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So a bear's walking through a forest and sees a rabbit. The bear says to the rabbit "hey buddy, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no". The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with it.
hahaha
i even luahed the second time i read that
good one.,
:)
Q = What go's in and out and stinks of piss ??
A = An old age pensioner doing the "okey cokey"
:p
Hell have no fury like a woman scorned :(
:eek: A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane.The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds. The man went back to
his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before. The man was becoming more
and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently. The man couldn't restrain his curiosity.
He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times, wiped your nose with a tissue, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?"
"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare condition; when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper." :)
Big Ron's Mates Rally Round...........
(this might confuse anyone who isn't a football fan or not english so read this - http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.../22/nron22.xml is he a 1st class dumbass or what ?)
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add the required amount of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse."
6. Have someone open the door to the outside. Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far back as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean! Always here to give you the best of tested advice in difficult times.....
Sincerely,
The Dog :eek:
A young woman goes to the vet with her alsation dog and explains what the problem is.
"Every time I bend over, he jumps on my back and, well, you know, does the business. Getting something out of the fridge, putting something in the bin, making the bed: every time I bend over, he's there humping away."
"I see" says the vet "I suppose you want him put down?"
"No, just clip his nails, please"
Q: How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
tom, dick, and harry all die in a car accident and are standing at the pearly gates. St peter greets them and tells them that theyhave lived their lives in accordance to god so they may enter into heaven. But st.peter issues them this warning "God has a special bond with his favorite animal, the duck. Watch to make sure that you don't step on any or you will pay the concequences"
The first day they were waling around heaven and tom accidently steps on a duck and dissappears. A few hours later tom returns with a oman that is quite ugly. dick and Harrry ask tom where he picked up this brawd and tom replies "i stepped on a duck now i have to spend eternity with her."
On the second day the three and tom's new companion are walking around heaven and dick dissappears. Much like tom he returns a few hours later with a ugly women and tom goes to him "I see you stepped on a duck too"
to which dick replies "yes, I squashed the poor little duck and this is who I will spend the rest of eternity with.
On the third day the three are walking around again with tom and dicks new companions and Harry dissappears.
A few hours later he returns but much to tom and dick's suprize harry is accompanied by a gorgous woman who was a supermodel in her time on earth. tom and Dick are in awe and ask "Harry how did you gt her to spend eternity with?"
to this the beautiful woman replies "i stepped on a duck"
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks. The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?" "Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand." "Incredible!" says the seaman. "Howâ??d you get the eye patch?" "A sea gull shit in my eye," the pirate replies. "You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the seaman asks. "Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."