How do I deal with this!?

I'm 20 years old. I still live with my mother because I'm a student at a local college, and I will be for the next year and a half, until I go to university. We have a good relationship, except that for the last few years she's suffered from a number of - I don't know what to call them - disorders I suppose, like depression, anxiety, bi-polarity, ME, and more..

My question is to anybody who lives or has lived with somebody in that condition.. After years of trying to be as calm and helpful and understanding as possible, I'm finally get to the end of my patience, and I don't know what to do..

For example, I was just sitting in my bedroom, packing a bunch of things into a box. The reason was because I've just got a new computer desk that won't fit into my room without everthing else being rearranged first. In order to do that, I have to pack a bunch of stuff up.. Simple, right? My mum opened my door and asks what I'm doing, and I told her. I then said something like "how do you think I should arrange my furniture now?" meaning, well, how should I arrange my furniture now. Instead of just a straight-forward answer or even a simple shrug, she launches into a whole, loud rant about how I'm always asking her to do stuff like this for her when she's so tired and she just wants to lie down and why can't I just grow up, etc.. I know that in situations like this people always think they did nothing wrong, but seriously, I didn't. I get this all time, and I don't know what to do with it anymore. It seems the calmer I get as I grow up, the angrier and short-tempered she gets, and yet I have to deal with this day-in, day-out..

So, anyway, enough about that... Does anybody live with friends or relatives with similar problems, and how do you deal with it yourself?

I am sorry to hear that, mate. Has she actually been to the docs and are they treating her for the 'disorders' she experiences?

I couldn't tell you how to cope with it day in and day out, simply because I have personally not experienced this sort of behaviour.

You must have the patience of a saint, if its been happening for a while. How about try putting yourself in her shoes, imagine how she must be feeling.

But best of all, try ask her how she feels. Try sitting down and saying that you are concerned, and want to help and find the best possible help for her. Also try and let her know how you are feeling. 2-way communication works wonders.


Now, you may, or may not, decide to try some of the things I have suggested, and they may have, or may not have worked. But, let her know that you care for her and just chat.



Hope things work out for you.

I've been dealing with my grandparents ivorce for the last 5 years. Not an ordinary divorce, the most twisted fucked up divorce in the world resulting in my grandmother living with my family adn that bastard who should be skinned alive and dead is married his gold digging whore of a wife with her bastard children from her last 2 marriages. Ive had to deal with my grandmother slowly going mad and depressed and it has drained me. It has made me question my religion and existance.

Shit like this will eventually happen to everyone where we see loved ones in situations we just cant help.

You said that the older you get the calmer you become. that is a good sign cause I fyou were still getting pissed off by the things she does, then you could accidentally say some things you regret. Just keep calm around her I guess.

sorrry about the speech but I hope it helps.

this is one of the few times ill be serious on thse forums or anywhere else for that matter so pay attention please well bud i was just going to beep at you till i sa bi polarity mentioned well in addition to having 5 bi olar sisters and two bipolar brothrs and being bi polar myself i completly understand an sympathize/empathize your situation and to tell you the trut the only thing you can do when your mom gets like that(its called raging btw) is jst stay calm and let it pass remember that its just the way she is and nothing can change it it will pass and se doesnt mean anything shell say during a fit of bi polarity the best thing for these people is a med change or perscription i used to be on depakote ER and it orked but made me tired and shit so now i use weed medicinally and it works great ihope i helped with this a bit...... i love you

Thanks guys, and thanks for not BEEPing at me.. ;)

Yeah I guess I do have the patience of a saint compared to some people, but that's only because I know that she can't help the way she is. Yeah, she takes a whole bunch of meds but one drawback of them is that they make her M.E. worse, and so she's depressed about that.. She can't lead a normal life anymore, can't even work, can't even go out for a walk without somebody there to catch her if she passes out. So yeah, that's what keeps me from saying stuff I regret, although occasionally I do let a few nastey words slip, but nobody's perfect, right? :D

I think alot of people refuse to take conditions like bi-poler, depression, anxiety, etc seriously because they're hard to spot and can easily be faked.. But when somebody has something like this it doesn't only effect them, it effects everybody around them.. I guess there was no need for me to make this thread, I've been dealing with this for years and it's not going to get better, it's just that sometimes I don't feel like I can take any more and I have to blow off some steam. I appreciate Cann.com and all of you guys for being here for me. :)

If things do gill feel better for it.et too much, take a little break, stay at a friends house for 2 days or so. You WILL feel better for it.

all i can say is that you need to re-program youself
if your mom is that way its 100% for sure that she fucked up your head
some how someway because of her you will have problems
talk to someone who knows

you sound like a good guy
it aint your fault your mom hates life
but she will make you believe it
i bet she dosnt even realize how much she messes up things

im living through the same thing bro. really there is nothing u can do. if u confront her she'll just turn it around or think ur bein mean or ganging up on her. i still havent figured out anything to do. basically u just have to turrn around, say fuck it, and walk away until she cools off. also watch out for addiction with her. depression pills or anything. if she gets an injury or something and gets pain pills watch her very carefully. trust me... anyways hope things get better bro later

friendowl, I don't think she hates the world, but maybe she does, I don't know.. I think it's more a case of hating the life her illnesses have given her. I feel so sorry for her, because there's not really anything she can do to improve her life right now. I know exactly what you mean, though.. I try to take it in my stride and not let it get on top of me, hoping that it won't effect me on an emotional level later on, that's why occasionally I have to vent some steam.. :)

Thank you, passitplz.. I hope things improve for you too! Stay cool :) and thank you for the advice.

Its probaly because she realizes that she's gettin older and so is her 'baby boy'. My dads g/f used to be just fine 8 years ago or so. When she hit 50 3 years ago she's changed. If you say happy b-day to her she'll say Fuck you. Or say how she hasnt done all this shit that she hasnt done. Or her work will get her all pissy.

Its probaly just gettin old. Mid-Life crisis mayby? Hell my dad got a tattoo after swearin they we will never get one. Or himself for that matter.

ghostoker gets rep points for bein a G! lol

My mom acted basically the same way for many years when I was a younger teen (12-15) and she still has outbursts of the behaviour now (I'm 17). I never delt with it the way I probably should have. I think you should probably keep acting the same way, because freaking out on her will do nothing. Maybe move out, if you can.

Sadly, I've been classified as clinically depressed and bipolar and to be honest, without meds it's no fun and even with meds it's no fun all the time. It takes so long to balance out your mood and your emotions (and meds) that it wears you out. It's frustrating and upsetting most of the time and to be honest, I've snapped on quite a few people very close to me and may have even lost a boyfriend because of my 'craziness' (good riddence tho). Just be paitent with her and try to understand how she feels :( I'm sorry bud, I know I've made my family's life a living hell I can't imagine what a grown women who you're supposed to trust and rely on has done to your's.

Have you smoked her out???

Skink, nope. I've tried and tried, and we eventually made a deal that if and when I harvest my first grow, she'll smoke a joint with me... The problem is since then she's gone back to her old religious beliefs, and now she won't admit she ever said that.. LOL

ToDrunkToFish, perhaps. Yeah, I'd say that's a factor, made worse by all the other shit she as to deal with. I wish there was something I could do to help her though, but nothing seems to help.

BFA, thanks. :) Yea I would so move out if I can, the problem is I'm a broke student, and it's gonna be another while before I leave to go to university, so I'm fucked for now. Maybe when I'm at uni it won't be so bad, 'cause I'll only be here occasionally, like holidays and stuff.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through that, BFA.. Don't call yourself crazy, cause you're not.. Everyone has problems, some people's are just more pronounced than others. I went through a short time of mild depression myself, and I know how it feels. Older members of Cann.com might remember when fopr a while I was a dick to everyone and anyone and just snapped at people for no reason, in the end I stopped posting here because I was being an asshole. My real life was like that too and I withdrew from most of my friends for the same reasons. I tried some kind of meds for a while, but in the end I managed to pull myself out of it without any outside help. I hope you can do the same. We don't know eachother too well, but if you ever need someone to talk to about any thing, let me know. :)

Oh, I tried to rep you guys for being nice, but I've given out too much rep already :D

dr. slip prescribes one joint to be smoked before giving her, her prescribed joint.

My mom has been like that since .. erhm .. Since I was around 8.. I'm 18 now, and it's a real pain in the ... !

Try talking to her about it.. It helps for me.. For one or two days, then it's the same rutine again.. It sucks..


My mom's bloodpressure is to high, and has lead to her getting retired at the age of 42. That then lead to depression and all those things.. Not easy NOT treading on her toes..

Yeah, walking on egg shells around people sucks, especially when you live with them. My mum has also been forced to retire from work early, she's 55 and hasn't worked for a couple of years, and won't be going back to work. Just another thing that fuels the fire, you know? I hope things improve for you, PaRaNoIa. And slip, thanks man.. As your attorney I advise you to smoke a bowl. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GHoSToKeR

Yeah, walking on egg shells around people sucks, especially when you live with them. My mum has also been forced to retire from work early, she's 55 and hasn't worked for a couple of years, and won't be going back to work. Just another thing that fuels the fire, you know? I hope things improve for you, PaRaNoIa. And slip, thanks man.. As your attorney I advise you to smoke a bowl. :D

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well she doesn't have to WANT her medication to GET her medication... does she like brownies or cupcakes? :rolleyes:

Yup. Unfortunately I'm the worst cook in the world. It's an idea, though :D

ghost its indicative she tries herb weed is probably the only thing that has kept me sane with bi polar and depression the last 13 years you must get her to try it

NOTE: this is a non BEEPin thread so dont do that

I know bro, but it's against her religion, plus she has asthma and ME.. She just won't try it lol

I have experience from the other side of the situation. I'm bi polar among other things and I know that I do things like that to the people I'm closest to, but at the time that it's happening it really feels like the whole world is against you and that you have to fight everyone to have anything. It's not until later that I'll realize I over reacted and feel guilty about hurting the people I love. Stress is a major predictor of when I'll have an episode. Does your mom do anything she enjoys? Maybe you could get her to start a hobby like gardening or yoga, and thing that might help calm her down and feel better about herself. It's important for you to vent too. When ever something like that happens, just talk to someone about it. Get all that anger and frustration out.

Wow. I think you might of just sumed up my life right there in that little post. My mom is the exact same way. See I am diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety. Im the first person in my family to actually be on medicine for those kind of things and seek psychiatric help, my conclusion is that my whole family is crazy and since they never seek help cause they believe it is shameful for them to admit they have a problem, i have to deal with their erratic behavior. The thing Ive learned from suffering from the disease myself is alot of the things that come across to other people as screaming, ranting etc... actually dont register in the persons mind as coming across that way. Alot of the time I just snap, yelling at my family and friends, knowing that I have no reason to be yelling at them and I often think afterwards how bad I feel and apologize, so you must realize it is not always necessaraly your fault and that the reason they are lashing out on you is because there is so much crazyness going on in there body that they will take it out on whom ever is around. Trust me I know dealing with people like this takes a fuck ton of patience, but the best thing Ive learned about is just to do my shit, do what my mom asks me because its a 100% better than having to listen to her bitch. Ive learned to shrug it off and laugh about it, its not something to hold deep resentment and anger against a person, you must realize they are suffering from a disease, and learn to deal with it no matter how frustrating it may seem.

napolitina, thanks! Yes, she does, but only on a small scale. I try and get her to come out with me to do all sorts of stuff, even just going for walks.. We live on a beautiful little island and the scenery can cheer anybody up, but of course suffering with M.E. usually prevents her doing that. I've suggested other things, but I think a side-effect of her depression is a lack of motivation (something I can empathise with completely.. lol). She has her religion, and although I'm extremely anti-religion and would call myself an atheist, I'm happy that she has something that brings happiness to her life, and I try to talk to her about it as much as possible. She has said the same things to me that you've just said, and I understand.. But it still hurts sometimes, you know?

SmokeyToker, I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with those things. You're right, sometimes putting up with it is all you can do, but I didn't realise until now how theraputic it can be to just.. talk about it. :)

You sounds like you're a really good son. Always remember that you're not alone in this.

Sorry for a second I thought you said "It sounds like you're really god's son".. I was gonna ask how did you know? :D

Thanks for the compliment. And thank you just in general. :)

I cant disclose my sources.