My wife wants to stop oral sex

Everyone has said it or hinted at it. But you my Friend have a very unhealthy and at least to you sexually unsatisfying sexual life, and it does not look like it will get better. I think the question you should ask yourself should be, "am i willing to live like this, in hopes for better things down the road."

I don't see anything but rough sailing personally.

IF she really has these attitudes about sex, another question is, how healthy would it be to spend many hours working at her to change her mood.

it seems like compatibility is the real issue here.