stoner jokes

i found these i wanted to share with u

A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!" The Fireman asked "How do we get there?"

The stoner says "DUH, the big red truck!"



There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, Man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.


I woz here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message 2 prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint!

that last one is totally true :D

U know the one ehn cicken and hare go smoking?
Bugs rolles a joint, they smoke it, he asks the chicken:
-Man, u feal anything?
-Nasing...
So the rabbit rolles a bigger one...
-Man, this was a good one. U feal anything?
-Nasing...
Rabbit goes loco. Chick is a first timer and doesn't get a kick from HIS super weed! So he rolles the rest of a pack in one big fuckin joint, and they smoke it.
-NOW do u feal anything!? I'm totaly wasted.
-Nasing... Wings, beak, legs. I feal nasing :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by smokette

i found these i wanted to share with u

A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!" The Fireman asked "How do we get there?"

The stoner says "DUH, the big red truck!"



There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, Man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.


I woz here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message 2 prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint!

that last one is totally true :D

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" " truly

lol fuuny joke

i got 1 4 ya...

how many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

17.... 1 to make the mixture,,,and 16 to peel the smarties

Peace

A pothead is walking through the desert and trips over a lamp and a genie pops out of it. The genie grants the pothead two wishes instead of the traditional three for tripping over his lamp, so anyways the pothead says "I wish for a joint that never ends." and *POOF* in his hand is a joint. He lights it and it is quality herb and he is high within seconds but the joint just keeps regenerating itself. After a while the genie gets impatient and asks the pothead what his second wish is. The pothead says, "Damn, this thing is great. I want another one."

that was crazy lol i can just imagine

that would be so fucking awsome to have a never ending joint OMFG wow wish i had one *POOF* HOLY SHIT COULD IT BE nah not really would be nice though :D

this isnt really a joke but its funny when your really drunk, just say what does 'neon ewana cadic' mean
then you pull your dick out and waggle it.

lol :D:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ermitonto

A pothead is walking through the desert and trips over a lamp and a genie pops out of it. The genie grants the pothead two wishes instead of the traditional three for tripping over his lamp, so anyways the pothead says "I wish for a joint that never ends." and *POOF* in his hand is a joint. He lights it and it is quality herb and he is high within seconds but the joint just keeps regenerating itself. After a while the genie gets impatient and asks the pothead what his second wish is. The pothead says, "Damn, this thing is great. I want another one."

---

ROFL!

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the fucking light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME FUCKING CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?

Lulu,
you're killing me. That is hilarious! my stomach fuckin' hurts from laughing... absolutely fuckin hilarious.

guy walks into a bar, sits down next to a hot lookin female. orders a drink and looks at the female and says, "Can I smell your cunt?"

Female is outraged and snaps, "CERTAINLY NOT!!!!"













guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Must be your feet then."

What does a guy pay a prostitute for?


























To leave.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa,
taking her faithful pet poodle along for company. One day the
poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he
discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his
direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The
poodle thinks, "Uh-oh, I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately
settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the
approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims
loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if
there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride,
a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the
trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That poodle
nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from
a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use
and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great
speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans
and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard
is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop
on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
canine."

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his
back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of
running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers,
pretending he hasn't seen them yet and, just when they get
close enough to hear, the poodle says, "Where's that damn
monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another
LEOPARD!!!
:D

LMAO that was great Lulu!