what did one blonde's leg say to the other?
nothing, they've never met.
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what do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
run like hell, shes got a grenade in her mouth
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what did one blonde's leg say to the other?
nothing, they've never met.
-----------------
what do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
run like hell, shes got a grenade in her mouth
whats the first sign of aids.............................................. ........the pounding sensation in your ass:rasta:
what do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
they can both smell it, but can't eat it.
walking down an alleyway one night a policeman spots a tramp with his finger shoved up the arse of another tramp. 'what on earth do you two think you are doing?'
the tramp answers, 'my good friend here has drunk too much today and i am simply trying to help him sick it up'.
the concerned policeman said, 'sticking your fingers up his arse won't do much good'.
'obviously officer, but sticking them in his mouth afterwards should work a treat'.
is everyone out of jokes
here's a quick one
what's the difference between hard and light?
you can sleep with a light on.
A guy is going to go on a buisness trip, and he doesn't want his wife to cheat on him, so he goes into a porn shop. He walks up to the guy at the front counter, and tells him his story, and asks for something that will work for sure, since he's going to be gone for several weeks.
The store's clerk replies, "well I have one thing, but it's kind of expensive."
The man asks "is there's anything else?"
The clerk says "not that will for sure work."
So the man says "alright, what is it?"
"Well it's called voodoo dick. How it works is, you say voodoo dick, then say whatever part of your body you want it to fuck."
Okay the guy says, and buys it. When he brings it home to his wife, she insists that it is not necissary. He explains how to use it to her anyways, and leaves on his trip.
Later that night his wife was curious about the voodoo dick. So she opened it up, pulled down her panties, and said "voodoo dick my pussy".
Instantly the voodoo dick starts fucking her. She has several orgasms before she wants it to stop, but she doesn't know how to get it to stop, and can't figure it out. So she decides to go to the hospital.
She's driving there, the voodoo dick still fucking her and she's still having orgasms, When a cop sees how horribly she's driving, and pulls her over.
He walks up to her window, starts telling her what she has done. When he looks at her and asks "what the fuck are you doing?"
She explains about how her husband didn't want her to cheat on him while he was away, so he got her the voodoo dick, and how it works. She also explains to the officer that she is on the way to the hospital, because she can't figure out how to get the voodoo dick to stop.
When she finishes he laughs and says "voodoo dick my ass."
This boy just takes his girlfriend back to herhome after being out together,and when they reach the front door he leans withone hand on the wall and says to her,"Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!""Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up.."
"I've already said NO, and NO!""Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!""My love.. don't be like that.."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at thedoor in nightgown with hairtotally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says."
Dad says either you have to blow him, I have toblow him, or he will comedown and give the guy a blowjob himself, but forGod's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his handoff the intercom!"
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark naked and has an erection.
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again.'
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?"
he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?"
he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?"
demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
Classic. But that really made me laugh.:pQuote:
Originally Posted by benagain
omg on only get few of em..... english jokes are fuckin hard for me....
english humour is the best, jokes 1,2 and 4 were perfectQuote:
Originally Posted by MaryjaneAndHashley
i hope you get this one
little johnny asks his mum 'where do babies come from?'
'the stork brings them johnny'
confused little johnny asks 'who fucks the stork then?'
why is it called PMS?
because mad cow disease was already taken