What is wrong with me?

Alright, this has been really hard for me, because I feel slightly rediculous for even thinking this way.

I am a 20 year old man, and I've had a beautifull girlfreind for 3 years, and I think I can say we love each other. She is beautifull, nice, very smart, and has a great sense of humor. Here comes my problem - I love someone else, and I have for about 2 years now. More than ever. I love this person more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. More than any of my family, more than my beautiful girlfreind. And it just so happens that this girl is Alessandra Ambrosio. A Victoria's Secret supermodel.

Now, before you start thinking I'm rediculous for loving someone I probably doesn't know, I'll explain how, and why I know and love her. She is the nicest person - she talks with her fans on her website, she stays connected with them, and she is extremly nice to them when she meets them. I would know - I met her earlier this year in New York at a signing for A/X. I was able to stand up there with her for a little over 5 minutes chatting with her. She is intelligent, amazingly nice, down to earth, and beautifull. On her website, she has maybe 20 videos of her going about her everyday life, going to work, and all that, videos in which you can see her personality - which is the perfect one for me. She is fun and playfull, smart and nice, and the most beautiful person in the entire world. I cry myself to sleep sometimes [yeah, I'm a guy, and I cry myself to sleep], because I know the chance of me ever being with her is very slim. Everytime I see a picture of her, I feel my insides just turn out of a mixture of sadness and eleation at seeing her beautifull smile. I don't know how I can stress the fact anymore - I love her so much. More than anything. I didn't know humans were capable of such love. She is all I think about.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing her happy, yet nothing makes me more sad.

But here's the thing - I can't help but feel unfaithfull to my girlfreind for loving some other girl far more than her, to think about someone else more than her. I feel like I need to break up, because of my "unfaithfulness", but at the same time, obviously, I don't want to, because she is the next best thing that ever happened to me, behind Alessandra.

What should I do? What is wrong with me?

Um you are not in love you are highly infatuated. She is a Victoria Secret model so keep on dreaming. The chances of you hooking up with this chick are one in a million. I wish Orlando Bloom would love me but it ain't gonna happen. So get your head out of the clounds and pay more attention to a girl who knows you and wants to be by your side.

Yea snicklefritz you can't really tell a person he isn't in love. Connector, I'm really unsure about what you are supposed to do about your situation. Maybe you should go and try to meet her again. Even though you love her, it might be for the best to try to put it behind you.

I dunno man, maybe it's love at first sight (if it even exists)...but I highly doubt it unless you had some sort of super meaningful 5-min conversation ONE time at a signing where she meets tons of other fans and probably has close to the exact conversation with them...

The fact that you...cry yourself to sleep at night...thinking about her is a bit creepy man. Sure you know things about her, but that's only what her website puts up. If she's the next best thing that's happened to you, I think you're REALLY putting too much into your ONE run-in.

You might LOVE looking at her smile, but you don't love her as a person. You don't even know her man. Again, if she by chance told you her whole life story in those 5 min, I'll gladly admit I'm wrong.

If you did give up your current g/f for some sort of deranged road trip to NY to find her and propose, I'd say you've gone mad.

Lust, infatuation, and love. All different things in their own right. You seem to be affected by the first two, that's all. :jointsmile:

yeah man, i "love" jessica alba.. but but I think you're better off getting over it... the crying yourself to sleep is a little creepy, and sad. sounds like more of an infatuation/obsession... looking deeper, perhaps you're reason is that you're unsatisfied with something in your current relationship, if that's the case, perhaps try looking into just what it is and fixing it, if not well then try to meet someone a little more attainable with similar personality traits.... there's too many fish in the sea to put all your dreams into being able to one day bang a supermodel... we all want to man, it just isnt gonna happen to 95% of us

You guys still don't fully understand what I'm saying, and I don't have the effort to explain.

Primal Instincts... its a bitch. Your man meters are blowing off the scale saying shes the best woman you've ever seen. But whats more important in the long run. The chick next to you, or you thinking with your other head?

This honestly is exactly why celebrities have so many stalkers...

People get the idea that talking to them once means they're destined for marriage and children.

LOL..and I think you'd have the effort if first you had a defense. But you know we're right. :thumbsup:

I can see the reasons for the attraction I mean she's really hot, but... not to be an ass... you may even be like god's gift to ladies as far as looks, but you still don't stand an actual chance... It's not healthy trying to think of your chances in reality with this woman, fantasize all you want, there's nothing unhealthy about that, but be happy with the woman you got, or move on and find another woman who will keep you satisfied.

Oh damn you know that girl shes hot but didnt you say u were married? or 3 years huh well I dont know what to tell you ??

i think that babe is totally smokin.. but i do believe its a case of infatuation.. i mean.. when i saw Neil Young in concert i loved him too... but here i am, the empty shell of a man who stands before you today..

definitely a 10/10!

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Originally Posted by Its a Plant

This honestly is exactly why celebrities have so many stalkers...

People get the idea that talking to them once means they're destined for marriage and children.

LOL..and I think you'd have the effort if first you had a defense. But you know we're right. :thumbsup:

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You're the reason why I don't have the effort. Read my whole fucking post, idiot. It's not based on one 5 minute convorsation. I don't think you're right.

Well ConnectoRobot, if you say you're in love I'll take your word for it, but I think you have to admit to yourself it's largely infatuation as well. Infatuation can still carry a strong emotional component. The difference though, is that love, real love, is not about thinking she's perfect, intelligent, beautiful, all-around wonderful, or thinking she's perfect for you. Love is something that happens between two people who interact with one another and get to know each other intimately, and feel a deep connection only the two of them share. You two have yet to share this.

Even so I could still believe you are in "love" in a manner of speaking, in that you've allowed a 2 year infatuation to consume your thougths to the point where you're brain has invented an intricately developed relationship between the two of you. I think you've basically conditioned your brain through prolonged repetetive fantasy, to develope a loving relationship psychologically, where you can no longer tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

I think it's time to face up to the hard fact that you need to reject this delusional mindstate and learn to release yourself. Clinging is after all, the greatest cause of suffering. The only way you'll alleviate yours is to let go. How? no easy answer, but I'd say practice some meditation to train your mind in how to let go, and talk to a therapist if necessary. Just stop feeding the beast.

The way I see it there are two ways to see it.

You can listen to everyone here on the the truth of the matter.

Or you can go out there and try to get her, despite the incredible odds stacked against you. But you'll be satisfied knowing you tried, or in heaven if you are somehow successful.

Option 3, doing nothing about it except letting your emotions play with you isn't acceptable. This is one of those either/or situations.

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Originally Posted by connector_robot

You're the reason why I don't have the effort. Read my whole fucking post, idiot. It's not based on one 5 minute convorsation. I don't think you're right.

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Yeah, that sucks. Really, it does, wanting what you know damn well you can't have. Still, not only is she way out of your league, but she's like 5 or 6 years older than you. Shit, dude, that alone would be hard enough.

Every time you have these thoughts, try and tell yourself "this is a problem with me, and as long as I have this problem I won't be happy." Visualize this obsessive part of yourself as a disease, a cancerous tumor that you need to purge from yourself. Try and isolate it from the rest of you.

You want a quick fix? See a hypnotist. I'm serious. They're often very effective at making you think differently, if you are open to that.

Thanks for the replies guys. I feel like I need to try and let go, but I can't find the willpower within me to acutally try and let go. I wish I could, believe me. I hate loving her, it's terrible, but I can't help it.

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Originally Posted by Gandalf_The_Grey

Well ConnectoRobot, if you say you're in love I'll take your word for it, but I think you have to admit to yourself it's largely infatuation as well. Infatuation can still carry a strong emotional component. The difference though, is that love, real love, is not about thinking she's perfect, intelligent, beautiful, all-around wonderful, or thinking she's perfect for you. Love is something that happens between two people who interact with one another and get to know each other intimately, and feel a deep connection only the two of them share. You two have yet to share this.

Even so I could still believe you are in "love" in a manner of speaking, in that you've allowed a 2 year infatuation to consume your thougths to the point where you're brain has invented an intricately developed relationship between the two of you. I think you've basically conditioned your brain through prolonged repetetive fantasy, to develope a loving relationship psychologically, where you can no longer tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

I think it's time to face up to the hard fact that you need to reject this delusional mindstate and learn to release yourself. Clinging is after all, the greatest cause of suffering. The only way you'll alleviate yours is to let go. How? no easy answer, but I'd say practice some meditation to train your mind in how to let go, and talk to a therapist if necessary. Just stop feeding the beast.

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By the way, I do feel like she is the perfect person for me. I'm sure that sounds rediculous to all of you, but I'm serious. I realize that feeling isn't exactly mutual though...

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Originally Posted by connector_robot

I realize that feeling isn't exactly mutual though...

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You can say that again... :p

But I think even you realizing it means you're on the right path back to normalcy as far as I'm concerned. :jointsmile:

the difference between unrequited love and real love is that real love is recipricated.

i think it is highly unlikely that she personally answers all the mail from her website. so the likely hood it wasn't even her.

if you spoke to her thats wikid, but as she didnt ask for your number, ask you to stay more or take you out for dinner.

her public life and private life are two different things and the personal life that is created is just a persona to ensure she has work, people by her stuff and keep her in a shit hot lifestyle.

your basing your love on infatuation and i guess she represents other things to you. its weird that you feel unfaithfull, cus you havn't done anything with her.

the choice is yours and whilst its easy for you to get on the defensive. look at it from our perspective.

honestly dude, we all feel for you. but it will never happen.

cut yourself off.

concentrate on your girlfriend

get a new one

or just keep crackin off to her infront of your monitor

its your life

snow

Exactly, love for a human being is a two way thing, it must be shared by both people. You can force your love on inanimate objects or food but not people, or animals, without consequences. Give her a call though, if you can actually talk to her and tell her how you feel, will she remember you? Imo, you should be happy with who you have and i truly believe this to be a mistake that you would actually risk losing someone you have for this supermodel.

I REALLY don't mean to sound like a jackass when I say this but have you considered talking to a therapist about this? This sounds like classic intimacy seeking behavior and it might be deeper rooted than you think. Of course I'm in no position to cast judgment, and you're probably an otherwise well-adjusted guy but this can't be good for your overall mental health and happiness.

Just my 2 cents...I hope things work out for you

Stop jerking off to her pictures and you'll get over her.

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Originally Posted by Lankan Lion

I REALLY don't mean to sound like a jackass when I say this but have you considered talking to a therapist about this? This sounds like classic intimacy seeking behavior and it might be deeper rooted than you think. Of course I'm in no position to cast judgment, and you're probably an otherwise well-adjusted guy but this can't be good for your overall mental health and happiness.

Just my 2 cents...I hope things work out for you

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What the hell is up with people saying it's always deeper rooted? It has nothing to do with anything like that. It is what it is.

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Originally Posted by SirReal

Stop jerking off to her pictures and you'll get over her.

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lmao! u made my day with that..

Here's one thing you need to know about celebrities... the way to become a celebrity is for the people you meet to just instantly, magically enjoy being around you. It is made just that way because, lets face it, the only thing that keeps drawing us back to the mass entertainment time after time is because we have seen their idols and we are infatuated with them. The reason it seems as though arts are languishing in some locations is precisely because the local scene doesn't have the faces we crave. It keeps people from pursuing their true relationships, sets inappropriate standards for human body image, causes people to develop false ideas about money, power, and fame, and in short is a blight upon this land, part of a machine built solely to take from you what you have. Don't let it take your woman! If you don't want her, I'm sure someone else would be glad to take her! That being said, I have developed numerous crushes on actresses, and also the most popular girls at my school. Back then I wasn't up to the plate as far as the best girls went, and I'm sure I'm not to this day. So I'm just looking for the closest I can find who is willing to tolerate me. Just kidding, they would live a life of luxury with me, eating my homemade muffins and brownies and smoking homegrown weed, eating homegrown peaches, taking bubble baths and drinking tea together, oh yes, and there would be the amazing sex also. LOL. Sorry bit of a ramble there.

thats sorta creepy :wtf:
you talked to her for 5 minutes n watch viedos of her doing nothing...... i agree with whoever suggested the therapist :thumbsup:

I didn't read any of the posts b4 me but I wanted to make my unbiased comment on this...dude, how do you think she got to where she is? she has sold herself..and she sold you..no biggie..you just got to remember who she is..not yours..and she will never be..so, whatever your feeling has to be knocked down a few notches..cause if you stood back and looked at your situation..you realize how rediculous your acting..go and love that girlfriend of yours, cause if you fuck it up with her..you'll be regretting that shit for a long time. Peace to you and your situation:jointsmile:

you could as no one has suggested this, get tooled to the teeth, turn yourself into a human firework and go meet her again. when you meet her, lay it down to her, let her no the facts. that shes gotta have you or no one can and you'll kill every mother fucker in the room and then blow both of you to atoms.

ps, if your of a distinct mental unhingment ignore that post

peace snow

Hey, you've at least got a set on you, if you actually had the nerve to talk her up, or try to.

Believe it or not, most of the really beautiful girls have plenty of choices, but most "good" guys are too afraid to try to even make contact with a really beautiful girl or woman.

Unless you'll get a chance to meet her again, and you think you have a chance with her, you'll have to work with what you have, or what you can get.

But really man, love is something that is shared between two people.

I'm sure telling her you have a girlfriend that you feel like bailing on isn't going to make you look so good, though, to any woman.