the funniest thing said while under the influence?

I know this doesnt go under the subject of the funniest things Ive said while under the influence...but it is a funny thing i read so close enough..

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider
and sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away.
Then muffet went back
and checked her gun rack
grabbinga .357
finding the spider
she sat down beside her
and blew that poor sucker to heaven.

This was todays Pearls before Swine comic..

Got two new ones from a friend of mine who was blazed yesterday. Three people just smoked 5 gram of seriously quality chronic:

"Dude, I was just fighting a stick, and I won! But it's a plant-- keep that in mind."

Him: Dude, are you throwing rocks?
Me: Yeah, why?
Him: Man, you shouldn't throw rocks in a glass house, but we're not in a glass house. But we could be. But we're probably not, because we're outside."

Those were the only two I wrote down; there were many more where those two came from.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ztriple3

one of the first couple times my friend smoked, he was laughing hysterically about every half a minute, about nothing at all. he explained this as the "30 second cycle" in which, he would be laughing about something for 30 seconds, and then he would forget what he was laughing about, and so he would laugh again because he didnt know what he was laughing about. this would continue cyclically every 30 seconds, and it lasted for several minutes. good stuff, i thought that was hilarious, at the time.

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I get this all the time and i love it. Funny thing, um, well one time we were all blazing on the balcony so we ordered domino's (duh) and then the pizza guy comes and we're still blazing. Then as he leaves he says don't mess up the rotation! We couldn't stop laughing. Then another time we were all high and then i just suddenly said Who the fuck is Akboo? And everytime when were high we say it and we laugh everytime.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hammerhead

i spent 10 minutes telling my friend about how i had prepared my toasted sandwhich with different amounts of ham and cheese in different sections

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thats funny shit, i could def see myself doin that, just keep goin on about it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Satan666

"This one day i was taking a huge rip and the purple turned smoke as i blew it out.

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hilarious

a year ago, i was real stoned and came home

i asked my father... "when's the next time we're gonna smoke?"

haha
i was so emberrassed, and scared lol :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jfoster

well one time, we were pretty baked. my friends dog would try to eat my bag of weed whenever i shook it at him. then he ran outside(bad) and we had to get him back inside. now keep in mind that this seemed like a good idea at the time. i ran outside with my bag yelling "dooby(dog's name) get the weed!!!!!!!!!!!" and shking the bag all atound. my friends had to come outside,put their hands over my mouth, and drag me inside.

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dude thats funnie, but when u said dooby i got sad cuz i had to listen to my dog named dooby get shot....

but funniest thing was, scrape my lungs if i od on this weed.

Me, my friend, and his neighbor were hanging out in front of his apartment. We were having some conversation about Star Wars, and I busted out the Chewbacca noise out of nowhere. I fell out of my chair laughing.

one time i was at mcdonalds and my friend told me that it was happy people day and if i said happy people day and if i said happy people day to the cashier i would get a free burger, so i stood in line with no money and said happy people day real loud and she just looked at me lke wtf?

another time i was at a friends house when he started sucking on the blunt saying "mmmmmm....chocolate.."

one time a like a week ago me and some friends were cruising, and we all have the munchies so we decided to go to mcdonalds but john my firend who was driving didnt want to get the food himself for some reason, so he went thru the dirve thru backwards like a retard so i could get it from shotgun. the people there were like wtf. it was wierd.