Don't think it would be like this if I were a guy.

Not sure if this is the right place but...

Do any other females feel like they're getting ripped off, (in more than one way & in more of a social sense), because they're female?

Let me explain. I've gotten comments like "Let me pack it for you" or "Let me light it for you". My instinct is to be offended. Now, I'd be offended whether it was a male or female that made the comment, but it's males (in my stoner life) who have been saying it, and I don't know really, but it's the vibe I get and tone I hear combined that make it feel like it's because I'm female.

Now, I know I can pack a good bowl. I can light my own damn bowl. I've been smoking for a while now and I smoke pretty much every night unless there's money issues.

My other question is, should I be offended? I don't get these comments often (but often enough to be slightly annoyed). And it's seems it's only the first couple times I smoke with somebody.

Answers, opinions, advice?

Peace
:hippy:

hiya i,m a guy of 38.married 11years,,not sure if you would mind a mans input on this,,but hears what i think..

my wife(joanne) can and dose roll the most amazing spliffs,now in the past when she was learning how to roll,she would ask my advice on rolling,as in,how much to put in,how many skins etc. etc..
now she is an expert roller,but sometimes,i would still offer to roll for her,,my idea hear is that i,m just giving her a break from rolling,she dose the exact thing for me to,she will take over rolling duties some days,,

maybe the people who are offering to roll for you..are NO1.they dont think you put enough in/or to much in...NO2.they might like to roll and smoke there own..NO3..as we say in ireland,,they are gobshits...

:) :hippy:

They're just trying to be gentlemen ;)

Chivalry lives on.

Nah I wouldnt be offended unless he says it in a real asshole kind of way. But that doesnt happen to me bc I have a strict rule that only I touch my weed. I pack it and light it off initially (later on I dont care). But if it bothers you tell him/her. If you dont they'll never learn.

Women have to take a more submissive role in this world. In this day and age, a woman's independence is valued and protected but still us men remain primitive in our thinking that women are incapable of doing things on their own. I don't know if anyone else has noticed a slight role-reversal in society. Nowadays, more men are becoming aware of their femininity and it's creating a lot of confusion in the sexuality department. How can a man get in touch with his feminine side without his sexual orientation coming into question? Personally, I try to maintain respect for a woman's desire to be independent. The times are changing for sure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ganj

Women have to take a more submissive role in this world.

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You've got to be kidding? Right? That means to me that women 'must' change how they feel about themselves, in order to pamper that oh so fragile male ego. Bullshit!

If I become condescending and patronizing with guys, most will certainly take offense, and rightly so: then go off and stew in some childish snit rather then express themselves about what might possibly be bothering them. Oh yeah, they go into their 'cave'. You see guys, most women will face the issue, discuss it, and then move on. It's not about agree or disagree, it's all in the process. And before you think I'm some bull dyke feminest, well it ain't so. I happen to like you guys around, as long as you can be house trained. lol

Gender has not one iota to do with being offensive. If men would simply be more submissive, learn to establish a repore*, and not get so freaked if another guys gives'em a huge, it would be such a lovely place to live...B

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ganj

Women have to take a more submissive role in this world.

---

You've got to be kidding? Right? That means to me that women 'must' change how they feel about themselves, in order to pamper that oh so fragile male ego. Bullshit!

If I become condescending and patronizing with guys, most will certainly take offense, and rightly so: then go off and stew in some childish snit rather then express themselves about what might possibly be bothering them. Oh yeah, they go into their 'cave'. You see guys, most women will face the issue, discuss it, and then move on. It's not about agree or disagree, it's all in the process. And before you think I'm some bull dyke feminest, well it ain't so. I happen to like you guys around, as long as you can be house trained. lol

Gender has not one iota to do with being offensive. If men would simply be more submissive, learn to establish a repore*, and not get so freaked if another guys gives'em a huge, it would be such a lovely place to live...Peace, love and sweet smoke

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brussels

I happen to like you guys around, as long as you can be house trained.

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I like women, as long as they know their role ;)

If it's your own weed then i would be offended if someone offers to pack or roll for you...because they're effectively implying that they think you will do a crummy job. However if it's their weed then it's a totally different story.

And also, as several people have said, they might just feel like they're being nice and doing you a favour.

I always offer to pack a bowl or roll a J when others are around. Its just a sign of curtesy in my book.

Now of course, if they are being dicks about it, or refusing to let you pack or light or anything, then yeah, thats something I would take offense to as well.

I think the only time I have ever lit a bowl for someone was when they were new to smoking and using my bong, which confuses the hell out of them, or if they dont have their hands free but want to take a hit still. Then I have been known to light the bowl, and pull the slide/let the carb go for them, so that they dont have to stop what they are doing in order to smoke.

well whos weed is it? are other people offering to pack your weed?

I think their just trying to be nice, guys like to be nice to girls. I wouldn't take it as "oh shes a girl she can't pack a bowl"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CannabisHappiness

Not sure if this is the right place but...

Do any other females feel like they're getting ripped off, (in more than one way & in more of a social sense), because they're female?

Let me explain. I've gotten comments like "Let me pack it for you" or "Let me light it for you". My instinct is to be offended. Now, I'd be offended whether it was a male or female that made the comment, but it's males (in my stoner life) who have been saying it, and I don't know really, but it's the vibe I get and tone I hear combined that make it feel like it's because I'm female.

Now, I know I can pack a good bowl. I can light my own damn bowl. I've been smoking for a while now and I smoke pretty much every night unless there's money issues.

My other question is, should I be offended? I don't get these comments often (but often enough to be slightly annoyed). And it's seems it's only the first couple times I smoke with somebody.

Answers, opinions, advice?

Peace
:hippy:

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Male slant, again... I smoke with males and females and we might often share joints and bongs and pass around what ever is alight at that moment. No one seems to care!

Maybe your interpretation of their kind gesture has some sexual innuendo attached that you might not appreciate. Fair play!! If that is the case then you might have to suggest to them that they '...are incapable of packing it the way you like it..' or '..their gas isn't adequate for the fire you desire..'.

However you experience a situation you can always flip it and have fun with it... If it turns out you are the one making all the innuendos then it might not work in your favor, so proceed with caution.. Almost feels like a lesson in seduction!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brussels

You've got to be kidding? Right? That means to me that women 'must' change how they feel about themselves, in order to pamper that oh so fragile male ego. Bullshit!

If I become condescending and patronizing with guys, most will certainly take offense, and rightly so: then go off and stew in some childish snit rather then express themselves about what might possibly be bothering them. Oh yeah, they go into their 'cave'. You see guys, most women will face the issue, discuss it, and then move on. It's not about agree or disagree, it's all in the process. And before you think I'm some bull dyke feminest, well it ain't so. I happen to like you guys around, as long as you can be house trained. lol

Gender has not one iota to do with being offensive. If men would simply be more submissive, learn to establish a repore*, and not get so freaked if another guys gives'em a huge, it would be such a lovely place to live...B

---

I cant be certain, but judging from his other quotes, Im not sure he meant it quite the way you took it. Lol the funny thing is that you got mad at him for saying that, then turned around and said the same thing!!! Youre silly! But I like you, because youre sassy :p

Why must one gender be more or less submissive? I deal with lots of females.. always have, always will.. I love em. In some interactions I am more dominant, and in others more submissive, depending on the scenario and what the situation requires for a beneficial outcome. However, when averaged out, I am neither dominant NOR submissive. I am simply and blissfully coexistant.

EDIT: Sorry.. to the OP.. I got the impression from your post that it is happening while you are actually packing it up, or attempting to light it. And you stated that the way they said it made you feel like it was because they felt they could do a better job. If its your weed, then tell em to fuck off! Lol fo shizzle. Raise an eyebrow at them, look at them like theyre stupid and say "what... I dont know how to pack and light a fuckin bowl????"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GraziLovesMary

I cant be certain, but judging from his other quotes, Im not sure he meant it quite the way you took it. Lol the funny thing is that you got mad at him for saying that, then turned around and said the same thing!!! Youre silly! But I like you, because youre sassy :p

Why must one gender be more or less submissive? I deal with lots of females.. always have, always will.. I love em. In some interactions I am more dominant, and in others more submissive, depending on the scenario and what the situation requires for a beneficial outcome. However, when averaged out, I am neither dominant NOR submissive. I am simply and blissfully coexistant.

EDIT: Sorry.. to the OP.. I got the impression from your post that it is happening while you are actually packing it up, or attempting to light it. And you stated that the way they said it made you feel like it was because they felt they could do a better job. If its your weed, then tell em to fuck off! Lol fo shizzle. Raise an eyebrow at them, look at them like theyre stupid and say "what... I dont know how to pack and light a fuckin bowl????"

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I tried giving you rep again, but it won't let me until I give more to other people. I was just going to attach a note saying

"Same ideas, but mine's only a sentence, I win :D"

hahah but yeah, sorry for the aside y'all.

I think that if you are assertive, you won't give men the CHANCE to make sweet yet possibly outdated offers to perform simple tasks for you.

If it bothers you that someone offers to roll a j for you, head off the offer by taking the initiative to roll it yourself.
If a man does not want to be in the traditional role where he depends on a woman to feed him or do housework, he should take the initiative to do the laundry or whatever.

If you are naturally a leader, your gender will not matter.

I tend to offer to light the bowl for girls, especially since most of them(that I know) dont toke that often. Also girls appreciate it more, while a guy might feel homophobic, or like i'm looking down on him.

I think it's a sweet, gentlemanly gesture just like the offer to light a lady's cigarette or hold out a chair. Problem is, there are so many young women nowadays who've never seen such offers extended that such gentle chivalry takes them by surprise and makes them feel like they're being condescended to instead of pampered.

I think it's lovely when either gender extends a courtesy to the other, whether it's fetching a drink, serving a plate, opening a door or lighting something to be lit. I confess that when men hold my chair out for me or hold doors open, I find that very charming and sexy. I'm an old lady, though, so I remember when that was standard operating behavior.

As a man I try and shy away from doing things like that until a woman truly knows that I respect her. I can see how a random guy offering to "Help the helpless flower" can be irritating but when you know his true nature of equality and good nature I feel all should be forgiven. Oh and some of the advice is kinda iffy if you catch my drift so I'd sift and skim where and when needed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

I think it's a sweet, gentlemanly gesture just like the offer to light a lady's cigarette or hold out a chair. Problem is, there are so many young women nowadays who've never seen such offers extended that such gentle chivalry takes them by surprise and makes them feel like they're being condescended to instead of pampered.

I think it's lovely when either gender extends a courtesy to the other, whether it's fetching a drink, serving a plate, opening a door or lighting something to be lit. I confess that when men hold my chair out for me or hold doors open, I find that very charming and sexy. I'm an old lady, though, so I remember when that was standard operating behavior.

---

See I agree with you, except for the fact that Ive witnessed her situation many times. Sometimes it is the guy trying to be chivalrous, and other times it is the guy being impatient and wanting to do it himself because he is obsessive and has no faith in her abilities. Seeing as how I wasnt there I cant really guess which one it was, but she seems to get the impression it was the latter.

Oh well!

I'd offer to do it because I'm a nice guy, but I'd hope that if the girl was offended or wanted to do it herself she'd say something instead of just making us both feel wierd about it. And if she didn't happen to know how the piece worked, I wouldn't do it for her - I'd show her how to use it so she can feel like a more confident smoker. But it's usually obvious who knows how to smoke and who doesn't - my cousin is dating the sweetest girl, but she can hit like a pro. And before anyone takes it as sexism, note that I'd do the same thing for a dude who's a novice too.

It feels nice to do nice things for nice people.

EDIT: Post 429! I wasn't paying attention, guess I missed 420. :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by OhxMuffins

Mm, I have to agree that I prefer to light my own bowl, cause I'm a big girl and I know how to handle a lighter. Also, I notice that whenever a guy lights the bowl for me, he pulls back as soon as he lights a tiny bit of the bud, assuming I won't be able to take a larger hit. It gets annoying after a while, especially if it's your weed, cause then you're just passing around your goodies and barely getting any off it.

I've smoked with plenty of guys that assumed I couldn't take as "fat" a rip as them, but I ended up proving them horribly wrong. First, they would hand me the piece and ask, "You want me to hold it for you? You know where the carb is right? You want me to light it for you?" And sure, first I'll act like a nice little girl and let them have their fun in generalizing me, but after that first rotation, a big girl has to be let out and have her way. And after that first rotation, some eyes widen up on those boys' faces and acceptance spreads.

But I do understand where the chivalry comes in, like when I'm with my boyfriend and he lights it for me, not because he isn't aware that I can compete, but because.. Well, I don't know, why do guys like to light the bowl for girls anyway? I'm guessing it doesn't have to do with sexual appeal at all....

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Hmmm... see thats where I think misunderstanding is coming to play. If Im not mistaken hes not pulling the lighter away because he doesnt think you can take a big hit... most likely its because he knows that the heat from an open flame destroys about 50% of the THC on contact. The key is to take long slow tokes and let the cherry do the work, as the cherry is nowhere near as hot as a flame. Cover the opening of the bowl with your hand to restrict the volume of air going in(which increases the velocity) and take shorter puffs to encourage the growth of the cherry. I can get a monstrously enormous hit like this and I get much higher because I used barely any flame, and more of that beautiful Delta-9 TetraHydraCannabinol makes it to my lungs undamaged. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brussels

You've got to be kidding? Right? That means to me that women 'must' change how they feel about themselves, in order to pamper that oh so fragile male ego. Bullshit!

If I become condescending and patronizing with guys, most will certainly take offense, and rightly so: then go off and stew in some childish snit rather then express themselves about what might possibly be bothering them. Oh yeah, they go into their 'cave'. You see guys, most women will face the issue, discuss it, and then move on. It's not about agree or disagree, it's all in the process. And before you think I'm some bull dyke feminest, well it ain't so. I happen to like you guys around, as long as you can be house trained. lol

Gender has not one iota to do with being offensive. If men would simply be more submissive, learn to establish a repore*, and not get so freaked if another guys gives'em a huge, it would be such a lovely place to live...B

---

:thumbsup: Preach on, sister!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GraziLovesMary

Hmmm... see thats where I think misunderstanding is coming to play. If Im not mistaken hes not pulling the lighter away because he doesnt think you can take a big hit... most likely its because he knows that the heat from an open flame destroys about 50% of the THC on contact. The key is to take long slow tokes and let the cherry do the work, as the cherry is nowhere near as hot as a flame. Cover the opening of the bowl with your hand to restrict the volume of air going in(which increases the velocity) and take shorter puffs to encourage the growth of the cherry. I can get a monstrously enormous hit like this and I get much higher because I used barely any flame, and more of that beautiful Delta-9 TetraHydraCannabinol makes it to my lungs undamaged. :D

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I need to show this post to some of the people I've smoked with. They think I'm taking wussy hits because I'm not letting the flame touch the weed, letting it cherry when it does light on fire... I'm just getting more bang for my buck, that's all! It's like the poor man's vape. I know I got a good hit when I drag for fifteen seconds and there's barely any smoke when I exhale. I don't need to prove how "hardcore" I am by roasting the whole bowl in one go and coughing my lungs out.

Grazi you're right it ticks me off so bad, the first person I ever seriously smoked with liked to really rip up the bowl with her flame, and she would yell "Cached!" when there was still a ball of resin that was cherry in my opinion (Still red, still giving me smoke). Then she would make fun of me for how high I was and I was a lightweight, and at the time I thought it was true but now I know.. when I was rescuing her cherry and not flaming the bowl again I was actually getting more THC. :thumbsup:

If you're offended, tell them to stop.

But honestly, in a world where all people do is complain about how shitty everyone else is, your natural instinct inside is to feel resentment towards those who would like to give you a helping hand? Odd.

Ato answer the original question... sorry girl, I'm not quite sure how it's happening,but it's never been an issue for me.I usually have a group of people around when we're smoking so.....whoever owns the pot loads the bowl...we all share cuz we don't always have it at the same time.It's nothing that's ever come up.i don't help myself to someone else's weed.If I have the bag and don't feel like loading it,I'll ask someone to do it.Just kinda a stoner's ettiquette thing.I've also been asked to load by other people.You can tell whoever politely "no I got this Thanks" and smile. But keep the look in your eyes that says "Don't touch my weed Jackass!!!" LOL ;)

Hmmm... I dunno if CannabisHappiness is still around... I noticed she hasn't posted anything since the original post back in July but I think I'll still throw my two cents in because after reading everyone's responses, I'm still of a slightly differing opinion than everyone else, though I think thecreator is pretty damn close to my stance. I like what he said, he seems a person I would like to know.

To CannabisHappiness, I get similar vibes often too, the 'this would be different if I had a dick' thing, and I've doubted myself so often... thought I was just being supersensitive, overly antagonistical, etc... but I've learned to trust my instincts. It really is the old 'help the helpless flower' thing as thecreator put it that puts my defenses up. Two guys can each hold a door for me, and I'll accept it as a friendly and courteous gesture similar to how I'd hold a door for a girlfriend from one, and from the other I'd take it as a condescending, old-fashioned (in a bad sense) gesture stemming from the belief that women need to be taken care of and coddled and so forth.

So the short answer would be a resounding yes, sometimes I do get the feeling that it would be different if I were a guy, and you know what, it's not just a feeling. There are men out there who do treat women with less than equal respect. So to CannabisHappiness if she's still floating out there: Trust yourself. Some men will never realize that you're not some shrinking wallflower and what's more, it's not a man thing. There will be women in life that don't respect you either. Us women have a responsibility to be more equality based too and try to refrain from passing off a male asshole as just 'another dick'; if we generalize patronizing men as being representative of their entire sex than we are being no better than men who generalize all women by one fluffy-brained, golden-haired female. All things in moderation though: there are genderless assholes but there are also men who truly disrespect women, and such men I personally have zero respect, tolerance, or time for.

the true gentleman is still alive ! and i think its fitting that it was taught to me by my mum.i respect anyone regardless of gender.
iv taught my g/f how to smoke and i love seeing her learn,but i wont act as if she is incapable of doing things herself.there is a difference between showing someone and telling someone because you think they cant learn it.

i'm not offended by stuff like that at all. i love gentlemen. if a guy wants to do a task for me, i don't look at it like he's doing it b/c i'm an incapable inferior female, i look at it like he's doing it to be nice. he doesn't have to roll my j for me but he's doing it anyway.

....humm never happy i say never it's always something..oh well

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Originally Posted by JD1stTimer

Grazi you're right it ticks me off so bad, the first person I ever seriously smoked with liked to really rip up the bowl with her flame, and she would yell "Cached!" when there was still a ball of resin that was cherry in my opinion (Still red, still giving me smoke). Then she would make fun of me for how high I was and I was a lightweight, and at the time I thought it was true but now I know.. when I was rescuing her cherry and not flaming the bowl again I was actually getting more THC. :thumbsup:

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Yeah theres some residual THC in there alright that you are saving, but more than that, you were getting even more CBD, because it has a higher vaporization temp, and doesnt get destroyed at the lower temperatures that THC does. So in reality its a two-for-one deal.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CannabisHappiness

Not sure if this is the right place but...

Do any other females feel like they're getting ripped off, (in more than one way & in more of a social sense), because they're female?

Let me explain. I've gotten comments like "Let me pack it for you" or "Let me light it for you". My instinct is to be offended. Now, I'd be offended whether it was a male or female that made the comment, but it's males (in my stoner life) who have been saying it, and I don't know really, but it's the vibe I get and tone I hear combined that make it feel like it's because I'm female.

Now, I know I can pack a good bowl. I can light my own damn bowl. I've been smoking for a while now and I smoke pretty much every night unless there's money issues.

My other question is, should I be offended? I don't get these comments often (but often enough to be slightly annoyed). And it's seems it's only the first couple times I smoke with somebody.

Answers, opinions, advice?

Peace
:hippy:

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No you should NOT be offended.

I would LOVE someone to pack for me every time, STOP MOANING ABOUT IT, it's hardly a sexist gesture, men are just programmed to...try...to make life a little easier for women, but when you fire out SHIT like this it completely undermines any male action. Damn the fucking 70's, now "sexism" is actually moving into TOKING?

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Originally Posted by blackbarbie

i'm not offended by stuff like that at all. i love gentlemen. if a guy wants to do a task for me, i don't look at it like he's doing it b/c i'm an incapable inferior female, i look at it like he's doing it to be nice. he doesn't have to roll my j for me but he's doing it anyway.

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Exactly, 40 years ago that would have been the opinion of most women, fuck it, most PEOPLE. Very VERY few men actually do a task for a woman because they think she is incapable, get your fucking feminist head around this fact PLEASE. I'd fucking love a woman to hold a door open for me, roll a joint for me, give me a seat on the bus for me, pack my shopping for me, but it's never going to happen! You can't fucking win if your a guy!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

I think it's a sweet, gentlemanly gesture just like the offer to light a lady's cigarette or hold out a chair. Problem is, there are so many young women nowadays who've never seen such offers extended that such gentle chivalry takes them by surprise and makes them feel like they're being condescended to instead of pampered.

I think it's lovely when either gender extends a courtesy to the other, whether it's fetching a drink, serving a plate, opening a door or lighting something to be lit. I confess that when men hold my chair out for me or hold doors open, I find that very charming and sexy. I'm an old lady, though, so I remember when that was standard operating behavior.

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I agree with this 110%! I also think that it makes a difference what part of the country you're in....I've noticed recently that people are alot more chivalrous in the south. It's just a more genteel place...I've been in Arizona a couple of weeks now, and it's really hard retraining myself not to speak to every person I pass on the street or wave at other drivers....I held the door open for an older couple at the store the other day and I thought they would die from the shock of someone not just rushing past them and bowling them over.
As far as the smoking situation....if it's MY weed, we're smoking it MY way. People can offer all they want, but nobody's touching my stash but my fiance. From my smoking experience, proper weed etiqutte dictates that when you're smoking with someone, and it's their weed, they do the initial rolling or packing or whatever. If they ask you to then you can step up or defer, but initially the choice is the owner's.
Perhaps these guys were trying to be gentlemen, perhaps they were being jerks...if it made you feel uncomfortable, tell them! Tell them you didn't appreciate the way that they came at you and that you feel yourself to be just as competent in packing and rolling as the next person and if they don't like it, they can kick rocks...

My mom always taught me to open doors for girls/family/strangers but you will never see me open a door for a guy friend unless he just happens to be walking the coat tails of the girl :P

I definitely agree with the whole, MY WEED and NOT YOURS. Only time I have ever really lit a bowl for a girl is when she was driving.

Thought i'd chip in to this thread...although im in a rambling mood so im not sure if this is actually relavent...sorry if it isnt.

Im not friends with too many female tokers but my girlfriend has been smoking weed way longer than I have. If we arent inside and were rolling up we usually help to roll it together, it's not that we need to do it but its fun. It's like before we started dating, this other guy would always be out with us and he was always showing off to her. I asked him to roll up and he wouldnt so me and my girlfriend would roll up, she would hold the papers, I would put the mix in. It was the only time I got to talk to her one to one, which was great and built the foundations of are relationship.

I'll gladly roll up if I was asked to but I dont going around offering to, I enjoy seeing other people roll-up, male or female.

One thing I do know is that if I said to somebody, male or female "let me light it for you" i'd receive a slap.

Oh and people were talking about taking proper pipe hits, well ive got a nice purple pipe that has a blast hole in it so I only need to hit the weed with a flame for a short amount of time then I can sit puffing away on it.