A question to our more socially adept members
I think you're just trying to hard. I'm a hermit, damn near a recluse, and completely anti-social. But, back in the day I was always, always really good with people; I was always able to talk to strangers and stuff. As I got older, even though I became more anti-social, my social skills haven't deadened any.
In speech there is a name for what you're doing, I can't remember what the word is now, but the definition is, basically, saying or acting in a certain manner only to gain the acceptance of your target audience. Same goes with social speaking and conversational skills; if you think too hard on what to say or do, you're just doing it to gain the acceptance of your target [whoever].
Be yourself. Talk about what you want to talk about. If the people you surround yourself with are into what you are into, you'll get along; speaking about "little things" just for the sake of trying to win a few people over is good for you, ya?
A question to our more socially adept members
I think you're just trying to hard. I'm a hermit, damn near a recluse, and completely anti-social. But, back in the day I was always, always really good with people; I was always able to talk to strangers and stuff. As I got older, even though I became more anti-social, my social skills haven't deadened any.
In speech there is a name for what you're doing, I can't remember what the word is now, but the definition is, basically, saying or acting in a certain manner only to gain the acceptance of your target audience. Same goes with social speaking and conversational skills; if you think too hard on what to say or do, you're just doing it to gain the acceptance of your target [whoever].
Be yourself. Talk about what you want to talk about. If the people you surround yourself with are into what you are into, you'll get along; speaking about "little things" just for the sake of trying to win a few people over is good for you, ya?
Plus, I've found that if you're anti-social, as you seem to be, the best thing to do is just let someone else start conversation and follow the breadcrumbs they leave in their wake.
A question to our more socially adept members
Gandalf,
Based on the chatter we were all having in the chat room, I don't think you're anti-social at all. :jointsmile:
If I understand you correctly, you want to get down to the "nuts and bolts" with people. If this is the case, I think you should be selective in your small talk. As others suggested, make small talk about current events, but you should be selective in your small talk so it can go where you would like it. Don't bring up an athlete if you don't want to talk sports all night.
Act like you're interviewing people with your small talk. For example, if you want to talk politics, bring up political news, and see if they bite and talk politics. You are trying to find out if they have the same interests in your type of conversations. Then the ones that bite on your bait, will go where you would like it, and the ones that don't, you can just keep it at the small talk level and move on.
Damn, this post made me a member of the 1,000 post club here @ Cannabis.com! :D
I'm curious to how many members are part of this club? :cool:
A question to our more socially adept members
Small talk is just that. Talk about vague, general topics that lead to more detailed discussion.
A question to our more socially adept members
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalf_The_Grey
I really need some advice here. How on Earth do you make small-talk? I know it sounds like an easy question, but I'm really making an effort to stop being a social introvert and socialize more and it's one hell of an effort. I've spent years avoiding people and keeping to myself, so I don't have much in the way of social skill. When I'm talking to people all I can think to talk about is things like politics, philosophy, biology, quantum theory, world events, the sort of things I usually think about.
Hmmm.... that strikes a little too close to home. By any chance, do you happen to have Asperger Syndrome?
A question to our more socially adept members
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pass That Shit
Gandalf,
Based on the chatter we were all having in the chat room, I don't think you're anti-social at all. :jointsmile:
If I understand you correctly, you want to get down to the "nuts and bolts" with people. If this is the case, I think you should be selective in your small talk. As others suggested, make small talk about current events, but you should be selective in your small talk so it can go where you would like it. Don't bring up an athlete if you don't want to talk sports all night.
Act like you're interviewing people with your small talk. For example, if you want to talk politics, bring up political news, and see if they bite and talk politics. You are trying to find out if they have the same interests in your type of conversations. Then the ones that bite on your bait, will go where you would like it, and the ones that don't, you can just keep it at the small talk level and move on.
Damn, this post made me a member of the 1,000 post club here @ Cannabis.com! :D
I'm curious to how many members are part of this club? :cool:
lol, What's the thousand post club? Can I join, seeing as I have over 1000 posts?
Yeah that was a joke.
A question to our more socially adept members
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oh My High
Hmmm.... that strikes a little too close to home. By any chance, do you happen to have Asperger Syndrome?
I may be wrong, but if i remember well, once he told us that his brother have it.
A question to our more socially adept members
Heh, good memory Coelho. Yeah my brother has it, and I've never been clinically diagnosed with it, I don't have it really, but I've definately always exhibited some symptoms. From my late teens down I would have repetetive patterns I'd do in my head, I had OCD about a few things like keeping doors shut, I never had much in the way of social skill. Oddly though I have great skill in that I can make people crack up with off-the-fly jokes. When I started practicing meditation and studying buddhism I for some reason clued into how to act normal around people, 100%. Now I just gotta get better at chatting lol. Plus being in large groups of people makes my fight-or-flight response kick in for no reason and I just wanna get out of there.
A question to our more socially adept members
GtG, I just got a crazy stoned idea... but it might actually be good. I bet some speed dating could help, definatly get you to come up with things quick, maybe not to pick up chicks, cause you dont want to pick up chicks from speed dating. But just as like conversational practice.
Im just throwing that one out there... lmao! :jointsmile:
A question to our more socially adept members
I'm a telecanvaser and make small talk in the office and on the phone ALL day, most days.
It's really not difficult, I just say what I'm thinking.
E.G
I walk into the room and see its 12:55. "FUCK, its 12:55 already? What's up with that, times gone well quick!" and then others will agree or whatever.
Small talk is mostly about opinions, whether you think that girl is fit or fat, and sociable bitching. Not in a bad way, but just talking about people (e.g work colleges, friends, your mum).
Things you watched on the telly last night, what you're going to do at the weekend and simple things.
I don't think about talking, I just talk. I say whatever I'm thinking.
Remember you don't always have to initialize the conversation, you can reply to what others are saying and chat in other peoples already going conversations.
The things you like and think about can be conversation starters if you're making small talk with a person that maybe slightly interested in them things.
Above all, don't think about it to much, just talk and soon you will be rolling and have much more sociable confidence.
