Hi, I'm new to these boards.

For one I think your a cool Mom... I like the fact that you are seeking advice,I've not been here long ,but don't recall to many who sought the boards for guidance,Kudos...

Your son likes smoking pot more than school,Why???? He is more than likely pulling the wool over your eyes... You do sound a bit lenient,I don't know if that's good or bad... You need him to open up to you and running around finding a solution will widen the gap... More One On One would be my first step...

If this was my task and I thought he was rebelling with pot,,,I would try to make pot a useless tool to rebel with...

Lets get back to the cool Mom,,, I think your son needs to find out how cool you can be... I think he needs to feel you are out for his interest,but instead I believe he feels you are the enemy,again I believe the solution is more one on one and less running around finding a solution...

Is there a dad in this mix??? if so what is his take??? does he care??? is he part of the problem.... Is he there to help???



Good luck cause you gonna need it...

PS: I grew up in a dysfunctional family and smoked pot to escape pain and fear of the future...

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Originally Posted by Polaris

And also a concerned parent of a 15yr old son. Don't all gang up on me! I'm here to try to learn about Cannabis and understand why he feels the need to use it.

I've known about his use since the summer of 2005, and have gone through all the usual parenty type of reactions: Shock, horror, despair...the end is nigh... that sort of thing.

I've spoken to a lot of organisations and his school about it, but it seems that as long as he's not refusing to go to school, stealing cars, using heroin or involved in any other misdemeanours, I've not got a problem. :confused:

Things came to a head last week, as he was caught smoking weed at school. Which then involved him being arrested, interviewed by the police, finger-printed, photographed and a DNA sample taken. He's also been excluded from school, possibly untill Easter.

My main concern is that he sits his final exams in a couple of months and is not putting in the work needed. He'd rather meet up with his mates and get stoned. What with that, and the exclusion, I'm starting to worry that he won't get to sit his exams at all.

Having said all that, he's not a bad lad. I've not had a lot of trouble with him. But his grades have plummeted since last summer and I'm concerned about his future.

Have any of you got any tales to tell that could put my mind to rest?

Many thanks. Polaris.

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I understand your concern. You should sit down and talk with him. Tell me your ok with smoking cannabis, as long as he use's it responbily, im 15 also and i also have some exams coming up soon (GCSE exams) my dad knows i smoke and dos'nt mind as long as i use it responbly. Im not going to smoke when it come's nearer to my exams, which is a choice i chose on my own. Tell him that you would rather have him smoke it at home where you know hes safe and is not going to get arrested, and not at school (and not to go to school stoned), what you could do is ask him to only smoke cannabis on the weekends, this way you won't have to worry about him and school and you've just got to make sure he's using it responbily. He does sound like a normal lad, but obvoiusly if his grades are down then he needs to cut down on the toking a bit. But if he can feel that he can talk to you about it then it will help him alot :) I hope you get everything sorted out and have him get the best grades he could possibly have. Peace.

P.S: lol, i think its pretty sweet you came on a cannabis forum to ask other stoners :p

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Originally Posted by Polaris

I tried it in my youth, but didn't like the way it made me feel, and haven't touched it since.

A couple of my friends smoke it recreationally. I feel that as long as it's used sensibly and responsibly then it's no worse than drinking socially.

In fact in some ways it's better than drinking socially because you never see a bunch of stoned people rampaging around the streets after closing time causing trouble.

I suppose my main concern that it's illegal and I don't want my son to have criminal record (which he managed to escape 'this' time) and be constanly in trouble with the law.

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Well yeah, i guess if you "allowed" him, this could put you in shit too. But if he's responible enough and you explain to him very carefully not to let ANYONE know your cool with him smoking it, and that you only want him smoking on the weekends and to be VERY carefull, then i think he would be able to do that, and if he refuses to do this then i would just say that how im giving him the oppurtunity to do something on his own and be responsible for what hes doing, and that your giving him a chance to take responibilty and act adult about this whole thing. But yeah, dont come down hard on his ass like Del said, this will just push you and your son further away from each other, and he'll still be doing these things you don't want him doing (or doing them even more just to spite you). So yeah, my advice is to have a nice adult conversation with him about all this, and remember to remind him that your only doing this for his own good. But yeah, asking him to only toke on the weedends should help his grades improve.

Wow! Thanks for all the replies.

Several of you suggested sharing a spliff/bong with him.... personally I would feel uncomfortable doing that. I fear he would see it as giving him the green light to smoke whenever he liked.

As I've said before, I've tried the tough approach, to no avail. So maybe now is the time for compromise and bargining. Maybe turn a blind eye at the weekends as long as his schoolwork is done during the week.

What I really would like him to do is, lay off the cannabis altogether, untill he's able to take a more responsible attitude towards it and use it purely recreationally. Maybe that's just a pipe dream. ;)

i hear u polaris its hard, if hes gonna do it hes gna do it

so maybe ur right lay down some rules for it, make sure he dont waste much money, and allow a lil smoke on the weekend if hes good

but let him know by no means is this a green light

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Originally Posted by Polaris

Wow! Thanks for all the replies.

Several of you suggested sharing a spliff/bong with him.... personally I would feel uncomfortable doing that. I fear he would see it as giving him the green light to smoke whenever he liked.

As I've said before, I've tried the tough approach, to no avail. So maybe now is the time for compromise and bargining. Maybe turn a blind eye at the weekends as long as his schoolwork is done during the week.

What I really would like him to do is, lay off the cannabis altogether, untill he's able to take a more responsible attitude towards it and use it purely recreationally. Maybe that's just a pipe dream. ;)

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You, sir, are a master of the pun.

Anyways, the compromise sounds like a good idea. As long as he does his schoolwork, that is. I'm glad to hear everything's going better (I think). I'd like to see your son laying off until he starts doing better in school as well, but hey, you have to take the good and the bad, right?

And yeah, I just got through listening to the opening theme song of facts of life.

I would just like to add that it's been a revelation coming to these boards.

I fully expected to be hounded off them. Instead I've recieved a warm welcome and some very sound advice. A lot of my stereotypical views have now been altered.

Again, many thanks to you all.

Polaris.

the facts of life
damn homie thats old school
mrs.garrett is so fine

polaris

blaze up with us.

Admitisly he's only 15, so maybe he shouldnt be on the weed just yet. I smoked cannabis since i was 10, and to be honest, im damn rpoud of it. IT never screwed up my education, and i belive cannabis is a good thing, and if he can enjoy it without going over the top, then fair enough, but if its conficting will school, and the pigs, then something has to be done.

Remember, cannabis cant kill... never has, it never will because its 100% harmless, so its not as if hes endangering his life.

Myabe you should just talk with him, and make an agreement. You seem like good parents, wanting to find out about cannabis. Most parents think their opinions on it are facts, and this is what makes them shit parents.

Most cannabis smokers are normal people, with normal lifes, its not like smoking tobacco, but a damn site better for you.

Welcome to the site, and enjoy yourselves.

lets have a group hug i sense the moment

can u feel the love

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Originally Posted by del...

now that wouldn't be a bad way of going about it...issue him a challenge and let him toke a bit only AFTER he maintains a b average...? but still he is young and needs to realize there are places and times for it...but that should happen with that b average.

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A beter way of going about it would be to say his grades have to be the same or better. Because if he couldn't get a B average before asking him to get a b average now would be difficult. Tell him if his grades drop you won't allow him to smoke. Unless theres a good reason like getting a lower grade in a class he's struggling in. Really just tell him he has to put fourth maximum effort or he won't be aloud to smoke.

Polaris,

I would have to say that I definitely respect the way you are handling this. It's not just the steps you've taken but the fact that you are intelligent and open minded enough that you sought information from an obviously educated source. Most parents would simply look at the legal and moral issues and clamp down with an iron fist. This simply does not work. You have to find a balance of heavy handedness and simple understanding. It seems that you are trying to find this very thing and should be commended for your efforts. Too many parents go to one extreme or the other, and that's why we have some many screwed up young adults. I was the youngest of 6 and by the time the parents got around to me they had very fair and understanding parameters that I respected because my friends did not have them. Some ran wild and some could not do anything. The result is that I am just about the only kid that made it out of our neighborhood and made anything of themselves. As a sidenote, my parents managed to have all 6 of us graduate in 3 different decades in a neighborhood most would not want to visit let alone live in.

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Originally Posted by God v2.0

FOR ONE! Pot is against the law and so there are SERIOUS and very REAL repercussions when you get caught, it doesnt matter if the laws are right or not because the consequences are the same either way. You have to be a fucking idiot not to see that.

Polaris, i think that you should be very firm, hit your son as hard as you can and tell him that if he does it again then you're gonna have him arrested, its going to make you son very mad and hes gonna rebel, he will think he is above your authority but he isn't if hes 15 then you own him and you control him so USE THAT AUTHORITY DONT BE A PANSY (have dad do it if you cant)

Dont let the little punk get away with whatever he wants, thats bullshit. You're ruining your son if you just let him do what he wants, he already has a CRIMINAL RECORD at age 15. If i were that kids parent i would beat him to within an inch of his life unless he proved that he was fixing the shit he made of his life.

Now of course you should take that with a grain of salt because im one extreme guy. But you have to lay down the law, if you dont now then you haven't in the past and all that gonna happen is you're gonna release another degenerate with no discipline into society where he is gonna fail, and whos fault is that? YOURS. Take some god damn responsibility, you raised him and let him know that. You put a roof over his head and feed him, don't let him use you and then wind up fucked up.


A more rational solution would be to limit him to only smoking on the weekends AFTER he has proven that he did all his homework. You should set up guidelines for him as well, like he can have a friend over and get high if he reads a book (Get some Kurt Vonnegut, like slaughterhouse 5 or cat's cradle, its fun, entertaining and mind expanding to read books, PLUS it will instill good habits in your son that will enrich his life and make it more worth living for him)

But bottom line don't let the boy control you, or threaten you because YOU are the boss not him (dont lord it over him because it will piss him off but he needs to understand that his actions have SERIOUS consequences)


REAL LIFE IS FUCKING HARD! SO DON'T LET HIM START IT UNPREPARED...

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that is fucked up...if you were my dad id kill myself.

Hello, I am also new to this board. Just had to get that out of the way..
But Polaris, when I was around the age of 15, I got caught with weed at school and was in sort of the same situation your son is in. My home life was fucked up but after i got arrested i went to a "rehab" center and cut down on my smoking. I still smoke today and have a great family life and am doing good in school. So what im saying is get him some help and let him see the bad shit that can happen from unresponsible pot smoking and he may relise that other things should come before weed.

Hi. Just a quick update.

I've got yet another meeting with his head teacher on Weds morning. At the last one I asked for him to be referred to a local drug awareness organization. Which they've agreed to do.

I'm hoping that he might take on board advice from someone who is impartial and not an authority figure.

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Originally Posted by Polaris

Hi. Just a quick update.

I've got yet another meeting with his head teacher on Weds morning. At the last one I asked for him to be referred to a local drug awareness organization. Which they've agreed to do.

I'm hoping that he might take on board advice from someone who is impartial and not an authority figure.

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Does he know what you are doing??? Are you open about it???


I'm not saying you have to condone whats going on,but you need to convey your love for him and accept his decision unconditionally... You need to approach him as an adult and by all means he needs to feel that not smoking during school or smoking as recreation only is his decision...

Education is good,but if he feels you are constricting,confining or commanding him,,, he will break free in retaliation or spite,you did tell him what you are doing???

I do want to see him post here and see his views,everyone is different and blanket advice may not help you at all... If he is not allowed to see this thread it just proves you are not open with him,,,if he is not allowed to post to this thread it proves the same thing...

Finally my question about Dad was ignored why???

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Originally Posted by Polaris

Hi. Just a quick update.

I've got yet another meeting with his head teacher on Weds morning. At the last one I asked for him to be referred to a local drug awareness organization. Which they've agreed to do.

I'm hoping that he might take on board advice from someone who is impartial and not an authority figure.

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ok um. if hes done any research or knows anything, a local drug awareness orginazation is simply going to put him in a room with a ton of anti-drug people who are to him, going to appear as flaming homosexuals who simply dont know what the fuck theyre talking about and hes going to rebel. atleast thats what i would do if my parents did that to me. i duno, i wish we could offer you more advice but i think youve got what most of us think in the last 2 pages of this thread.

peace.

atleast its not crack!

Hello and welcome to the boards :D

Do you spend alot of time together like going places etc?Maybe you could use the carrot and stick method,tell him if he does well in his exams you will do something to celebrate with him.If you show how much doing well in his exams mean to you he may take notice.The reason i'm saying this is because by your description of your son he is a good lad and not a waster like most are so you are quite lucky really.You could show him a list of jobs he will be doing if he does crap at school too or ask McDonalds if they will employ him for the day if that don't change him I don't know what will.

The drug awareness organisation is going to be full of people telling him bullshit facts that aren't real. What's more he will know there not real.

In my opinion that wasn't the best decision but who am i to tell you how to raise your son.

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Originally Posted by TonyD

The drug awareness organisation is going to be full of people telling him bullshit facts that aren't real. What's more he will know there not real.

In my opinion that wasn't the best decision but who am i to tell you how to raise your son.

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I feel that I've at least got to try this approach. It will be an informal, impartial chat. If they can get him to open up a little (something I can't do) then surely that's a step in the right direction. If not, then I'll know that I've tried, and that's not the right path to go down.

I've accepted (though I'm not happy about it) that he's going to smoke weed regardless of my opinion. Just maybe he'll heed some one else's advice and be able to take a more responsible attitude towards it.

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Originally Posted by Skink

Finally my question about Dad was ignored why???

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Hi Skink, Appologies for not answering your earlier post.

Yes his Father is involved. Although he's re-married, he does have contact with him regularly.

He's of the same opinion as me, perhaps even more so. He can sometimes aggravate a sitituaton by completely over reacting. But this time, thankfully, he hasn't gone all 'Victorian Father' on him.

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Originally Posted by Polaris

Hi Skink, Appologies for not answering your earlier post.

Yes his Father is involved. Although he's re-married, he does have contact with him regularly.

He's of the same opinion as me, perhaps even more so. He can sometimes aggravate a sitituaton by completely over reacting. But this time, thankfully, he hasn't gone all 'Victorian Father' on him.

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I just want to stress here what I believe to be most important...

Heart to heart!!! No one knows more about your son than your son... He needs to open up to you or someone he will... People smoke pot for different reasons,I picked it up again to help my lack of ambition...

It's not Black and White and you need to Know why before you can begin to solve anything...

Good Luck!!!

I am a 41 yr old Mother of two and have been smoking since I was 20. I do not do it around my kids (only when they are not home) and my hubby and I both have normal jobs, house, cars etc. My Hubby is an engineer and I work in high tech sales. We do not consider it to be any more dangerous than having a glass of wine at night. We only smoke on weekends and most of our friends have no idea we smoke. We have never used any other 'drugs'. we both started in college and it has never affected my education, career or life.
I am also an artist and my husband plays music. We enjoy it and are hurting no one.

Just let your sun do it on weekends / After his school work. And those anti drug meetings (well the ones about mairjuana) are just complete bullshit, they will prolly tell your son how marijuana will make him try crack and then heroin and then he will od. Its just lies.