Hi Kid- You are an exceptional kid! You think deeply about life, but you are so young, you don't have as many years of experience to really get the verb aspect of life. Now you see it as a noun, a thing that must have meaning, rather than a glorious process of which you are an integral part...hey, nobody knows whether what we do matters (despite what we might believe, or fear), just as nobody knows if after death we become part of Spirit, or are just extinguished. It is scary not knowing.
Sttomassmoker makes sense. Stay away from Nietzsche for now. Read Rilke. More practical - getting exercise soothes the mental woes.
Any time spent in nature will conect you with a sense of grounding. Being sweet to people will bring a sense of purpose in the moment. There are all kinds of ways to calm a mind that is too smart for its own comfort.
Like you, I also have to deal with depression, and so I have learned the habit of actively searching out the good, which seems to help. It is too easy for my thoughts to turn despairing.
I think you are adorable and brilliant! I am sure there are many great things in your future- stick around and enjoy them dear:)
