yea.... when my grandpa first died, thats the way i thought, that i would never stop crying.... but eventualy... i finaly stoped....Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
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yea.... when my grandpa first died, thats the way i thought, that i would never stop crying.... but eventualy... i finaly stoped....Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
i havent had any close family pass on me yet. but a few friends have unfortunatley passed on. had to put one of our cats to sleep on friday. plus a dog that was hit by a car.
i know them, by heart actually...Quote:
Originally Posted by BlAzInIt4:20
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance
if anything, i'm inbetween anger and denial... i still refuse to accept he's gone, (nightmares) but at the same time i hate myself for putting hi mon that path.
Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
I have nightmares every single night to this day... if not about my mother then about some radom ass shit.
when my mother died i had a dream of the car accident the day after.. a month later i saw the pictures to the scean and my dream was to the exact fence post.
oh it's not about me thinking i'll never get over it, atleast at that level, i'm sure i'll accept it in the years to come.. those are just, quite literally, impossible shoes to fill...Quote:
Originally Posted by partyguy420
i hope he knows atleast no one will ever replace him in my heart... not even a year before he died me and him got in a huge ass fight and i booted him out on the street... but we did make up eventually... months upon months later... i'm glad too, i probably would have followed him if i had never gotten the chance to straighten shit out
i only have two nightmares, my wife leaving me, and more often, me being just almost close enough to save my brohter, but not close enough....Quote:
Originally Posted by BlAzInIt4:20
thats something that happend between me and my grandpa.... infact also between my mom to... we all got in a argument, over something so fucking stupid.... and i understand why my mom was mad.... and i understand why my grandpa was mad... but i dont know why i was mad... it was nothing that had anything to do with me... i mean, grandpa got mad at my sisterm,, because she was in a convicted child rapeists yard...after dark... were no one could see her... and grandpa told her to get in the house...(she was trying to get her cat, because she wasnt spayed or what ever its called and we didnt want it getting pregnat....) and my mom came out because my sister started yelling at my grandpa...(i was already out side getting wood....) and basicaly, it turned into a big fight the night befor he passed away.... and he left for his docters apointment about an hour befor i woke up....Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
he passed away, while waiting in the car, for my grandma to change her dentist appointment.... and that day, he was sapost to take lenord(his friend with him) and my little brother, along with my grandma, if he hadnt stoped to change my grandmas dentist apointment, with the way he drives, they would have been doing 75 miles an hour on the interstate.... possible killing 3 other people.... who are closer to me in my life, then the girl i justed ended a relationship with not to long ago....
Do you guys ever feel like since the loss, you've become closer?
For me, it seems like I understand my Grandma and her lessons even more now that she's gone. Maybe I'm crazy?
I'm sorry to hear about everyones loved ones. I lost my grandmother in Febuary and that was really hard for me. I had just gotten kicked out of my house .... agian .... and I went to stay with my grandparents for a while. I was there a for about a month, and jst watched as my grandmother withered away. It was really hard to see. When we lost her I didnt know what to do or how to react. I smoked more than I usually do, and tryed to not think about it to much. It was hard becase I felt like I never told her how much she helped me out and how much I care about her. But I know she knew it after she passed because I felt her with me on and off for about 5 or 6 days after she died. I really do belive she hung around me befor she went over and it made me feel ok about her dieing because I knew she was still with us in some form -because energy is never destroyed and all that jazz -- but at the same time everytime I hit a blunt I was thinking about how I didnt want her to see, because I know to her I was innocent. I felt terrible because I smoked alot of herb in there house and they had no idea, and I felt like after she died and saw the real me she was dissapointed. But hey I loved her and she loved me and that's all that matter. r..i.p. grandma. :giveflower:
This is about the only thing in the world that can give me nightmares.. something happening to a loved one and Im right there so close.. but can do nothing to stop it. In fact my last nightmare involved my little brother in a situation just like that many years ago.Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
Im sorry for everybodys losses. Death and loss is something that, unfortunately, I have become very familiar with.
A lady I met at a play my family went to, became a VERY close family friend, she would watch me all the time, she was so motherly and sweet, reminded me of my grandma alot. She ended up dying of the cancer I never knew she had. At 8 yrs old, going to her funeral was the first time I had ever seen a dead body in a casket. I had friends that got shot when I was in 1st and 2nd grade, and I saw a couple of their bodies on the ground, but its different when they are in the casket. Next was my grandpa on my fathers side when I was 9 whom I loved dearly.
My fathers cousin who we were very close to.. my dad and him grew up together.. they were closer than brothers. He worked on an AWACS plane in Alaska, Yukla 27 was the name of the plane. One morning during takeoff it sucked 12 Canadian Geese into the engine and exploded at 10,000 feet. I had heard about it all day long, and when I got home my dad was standing there and asked if I had heard about it. I was kinda excited because they had been talking about it all day. Then he told me "Cousin Steve was on that plane." Oddly enough I find myself almost tearing up upon this recall a bit...
I have a large extended family, and I know them all. Family has been important my whole life so Ive been very close to all my uncles, aunts, cousins, 2nd cousins, great aunts and uncles, etc forever. Ive lost many great aunts and uncles that I would visit on a regular basis.. my moms favorite cousin died a few years ago after being diagnosed with 3 different terminal cancers.. it was a very quick downhill slide..
My moms mom died when I was around 12 I think, and her dad a few years later.. My gramps was the worst of the grandparents to die yet because we were very very close.. When I was 14 my mom and I flew from Germany to NC to see him.. I stayed with gpops and played cards with him and watched TV with him, put on his insulating stockings and everything.. it is one of the best memories I have of him.. and the last time I ever saw him alive. My Uncle Charlie was with him when he died.
My two best friends were in a truck with two other of my friends last September, the driver and everybody else were all drunk, and the only one wearing a seatbelt was the driver Tommy. Even though he was driving at 100 mph down a backroad on the foggiest night Ive ever seen in America.. only in Europe had I seen worse fog. Tommy went off the road at 100+ and launched into a massive oak tree which slammed him down into the ground and sent him not into a roll, but a SKIP.. skipping and flipping through the air, bouncing off the ground every 20 feet or so. The three not wearing seatbelts were immediately ejected. My best friend and brother Robby was thrown about 60 feet across the ground and managed to get crushed as the truck smashed over his body. Cody was thrown in a trajectory of about 75 feet along an x axis, and ended up 25 feet up in a tree. The paramedics didnt find his body until they had been on the scene for 20 minutes, and only because there was an extra pair of shoes on the ground. Rob died before they could get him on the chopper, he kept screaming "I dont want to die!" Our good friend Shannon was on the EMT crew that got there.. he didnt even know it was Rob until he asked him his name and Rob told him. Cody was heli'd to the local hospital at 12:30AM and they stabilized him enough to send him to shock trauma 3 hours later. They tried to put blood back into his skull but it kept seeping out the hundreds of cracks in his humpty dumpty head. They pulled the plug the next day.
The wierd thing was that I met Rob through the church I used to go to. And that church employed me for the month of September. He died on the 17th, a Sunday, and I got to work the next morning, having been at the hospital all night, to see the crew excavating his grave. I was the head pallbearer with his brother, and I threw the first shovel full of dirt in.. I didnt leave until that grave was packed.. and I was the one to fertilize and throw grass seed on it.. its still wierd for me.
A few months later, My uncle Charlies youngest daughter got married at 25. She was always so beautiful, and one of my favorite cousins. She died less than 24 hours after being married from a very rare type of cancer that, once again, I didnt know she even had. Whats worse? Her husband had to go on TDY right after they got married and he kept calling and she didnt answer, so he called his friend to send him over.. and the friend found her dead.
Lets see.. who else has died in my life.... too many to count.. too many to recall.
My little brother goes to Iraq in December.
I feel numb.