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Sounds to me like you're thinking of the Aristocrats joke. It's supposed to be a joke that's really disgusting and has no meaning, but the punch line is always the Aristocrats.Quote:
Originally Posted by kingjustin
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Get in the car."
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland." The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!" The first guy says, "So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am." The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?" The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy says, "Faith, it's a small world, so did I! So did I!! And to what school would you have been going?" The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course." The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it - I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self." About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight!!!!" Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?" "The Kelly twins are drunk again."
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not his most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. Pointing to a young woman in the front row the professor asked, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" And the young woman replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?
Yes. What can I do for you?
I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.
He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiddin' it there.
Thank you very much for the call, sir.
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's home. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?
Yeah!
Did they chop your firewood?
Yep!
Happy Birthday, buddy!
this guy comes from a bars poolroom and sits down and says that he could piss in the farthest cup away from him, and if he does it he wants 100 dollars. The bartender says Alright go ahead. The guy pisses all over the place, even on the bartender but not in the cup. The bartender just laughs at him and says well you dont get your 100 dollers. The guy who made the bet starts laughing. When the bartender asks him why hes laughing the guy says "Because I made a bet with the guys in the back room for 500 dollars and I could piss all over your bar and even on you and you wouldent get angry" its kinda stupid :P but ya know
damn this is kinda dead... but fuck it... who doesnt like laughin while high?? i wanna bring this back...
She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -
And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you
what happened"
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady
here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless
that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she
was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she
hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home
and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you
wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor
thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she
was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I
threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear
because you say they are too tight.
He took a quick breath and continued:
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her
to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said
'"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't
use?"
:S2:
whats the diffrence between loading a truckfull of dead babies and a truckfull of bowling balls?
The pitchfork.
i just dont find the dead baby jokes that funny....
You just have to be sick enough to really laugh at 'em.
A Kinda Cheap Fling
Two Couples Were Playing Cards. John Accidentally Dropped Some Cards On The Floor. When He Bent Down Under The Table To Pick Them Up, He Noticed That Bill's Wife Was Not Wearing Any Underwear! Shocked By This, John Hit His Head On The Table And Emerged Red-Faced.
Later, John Went To The Kitchen To Get Some Refreshments. Bill's Wife Followed Him And Asked, "Did You See Anything That You Liked Under There?"
John Admitted That, Well, Yes He Did. She Said "You Can Have It, But It Will Cost You £100."
After A Minute Or Two, John Indicates That He Is Interested.
She Tells Him That Since Bill Works Friday Afternoons And John Doesn't, John Should Come To Her House Around 2:00 Pm On Friday.
Friday Came And John Went To Her House At 2:00 Pm. After Paying Her £100 They Went To The Bedroom, Had Sex, And Then John Left.
Bill Came Home About 6:00 Pm. He Asked His Wife, "Did John Come By This Afternoon?" Reluctantly, She Replied, "Yes, He Did Stop By For A Few Mintues."
Next Bill Asked, "Did John Give You £100?"
She Thinks 'Oh Hell, He Knows!' Finally She Says, "Yes, He Did Give Me £100."
"Good," Bill Says. "John Came By The Office This Morning And Borrowed £100 From Me. He Said That He Would Stop By Our House On His Way Home And Pay Me Back."
:S2::S3:
Pick-Up Lines That Could Get You Killed
01. If You And I Were Squirrels, Could I Bust A Nut In Your Hole?
02. I'd Like To Wrap Your Legs Around My Head And Wear You Like A Feed Bag.
03. If It's True That We Are What We Eat, I Could Be You By Morning!
04. How Do You Like Your Eggs: Poached, Scrambled, Or Fertilized?
05. I Was About To Go Masturbate And I Needed A Name To Go With Your Face.
06. My Love For You Is Like Diarrhea, I Just Can't Hold It In.
07. Roses Are Red. Violets Are Blue. I Like Spaghetti. Let's Go Fuck.
08. Is That A Keg In Your Pants? 'Cause I Would Love To Tap That Ass!
09. If Your Right Leg Was Thanksgiving, And Your Left Leg Was Christmas, Could I Meet You Between The Holidays?
10. You Remind Me Of A Championship Bass, I Don't Know Whether To Mount You Or Eat You!
11. Your Parents Must Be Retarded, Because You Are Special.
12. Could I Touch Your Belly Button . . .From The Inside?
13. I'm Not Too Good At Algebra, But Doesn't U+I = 69?
14. How About We Play Lion And Lion Tamer? You Hold Your Mouth Open, And I'll Put My Head In.