I am in a very messed up situation. Maybe some of the older members of the board can give me some advice from a toker's perspective, since I don't have any good friends that smoke that I can talk to. Please try to be mature as you read and respond as this is a very real, very painful, and very personal situation.

My wife doesn't know I smoke weed. If she asked me then I would tell her, because I would never lie to her. But she doesn't even suspect and I've never given her any reason to ask me. I'm thinking I need to tell her soon (or quit soon), but I want to give you some background and ask for advice.

Even though, at least at this point, I honestly believe our marriage was a mistake, I believe that no marriage is perfect and if we work on things we can make it work. I feel that I made vows to her and I have an obligation to her to always try to make the marriage work.

I don't know for sure whether or not she will kick me out of the house, but I guarantee if (or when) I tell her I want to use cannabis she is going to FLIP OUT. She is going to be mad as hell, she will probably call her parents and ask what to do... she very well might kick me out of the house and institute divorce proceedings. We've been married over two years. We don't have any children.

We were both raised in ultra-conservative Christian homes. We met and got married all in like 9 months. We were taught that in order to have sex you have to be married.... so there you go. LOL. By the way, I've now looked into the Bible myself (what a bright idea!) and the New Testament says nothing about having to marry your girlfriend in order to have sex with her. Needless to say, I've changed a lot since we got married, and she has not. (And yes, in case you are wondering, I was almost the 30 year old virgin... though I have dated a lot of women, they all have been the type that were "waiting for marriage", and I always obliged).

Anyway, you may not be surprised to find out that we have had a tough time at the marriage thing on many, many different levels... whether it be sexual, emotional, etc. She didn't want to go to counseling at first, but now that we've been married two years she has finally agreed to go with me. So we've been going to professional counseling... which has been good so far, but we have a ton of work to do.

The first time I smoked (since I was like 13 years old) was about 6 months after we got married. I was 27 years old, and I decided to smoke in order to escape from the stress at home. I had felt let down by the morals I was raised to believe in, and I decided to rebel against them. However, now I've realized that the plant is actually not an evil, illegal drug to use to "escape" reality, but is truly a medical and spiritual blessing from God that simply enhances life's reality.

I didn't want to talk to her about weed during the school year because I just finished my first year in law school, and I don't need to be getting kicked out of my house mid-semester. Plus she is a teacher and didn't need to be dealing with this during that time either. However, now I am just in one summer school class and she is "tracked out" from year-round school for the next 3 weeks. I feel like I have to decide to either tell her now that I am going to be a partaking in cannabis now and again or I need to quit.

Honestly, at this point I feel like our marriage is so difficult that if she leaves me over this... then so be it. I am not going to leave her, and I will do my best to comfort her and help her to understand. But, if she says, "choose either me or the weed," I feel like that would be the same thing as saying, "choose either me or listening to music." No one should have to make that choice... so I will not make it. I don't feel like I have an obligation to quit cannabis if that is what it comes down to.

So as it stands, I'm planning to tell her I use cannabis in the next few days (maybe in the next week) and deal with the hell that will follow. Do you have any advice? Do you think that is the right thing to do?
jsn9333 Reviewed by jsn9333 on . My wife doesn't know I use cannabis. I am in a very messed up situation. Maybe some of the older members of the board can give me some advice from a toker's perspective, since I don't have any good friends that smoke that I can talk to. Please try to be mature as you read and respond as this is a very real, very painful, and very personal situation. My wife doesn't know I smoke weed. If she asked me then I would tell her, because I would never lie to her. But she doesn't even suspect and I've never given her any reason to Rating: 5