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If, and thats a BIG if (because I've been burned by women before) I find another one, you can damn well be sure I will give it a lot more time before I take the plunge. She was not ready for this, and I was not ready for her. This whole event was so immature and brash.Quote:
Originally Posted by GraziLovesMary
Dont feel bad dude Ive been there, I just got lucky and found her cheating before we got married. 4 years down the drain, but Im enjoying life single. Im not worried about sex, although its definitely something to miss, but I am happy. Just learn from the things that dont turn out the way you wanted them to.. analyze the "failures" then stop viewing them as failures and as lessons.Quote:
Originally Posted by drivebyphilosopher
My immediate advice: begin the divorce process immediately. I am totally against divorce but in reality you guys got married way before you were ready, it was impulsive and doomed from the start. In no way is that your fault though, we are all just pawns in the game of love.
Wow I think im the first to mention this. You are waaaaaaaaaay young to be married, even to be thinking about it. Most including myself parted ways with their girlfriends after high school with the understanding we both would grow in different ways and meet new people. Imagine how this will pad out over the next 5 or ten years, then make your move.
19? can you get an annulment? i dont have the track record to talk here, but damn...you need to get out while you can, i am sorry....neither one of you know who you are or what you want in life yet..seriously.....bag her clothes up and have her mom come get them and call legal aid.....i dont mean to be harsh, but....wow.........
"i can do bad all by myself"
good luck.....
yeah, i agree with this... i suppose i just got lucky.... i know it wasn't the smartest decision, but it worked out ok in the end. (though alot of that is probably due to us having a 2 1/2 year old.. we HAD to stick it out, cuz i wasn't about to let my son go through what i went through)Quote:
Originally Posted by surreys princess
... wow, not so much a sucker... good man, do the healthy things, i like how you listened to her... and are still open to w/e... i would of just burpped in the phone and hung up, but i lack all real maturity
do u want ur doctor to be high on weed or ur plumber one day u might be brushing ur teeth with human fecies
She's bluffing, guys! Lol. She really is, and I know it today. See, I thought she packed up her big boxes of sentimental stuff, becuase she had them all on the bed and ready to bring out with her. I just found them all in the closet. She would NEVER leave these in someone elses hands, they are important momentos to her, such as the flag from her dad's flag draped coffin. She's bluffing, and she will come back. Not that I'll take her back as - is, some things have got to change, but its good to have the info that she's bluffing.
Dude don't play here game. If it's a game than do something else. But don't play along.
Well hun, seems like your better off without her. Drop her like a fucking rock.
Of course she's bluffing! That's what alot of women do. Pack their stuff and threaten to leave...or leave for a few days...as a way to punish you and make you realize how you can't live without her, blah blah blah. If you want to stay with her, you have to sit down and have a serious conversation. Don't talk at eachother...never start a sentence with "you"...always start with "I" as in "I feel that you need to help with the chores." That's how we work things out b/c you don't feel like you're being attacked by the other person. Just a trick I learned from daytime television;)Quote:
Originally Posted by drivebyphilosopher
I hope every thing works out well for you.:)
Wow.. Even the girls say the same thing. It's time to move on.
*sigh* dude... what disturbs me the most about this post is the amount of relieved joy that is radiating from your typed words. You are happy that she is bluffing as if that means she will change and everything will be ok again.Quote:
Originally Posted by drivebyphilosopher
This is incorrect.
She is bluffing to try and fuck with your head to get her way like she always has and always will. Dude... shes not just going to magically snap out of childish immaturity like that. She has YEARS of growing up to do, and it will be YEARS before she can possibly even be considered for the position of equal benefactor in a healthy relationship.
DROP HER IMMEDIATELY AND DIVORCE HER ASAP. Im just trying to look out for you, remember that. I stand to gain nothing, only the satisfaction that I helped somebody avoid more heartbreak, or the dissappointment that my words had no effect and the inevitable heartbreak came like I said it would.
Think carefully and deeply before making your next move, my friend.
In one sense, you are spot on. I agree and I have contemplated divorce deeply. However, I have never made a move like this, and I've never showed some spine. I'm waiting for her to admit that she was wrong to treat me the way she did, and that she will do her part. I'm waiting to SEE her do her part. I can hear it in her voice that she does not like her mothers place when we talk, but she is stubborn too and can't stand being wrong. It's tough on her.Quote:
Originally Posted by GraziLovesMary
I made a commitment to her, as stupid as it might have been, I made a promise. We married each other. However, that does not mean I'm going to get on my hands and knees for her. I told her that the only way I'm accepting her back is if we go through a sort of marriage counseling by some professionals. Even then, I told her that things have to change. If she can't accept that, then I will gladly divorce her. I'm not going to just throw my hands up in the air though and eject, not yet.
I understand that you want to save me the heartbreak. I've got more advice in this thread than I have gotten in my whole life on this woman. All of you seem to understand her, and all of you seem to understand me. That's great. In the end, the decision rests with me though... I know that she's no good right now, I know that what's going on is bad for me, and I have been given many ideas as to how to fix it. For the first time in my life, divorce is a real option. It is a serious option that takes some very careful consideration, before I become the epitome of what I hate about american society (infidelity, divorce, and lack of respect).
I think the most telling comments come from some of the women here, who are urging me to bail out. Some of you have also experienced what she is experiencing, as far as depression, suicidal thoughts, and laziness goes. I want to help her, but I don't want to let her play with me the way she does. I will do what I can, and if in the end I decide its not worth it, which it probably isn't, then yes, I will leave her.
And yes, I will keep you all updated.
My friend, there is nothing stupid for committing to the promise that you made, nothing but respect from me lies in that decision. I hope you are right, I hope that this could be the life-changing moment that she needed to snap into a healthy mindset and lifestyle. I hope for both of your sakes!Quote:
Originally Posted by drivebyphilosopher
It makes me happy to see that there are younger folks who still understand the commitment of marriage, and I wish the best for you! Just make sure you stand strong against her immature impulses!
Good luck dude!
Oh, I'm standing strong, and she's not going to get any free rides from me anymore. She will do her part, I won't accept it otherwise. If she doesn't, I'll go in there and lecture her about how she's not going to be a good parent if she has no responsibility, how she keeps failing me, etc. I have a way with words, and even though it may seem cruel and cold to talk to my wife this way, it needs to be done and she needs to help. I feel like a new man, honestly. I feel like I can stand up for myself more now.Quote:
Originally Posted by GraziLovesMary
I also have to say this, lol, she's great at arguing. She can make me feel like everything is my fault. Two days ago was the first
time I stood up to that and called BS.
Oh, and one last thing.
Smoke some for me. I'm gonna need it. :joint1: