The Joke Thread

[kevy cola]

Inspired by the longest thread ever I've decided to create a thread deticated purely to jokes. add your own! here's some of mine:

So a bear's walking through a forest and sees a rabbit. The bear says to the rabbit "hey buddy, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no". The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with it.

A peice of string walks into a bar and the bartender says "no string allowed". So the peice of string walks outside and asks a passerby to tie him into a knot and fray his ends. The peice of string walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that peice of string I just kicked out?" the peice of string replies " I am a frayed knot"

A married couple are in the top bunk above their son and the father wishes to have sex. The mother says she doesn't want to fuck above her son cause it could warp him. So the father says they'll just use code words. Lettuce would mean faster and tomato would mean harder. So they start fucking. "ohhh lettuce, uhhh more tomato,lettuce, tomato, lettuce,TOMATO!"
Suddenly their son interupts and says "Listen, I know you guys are making sandwhiches up there but can you keep the mayonaise to yourself"

kevy cola Reviewed by kevy cola on 03-11-2004. The Joke Thread Inspired by the longest thread ever I've decided to create a thread deticated purely to jokes. add your own! here's some of mine: So a bear's walking through a forest and sees a rabbit. The bear says to the rabbit "hey buddy, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no". The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with it. A peice of string walks into a bar and the bartender says "no string allowed". So the peice of string walks outside and asks Rating: 5

[smokette]

lol

[dog420]

lol

[Atomic Dragon]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."


"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?" he asked.
To which she politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

[smokette]

What did the stoners wife say to him before he left for the show?




Doobie careful

[malvcalv]

Police picked up two kids yesterday, one was eating fireworks, the other was drinking battery acid....










They charged one, and let the other off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[malvcalv]

Have you ever seen a cunt covered in plasic??????????????













Take a look at your passport!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[malvcalv]

I went to a strawberry picking contest yesterday, and a girl with no legs won it!


Jammy cunt!!!

[Dreampeacemaker.]

Gramps finally agreed to his son's wishes to give the rest home a trial.On his first morning a nurse brought his breakfast and noticed he had a 'morning glory'."I'll take care of that," she said ,grabbing the erection firmly and proceeded to give the old fellow a gratifying hand job.
Later,during his morning shower,Gramps happened to drop the soap and while picking it up 'wham!' he got shafted by one of his fellow residents.
"Well," said the son "win some and lose some.It wasn't too bad was it?"
"As maybe" said Gramps,"the trouble is I don't get a boner all that often these days but i'm always dropping the soap."

[dizzy spells]

these 2 guys (we call them paddy & murphy) won the lottery.
paddy says to murphy,iv allways wanted to own my own sea fishing boat & go deep sea fishing.
murphy replys,oh be jesus me too.
so they go buy a boat & all the deep sea gear & head out to sea.
paddy puts the deep sea gear on & jumps in the sea.
murphys on deck pumping air to paddy.
after a while murphy get on the radio to paddy & says,you been down there a long time paddy.are you allright.
paddy screams back.
no ,im not allright.
iv just had 1 of my legs bit off by a shark
YOUV HAD 1 OF YOUR LEGS BIT OFF BY A SHARK,WHICH 1 IS IT,says murphy
i dont fucking know,there loads of the bastards down here.




heres 1 easy lesson on how to speak irish

say these words out loud & fast.get ya mom to listen

WHALE OIL. BEEF HOOKED
say it faster & repeat your self