How do I deal with this!?

[GHoSToKeR]

I'm 20 years old. I still live with my mother because I'm a student at a local college, and I will be for the next year and a half, until I go to university. We have a good relationship, except that for the last few years she's suffered from a number of - I don't know what to call them - disorders I suppose, like depression, anxiety, bi-polarity, ME, and more..

My question is to anybody who lives or has lived with somebody in that condition.. After years of trying to be as calm and helpful and understanding as possible, I'm finally get to the end of my patience, and I don't know what to do..

For example, I was just sitting in my bedroom, packing a bunch of things into a box. The reason was because I've just got a new computer desk that won't fit into my room without everthing else being rearranged first. In order to do that, I have to pack a bunch of stuff up.. Simple, right? My mum opened my door and asks what I'm doing, and I told her. I then said something like "how do you think I should arrange my furniture now?" meaning, well, how should I arrange my furniture now. Instead of just a straight-forward answer or even a simple shrug, she launches into a whole, loud rant about how I'm always asking her to do stuff like this for her when she's so tired and she just wants to lie down and why can't I just grow up, etc.. I know that in situations like this people always think they did nothing wrong, but seriously, I didn't. I get this all time, and I don't know what to do with it anymore. It seems the calmer I get as I grow up, the angrier and short-tempered she gets, and yet I have to deal with this day-in, day-out..

So, anyway, enough about that... Does anybody live with friends or relatives with similar problems, and how do you deal with it yourself?

GHoSToKeR Reviewed by GHoSToKeR on 04-18-2007. How do I deal with this!? I'm 20 years old. I still live with my mother because I'm a student at a local college, and I will be for the next year and a half, until I go to university. We have a good relationship, except that for the last few years she's suffered from a number of - I don't know what to call them - disorders I suppose, like depression, anxiety, bi-polarity, ME, and more.. My question is to anybody who lives or has lived with somebody in that condition.. After years of trying to be as calm and helpful Rating: 5

[cambam]

I am sorry to hear that, mate. Has she actually been to the docs and are they treating her for the 'disorders' she experiences?

I couldn't tell you how to cope with it day in and day out, simply because I have personally not experienced this sort of behaviour.

You must have the patience of a saint, if its been happening for a while. How about try putting yourself in her shoes, imagine how she must be feeling.

But best of all, try ask her how she feels. Try sitting down and saying that you are concerned, and want to help and find the best possible help for her. Also try and let her know how you are feeling. 2-way communication works wonders.


Now, you may, or may not, decide to try some of the things I have suggested, and they may have, or may not have worked. But, let her know that you care for her and just chat.



Hope things work out for you.

[Nocturnal Stoner]

I've been dealing with my grandparents ivorce for the last 5 years. Not an ordinary divorce, the most twisted fucked up divorce in the world resulting in my grandmother living with my family adn that bastard who should be skinned alive and dead is married his gold digging whore of a wife with her bastard children from her last 2 marriages. Ive had to deal with my grandmother slowly going mad and depressed and it has drained me. It has made me question my religion and existance.

Shit like this will eventually happen to everyone where we see loved ones in situations we just cant help.

You said that the older you get the calmer you become. that is a good sign cause I fyou were still getting pissed off by the things she does, then you could accidentally say some things you regret. Just keep calm around her I guess.

sorrry about the speech but I hope it helps.

[grasshopper420]

this is one of the few times ill be serious on thse forums or anywhere else for that matter so pay attention please well bud i was just going to beep at you till i sa bi polarity mentioned well in addition to having 5 bi olar sisters and two bipolar brothrs and being bi polar myself i completly understand an sympathize/empathize your situation and to tell you the trut the only thing you can do when your mom gets like that(its called raging btw) is jst stay calm and let it pass remember that its just the way she is and nothing can change it it will pass and se doesnt mean anything shell say during a fit of bi polarity the best thing for these people is a med change or perscription i used to be on depakote ER and it orked but made me tired and shit so now i use weed medicinally and it works great ihope i helped with this a bit...... i love you

[GHoSToKeR]

Thanks guys, and thanks for not BEEPing at me..

Yeah I guess I do have the patience of a saint compared to some people, but that's only because I know that she can't help the way she is. Yeah, she takes a whole bunch of meds but one drawback of them is that they make her M.E. worse, and so she's depressed about that.. She can't lead a normal life anymore, can't even work, can't even go out for a walk without somebody there to catch her if she passes out. So yeah, that's what keeps me from saying stuff I regret, although occasionally I do let a few nastey words slip, but nobody's perfect, right?

I think alot of people refuse to take conditions like bi-poler, depression, anxiety, etc seriously because they're hard to spot and can easily be faked.. But when somebody has something like this it doesn't only effect them, it effects everybody around them.. I guess there was no need for me to make this thread, I've been dealing with this for years and it's not going to get better, it's just that sometimes I don't feel like I can take any more and I have to blow off some steam. I appreciate Cann.com and all of you guys for being here for me.

[cambam]

If things do gill feel better for it.et too much, take a little break, stay at a friends house for 2 days or so. You WILL feel better for it.

[friendowl]

all i can say is that you need to re-program youself
if your mom is that way its 100% for sure that she fucked up your head
some how someway because of her you will have problems
talk to someone who knows

you sound like a good guy
it aint your fault your mom hates life
but she will make you believe it
i bet she dosnt even realize how much she messes up things

[passitplz]

im living through the same thing bro. really there is nothing u can do. if u confront her she'll just turn it around or think ur bein mean or ganging up on her. i still havent figured out anything to do. basically u just have to turrn around, say fuck it, and walk away until she cools off. also watch out for addiction with her. depression pills or anything. if she gets an injury or something and gets pain pills watch her very carefully. trust me... anyways hope things get better bro later

[GHoSToKeR]

friendowl, I don't think she hates the world, but maybe she does, I don't know.. I think it's more a case of hating the life her illnesses have given her. I feel so sorry for her, because there's not really anything she can do to improve her life right now. I know exactly what you mean, though.. I try to take it in my stride and not let it get on top of me, hoping that it won't effect me on an emotional level later on, that's why occasionally I have to vent some steam..

Thank you, passitplz.. I hope things improve for you too! Stay cool and thank you for the advice.

[ToDrunkToFish]

Its probaly because she realizes that she's gettin older and so is her 'baby boy'. My dads g/f used to be just fine 8 years ago or so. When she hit 50 3 years ago she's changed. If you say happy b-day to her she'll say Fuck you. Or say how she hasnt done all this shit that she hasnt done. Or her work will get her all pissy.

Its probaly just gettin old. Mid-Life crisis mayby? Hell my dad got a tattoo after swearin they we will never get one. Or himself for that matter.