Hear about the stoner terorrist that tried to blow up a bus......................Burnt his lips on the exaust pipe.
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Hear about the stoner terorrist that tried to blow up a bus......................Burnt his lips on the exaust pipe.
Some think the penis is a lucky member...I disagree, he hangs out with nuts ,his next door nieghbour is an asshole and his best friend is a cunt!
Why did the leper leave the party ...........Everyone was using his back as a cheese dip............sorry dudes hope somone gets alaugh,im heaps wasted and in a joke tellin mood.
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenn
~breathes in deep~
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eww, eating someone's pus-sy (not to be mistaken with pussy) body fluids that are oozing out of them.... on a chip of all things!
Two stoners walking through a forest, one looks down and says to the other "Hey, man, look at the deer tracks". The other looks down and replies "No man, they're wolf tracks". The other replies that they are deer tracks.
"Wolf tracks"
"Deer tracks"
"Wolf tracks!"
"Deer Tracks!!!"
"WOLF TRACKS!!!"
This argument continues for about an hour or so as the two follow the tracks, when suddenly....
They're hit by a train
This lady gets tired of all the men she has dated because they beat her and run around on her, and were lousy in bed. So she puts an ad in the paper looking for a , "good man"
The door bell rings and she answers it and sees this guy with no legs, and no arms. He says..."i'm answering the ad you put in the paper.
She looks down at him and says.., "i'm sorry, but i dont think that this is going to work"
The guys says, "please, give me a chance...., I have no arms so i cant beat you, and i have no legs so i cant run around on you, and if you're worried about the sex,..i did manage to ring the door bell, didnt i ?"
....................============================== .......................
This guy comes in the bar and he's crying.
The bartender says.."Whats the matter buddy? "
The guy says.." I just found out that one of my sons is gay"
The bartender says.." Aw gee, thats no big deal, here have a drink"
The guy leaves and comes back to the bar a few days later, and he's crying once again.
The bartender says.." Now whats the matter?
The guy says.." I just found out that one of my other sons is gay"
The bartender says.." Well, thats ok, this is the year 2006, and it's safer for people to be gay..., here have a drink"
The guy leaves and comes back to the bar , crying again"
The bartender says.." What the hells the matter now? "
The guy says.." I just found out that my 3rd son is gay "
The bartender says,," gee whiz buddy, doesnt anybody in your family like pussy?"
The guys says, " yeah, my daughter does"
____----_____------_-----_--------_----------______-----------__------
dai*ma:stoned:
So this guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders 8 shots of vodka. He downs them all in a matter of seconds. The bartender is amazed, and asks him "Wow what's the occasion, buddy?" The man replies that he's just had his first blowjob. "Congratulations," the bartender says, "this one's on the house," and pours him another shot.
"No thanks," says the guy. "If the first 8 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
why did cave men drag their women around by the hair??.................They tried dragging them by the feet but they filled up with dirt.
What did the leper say to the prostitute??....................keep the tip.
Man gets home from work to notice his wifes breast size has inreased 10 fold ,he asks "what happened to ur tits woman theyre huge?"The wife replies i bought a magic mirror from the market i stood in front of it and said mirror mirror on the door make my bust a 44 and presto i had huge tits..Ive gotta try this he says and marches up to the mirror drops his pants and says mirror mirror on the door make my cock hit the floor ..................his legs vanished.
Well, once upon a time there was a little girl who became an orphan after her parents were in a terrible car accident. After getting the paperwork settled, the court granted custody to the only person they could find... her uncle.
Her uncle just happened to be a grade A loser. He was a recovering alcoholic, could hardly hold down a job, and rarely got laid. He picked her up from temporary foster care, and drove him to his apartment. Already tired from his job, her incessant whining for food made him toss his hands up in agony. He rummaged around in his cupboard and found a beaten up box of Lucky Charms. Not knowing how old it was and not really caring, he poured the girl a fatty bowl of charms and told her, "Eat your charms, I'm going to take a fucking shower!"
He ran the water, jumped in, soaped himself down and just got to scrubbing his balls when he heard the curtain open...
There was the little girl, wide-eyed and speechless, staring straight at his pecker with her innocent eyes. After an awkward moment of silence, neither party knowing what to do, she pointed and asked, "What's that?"
To which he replied with the first thing that came to his mind, "Why... That's my... 'juicer' of course."
He grabbed a towel to cover his genitals and sat the girl down in front of the T.V. However, the incident frightened him so much that all he could think about was a nice drink to forget his troubles. He took out the scotch, had a few drinks, and noticed it was getting late. He set up the couch and told the girl to get ready for bed.
After the drinks he got the urge to urinate, so he went into the bathroom and had just started a nice stream going when he heard a gasp come from behind. Turning around, the girl had assumed the same wide-eyed and speechless position watching him piss standing up.
"Damn," he thought to himself, "I'm so used to living alone and not closing the door."
Remembering his metaphor from before, he nervously stammered out, "Don't worry, sweetie, your uncle's just making some lemonade with his juicer. Now go to bed."
He saw her disappear and zipped himself up after he finished voiding himself. Now, of course, he felt very awkward because he was so bad at working with kids. He pretended nothing had happened and went over to kiss the girl goodnight. With his clothes on the floor, he jumped in his bed and turned off the light.
He was almost asleep when he heard some noises and what sounded like mice brushing over the carpet. He opened his eyes to see the girl in the moonlight, standing right in front of him, and staring at him with a murderous glare. He nearly jumped out of his skin, rubbed his eyes, and looked at her once again to see that she was just scared and looking at the carpet.
"I'm lonely," she said, "Can I sleep with you?"
She was getting rather annoying and, although he knew he was naked, he just wanted to shut her up, so he let her into the other side of the bed.
"Now go to sleep," he murmured sleepily as he drifted into sleepland.
Again he was disturbed. "I'm thirsty," was the complaint from the little girl.
The uncle moaned as he thought about getting up. "What do you want?"
"Why didn't you give me any of that lemonade you were making?" the girl asked.
"What lemonade!" said the man, "I don't know what you are talking about. I hardly have anything to drink but scotch and water," forgetting all about the previous incident. He thought about lemonade and wondered what the girl was talking about in his half-drunk state. But the drinks had also made him tired, so he dozed off without getting the girl anything to drink.
In his dream, he was walking between rows of tall, green skyscrapers. The streets were deserted, but each building was a store and the storefront windows revealed tons of dolls screaming out to him, asking him questions, and begging for him to take them home.
"No," he cried, "I don't like dolls. I don't know how to take care of you. Leave me alone!"
He started running, faster and faster, but no matter how far he ran he could still hear them and see the dolls from the windows in each and every store.
He cupped his hands over his ears, but it didn't even lower the volume. Instead, they got louder! He had no escape... but up. He took off, soaring into the sky and at peace with himself. Suddenly, a striking woman appeared on a cloud. He flew over and started fervent coitus. Back and forth, back and forth, it was bliss.
He released and opened his eyes. He was sleeping and covered in sweat. Then he remembered about the girl. Urgently, he tossed back the covers to find the girl staring up at him with semen streaked across her nose and cheek.
Not knowing what to say, he said, "What happened?"
To which the girl replied, "Well, for starters, I was terribly thirsty and angry at you for not sharing the lemonade you made earlier. Then you fell asleep without getting me anything to drink at all. I knew I was on my own, so I tried to use your juicer. I thought I got it to turn on, but then it didn't make me any lemonade, so I hit it and it gave me a piña colada instead!"
~:thumbsup:
comments?
he enjoys having his balls smacked? o.0
heard that one before snorb a slightly shorter version.
How can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer?
When you find the Internet history is filled with porn sites, the keys on the keyboard are crushed, and the joystick smells like pussy.
---------------------------------------------------------
A blonde dons her favorite bikini and heads to the pool with her friends, a brunette, and a redhead. They get bored and the brunette suggests they have a breast stroke race. The brunette barely beats out the redhead and they wait for what seems like forever waiting for the blonde.
"Geez, you're slow!" said the brunette to the blonde.
"Fuck you, you cheater. I saw you use your arms!" the blonde exclaimed.
lmfao good one snorb .i love blonde jokes
Name an animal with a cunt in the middle of its back..........................................a police horse.
A blonde and a brunette jump off of a building. Who hits the ground first?
They both hit the floor at the same time. Hair color does not affect the pull of gravity.
Actually a number of factors would determine their terminal velocities, including clothes, limb position, and mass.
Sorry, don't mean to be an ass and ruin your joke. You're right about hair color being irrelevant :D
you said jump off a building, not inside...Quote:
Originally Posted by graph
what do you call a Banjo player without a girlfriend?Quote:
Originally Posted by CultureCherryPopper
Homeless
dai*ma:stoned:
what do you get when you trun a blond up-side-down?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenn
A brunette with bad breath:confused:
dai*ma:stoned:
A women was making breakfast for her 3 kids, and accedentaly knocks b.b. gun pellets into the eggs. her first kid goes to the can and comes down crying "momy momy i took a pee and it came out pellets!" The second kid "momy momy i took a poo and it came out pellets". now mom is getting scared so she calls her third kid in to go to the E.R.. he comes in crying "momy momy i was jerking off....... and i shot the dog!"
What does a vampire use instead of teabags?...........................uused tampons.
lmfao....... great work manQuote:
Originally Posted by daima
That's the joke... I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
For a bunch of stoners, you guys pay a lot of attention.
lol!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenn
great jokes dude. :D
3 rottweilers are talking in the waiting room at the vets surgery. the first dog says, 'i was out walking with my master when a thug attacked him. i chased the bloke, caught him by the throat and savaged him to death. so i'm here to be put down'.
the second dog says, 'i was in the house when a burglar broke in and tried to nick the tv and stereo, so i pinned him down and bit his arm off. i'm here to be put down too'.
the third dog tells his tale, 'i was patrolling the house one evening and i wandered into the bathroom to see my masters wife naked, bending over the bath. i leapt up and gave her a jolly good seeing to doggy style'. the other dogs asked pitifully, 'and your here to be put down too, right?'
'no, i'm here to get my nails cliped'.
why do farts smell so bad?
so the deaf can enjoy them too.
a guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, 'if you woke up in the woods and scratched your arse and felt vaseline(ky jelly), would you tell anyone?'
'of course not!' the guy said.
the stranger then asked, 'if you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?'
'no way' said the guy.
'great' said the stranger. 'fancy going camping then?'
what's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
spitting, swallowing and gargling.
to anyone who's gay and/or is offended by the following joke, shut up. you can take a dick in the ass, so you can take a joke---
Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.
Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, ??I don't care if I die, I need a drink.? The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.
Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, ??If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead.?
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
full
what do you call a japanese paedphile?
porkum youg
a group of gay men were sitting together in the jacuzzi when a bit of sperm rose to the waters surface.
one of them automatically asked, 'who farted?'
ok here it goes, the biggest joke of all times!!!!
GEORGE BUSH WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT!
twice
the 2nd time is no joke....Quote:
Originally Posted by napolitana869
it was just plain stupidity? lolQuote:
Originally Posted by yoda
no, cause its not even funny the 2nd timeQuote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
the first time brought us many bush jokes, and the show thats my bush(it was pretty funny).
lol great laughs frm yours too man:thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by amsterdammed