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Not talking about Jesus smoking weed at all man..I was referring to the passage that Granny cited in Genesis, which reads God made all plants bearing seed and they were good...or something to that effect.
I just thought it might be a good way to try and approach a strict religious viewpoint..might help to see that cannabis is good, and not what she's been told it is.
Thank you so much for your advice, everyone. I really appreciate it a lot. I'll respond to some specific questions people have asked.
jessem98 - Your right that half the reason I married was the sex issue... I didn't know it at the time, but that is pretty obvious to me now. If the sex were cool then everything else probably would be... but we are like bigtime not compatible in that area. I may not have had sex before I got married, but I had enough experience to know that we are on totally different wavelengths. She has got some serious guilt issues or something that totally makes her cold sexually... it is plainly obvious to me. I didn't know women like her even existed. The sex is just no fun *at all*. Either that or we just are not compatible period. I'm hoping this professional counseling will help figure that out.
Anyway, I feel responsible for creating this because I had just finished this "Bible" study (which had nothing to do with the Bible) at church before we started dating and I was on this "purity" streak. So it was actually *my* idea to not even kiss or anything until we got married (well, I got the idea from the church I was going to, but I brought it up to her). So I feel totally responsible for this situation. I feel like a total dumbass even admitting this, but here I am. And the thing is, from her perspective, she could probably care less about the sex issues because she has such a low drive or whatever. So the marriage is great for her (except for the fact that I'm unhappy). So I feel like it would be a totally dick thing for me to do to up and leave her... because the situation is my fault to being with. I mean, I vowed to take care of her. I know that it is not good for her either if I stay and am unhappy for the rest of my life. But I guess I want to try a little longer with this counseling to see if things can get better. I don't know... its very tough...
NextLineIsMine said, "If she would actually be that devastated and unsure whether she wanted to be with you over a factor as small as smoking you have to wonder how deeply her love really is for you. Does she want you or just someone to be married to?"
A: I've wondered that myself sometimes. But I also try to keep in mind that, for her, marijuana is no small thing. It is basically no different from crack cocaine. Her parents were even more strict and fear-mongering then mine. I'll have a lot of work to do in trying to convince her that marijuana is safe.
StickyfingahZ said, "can I ask what church you go to bro. Did your church recommend counseling?"
A: I grew up going to a Southern Baptist Church. That is where we did our pre-marital counseling. That was a joke, by the way. The guy's resume said "B.S. in mechanical engineering from Virginia Tech" (!?) and "some graduate course work in counseling at Liberty University." So basically this guy probably audited half a semester of a course taught by Jerry f*^%ing Falwell. Anyway, I try to not go to that church now... it just pisses me off to hear how much they focus on shit that is not even in the Bible. But it is tough because my wife likes it and we have good friends there. Whenever I can I get her to go to a non-denominational church with me that I like.
The counseling we're going to now is a private psychiatric firm... professionals. It's been very helpful... the lady spotted stuff right off the bat that really made sense and has given us things to work on.
Birdgirl73 said, "Are you by any chance bound and determined to tell her now within the next two or three days because on some level--maybe not consciously but down underneath someplace--you're really hoping that this will provoke a falling out and potential separation?"
A: I think the main reason I want to tell her soon is because we are both out of school for the next 3 1/2 weeks. (at least she is... I'm in just one summer school class). I've been wanting to tell her for a while, but I didn't want to slam her with this while she was teaching... she is very stressed when she is working as it is. Plus I didn't want to get kicked out of the house mid semester and have my grades suffer my first year in law school.
Part of me does hope this provokes a falling out. Yes, I will admit that. Maybe even 50% of me! But the other 50% of me wants her to just be cool with it (cannabis) and then we can keep trying this counseling stuff and try to get things on track. I've been stressing about our marriage for so long now it would be a relief to have it end just for the fact that I would no longer have to worry about how it was going to end. But I know then I'd probably find something else to worry about... I mean, that's life. So in my heart I want to honor my vows and try to make this work. I just don't have much hope because it's been so long. Part of me wonders if I've just taken up cannabis to try to push her away. If that is the case then it has been totally sub-conscious... I mean, as far as I'm concerned, cannabis has been an amazing addition to my life in helping me think more openly about my faith, helping motivate me creatively, musically... its just been awesome and I don't want to lose it.
Coelho - I totally agree I shouldn't mention anything about Jesus smoking weed or any of that. All that stuff is not clear in the Bible anyway, so there would be no sense in arguing about it. I'm going to stick to the medical facts about marijuana and how it is less dangerous then alcohol (which she knows I drink moderately). If I talk about the Bible I'll just mention how it doesn't say anything about drugs except alcohol... and it just says not to get stumbling drunk on that... so given that marijuana is safer then alcohol you can apply the same principles. Something like that.
FreshNugz - Yeah, I think that Genesis verse is good as well. I could mention how it can be eaten, it doesn't have to be smoked, etc. I honestly think a lot of what I say is going to be in one ear and out the other... I think she's going to be in total shock.
try and get a medical card,then you'll just be following dr. orders.
I wish I lived in a compassionate state. Plus, LOL... they'd have to issue cards for 'insanity', because that's about the only condition I can think of that I've got (and that is what got me into this mess anyway).Quote:
Originally Posted by StickyfingahZ
Agreed, maybe casually mention it like.. "and did you know that the bible lists cannabis as an ingredient to use in an ointment for cannabis and his people?" then continue on what you were talking about.. if she inquires further then tell her everything you know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Coelho
If she doesn't open the door by asking a question then she's not going to have an open mind.
jsn, I have to say I am sorry for the situation you are in. It must be difficult not having those who are supposed to love and support us shy away because we view cannabis as a blessing instead of a sin.
It honestly sounds like you're on the fence and almost have your mind made up; leaning more to one side than the other. You say you wouldn't lie to her so then why not just come out and tell her. Yes she'l be upset and yes she'll probably yell, or even leave you. Given that you're unhappy at this point in your marriage wouldn't it be better to just tell her? If she leaves you then you may have lost your wife but at least your friendship may still be salvagable. If you remain married and things continue downward then there may be no saving anything and could may make her have things be harder on you in the divorce proceedings (damn a womans scorn).
I commend you for trying to have this marriage work but I do not believe that all the morals the church tries to instill into society are for the best; even in gods eyes.
God wants all his children to be happy, being with someone whom makes you miserable is not what he wants. As a matter of fact this could lead to a real sin; adultery.
Things are going to be rough for a while; but try to keep the end game in sight. That's the key here. What happens now is such a small portion of the duration of our lives.
Live your entire life in misery or break free and live happily and true to yourself? Your choice; start by telling her and then take it 1 baby step at a time. If you can't be who you are by being married to her then you need to find that out NOW instead of later
Yeah daihashi, I'm definitely telling her. It's just a matter of how to do it in the most loving way... thanks for your advice man, I appreciate it a lot.
I like the idea of talking to the therapist about it first... but I don't like people I don't know knowing that I smoke weed. So I guess I'm just going to take her hand and tell her like it is as calmly as possible and try to reassure her that I love her.
I just got a job offer today for a summer associate position with a firm in another town too.... that is going to possibly put another big issue into the mix of things... we'll see...
Tell her. Surscribed to thread waiting to see how it goes!
...I'm on my third divorce...had to rob from my 401k to pay lawyer fees....damn, lawyers...ooopps...sorry, your fix'n to become a lawyer...:thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by jsn9333
this has nothing to do with weed really. you are unhappy with your marriage overall. bail out now before you do any more damage to yourself or her.
edit: ok i read my post again and realized i sounded like a wanker. i stand by it though.. don't really know of a nicer way to put it. you just kept saying you felt that your marriage was a mistake. i get all worked up when i see or hear about people wasting their lives away in unhappy marriages. most people do it for whatever children have resulted. you've no children! pull the chute cord! get the hell out! rent a place on the shore and smoke to your hearts' content! i am however a bit confused as to your current religious status.. perhaps her leaving you would bother you in that regard, im not sure. you sound both rational and compassionate though. for that, i wish you the best!