wow, just wow. Last night at about 7 p.m, I decided to smoke a bong load. I have very high anxiety due to being bi-polar, and last night I was feeling a little off, mentally. Same symptoms I get: Racing thoughts, stomach ache that can lead to vomiting, horrible/sick thoughts that circle in my mind, etc...

It can get really bad for me, even with medication, but cannabis usually helps me with those feelings. I sparked a bowl, was into my 4rd rip, and I thought of this site thinking "how can anyone have a panic attack with this stuff?" as I read it a lot on this site. No more than 20 seconds later, it all came flooding in at once and it was PANIC!

I get panic attacks because I worry of the future. I worry that I'll be alone, I worry that my parents will die and I will be alone...it all comes to being alone. I have friends and all, but alone I mean no family and partner. I'm trying to mend things up with my brother and am trying to show him that family is thicker than religion. He can believe in what he wants, but he chooses the words of god rather than talking with his little bro.

Money has been tight and I risk having to move back to Alberta, I start a new job (again) on Monday and I'm feeling kind of alone with no one to really talk to.

The way I see it is, my anxiety was already raging before I toked, so I think the cannabis just aggrivated the anxiety and sent me overboard.

This last week I haven't been eating or sleeping much. Truthfully, I spent half of it worrying, and half of it crying.

I'm ready to say fuck it all, find a mountain, and go live life the way it should be lived, for life or death. I don't feel independant working for companies. I feel used, like I'm servicing them while I wait to die.

My stomach still hurts from last night and I haven't toked since then. I need to relax.

Maybe I'll take Friendowl's advice, go chug down some whiskey, get myself to black out so I can fucking sleep.

I'm done. Thank you all for listening. Things will get better for me, but I'm just stuck doing a job I don't care much for 3 weeks, so if I can tough it out then, then I can find something where I'll be much happier.

:hippy:
Nochowderforyou Reviewed by Nochowderforyou on . I need to vent, I have to. wow, just wow. Last night at about 7 p.m, I decided to smoke a bong load. I have very high anxiety due to being bi-polar, and last night I was feeling a little off, mentally. Same symptoms I get: Racing thoughts, stomach ache that can lead to vomiting, horrible/sick thoughts that circle in my mind, etc... It can get really bad for me, even with medication, but cannabis usually helps me with those feelings. I sparked a bowl, was into my 4rd rip, and I thought of this site thinking "how Rating: 5