So we're going to be hanging out with John's friends a lot more....

And this is bothering me intensly. He has always really hung around with my friends more but recently he has been getting back with his friends. Which is fine as long as he calls me and tells me where he's at im fine. But now he wants us to all hang out.

The problem however is that whenever I am around his friends I totally get extremely nervous and I dont say anything and I come across as mean. Im not good with people I don't know. Especially guys. I just don't want to look bad in front of his friends and embaress him. But since I clam up around them they think I dislike them. I guess im shy around them. Once I know people however im fine. Im outgoing and I love to talk and stuff. Its just that I get SOOOOO damn anxious. *sigh*

How can i fix this?

smoke a bowl before you meet them, that always makes me less nervous when meeting new people. you dont even have to get really high, just a little buzz and it usually takes the edge off anxiety. You'll care a lot less about what they may be thinking of you and be more talkative, unless you're the type that gets quiet and introspective when high, then discard this advice.

haha Id like to smoke but his friend is training to be a cop haha. He can tell if im high. Not that he cares, he used to smoke and he still drinks. Its just that I dont wanna be paranoid that he's staring at me and thinking bad things haha.

just wait a little and make sure john explains it my brothers new girl is just like that like i thought she didnt talk at all but about a week with her around i cant get her to shut up lol

I'm the same way. Quiet, sort of shy. But I have always been like that. Frankly, I am upfront about it and say early on , " Look, I'm a bit shy and uncomfortable with people I've just met. I might be quiet or seem aloof. But, it's me, not you, Once I get to know you I'll talk my face off, and once you get to know me, I guarantee you'll love me."
Its really always worked. People get it. Spells it out for them. Oh and of course, being high always helps. Even if its to your head.

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

And this is bothering me intensly. He has always really hung around with my friends more but recently he has been getting back with his friends. Which is fine as long as he calls me and tells me where he's at im fine. But now he wants us to all hang out.

The problem however is that whenever I am around his friends I totally get extremely nervous and I dont say anything and I come across as mean. Im not good with people I don't know. Especially guys. I just don't want to look bad in front of his friends and embaress him. But since I clam up around them they think I dislike them. I guess im shy around them. Once I know people however im fine. Im outgoing and I love to talk and stuff. Its just that I get SOOOOO damn anxious. *sigh*

How can i fix this?

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I think that happens to a lot of us when we first start seriously hanging with our sweethearts friends.
A group of new people
all kinds of expectations
It's scary.
Just start slow. Mingle a little and when you get nervous, head back to what you determine to be a safety zone.
Little by little, your sweet self will emerge. Just like a butterfly from a catapiller.:)

I would smoke a bowl or two befor going out, and just try to make small talk. Im sure if your fiance likes them, they cant be too hard for you to get along with. And just smile a lot!

Yeah I may smoke a bowl or two before I go. Its just the initial meetings that intimidate me. After that im open and funny and stuff and im really outgoing. Guys just intimidate me when I dont know them. Especially since their all like 6-7 years older than me. I was the same way to John but alas, used sex to diffuse the situation. But its not like I can with his friends. This is going to be horrible.

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Originally Posted by tootsie roll

I think that happens to a lot of us when we first start seriously hanging with our sweethearts friends.
A group of new people
all kinds of expectations
It's scary.
Just start slow. Mingle a little and when you get nervous, head back to what you determine to be a safety zone.
Little by little, your sweet self will emerge. Just like a butterfly from a catapiller.:)

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Exactly! I wanna blow them out of the water. I want to make John proud. I wanna have his friends like me. But I just cant get over that initial BUMP.

just tell them your real shy around people you dont know.

Start with one at a time.

Sounds like it's just a matter of getting better acquainted with them and getting your comfort level up a bit, Reb. That'll happen with familiarity and repeated exposure. Just be yourself and give yourself time to get to know them and try not to have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Friendship takes time to develop, even for the most outgoing people. I'm sure they'll love you in no time.

Thanks bg. I sure they do *crosses fingers*. I think I have really bad self esteem b/c whenever I see them all I can think is, "Man I bet their thinking about how fat I am." or other crappy thoughts.

This is when it's time to give yourself one of those Daily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley-sorta talks, and old comic routine from "Saturday Night Live." Stuart would have termed your current self-talk "Stinkin' thinkin'." He used to sit down with a hand mirror and look at himself and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

hahahahah BG! I think ive seen that before. And Billion, I did tell him but theres not much he can do. Ill discuss it with him when he gets in from work. Which should be in 2 or 3 hours now actually.

Well Im not shy to his friend Chris. Because I was alone with him and John one morning and me and him talked for a good 2 hours. But see Chris is like, 40 something. And ill talk to him no problem. But John's other friends Dave and Dan are his age, 20 somethings. Its those 2 that get me nervous. I end up feeling like such a child. And I dont want them to know im nervous around them. That makes me feel weak.

first!, i'd make my own, good time, priority number one,

then I'd breathe deep to relax

everyone else will also begin to relax, when you look relaxed

when at a awkward silence
in a mello tone, i'd randomly discuss things funny, clever, insightful or things in common. you may be surprised how a little humor makes everyone content

i'd pop in a comedy dvd like a new jackass movie

the movies called, Bean and also Rat race, starring rowan atkinson, are unique humor

Rowan Atkinson

I'm gonna go watch, Mr. Bean's Holiday, at the movie forumz website, for free

I hope I warm up to them soon..I hate feeling like this^

Talk to them about cannabis dot com!

One of my friend's used to come up with a "schtick" a couple of hours before hand whenever he meant new clients for work. Try to plan some things you can talk about before hand. Find out some of their likes or hobbies. Or you could be a total fake and get them talking about themselves and act interested and then they just start talking about themselves and let's face it, people like talking about themselves.

make or buy a fun party snack to eat for yall's get togethers

pizza, chinese or mexican food delivery is cool

it shows friendliness and a pro-social attitude

if ya get erked or just dont wanna hang out on a certain day....just say your not feeling well and then go somewhere else

well you said yourself he always hung out with yours...

equality...

I tend to stay away from large groups personally unless it is a concert I am dying to see. I am not totally anti-social, but I have a thing where I do get very nervous and scared when I am around people I do not know and even people that I do know. I'm a loner. When I was younger I went through a lot of emotional pain and scaring that I guess still has not fully healed. Thats why I do not go to parties or bars and generally spend most of my time studying and smoking. It's just how I am. I am fine when I am alone watching TV or reading.

You seem like the outgoing type. Are you sure that you are just not jealous that he is hanging around a lot of his friends? Maybe he did not feel comfortable around your friends so he wants to be around his.

I totaly get what your sayin but more than likely when your sitting their all quite their thinkin, not sayin thinkin damm Johns hitting that...... damn evey night.............damn. And your uncomfertable with em cause you dont know em that well, like birdy said. Give it some time and mabey being all baked woundering what to say amoungst the wolves is not a good idea specialy if you got the cop in training staring (drooling) at your fine ass thinkin.........shes freakin stoned off her gorde hahah. Unless your comfortable being blazed in front of strait groups. But I say giv it some time and if their hanging out drinkin then smok a doob in another room and come back see what its like. Coars if they ever bring up bullshit weed facts you know what to do. Dont let em bully you

Whenever I'm in a situation like this I usually just find one or two people that I like talking to and talk to them. But then, I'm a loner and I hate planned gatherings. If a couple of friends show up spontaneously, c'mon in, let's hang out, but if I'm expected to talk, well, screw that.

nah im not jealous of his friends. I think its awsome that were getting closer to them its just a minor technicallity. And even though hisnfriend is a cop in training he used to smoke and drinks and he couldnt care less. I talked to John about it and he was really supportive. He knew that I was having problems and surprised me with pink daisies and carnations.

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Originally Posted by MadSativa

...more than likely when your sitting their all quite their thinkin, not sayin thinkin damm Johns hitting that...... damn evey night.............damn. ...amoungst the wolves is not a good idea specialy if you got the cop in training staring (drooling) at your fine ass

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Wow. Way to help out the situation... and be mature at the same time.
Maybe that's what YOU would be thinking, but some men have a bit more class than that.
I'm not impressed.

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

Wow. Way to help out the situation... and be mature at the same time.
Maybe that's what YOU would be thinking, but some men have a bit more class than that.
I'm not impressed.

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While I agree that this line of thinking is unimpressive, there is a point to be taken.
Most men are more likely to be thinking that Reb is 'hot', than that she's 'fat'. I know of very few men who would consider Reb unattractive in any way.
And while she is concerned about appearing unsociable, they probably won't even notice her apprehension.

Oh I wasn't even thinking about whether anyone would consider reb fat... I mean, reb, you aren't. That's just crazy talk. Just in case all the male attention you get around here has left you with any doubts... sheesh... :wtf:
Awe the mans with wit and they will be perfectly happy to have made your acquaintance.

Yeah like slip said its only fair really.. but the best and only way I think it to just get to know them better the better you get to know them than the more comfortable you will feel around them and the more you will talk, dont worry everyone gets a bit nervous and stuff sometimes :greenthumb:

Understand this. WOMEN ARE THE DOMINANT SPECIES.

You know your hot, but maybe you dont realize how nervous the guys are around YOU!
Are you maybe lacking the self confidence? You dont have to answer but maybe think to yourself.."why am I shy?"
I've had bad anxiety for all my life, and no longer take meds for it. What it came down to, was me giving myself the credit I deserved, to live MY LIFE for ME! This is all choppy cuz Im EXTREMELY BLAZED but I'll try 2 explain better later!:D

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

haha Id like to smoke but his friend is training to be a cop haha. He can tell if im high. Not that he cares, he used to smoke and he still drinks. Its just that I dont wanna be paranoid that he's staring at me and thinking bad things haha.

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i'm pretty sure every straight guy in this world thats staring at you is thinking bad things.

But just try to interact. Talk about something you like to do. Its not that hard

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Originally Posted by Road to Zion

i'm pretty sure every straight guy in this world thats staring at you is thinking bad things.

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I'm just gonna assume you're being sarcastic. Even so, what the hell kind of thing is that to say?:wtf:

I for one, look at Reb and think, damn, thats a good woman! Not often a girl can look that good AND be a loyal partner! Much respect for that!:thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

And this is bothering me intensly. He has always really hung around with my friends more but recently he has been getting back with his friends. Which is fine as long as he calls me and tells me where he's at im fine. But now he wants us to all hang out.

The problem however is that whenever I am around his friends I totally get extremely nervous and I dont say anything and I come across as mean. Im not good with people I don't know. Especially guys. I just don't want to look bad in front of his friends and embaress him. But since I clam up around them they think I dislike them. I guess im shy around them. Once I know people however im fine. Im outgoing and I love to talk and stuff. Its just that I get SOOOOO damn anxious. *sigh*

How can i fix this?

---

My boyfriends friends are just as much my friends as him. In fact, when my boyfriend isn't around ill hang out with his friends. They are my best friends. I never look at them as his friends, and my friends are just as much as his friends as they are mine. We never have the opportunity to really have friends that aren't friends with both of us....

Just be yourself...I mean if John likes you his friends will probably like you. I can't imagine not being friends with his friends.

You will be fine, just do it.:thumbsup:

I've always been an introvert, but lately I've been working on it, one thing I always used to do when I got home was too analyze everything negatively, all the things I said and how it was perceived etc.. I wanted to not care anymore and thought that if I'm doing it they must be doing it too ! they're probably not thinking about what I did or said..

Just say the things you want too say and its more fun and easier too connect with people. If I constantly try and think of the right thing to say I end up being boring and nervous.