Scrap-daddly-doo
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Scrap-daddly-doo
from the words of the prophet, jon.
"man, i want a pba and j." that shit is funny.
One time was smoking and we were driving home from zee parkington and we all shouted at the same time that we wanted popeyes (bombest shit ever (biscuits)) and the chick who was driving ordered everything in an english accent, and we were all cracking up when we pulled up to the window, funniest shit evar bitches
Quote:
Originally Posted by theNecromancer2113
oh my god i just pissed my ass reading that
I was hanging out with a buncha ppl, and I was explaining how this girl I know responds to questions with a lie, or overexagerating about 80% of the time. Well I'm sitting next to a friends 3 yr. old son, and I used the phrase.."She's pulling shit out her ass.." And everyone in the room knew what the phrase I used meant. And 5 minutes later, when it's a quiet moment, the lil' boy goes, "Bill?....You pull stuff out your butt?" Everybody started laughing til our sides split.
(over the phone...tripping 6 hits of LSD)
"I'm lost"
'Where are you?'
"In the wal-mart parking lot"
'Wtf'
"Went to get balloons for fucking whip-its and a fucking...fucking...I got left, i'm lost in the wal-mart parking lot."
'laughing'
"got a beep! it's them!! "
click
"where are you guys, i'm lost in the wal-mart parking lot.?"
'right behind you...we have been for 10 minutes yelling at you, why did you start running?'
"I thought you were that fucking dancing Santa display from the store entrance, damnit. i thought it followed me into the wal-mart parking lot to prove it's exsistance to me, because i called it a hallucination and was too scared to touch it to see if it was there."
'wtf, get in the car'
Sorry, long story....ooo, remembering the past. Always fun. I need some LSD. :( I moved and I know no one. :-\
So me and my boy were sittin in his house after gettin baked at a field near his house and we're just sittin there and im like "O shit is that the cops" and he said "Dude, thats my cat" and im like "ur cat's a cop?" and he said "no" and i said " what do u mean No, HE'S A CAT!!!" idk why it's funny it just was and i always tell that story when im high.
One time I got my friend baked, and this other kid was sober. We got the munchies and decided to walk to the store to buy some food. I had all quarters.
Me: Ok man, I'm really hungry what should we buy?
Stoned FRiend: Hungry? grab a snickers
i burst out laughing and we all chuckle for bit (this is inside the store)
Sober friend: alright guys, hurry up the cash register lady is getting suspicious
at this point my friend drunkingly looks over and her and says "can is lady, were hungry" lmfao
Me: Ok i picked out two for a dollar snickers, and i want this gum here
S Frind: Ok how much money you got (i pull out he quarters) aw man this is too much too count but lets try anyway. 1...2...3...whats after 3? oh yeah 4...ok thats a dollar...i think how many quarters in a dollar? (im laughing my ass off at that point) ok so this gum is 75 cents so that means you need...1234....a dollar 75. so thats 4 quarters plus 3....7 quarters! yes i did it!
Sober frind: dude lets buy it and get out you guys are fucing loud.
man that was so funny, i bet the people are still laughin watching that video haha
"This one day i was taking a huge rip and the purple turned smoke as i blew it out.
umm fucking forgot what I was gonna say. Never mind remembered. I called linksys the other day for help setting up a friends router. The guy was like can I get your name. and apparentky I have a heavy accent and I was like Mike Milone. And he was like what? and I told him again and again. He finally got it and was like Mike as in mike tyson and Milone as in carl malone. I was like yea and my friends over heard it. We died laughing for at least ten minutes.
I don't really like to talk when i'm stoned cause i just feel like i'm saying the dumbest shit when I do. I just like listening to people try to talk.
I turned to my friend Tiff to tell her a story and it starts out like this...
"Tiff, I was at my neices birthday party and ... oh wait it wasn't a birthday party, there were just a lot of ppl there and we were eating."
Oh and I asked Tiff if I could borrow her kitten to freak my Mom out and make her think I brought home a stray. So I pick the kitten up and said," Dayum!!! This cat smells like shit."
Tiff: "Yea, I know. I haven't gotten a chance to give tha cat a bath."
Me: "Do you have a Ziploc?"
Tiff: "WHAT?!"
Went down the corner store where a guy that always hooked us up worked at and he was there. We were drunk and stoned as fuck and usually we just come in. load up on munchies and drinks and leave. I walked straight up to him and said "You know there's strange shit going on and I figured that I was gonna damn man fuck" And he just started laughing..then I went and bought a bunch of shit and it came out to 30.05 and I gave him a bunch of money and said keep the tip the service was great .. He gave me my money back and said Take it Easy want me to walk you home.
"I'm okay walking back to did i forget something?"
I once recited the direct debit mandate from my old job after too many pills :eek:
Ok so my friend was telling me this made up story about how he had sex with this lady in a dollar store and then she was insane and tried to kill him so shoved chips down her throat to keep her busy but she turned into a kangaroo and did magic and stuff. and when he was done my other friend was like
"wow wait a minute i have to clear something up right here.......what kind of chips were they"
and i nearly crashed my car i was laughing so hard
oh yeah i forgot. and another time i was riding (sober) with my friend (stoned) and he turned around to me and almsot yelled "i have legs......AND THEY JIGGLE" i almost cried
lmaoQuote:
Originally Posted by UserName AlphaNiner
LMAOQuote:
Originally Posted by UserName AlphaNiner
Hm, stoned as hell, I struggled with a soda machine with a friend of mine for like five minutes laughing my fucking ass off because the machine decided to rip me off. I keep punching buttons and shit and this bald guy gives me the weirdest ass backwards look like :eek:. After a few minutes my friend is like.. "you only put in 81 cents.."
Then another time I was having a little late night barbecue with two of my friends.
Me: You.. stoner!
Friend: Your... FRIEND! (as opposed to your mom)
Guess you'd have to have been there. We laughed for a day and a half. Weed<3 :cool:
i once suggested, to smoke a bowl in steak n shake's bathroom...and actually thinking it was a good idea.
i say all kinds of funny shit when i'm high, and lots of dumb shit.
" The world is a banana sport water bottle!!"
One time some friends and I were blazed and cruised through the McDonalds drive thru, red-eyed and happy. After we got the food, I looked the fast food guy straight in the eye and said, "Thanks for the food, man. I'm a big fan of your work." And we drove off.
One other night, we had a half of regs, a pack of swishers, and nowhere to be. We rolled up all the weed into blunts, and just started passing them. About 7 or 8 g's into the stash, I fell asleep. Apparently, they finished off the half when a friend came over with another 1/4, rolled it, adn started passing. All I remember of that is somebody shaking me and saying, "here, hit this!" to me. I open my eyes, sit up, hit the blunt, and fall right back asleep again.
The best part is, I watched Half Baked a year later and they did that with The Guy on the Couch. I was blazed when I saw it, and I laughed for a good 5 minutes straight.
had something similar happen to me and some friends. It was during the wee hours of the morning and we had rolled a blunt, shane had already passed out on the couch from drinking and non-stop smoking since it was a special occasion. Well I see his girl Ashley hit the blunt and go to pass it to him but then realized he was asleep. She did try to wake him but failed. So instead she just held the blunt to his lips and it was as if it was a reflex, never moved or opened his eyes, he just toked on it a good 3 or 4 times and ashley passed it and a couple of seconds later you see him exhale.. we all cracked up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodman3eb
when i got high, drank and then took coke for the 2nd time I had a totally bad come down and i found myself laying in a bath tub texting my bf "Don't ever let have me drugs or let me be alone please."
I mean that was funny but i don't want to be in that situation again lol.
I described smoking out of the Volcano vaporizer as:
"its like drinking shampoo- but really good shampoo"
I'll be the one that screams out "Im so high".... "My eyes feel like they are popping out"
But I'll say random shit when sober too:-P i dont give a shit lol.
"He's a geekoid!" "Smus, swus..."
Major spin cycle dude....
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are mondo excellent man;-)
Actually....you know when you are really stoned when you can't even make out words like I'll have a brilliant idea but it never comes out right....
what comes out is just a whole bunch of giggling and random noises lol It was just me and my bf and we got a damn noise complaint the other night:-X
OH fuck...as soon as I could breathe after the comment I made last night, I knew I had to post this.
I was riding around in a car getting blazed with some old school friends and I went to tell Kris how I almost decapitated my friends kitten cuz she had tha thing tied to a table leg and I didnt realize it. Well I only got halfway thru tha story cuz Im so blazed by the time I get to the point when I need to say the word table leg it came out...."she had tha cat tied to the lable teg...no wait..lable leg?? no damnit..." Kris:"table leg?" Me: "Yea!!!! that's it!!" Tis a bit sad when it took me 3 tries just to remember how to pronouce it...if Kris hadn't of butted in to help me out, I would have prolly made up some other funny versions...how rude of Kris right??? lol
i once said after i took a Wip it.... " I feel like styrafoam" it even made me laugh so hard...... man good times.....
I was at Kris's last night and he took a whip it and a lil bit later he goes..."man...i can feel it in my teeth, knowhaimsayin?" Crazy Kris...crazy..Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonXG1
my bf uhh spanked me and I was like
"Shut up!!!!"
haha i was with a whole bunch of ppl once who were mostly drinking and a few of us were high and for some reason i started getting really philosophical about beer- i was like "Beer is around just for the profit," and how it tastes bad but back in the old days they couldn't make it taste good so its okay- and they just kept up selling and advertising beer to make it as popular as it is today. lol yeah what the hell....
Me and my friend josh had just got done smoking a few bowls and were walking around town. It had been awhile since anyone had said anything, and then out of nowhere my friend was like "dude it's like I'm just a floating face..." At first I didn't get it but then I realized that if you don't look at your hands or anything else of your body while your walking it will be like you are just a floating face.
HAHAHA! i loveed that!Quote:
Originally Posted by hunnybunnybabyO
Quote:
Originally Posted by RB90
...word.
Alright just to set it up, me and my cousin(Ian) went to one of his friend's house to get stoned. Now the guy lives in a house that is sorrounded by corn. The corn is no longer green so it can only be used as feed corn to feed animals and shit.
Me: Dude I'm so fucking thirsty, I think I'm gonna go out there and eat some of that corn.
Ian: Dude your an idiot you can't eat that corn, it's feed corn it's not meant for people to eat. They use it to feed animals and shit, it's really dry and startchy so you can't eat it. (He goes on for like 5 more minutes telling me why exactly I can't eat feed corn)
Me: Dude you have been talking about fucking corn for like ten minutes. What are you a fuckin farmer?
It was just funny because he was rambling about corn for so long. Heres another one that happened earlier. My cousin is carrying in a suit case since we were moving him into that house.
Damien: Dude Ian what's in your suitcase?
Me: He's got a dead dog in there.
It was funny because it was so fucking random.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAQuote:
Ratmbmx10
Registered
thats so funny man
one time, my friend bryan and i were smoking at our old dead end road spot, and he went to go light the pipe in the dark, and he laughed at some stupid bullshit we were ranting about, and the cherry flew out, glowing toward the ground. i was like 'hahaha, oh shit!... napalm death!'
we almost died.
One time me and my friend Megan got really fuckin high, and this was back when we were relatively new to it. We were just so baked and we were walking through this field. I was talking a million miles an hour and then megan interrupts me and shes like, do I have something on my lips? and I looked at her and her lips were all brown with resin! It was funny because she must have been thinking about it the whole walk and not listening to what I was saying. I fell to the ground and rolled around laughing for a good 20-30 minutes.
yeah. the first time i got stoned, i didn't stop laughing until about 3-5 minutes later. because i happened to tap the back of my head against my ex-girlfriends foot when i was lying on the floor. and i turned around real quick and noticed what it was.
oh man... the days when one pipe hit got you in the clouds.
I was telling my friend to go at a stop sign and he says " Im waiting for it to turn green" very seriously...until i convinced i didnt think stop signs changed color...
Ok, yeah I was in class with a friend of mine one time and we were both pretty baked and he says to me "Hey dude, it's 3:15." and I was like "Oh shit!" and start to pack up all my shit with quite a bit of haste when I realize class doesn't get over until 3:30 lol. Good times, good times....
Oh yeah, than there was another time where I asked for a Six-inch Footlong at Subway. The chick looked at me like I was fucked up, which I was of course. So I was standing there like I asked the right thing until my friend said a six-inch footlong doesn't exist you idiot lol.
This has very little to do with the thread, because technically nothing was said, but the number of times I've done this would take me upwards of 3 hands to count I would imagine. If I needed hands to help me count that is.Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeGuy
Luckily, I've always caught on that stop signs don't change color before mentioning that it wasn't changing out loud.
LOl ok, another one.
Back to the days i used to get fucking blitzed with my best girlfriends, breanne, megan, and vanessa. Every time we got high, breanne would trip. Shut the fuck up you motherfuckers! Shut the fuck up! My brother can hear us! Shut the fuck up! and one time she turns to megan and says, you look like a man in those glasses. Megan gave her a pissed off look, then proceeds to take the glasses off, throw them against the wall, and says fuck those glasses!
I thought i was going to explode from laughing. I was like, this is it, my brain is exploding.