For all the Yanks :P

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

Haha, Sawleaf, I saw that you were going to reply and changed your mind. Good idea...we can just revel in knowing that we are absolutely right.

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MJM, come on... are you being serious!?!?!?

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Originally Posted by GHoSToKeR

good idea.. im done

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No your not :)

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

No your not :)

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Yes. I am. I'm done arguing. What exactly are you suggesting?

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Originally Posted by GHoSToKeR

Yes. I am. I'm done arguing. What exactly are you suggesting?

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Just seeing how many posts you'll post over your stated stop point. :D

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

Just seeing how many posts you'll post over your stated stop point. :D

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lol im aiming for 12 :D :p

Just testing the Brit sense of humor. :p

Jesus H Christ............................


is humour lost on everyone on this board ?

i thought stoned people were supposed to be mellow and relaxed ?
half the idiots who have been on this thread seem to be on something else !

if this thread causes such offence (which was never the intention) can a moderator please delete it.

i've stayed off this forum for the past 3 months because of certain attitudes and personalities, hoping to fuck they would eventually leave, but hey, not a cat in hell's chance.

bye y'all

wow chill out dude.. its all good :)

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Originally Posted by neilmcca

Jesus H Christ............................


is humour lost on everyone on this board ?

i thought stoned people were supposed to be mellow and relaxed ?
half the idiots who have been on this thread seem to be on something else !

if this thread causes such offence (which was never the intention) can a moderator please delete it.

i've stayed off this forum for the past 3 months because of certain attitudes and personalities, hoping to fuck they would eventually leave, but hey, not a cat in hell's chance.

bye y'all

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Wow this is worst than your original post.

Yawn. Bwahahahahaha...pissing and moaning is part of the boards. Ppl disagree, but we're still all cool with each other. It's called adulthood. If you wanna leave, Neil, go ahead, but Mary's here to stay. I feel another bwahahahaha is in order.

I'm still trying to figure out what Tilde meant by "nationalistic". :D

It was funny at first neilmcca.. Your little rant about some limy's taking over the U.S.
and Canada.

But now your disrespecting something I care deeply about."hockey a big girls game"
LFAO..Ya exactly our womans team would kick the shit out of any men's team you could put out..

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

Yawn. Bwahahahahaha...pissing and moaning is part of the boards. Ppl disagree, but we're still all cool with each other. It's called adulthood. If you wanna leave, Neil, go ahead, but Mary's here to stay. I feel another bwahahahaha is in order.

I'm still trying to figure out what Tilde meant by "nationalistic". :D

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lol yeah, like notanovice said, this place can be like a soap opera sometimes.. but its all good :)

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Originally Posted by ineedskillz

It was funny at first neilmcca.. Your little rant about some limy's taking over the U.S.
and Canada.

But now your disrespecting something I care deeply about."hockey a big girls game"
LFAO..Ya exactly our womans team would kick the shit out of any men's team you could put out..

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Scary...

hockey sucks, canada sucks, i live in america, i'd rather be a british citizen.

:D :D :D

That was some funny shit, neilmcca. You can't discount all our beers though, I'll take a nice, room-temp, oatmeal stout over any of the aforementioned "Near-Frozen Gnat's Piss".

I just have one question: How do you plan on teaching a country populated by knuckledraggers such as us the convoluted crap you call cricket?

btw, Coupling is some funny fucking shit, the "re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience" version sucked big fat donkey balls.

Peas out:D

God save the Queen :P

I haven't laughd so hard in a long time and you make such a good point on the accents and use/abuse of the english language. Can't agree with you on the beer though. When you live in a hot country (Australia) the last thing you wanna drink is a warm one.

Any one who takes this thread seriously needs to loosen up and have a smoke your too fuckin up tight.

Go on laugh it's good for you. :D

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

You Brits would've responded the same way had one of us posted about the US invading your country and changing your lifestyles.

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As an Australian I can tell you now there is a lot of dumb shit about our country and culture and if someone posted something like that I would laugh but strongly defend the drinking of cold beer. And yes people on this forum have made dumb comments about Australia's convict past and I laughed for serious reasons like ; its funny when someone from a country that was also part settled by convicts, made the comment. I also laughd cos well it's partially true. Won't go into Aust hist 1010 now but most people here are not convict descendants but it's still funny.

We can all laugh cos it's happening to us here. For example when you walk down the street here instead of being mugged by some "oy boy, westie, bogun thug" you find yourself being mugged by some kid wearing a yankees cap, bull's shirt, homi pants and phat sneakers. Frightening prospect to have your country overrun by foreign invaders isn't it??? :D

Yeah good point Mrs Potatohead, America is already invading the entire world and changing it's lifestyles. This thread was just a joke, there was nothing offensive in the first post, so please stop moaning about it. Post how America would change British culture if you want, if it's funny I will laugh. If you do make sure you find some real facts about Britain though, not what Americans think they know about Britain. You have to understand that America is in a very unique position in the world. It is the most successful country in many ways and so the entire world can see how you live, and so are in a good position to criticise it. Anyone successful is guaranteed to be disliked, and you have to fair, some people have good reason, (or think they have good reason) to dislike the USA.

i understood your post was just some humourous poking at the U.S.A.
i was posting the same type of british witt in mine
i hope i didnt offend any one

fantastic ... printing off several hundred copies as we speak ... :)

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always, we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. We hate to ruin your tea-party here, but the sun has, in fact, set on the British Empire! Cheerio!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the ORIGINAL spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman).
However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.
2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.
3. Review your basic arithmetic. If you're going to make up an arbitrary statistic, use the same number consistently. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and, 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)
4. You want English actors cast as good guys? How about Stephen Fry playing Oscar Wilde in "Wilde"? How about Rupert Everett in "The Next Best Thing"? Oh, you want English actors cast as STRAIGHT good guys!
Ahem. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.
5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Britannia ditty. It's toe- tapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" yet again for you guys.
6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.
7. Learn how to cook. For your own sake if nobody else's. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. If the French can figure it out, you should be able to.
8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing; it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies. Ground- based wiring? What the F**kHuh
9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

P.S. Regarding World War II: You're Welcome.

I'd like to add:

10. You can keep Madonna.

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

I'd like to add:

10. You can keep Madonna.

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Hahahahaha
Yeah! and what the fuck did she do to poor Guy Richie :confused:
He's wearing check tweedy old English country gentleman's sports jackets and a matching flat cap nowadays - Fashion Police ! Someone ! Anyone ! Slap him hard ffs :rolleyes: :D

Nice one Johnnie Bravo. I would like to correct some inaccuracies:

We are a world power
The country is officially a monarchy but the Queen has no real power, only the government does. If you look at our systems you will see your country behave more like a monarchy than ours does, with most of the power being held by one person.
The Chinese and Indian food you like is the Anglicised versions of it. You want some real Chinese/Indian food? Try plain sticky rice.
Candle in the wind is shit. Although we do have the oldest national anthem I do think Rule Britannia is more fun.
Football (soccer to you) is a great game, that's why just about the entire world takes it seriously (except Americans.) The reason we didn't get close to 4th place in the Olympics is because we do not compete in football as we have English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish teams, whereas if we competed in the Olympics we would have to play as Britain (which in all fairness would basically just be England anyway.)
I apologise for Teletubbies, so who killed JFK? And by the way, what happened at Roswell? And I really think you should apologise for Barney the Dinosaur.
As for aluminium, we made the language, we can do what we want with it.
You should be thanking us for WW2. You would have been screwed if you had entered war with Germany and no one had resisted them.
We make a lot of good films you just don't see them. I think if you compare the amount of rubbish Hollywood comes out with as a percentage to what Britain creates you will see who's boss.

If nothing else we can always rely on our superior sense of humour, culture and intelligence.

You can now return to watching slapstick American comedy containing an incredible lack of subtlety

Sorry, Johnny Bravo

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Originally Posted by Kombucha

Sorry, Johnny Bravo

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No need to apologise Kombucha, it's all light-hearted fun, although I can tell some people have taken a little dry humour to heart.

Just for the record I am also english, and both neilmcca's original post and my second post are the products of another website - I don't have the wit or knowledge to think up all that shite. Laters

http://www.jardmail.co.uk/seasonal/usreply.shtml

Oh right. Well I meant sorry cos I misspelt your name. There was me thinking neilmcca was clever. Oh well.

If you can't have a sense of humour about yourself and your culture, you're a sad, sad case. Neilmcca and JohnnyBravo's are both very funny :D



P.S.: Hockey is the greatest sport in the world!

hay can we smoke pot in the new order??????????????
when the Queen is overseer

Of course. Prince Harry does it, why can't you? We won't be tyrants, just get amusement out of our power, that's all.

This thread is incredibly funny and I am still laughing my arse off.. :D

This si some funny shit people.

my australianness is a bastard hybrid of pom and yank and home grown ozzy.
cultural influences run deep.
ac/dc, cricket and aussie beer.

I like Australia, it's like a better version of the UK

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

WW2 would not have been won without the US. You Brits were isolated by the German war machine. You did not have the military power to launch a European offensive. The Austrailian mainland was defensless against the Japanese since the Aussies were in North Africa fighting. Yeah we didn't get involved until we were attacked in WW2, we should've started fighting earlier. The Germans and Japanese were both working on atomic programs! If the US had not gotten involved it is likely that London would've been exactly like Hiroshima.

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Hey dude I may not be a huge war buff! but I do know that during both wars Canada took important area's of the war that wasn't taken by our other allie's,and they brought in the fighting canadians to mop the place up!of course I give credit to all allie's but just wanted to mention the fact that many very important area's of the war haden't been won until the canadians laid the smack down! When a famouse brittish commander was asked who did he see as a true help to your cause he answered with this" the war would have been lost if it wasn't for those damn Canadian bastards lol"

Yes, americans tend to forget that we had the fourth largest army in the world at the time, so we weren't just some acessory to the war. We were a force to be reckoned with!.........man, things have deteriorated, eh bruiser? haha
~007~

and we shot down the Red Baron! w00t.....(and yes, that was world war one. I know)
~007~

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

Me and my assault weapons say Fuck You tommy! Lets see how the Royal military does against the US military and millions of armed angry citizens. !

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American gun owners are inbred trash, so is your military.

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

Wow you almost sound like a Nazi. How do you figure your military is better? I have served with Aussie diggers and British troops and besides the Royal Comandos I was not impressed very much.

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The american military is nothing but small town hick trash who could either flip burgers or kill babies. Recruiters will take anyone, they comb the ghettos and middle america looking for losers who will make nice canon fodder. Its nothing to be proud of.

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

I'm tired of all the anti-american BS on this website. You don't see posts with us bitching about other countries. Every country is fucked up in it's own way. Fix your own problems instead of pointing at ours.

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Ok, but my country doesnt go around the world raping and killing citizens of other nations including women and children. Poor americans dont like to even hear about what evil scum you are? Gee poor you. I care about the iraqis not you. When you stop acting like the worlds bully, we will stop making jokes about you.

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Originally Posted by sawleaf

1.

2. Bill Gates doesn't care. He is too rich to care what people in the UK think. We don't care about British television or movies. If we did you'd see more on this side of the Atlantic.


You prefer mindless american garbage. Lots of explosions, jerry bruckheimer, just garbage.


5. We love our National Athem. It reminds us how an entire fleet of British ships couldn't shoot down a flagpole.


Your anthem reminds me of dead indians and slaves



7. Nope no nuclear war with anyone. I'd have to be crazy to agree with you there. Sorry, I'm keeping my guns


Gun owners are inbred. Welcome to the 21st century, there is no place for gun trash in the world. And you gun isnt keeping you free.



9. All American cars are hereby banned. So are double-decker buses.



Public transit is a commie plot to stop the americans from consuming all the world resources, as is your divine birthright.



11. Fuck Tea!


Fuck waffle house



13. Hell, gas is expensive at 2 bucks a gallon. No thanks.



Get and out and walk you fat american. American gas is too cheap, you dont pay your share. All the worlds oil is going to be used up so a fat american can drive his hummer, and all stupid americans can say to this is "tree hugger". Actually conserving oil is not a commie plot to take away your bible and make you gay.



14. No guns, therapists, or lawyers? I like choices. Keep your lack of freedom on your island.


Guns dont make you free, they make you prisoners in your suburb. I guess you are free to get shot, dont know why thats so great.



16. We have enough taxes. But nothing like the Poll Tax.

No you dont pay enough taxes. Taxes pay for sevices that benefit everyone. Americans are just too dumb to adopt socialism, like all civlised nations. So you pay less taxes, yet your schools suck, your health care is only for the rich and you have giant ghettos. Thats a great system.

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[/QUOTE]

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Originally Posted by JohnnyBravo

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always, we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. We hate to ruin your tea-party here, but the sun has, in fact, set on the British Empire! Cheerio!


At least they can find the "rest of the world" on a map.


However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.



Except america which loves kings in places like afghantistan and kuwait. A king is good when it serves americas intrests.





2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.


LOL you cant do that, any canuck can pass for american if they want to. You might pass as a canuck until you said y'know 50 times. Unless you are southern, midwestern, from boston new york or texas. If you are from michigan or vermont you might be able to.




Ahem. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture.


At least you added the pop. Because no one relys on america for culture, because you dont have any.


We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse.


So they only make 1 movie a year? Or only one movie you have heard about?



7. Learn how to cook. For your own sake if nobody else's. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. If the French can figure it out, you should be able to.



So why is it that jamie oliver is 1 of the best cooks in the world? Let me guess you have never been to england and think its all black pudding. Get a passport, dont be an ignorant american your whole life.
BTW jack in the box, catfish sandwhichs, grits. America is one big fat clogged artery. I think i mentioned waffle house already in this post, but why is there one on every exit on i-95?


8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing; it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England.


Cars should be expensive, no one needs one.



9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".


Teletubbies is great at 6 am on mushrooms


Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.


Ok if you promise to watch the OC


P.S. Regarding World War II: You're Welcome.


Get a history book, american movies always make you out to be heros

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Americans are a funny group. Stupid religious to the point of denying evolution and thinking abstinece works. Instead of handing out condoms they give you a pamphlet to try to guilt trip you into denying a biological need. That approach works wonder in africa.
No matter how many people get shot there, they will never admit they are wrong about guns. Too dumb to be enviromentalists they elect an oil man for prez who spends his time devising ways to demonize gay people. And bush appeals appeals big time to a population the produces illiterate college grads. He is perfect leader for a nation who knows nothing about the world, because he doesnt either. A hawk tells him iraqis will greet the troops with flowers, he believes this and tells stupid americans the same thing. And dumb americans wonder why iraqis are shooting at them, they dont understand how an iraqi wouldnt be thrilled at be occupied. To hear americans talk about iraq, you would they actually did something to you 1st. What kind of world view can americans really have when most think saddam was behind 9-11?

i wasnt very impressed with abu grahib.

ive known guys here is oz whove done military manouvers with yanks and they said they were all yehawin and high fivin the whole time lol.
i mean thats a cultural thing but its funny. :D

The crackbaby, you whole post was just bullshit and ignorance. I am not going to even go into it, because you don't seem like the type of person that would even listen. America doesn't give a fuck about you and neither do I.

If it makes a difference sawleaf, I don't give a fuck about crackbaby either *sings: Crack baby...don't come back!...crack baby...break your back!...crack baby...don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more...hit the road jack!*
~007~