I need to vent, I have to.

wow, just wow. Last night at about 7 p.m, I decided to smoke a bong load. I have very high anxiety due to being bi-polar, and last night I was feeling a little off, mentally. Same symptoms I get: Racing thoughts, stomach ache that can lead to vomiting, horrible/sick thoughts that circle in my mind, etc...

It can get really bad for me, even with medication, but cannabis usually helps me with those feelings. I sparked a bowl, was into my 4rd rip, and I thought of this site thinking "how can anyone have a panic attack with this stuff?" as I read it a lot on this site. No more than 20 seconds later, it all came flooding in at once and it was PANIC!

I get panic attacks because I worry of the future. I worry that I'll be alone, I worry that my parents will die and I will be alone...it all comes to being alone. I have friends and all, but alone I mean no family and partner. I'm trying to mend things up with my brother and am trying to show him that family is thicker than religion. He can believe in what he wants, but he chooses the words of god rather than talking with his little bro.

Money has been tight and I risk having to move back to Alberta, I start a new job (again) on Monday and I'm feeling kind of alone with no one to really talk to.

The way I see it is, my anxiety was already raging before I toked, so I think the cannabis just aggrivated the anxiety and sent me overboard.

This last week I haven't been eating or sleeping much. Truthfully, I spent half of it worrying, and half of it crying.

I'm ready to say fuck it all, find a mountain, and go live life the way it should be lived, for life or death. I don't feel independant working for companies. I feel used, like I'm servicing them while I wait to die.

My stomach still hurts from last night and I haven't toked since then. I need to relax.

Maybe I'll take Friendowl's advice, go chug down some whiskey, get myself to black out so I can fucking sleep.

I'm done. Thank you all for listening. Things will get better for me, but I'm just stuck doing a job I don't care much for 3 weeks, so if I can tough it out then, then I can find something where I'll be much happier.

:hippy:

your a good guy chowder
ii can tell your cool as fuck
its a shame that the world treats us this way

pack up your shit and lets go hike the john muir trail
211 miles in 21-22 days
just walk and smoke and eat and laugh
that should clear your head

you need to find a good woman
that should cheer you up too

cheer up bro :(
theres no good advice for times like those. the world chews up everyone because it can be a big monster with sharp teeth, unless you have it made then its a big comfy couch. keep on keeping on cause its really all you can do. nothing lasts forever.

best vent ive seen on this site

Thanks for the words people.

We have to go hiking someday Friendowl, that would be awesome! I remeber the Cali. mountains when we went there. So beautiful, but if we go, I might not want to come back and I'll just live there in the mountains ;) :thumbsup:

This morning though, actually last night I tried but couldn't concentrate, I started doing my meditation thing again. It's just deep breathing and clearing your mind of your thoughts. It helps sometimes, but not always.

I'm also getting my meds boosted up a notch too, both of them. I hate pills and prescription drugs, but I choose to be happy over eventually landing in prison or a mental institution.

I'm just trying to keep my head up. I went for a very long walk along Stanley Park last night in the most uncomfortable sandals, and that helped me a bit too.

I just got a call from my brother and we might go the new Die Hard tonight, but I want to convince him to see TRansformers.

Anyone see either of those ones? I want to see both, but since I was a young lad and got my first Optimus Prime toy in 1989, I have been waiting 17 years for this movie. :p

go see transformers
see die hard later
smoke a bowl and drink a beer or four
and then go see prime and megatron and bumblebee
and my favorite .......jazz

Jazz? I don't remeber that one.

you will
i didnt remeber some of them either
jazz was the autobot with a bad attitude
him and bumblebee were always arguing

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nochowderforyou

wow, just wow. Last night at about 7 p.m, I decided to smoke a bong load. I have very high anxiety due to being bi-polar, and last night I was feeling a little off, mentally. Same symptoms I get: Racing thoughts, stomach ache that can lead to vomiting, horrible/sick thoughts that circle in my mind, etc...

It can get really bad for me, even with medication, but cannabis usually helps me with those feelings. I sparked a bowl, was into my 4rd rip, and I thought of this site thinking "how can anyone have a panic attack with this stuff?" as I read it a lot on this site. No more than 20 seconds later, it all came flooding in at once and it was PANIC!

I get panic attacks because I worry of the future. I worry that I'll be alone, I worry that my parents will die and I will be alone...it all comes to being alone. I have friends and all, but alone I mean no family and partner. I'm trying to mend things up with my brother and am trying to show him that family is thicker than religion. He can believe in what he wants, but he chooses the words of god rather than talking with his little bro.

Money has been tight and I risk having to move back to Alberta, I start a new job (again) on Monday and I'm feeling kind of alone with no one to really talk to.

The way I see it is, my anxiety was already raging before I toked, so I think the cannabis just aggrivated the anxiety and sent me overboard.

This last week I haven't been eating or sleeping much. Truthfully, I spent half of it worrying, and half of it crying.

I'm ready to say fuck it all, find a mountain, and go live life the way it should be lived, for life or death. I don't feel independant working for companies. I feel used, like I'm servicing them while I wait to die.

My stomach still hurts from last night and I haven't toked since then. I need to relax.

Maybe I'll take Friendowl's advice, go chug down some whiskey, get myself to black out so I can fucking sleep.

I'm done. Thank you all for listening. Things will get better for me, but I'm just stuck doing a job I don't care much for 3 weeks, so if I can tough it out then, then I can find something where I'll be much happier.

:hippy:

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Holy shit. I thought I was the only one.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. And I hate it when bad things happen to good people.
I sometimes get panic attacks and anxiety cause of life's hardships. I start talking and thinking like you did. But in all honesty, it isn't like that.
Everyone after high school get's put in a very hard situation where, basically, you have to think and act for yourself. So the things that, the adults you see in your daily life, are used to and avoid thinking about seem so big and important to you(us)...when they really aren't.
If you think about it, the only thing that REALLY matters is your family, health and mind-state. Income is extra. Income is the stuff(money) that makes everything easier to deal with.
Sometimes weed isn't the right tool for dealing with things. Whiskey helps a lot too;).

For the sake of avoiding a HUGE reply. One that most people wont even read, I'll just say this.....
Yes, like friendowl advised you to do....clear your mind.
Focus again on the present and make it the best you can.....the right now, not the before or after.......right now.

Everyone with a good heart gets far.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friendowl

you need to find a good woman

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Easier said than done but this also helps a lot.

like I said, you aren't alone.

No, I don't remeber Jazz, but like you said you didn't remeber some either. I'll see it and be like, "oh yeah, now I remeber" :p

Optimus Prime has always been my fav. although he looks very different from the cartoon I used to watch. It's Optimus though! You don't fuck with machine named that.

Megatron was a badass too. Just the names appealed to me as they sounded so badass. :p

Man, Chowder thats some deep stuff there. I think everyone gets those times in their life where shit just isnt clicking, and times are rough. I know.. Y get these moments a lot. But I just try to keep a positive out look, and have fun living my life. Maybe, instead of looking at the glass as half empty, look at as half full, and just try to persevere. Go down to the bookstore and get a good book, go out with some friends, or pick up a hobby you've been wanting to try. Just do something to take your mind off the tough times. Hope my words meant something bro :stoned:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Spoken Word

Holy shit. I thought I was the only one.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. And I hate it when bad things happen to good people.
I sometimes get panic attacks and anxiety cause of life's hardships. I start talking and thinking like you did. But in all honesty, it isn't like that.
Everyone after high school get's put in a very hard situation where, basically, you have to think and act for yourself. So the things that people are used to and avoid thinking about seem so big and important...when they really aren't.
If you think about it, the only thing that REALLY matters is your family, health and mind-state. Income is extra. Income is the stuff(money) that makes everything easier to deal with.
Sometimes weed isn't the right tool for dealing with things. Whiskey helps a lot too;).

For the sake of avoiding a HUGE reply. One that most people wont even read, I'll just say this.....
Yes, like friendowl advised you to do....clear your mind.
Focus again on the present and make it the best you can.....the right now, not the before or after.......right now.

Everyone with a good heart gets far.

Easier said than done but this also helps a lot.

like I said, you aren't alone.

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Wow, thanks for the kind words. :thumbsup:

Family is very improtant to me, but so is money. I hate money myself, but I have to earn it some way or another. If I don't make money, I don't have a place to live, or anything to eat, then I become homeless on the streets in the big city.

I don't want to become homeless or unsuccessful, then I feel like a failure.

Truthfully, I feel I have let my family down. I'm the only one not to graduate high school, I don't have a successful career, and a few weeks ago my dad told my mom that she shouldn't expect a grandchild from me before they die. I haven't lived up to their expectations by supporting myself, or starting a family.

You feel like shit sometimes, but my dad once told me that he doesn't care what I do for a living, as long as I'm happy. If I wanted to be a garbageman, fine, he wouldn't care, as long as I am happy.

I'll be taking everyone's advice here and I seriously need to clear my head. I have the rest of today, the entire weekend to do it, and like I said before, advised by my mom, myself and my doctor, is that I have to take prescription drugs until a healthier alternative is found, my meditating thing I have to do at least when I get up, and go to bed, and to socialize more with family and friends.

He told me exercise is a good thing too, and I have been lacking that as well.

Anyways, I've rambled on enough. My appetite is starting to come back now and it's been about 22 hours since I ate anything.

Thanks again people! You people are def. the shit of all shit<---that's a compliment. :thumbsup:

you are not aloan in your promblems, take some comfort in that.
I could go on and on but I wont, the bottom line is just hang in there

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nochowderforyou

He told me exercise is a good thing too, and I have been lacking that as well.

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Excercise stimulates the body to produce endorphins, which help reduce stress.

You just need to find yourself... if family can't support you,,,lose them

damn dude =/ i know what anxiety myself... really bad too... it's caused me to go blind at one point for about 15 minutes...

as for your brother... well you can't force him to realize it, all you can do is hope maybe someday he will realize he's fucking up.. and maybe he won't... i know it still weighs on you, but in all honesty if i were you i'd just let it go.. no since in torturing yourself because he's blinded by religion....

as for being alone... well i know that well too... i'm the black sheep of my family and pretty much my entire family hates me with the exception of my grandparents, my mom, my dad (although i will have nothin gto do with him) and my brothers.. i don't even really have friends... i've got like... 2... and one has kinda disappeared off the face of the earth... sometimes being alone is for the best tho... with people comes drama, i dunno about you but i can't stand drama...

just keep your head up and don't let life make you give up... i think you really need to find a girl tho :p sure sounds like you could use one...

Yes Slipknot, you are right, I do need a lady. I won't say exactly how long it's been since my last relationship, but it's been a long, long time. Not that I haven't had lovin since then, but lately, "It" hasn't moved much and it's been handball. :p

I'm starting to feel better already though. I got my new dose of dope/pills, they are digesting as I type. Plus some bong rips helped too, but I was cautious this time. ;)

As for my bro, we're seeing a movie tonight and I mean we haven't went out with each other in like 2 years, so I am really looking forward to that. I told him no religion talk, he said okay, as long as I don't bring Slayer or Pantera with us to listen in the car. :p

I will find me some lovin though. Can't live right without that release.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nochowderforyou

Yes Slipknot, you are right, I do need a lady. I won't say exactly how long it's been since my last relationship, but it's been a long, long time. Not that I haven't had lovin since then, but lately, "It" hasn't moved much and it's been handball. :p

I'm starting to feel better already though. I got my new dose of dope/pills, they are digesting as I type. Plus some bong rips helped too, but I was cautious this time. ;)

As for my bro, we're seeing a movie tonight and I mean we haven't went out with each other in like 2 years, so I am really looking forward to that. I told him no religion talk, he said okay, as long as I don't bring Slayer or Pantera with us to listen in the car. :p

I will find me some lovin though. Can't live right without that release.

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you don't just need some 'lovin' ... you need a LADY :p especially if you're feeling lonely, you need companionship too...

o ryou could get a dog for companionship but if you get lovin from the dog we're gonna have to have some words :thumbsup: :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nochowderforyou

I will find me some lovin though. Can't live right without that release.

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:mad:You can say that again.