Your thoughts: In the closet?

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

is the implication is that people need to change.

I tend to think people need to be who they are and be true to themselves. But I suppose there must be some percentage of folks who are motivated to change themselves. Still, I wonder if that motivation is borne of early conditioning/teaching and ideas about one way being right and another wrong.

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People attempt to change, no one changes...

it is all about transformation...

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

If there is one word to describe out dear Ganj, it is 'smart'.
(oversexed runs a close second :D)

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That's me... a sex-machine. ;) How you doin'? :p

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Originally Posted by GraziLovesMary

Hehe calm down Ganj, its called curiosity. You are straight, dont worry about that, but you are having an internal battle between the natural human sexual instinct to explore all the things that excite you, and the imposed view on sexuality being a homo or hetero matter. Sexuality is much more dynamic than black or white. In fact it is almost entirely gray area, with much lighter or much darker values. Its really that simple. Different stimuli sexually excite different people, or alternatively, different people respond differently to their arousal by the same stimuli. Being repulsed by your own curious thoughts in that direction of same-sex sexual activity is only going to perpetuate things. Just relax and go with the flow.

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tru dat, when i took psyc my tutor was gay. but he was like a lumberjack. just made cock jokes. sound bloke though. had a j with him after exams at the pub. anyway we did a module on sexuality and it aint black and white with bi sexuality sitting on the fence. its commonly refered to as a sliding scale., 1-6.

straight one side, gay the other then scaleing factors towards the middle. each one represents different things. but people fall into all different types of catergories. bi with a tendecy to females. bi with no interest in females. tru half and half, which is greedy. lol. but its just a spectrum

and people can change throughout their life. flip flop, slide from one side to the other and right back again. we have elivated ouselves above the food chain so sex is no longer about procreation. its about havin a good time and not gettin a skank up the dove.

so yeah, enjoy yourself. do what ever makes you happy. take the piss out of flamers. they love it and my psyc teacher did it all the time. so if he can then we should all be able to

peace and progress

snowblind

I think that you are curious.... but do you truly love your wife and does SHE know how you feel. If you are with her,she should really be who you are opening up to.As far as cheating goes I think it is cheating whether it is female or male,when you engage in anything sexual with someone who is not your life partner.But you should talk to her about this too.I know for a fact I would want my man to open up to me,because it will show through to her that you aren't all there during your time together and she'll wonder if it's her or if she's done something wrong.... trust me I know.However maybe she would prefer not to know and to remain innocently ignorant of this type of issue in her husband.I don't know as I don't know her or you,Babe. But i would want to know.... I agree with Stinkyattic on a change in your surroundings or a change in your career choice....or simply try something romantic and seductive and completely out of the ordinary with your wife ....maybe that's all you need.Something to revive the sexual drive you obviously used to have for her that gets bogged down and forgotten as you pass through life day by day.Either way....good luck and peaceful thoughts and dreams being sent your way darlin'!!!

<3, Tiva:jointsmile:

In our society we put too much emphasis on putting people into categories. Gay, straight, bi, black, white, etc. You are who you are, and you shouldn't have to categorize yourself.

I know others have said it, but just not being repulsed by the idea of sex with a man doesn't make you gay. Lots of people have messed around with the same sex. I have. Does that make me gay? No, I didn't really enjoy it. It was nowhere near as good as sex with a woman, which is like a million times better for me.

The idea that messing around with, or being somewhat attracted to the same sex is a big deal is purely societal. Any strong anxiety you have on the matter has more to do with your thoughts on the way society would view you than anything else. And honestly, it's none of society's business.

Did I make any sense? I was similarly conflicted a while back, (although I didn't have a relationship to worry about) and this is my attempt to explain the conclusion I came to.

i had to agree with snowblind in the beginning. that statement says alot about how you were feeling." i would be gay" when it comes down to it recognizing who or what you are will come with time. it doesnt have as much or anything to do with your wife, other than how you choose to live your life. yes you might love her and yes it might hurt her to tell her how you feel, but really if you were gay it would end up hurting you both more to deny who you are. and that goes for the kids that arent in the picture yet. there are alot of men out there that remain married but are online or cruising dangerous places looking for sex. the decision is yours and you will end up making the right one for you.
i was your age exactly when i said to myself that yes i am gay or at the very least bi. so i went with the bi thing for a while because just like you i wanted kids and a "real" family. after a while i realized that i still wasnt being honest with myself and had to admit to being totally gay( to myself ) now i am really glad that i didnt produce children(i still think about it sometimes though) or get married and then divorced, things just worked out for the best. i now have a partner of several yrs and wouldnt trade it back for anything. he does have kids and was married. i still got my family in a way, and my real family was totally accepting of me and any partners that i ever had. not everyones story has turned out as well but you will figure it out. dont rush it, you are only 19. you have a long life ahead of you.

I appreciate your response, twoguysupnorth. And just for future reference, folks...I don't have a wife. It was merely a hypothetical scenario.

Also, have any of you all ever had to face up to a friend for doing something really inconsiderate to them? It was nearly two years ago that this occurred, and I haven't been able to face anyone from that circle of friends without thinking I was going to be jumped. In the back of my mind, I want to leave! It tells me that I don't give a damn about these people; I hate this town, etc. Then I have a breakthrough and I feel confident enough to face the world again. I cannot even identify what my strife is! Is it these particular people or people in general?

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Originally Posted by Ganj

And just for future reference, folks...I don't have a wife. It was merely a hypothetical scenario.

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lmao I almost pointed this out on a number of occassions

don't say you love a male or a female....say you love a human....be it male or female......well who is to say which it will be but you...

Don't look for your answer in others....find what you truely want in yourself.

No help at all....from a gay man...
Arn't we all useless at knowing what is best for us