 pages in my journal elaborating on my experience and how I perceive things completely differently ( for example at school, at work, in my house ) Its like being reborn again or "rebooted" I feel like an outcast... I had no idea that this dream would have such an effect on me... I thought I would just forget about it in a day or so but it is burnt into my mind...I cant stop thinking about it... even if I try really hard... watching tv, listening to music...... bagging groceries at my job.... NOTHING is the same...its like my life revolves around that dream I had a couple days ago...The feeling comes at me in "waves" of the same feeling each day... I thought it would phase out....but I am coming to the realization it won't.... instead of denying it I will embrace it....- me just saying that felt like it was helpful... thank you..

You seems like Neo after seeing the Matrix for the first time... and thats a good thing. ;)
Now you know why many people (mostly christians) says they were "reborn"... may this rebith bring you happiness and peace.
So, good luck man! I wish the best for you, and you are welcome!
Any questions, or doubts, just ask! :thumbsup:

wow Coelho you do have a way with words man...after reading what you wrote and writing it down in my journal I already feel at a dream like state of peace I haven't felt before.... its a different feeling - calm and relaxing now. I kind of feel excited and eager to know more about Nirvana and Buddhism... I am in sort of a state of peace I have been waiting a long time to feel.... It might seem like im being over dramatic but this feeling is real... and like something I haven't felt before... but this is a good feeling now

BTW Coelho it seems you are very knowledgeable on the subject of Nirvana and Buddhism - Have you read any good books on them or could you suggest any?

Yeah man... the realization of the Nirvana brings peace... its a different peace, like you said... like a peace of the innermost "soul" or somewhat like...

Now, im sorry to dissapoint you, but my knowledge of buddhism is very limited. I know only the basics of it, as im half-christian, with some shamanistic inclinations. The most things i know come from:

Erowid Online Books : "The Psychedelic Experience" by Leary, Metzner, & Alpert

Thats a book that links psychedelic experiences with acid with mystical enlightenments achieved by buddhas, saints, and lucky ones as you :p
But for a better understanding of it, its good to have some knowledge of buddhism. The link below may provide some basic informations:

Erowid Spirit Vaults : Religions - Buddhism

Anyway, there is a lot of members of cann.com that are buddhists, and can help you. I would suggest to look at the Spirituality forum, or maybe even start a thread there... im sure that they will help.
And, of course, i may answer anything that i know (what is not much... despite my "way with words", i seem much more knowledgeable than i really am. ;) )

Well... the time for editing the post is out... anyway, thats a good link:

Basic Teachings and Philosophical Doctrines of Buddhism, Himalayan realms

hmmm.... When i read about Buddhism I had a faint "familiarity" to it somehow. all my life ive had little thoughts about living as a bird and some redhead person (the only 2 that had popped up in my mind from time to time and I never thought anything of it) - that might sound crazy but maybe past lives? But yeah If I had that dream and did infact experience Nirvana does that mean Im done with being reincarnated into different lives? and I can reach the ultimate and final stage of nirvana? I can't believe that I'm writing this but I feel like Buddhism makes perfect sense and is completely logical... I also feel as if "I'm ahead of the game" in a way. Millions of people all over the world are living their lives right now and not trying to achieve nirvana and only a small percentile of people on the planet are trying to achieve it in this current life time. It feels as if this entire lifetime I have subconsciously been trying to achieve nirvana and I didn't even know it. Like the knowledge carries over to whatever your next life is and you try to achieve it every life you get subconsciously ... but you can only reach it in human form and you get reincarnated as an animal if you live your life not trying to achieve it.... and then you get other chances when you are reincarnated in human form again.... I know very little about Buddhism and Im already making these statements which I don't even know are true...they are just kind of flowing from me.....I have no idea how.... so I guess animal forms are the punished life you get for not trying to achieve it when you had the opportunity too.... does this even sound remotely right?

Retrocognition, the power to know one's own previous existences I think that is what I have because honestly throughout my life I have thought from time to time (very very few times though) that I lived past lives and when I thought of what I might have lived as. I pictured a person male or female not sure which but I know they were redhead? for some reason?....kinda of a weird detail thrown in when I thought of it..and I thought of a small bird...

Mara was waiting for him with one last temptation. How could the Buddha expect people to understand truth as profound as that which he had discovered? Why not wash his hands of the whole hot world, be done with the body, and slip at once into perpetual nirvana? The argument almost prevailed, but at length the Buddha answered, "There will be some who will understand", and Mara was vanquished forever."


I found this on this on a website - I kind of feel the same way... I think that since I have experienced nirvana or "enlightenment" I should try to help people try to find it themselves...

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Originally Posted by Psychoactive420

Mara was waiting for him with one last temptation. How could the Buddha expect people to understand truth as profound as that which he had discovered? Why not wash his hands of the whole hot world, be done with the body, and slip at once into perpetual nirvana? The argument almost prevailed, but at length the Buddha answered, "There will be some who will understand", and Mara was vanquished forever."


I found this on this on a website - I kind of feel the same way... I think that since I have experienced nirvana or "enlightenment" I should try to help people try to find it themselves...

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Yeah, man... thats the best thing you can do. It will be hard work, be warned. Mara, the evil one, knew very well the human race when said that... it was its greatest trumph, the stronger one. But, as Buddha said, there will be some who will understand.

My own advice, based on my own experiences, is to help anyone who ask help. When they ask, they are open to hear.
(and i mean "help" not only if the people ask "hey how can i be enlightened", but also help people with their small problems of everyday life. Now that you know how unimportant the everyday things are, you can show to people how to overcome their "simple" problems. "Simple" for the enlightened ones, those who knows that they dont matter. But for the person, this "simple" problems are huge, are the "reason of their lifes"... and its how you can help. Showing them that their problems come from illusions, delusions, desires and such, and can be solved.)

Or, if you know (or rather "feel", as its much more like intuition) that the people will be interested in how to be a better person, how to reach enlightenment, and will enjoy what they heard, then talk.
But, for the ones who doesnt want to hear, the better is stay quiet. Due the reasons below, in blue letters.

Anyway, again, good luck for you, and my best wishes! :thumbsup:

there is mythes and legends that are pretty far fetched but i personally believe about budists monks "accending" to a higher state of conciousness, which they basically vaporized into nothingness, to a higher place, pretty interesting concept

My thoughts as of 9/13/07


I am still feeling like I just came out of the Matrix or a (false reality) everyday...at school, at home, at work... I have done some reading and its pretty much the same with what I'm feeling. The thing I'm scared of most and I am thinking about alot right now is that all of my family members are Christian/ catholic and I don't think they will accept this easily and I don't know how in the world to tell them what I am feeling or going through right now... I feel as if this is the only place... I love my family and I wish for them to experience enlightenment too. Something is even telling me that I should become a monk or something and live a life of selflessness.... I am almost in a suffering state of mind. I am not sure what to do to this point. I find it hard to socialize with people I know now like today at school when kids are making racist jokes or making fun of others I find myself laughing or agreeing approving of (just not saying anything about it) so I can fit in with them and so they won't feel as if im a freak.... The big thing on my mind is that Im attached to my family and all my relationships I have with people and I don't know what to do.... I feel alone, scared, different .... also when I feel like Im in the "Matrix" or false reality as we know it today I feel like I want to go back to the truth of this world (or the enlightened state) and when Im in the enlightened state a part of me wishes that Id just stayed in a false reality for my whole life.... Just thought Id write my thoughts down...