Screw ups (sorry mods, no other term for it that i know)

ever fuck up like REALLY horribly in your life... pertaining to relationships and even tho it's been years upon years you can't seem to let it go....? even tho both of you have famalies now, you just can't let it go... you have no real desire to go back with them or anything... you just feel things are 'unresolved' (best word i can think of) even tho everything has been thoroughly explained?


i dunno what to do anymore -.- i'ts really starting to get to me... i thought with time after i explained what happened it'd all just go away... but i still think about it... every fucking night... i know i'm going to regret this post later... but it's true ... i have no desire to be with my ex, we BOTH have families and i'm very happy with mine, i imagine she is with hers... but i fucked up seriously with her...

i hurt her badly, and deeply... i might as well of stuck a butcher knife in her chest... and i still to this day feel guilty over it, even tho she seems to be ok now.. i just want to be able to put this all behind me and move on.. but honestly don't think i'll be able to move on until i put this behind me... i can still feel it.... it's like i stuck the knife in my own chest.... i hurt too =/

we've already talked, afterwards i mean.. and we've already both came to the conclusion it was better, we've both apparently 'moved on' but i still feel the pain... i mean don't get me wrong, i have no desire to be with her... (and no i'm not just saying that cuz snookums will end up reading this) i really don't... i know lust/desire and it's not there... i just feel hurt... it's the only word to explain it.. i feel...... empty... (although i'm not cuz i hold love for my son and for snookums... so i can't be empty) i'm confused at what to do... i want to move on, but something isn't letting me...

help me :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shaitanx

That's deep man.. I'm sorry about your troubles, and good luck resolving them. Give her a call or something :hippy:

---

i can't... i can't talk to her .... =/ i'm to afriad of blubbering like an idiot to her when i'm married and she has a kid with some guy (and i believe she's engaged)..

she was basicly the girl i ever had minus snookums (my wife) that meant anything to me... i'm not am an whore but i had my share, but she is the only one who meant anything...

besides... =/ she never wants to talk to me anyways... i'm so desperate to talk to anyone in desperation it might help, i asked people in lounge that are up late too... i just don't know what to do.... i'm lost...

Imagine the pain you'll cause your wife, if you keep on this path of guilt ridden destruction, compared to pain you caused some broad years ago. Then we'll have to talk you down out of that tree. No offense, but your existance isn't what other people's lives revolve around. In other words, you want to unburden yourself of some pointless guilt of yesteryear, just to make yourself feel better. You don't want to make your ex feel better about what happened, so quit trying to sound like a martyr. You're just trying to make yourself feel better, not her. You apparently don't care if it hurts her, or her kid, or her new love, or your wife, or your son, or anyone else, so long as you feel better, but you hide behind this false pretense that you'll be helping your ex get over something.

In short... IT'S OVER!

You are Jack's Selfish Ego.

Sorry for your troubles man. If this is eating you up so much, then you need to get it off your chest.

Write her a letter telling her exactly how you feel. If you take the time and put enough effort into it, you can put what you want to say in words that she can clearly read. Nothing will be lost in the translation.

If you need to say that you're sorry for something, then man up. Just tell her you're sorry. Spill your guts, tell her exactly how you feel and how you just want it to end. Make it clear that you lie with your wife and kid, make it absolutely fucking clear so there's no misconceptions at all. Most importantly, get your point across to her. Once you know she accepts it and is completely over it, I think then you can let go.

My $0.02

DV got it bang on, let it go, opening up old wounds for no good reason other than self-guilt is not on. By the sounds of it you have a loving relationship with both your partner and your son, enjoy your life with them and don't be distracted by things that have been and gone, life's too short my friend

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Darth Vapor

Imagine the pain you'll cause your wife, if you keep on this path of guilt ridden destruction, compared to pain you caused some broad years ago. Then we'll have to talk you down out of that tree. No offense, but your existance isn't what other people's lives revolve around. In other words, you want to unburden yourself of some pointless guilt of yesteryear, just to make yourself feel better. You don't want to make your ex feel better about what happened, so quit trying to sound like a martyr. You're just trying to make yourself feel better, not her. You apparently don't care if it hurts her, or her kid, or her new love, or your wife, or your son, or anyone else, so long as you feel better, but you hide behind this false pretense that you'll be helping your ex get over something.

In short... IT'S OVER!

You are Jack's Selfish Ego.

---

my wife acutally knows of the guilt... she knows history...

sorrry to tell you dude... but there are more than likey going to be problems in your life where you have to solve that should'n't 'actually matter' once your married...b ut they willl..... maybe you're not married and haven't gone thorugh it yet, or maybe you are marreid and just haven't gotten to them yet....

i'm married and have a son... i can't just run to her and make things right... which is where alot of the trouble resides... i have to make this right with myself so i can once and for all move on, while not destroying hers or my family.. and obviously (me and the wife have been married for 3 years... known each other for like 8... been together like coming up on 7?) just 'forgetting about it' is not exactly an option.... this has been plauging me for awhile.... and for the last year or more i've pretended it hasn't bothered me.. but it has... i need help.. so really.. please dude.... i'm sorry about any othe rthreads... but i'm literally at my ropes end here... i need help... and i'd really rather not have the negative responses...

btw... "how would your wife feel" or simliar shit really won't work... i KNOW how they'd feel (wife or son when he got older if i followed stupid decisoins) and that's why i'm trying to find a healthy way to deal with this shit.. without breaking up mine or her family...

Quote:

---

One step in the dark
Touch her hand just to see
If she's all alone again
Still she hasn't seen sun
But i promise you now when she wakes
There will be none
Don't know how she gets by
Sleeps with a phone on her chest
And a bottle that's totally dry
Forgets the day i was born
But if she saw me right now

She would hold me until we both die
I could be the one who would die to
Feel you breathe
I could break into a million pieces
So just run as fast as you can for me
You mean everything

I can't deny her. i'll do whatever
To stop all the bleeding that makes
Her world so red
Such a delicate one
She screams so loud that i run to
Hide from the sound
And i could be the one who would die
To feel you breathe
But it's too far-gone
And this love must die

---

currently the song i'm listening to.. although not for all the lyrics.. i can bold them if any smart ass needs those bolded =/

slipknotpsycho said...... "how would your wife feel" or simliar shit really won't work... i KNOW how they'd feel (wife or son when he got older if i followed stupid decisoins) and that's why i'm trying to find a healthy way to deal with this shit.. without breaking up mine or her family... "

Yes, it does work. It's called puting someone elses happiness before your own. It's called love. It's called being a grown up.

By the way, I'm just spit balling here, but I doubt asking the advice of Cannabis.com visitors at 3:00 a.m. really qualifies as a "healthy way to deal with this shit." YOU'RE creating this shit. YOU! JUST YOU!!! Not your wife. Not your ex. Not your son. Not your ex's child. Not your ex's new love. Not your mommy or daddy, 'cuz they didn't hug you enough. Not your mommy or daddy, 'cuz they hugged you too much. Go punch a pillow, and realize you're not that important, other than the fact that, yes, you could really screw up a good thing for everyone.

By the way, no matter how much you try to kid yourself, about how understanding and empathetic your wife is to your 'situation'... she thinks you're a complete asshole for involving her in your little guilt trip, about a stupid ex-girlfriend.

You should definately write a letter to her, I think that is the best way to go. You won't get so emotional while doing it and you will probably do write it with you're head on straight and you'll be able to say everything you want clearly.

Doesnt your wife post here aswell!!!!???

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Darth Vapor

slipknotpsycho said...... "how would your wife feel" or simliar shit really won't work... i KNOW how they'd feel (wife or son when he got older if i followed stupid decisoins) and that's why i'm trying to find a healthy way to deal with this shit.. without breaking up mine or her family... "

Yes, it does work. It's called puting someone elses happiness before your own. It's called love. It's called being a grown up.

By the way, I'm just spit balling here, but I doubt asking the advice of Cannabis.com visitors at 3:00 a.m. really qualifies as a "healthy way to deal with this shit." YOU'RE creating this shit. YOU! JUST YOU!!! Not your wife. Not your ex. Not your son. Not your ex's child. Not your ex's new love. Not your mommy or daddy, 'cuz they didn't hug you enough. Not your mommy or daddy, 'cuz they hugged you too much. Go punch a pillow, and realize you're not that important, other than the fact that, yes, you could really screw up a good thing for everyone.

By the way, no matter how much you try to kid yourself, about how understanding and empathetic your wife is to your 'situation'... she thinks you're a complete asshole for involving her in your little guilt trip, about a stupid ex-girlfriend.

---

i'd really appreciate it if you'd get off my dick.

either way.... i got the answers i was looking for last night

wow slip, thats intense....I wish i knew what to say

Have these answers brought you any relief or closure ?

yeah billionfold helped me alot that night... it isn't so much that i got closure.. just put things into prespective for me.

That's good to hear mate, nice one Billionfold, the online agony aunt lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

ever fuck up like REALLY horribly in your life... pertaining to relationships and even tho it's been years upon years you can't seem to let it go....? even tho both of you have famalies now, you just can't let it go... you have no real desire to go back with them or anything... you just feel things are 'unresolved' (best word i can think of) even tho everything has been thoroughly explained?


i dunno what to do anymore -.- i'ts really starting to get to me... i thought with time after i explained what happened it'd all just go away... but i still think about it... every fucking night... i know i'm going to regret this post later... but it's true ... i have no desire to be with my ex, we BOTH have families and i'm very happy with mine, i imagine she is with hers... but i fucked up seriously with her...

i hurt her badly, and deeply... i might as well of stuck a butcher knife in her chest... and i still to this day feel guilty over it, even tho she seems to be ok now.. i just want to be able to put this all behind me and move on.. but honestly don't think i'll be able to move on until i put this behind me... i can still feel it.... it's like i stuck the knife in my own chest.... i hurt too =/

we've already talked, afterwards i mean.. and we've already both came to the conclusion it was better, we've both apparently 'moved on' but i still feel the pain... i mean don't get me wrong, i have no desire to be with her... (and no i'm not just saying that cuz snookums will end up reading this) i really don't... i know lust/desire and it's not there... i just feel hurt... it's the only word to explain it.. i feel...... empty... (although i'm not cuz i hold love for my son and for snookums... so i can't be empty) i'm confused at what to do... i want to move on, but something isn't letting me...

help me :(

---

How can you say that? She is out enjoying her life after what happened and you are still losing sleep over it. I don't mean to sound insensitive, slip. I can imagine all the hurt I have caused my family and friends, and to think about all that pain is far too much for one heart to bare. I cry and when I wipe the tears of the past away, things become to take shape and form perspective. Stop perpetuating your misery, slip. It'll kill you, man.

I often wonder what keeps us stuck. I read somewhere once that it is the same thing that keeps the animal in its cage, even when the door is open and he has the chance to walk free. Habit.

When you donâ??t know what else to do other than feel how youâ??ve felt for so long, it makes it hard to comprehend when someone says to you: just get over it. Itâ??s then that you must ask yourself (in Dr. Philâ??s southern drawl) â??Howâ??s that workinâ?? for ya?â?�

If you think you are somehow honoring her by clinging to the pain and guilt, and that somehow by informing her of it, some miraculous healing will take place, then you are mistaken. I think you know that already. Be reassured - there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling! Be empowered - you have a choice as to how you deal with this now. Stay stuck, or use your pain as a catalyst for positive change.

I love the idea of writing her a letter. That may seem overwhelming at first but just block off some time and sit down alone and make yourself do it. Just start anywhere and just write and write and write. Everything you have mentioned, all your regrets, all the things you would have done differently, and how all that has made you the man you are today, etc. You will be amazed at what will come to your brain when you start to get it down on paper. Then DO NOT send it to her. Get rid of it. Itâ??s even therapeutic in how you destroy it: set it on fire or tear it up into tiny little pieces, throw it away then take the trash out. Let all of it go, once and for all. What would honor her (and more importantly, your wife) most would be you doing a little work to get yourself to a place where you can finally forgive yourself. All my best.

maybe there is still some resentment? or words left unsaid?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ganj

How can you say that? She is out enjoying her life after what happened and you are still losing sleep over it. I don't mean to sound insensitive, slip. I can imagine all the hurt I have caused my family and friends, and to think about all that pain is far too much for one heart to bare. I cry and when I wipe the tears of the past away, things become to take shape and form perspective. Stop perpetuating your misery, slip. It'll kill you, man.

---

i have been trying to figure out how to let my pain out, and to not look back... and i think i completely understand what your saying... i have been doing this lately, and man i believe it is working, just move on forgive forget... know that love will come again, and pain is only for the moment not to hold on to forever,.

I feel so much better after getting this concept into my head.. The weight of pain has been lifted and it feels good.

Maybe you feel empty because after all the discussion between you and her of this issue...you left on an angry or disappointing note. I ran into this one time with a girl. What I did was think long and hard and remember something I knew she loved but that only her and I would understand, I made her a gift that dealt with that thing she loved in some way and I left it on her porch. I knew that she would see it and she would smile, and know who it was from. And that made me feel ok, it was my way of closing things on a positive note.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by verdure

I often wonder what keeps us stuck. I read somewhere once that it is the same thing that keeps the animal in its cage, even when the door is open and he has the chance to walk free. Habit.

When you donâ??t know what else to do other than feel how youâ??ve felt for so long, it makes it hard to comprehend when someone says to you: just get over it. Itâ??s then that you must ask yourself (in Dr. Philâ??s southern drawl) â??Howâ??s that workinâ?? for ya?â?�

If you think you are somehow honoring her by clinging to the pain and guilt, and that somehow by informing her of it, some miraculous healing will take place, then you are mistaken. I think you know that already. Be reassured - there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling! Be empowered - you have a choice as to how you deal with this now. Stay stuck, or use your pain as a catalyst for positive change.

I love the idea of writing her a letter. That may seem overwhelming at first but just block off some time and sit down alone and make yourself do it. Just start anywhere and just write and write and write. Everything you have mentioned, all your regrets, all the things you would have done differently, and how all that has made you the man you are today, etc. You will be amazed at what will come to your brain when you start to get it down on paper. Then DO NOT send it to her. Get rid of it. Itâ??s even therapeutic in how you destroy it: set it on fire or tear it up into tiny little pieces, throw it away then take the trash out. Let all of it go, once and for all. What would honor her (and more importantly, your wife) most would be you doing a little work to get yourself to a place where you can finally forgive yourself. All my best.

---

Yup I've done that except I haven't torn up the letter yet! It ended up to be a 4 page single spaced letter, I had ALOT to say. lol. But it DID make me feel bettter :)

the reason it weighed on me so horribly is cuz.. well she was unstable.. she'd been hurt alot... and i swore up and down i wouldn't do it to her.. and i didn't intend to... but i did.

anyways like i said, i got the answers i needed... and i'm cool now..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BlAzInIt4:20

i have been trying to figure out how to let my pain out, and to not look back... and i think i completely understand what your saying... i have been doing this lately, and man i believe it is working, just move on forgive forget... know that love will come again, and pain is only for the moment not to hold on to forever,.

I feel so much better after getting this concept into my head.. The weight of pain has been lifted and it feels good.

---

It's funny how you have to train your brain like that. The human is resilient but there comes a time when all of us crack. Often times, we fiddle around in search of answers to happiness but all that results is vain insight, and our pain continues. It isn't until we put our own search for happiness behind us, that we can create a better world for all...I think. That's what it seems like anyway. Glad to hear you're feeling better. You were in quite a rut there it seemed. How is everything with your grandma?

you asking him about his grandma or me about mine? i's confused :p

Not you, slip. How is your g-ma anyway?

There's never a true way to get over someone you have loved. The problem is being that memories never go away. So many of us love to reminisce, which is what brings our old lovers back.

[quote=Ganj]It's funny how you have to train your brain like that. The human is resilient but there comes a time when all of us crack. Often times, we fiddle around in search of answers to happiness but all that results is vain insight, and our pain continues. It isn't until we put our own search for happiness behind us, that we can create a better world for all...I think. That's what it seems like anyway. Glad to hear you're feeling better. You were in quite a rut there it seemed. How is everything with your grandma?[/QUOTE


its like the time i told her i was gay... i told her i smoked weed since i was 9, smoked with all these people she knows of. My letter seemed to work we have been talking more and have completely got over the issue that happen. Its was more then i thought her not knowing the other side of me, but now she does and i feel at one in my own house now..things are good with gma.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BlAzInIt4:20

its like the time i told her i was gay... i told her i smoked weed since i was 9, smoked with all these people she knows of. My letter seemed to work we have been talking more and have completely got over the issue that happen. Its was more then i thought her not knowing the other side of me, but now she does and i feel at one in my own house now..things are good with gma.

---

You wrote her a letter? That is your outlet, babe! It's good to hear things are going well. Tell me, do you often find yourself preoccupied with your own affairs that it seems you are inconsiderate of others' feelings? If so, writing is totally for you! You have thoughts and feelings that cannot be expressed verbally, well they can, but it's just not in you. But it is in you to write! So, for future reference...you know, you know. lol

That is terrific! You are at one in your home! Keep up the good vibes.

i dont really know what to tell ya bro... cause im having the same problems... you guys all rember my famous EX(if you have read past posts theres only one i really cared about or every really talk about on here) but anyways... im always sitting around thinking about how much i love her... but then i think about the things shes done to me... so i think about how much i hate her... then i think about how much she said she loved me... and so i start thinking about how much i love her to... the only thing that has kept me from going back to her is something she said after i got out of jail...."im sorry but i fucked D.C. while you were gone" i asked her why she would fuck yet another one of my homies and she replyed "because you werent around for me, but D.C. was he was there for me to cry on his sholder, and there for me to laff with." and what i want to say in responce to that is " yea but were you ever really there for me? i go to jail, and you dont bother to come vist me, to write me a letter, or to be home when i call, when im sitting in jail, crying, because i cant see my mom or my brothers and sisters, or my homies... but you werent there for me,,, you were to busy fucking MY best friend, on MY couch, in MY house, in MY room, probobly getting high with MY monney... and probobly using the condoms I bought"


thanks for letting me vent a little bit