I am such a f#$*ing stoner.

I've been dry for about a month now, and still have several more weeks to go before I'll be good again. As the days roll by, and anticipation sets in more, I've been finding myself becoming less and less coherent in my daily activities. Just this morning, for instance, I frantically tore my entire house apart looking for my car keys, under the assumption for some reason that I brought them in with me last night. (I never bring my keys in, but rather leave them in the ignition of my car so as to ensure I don't forget where I put them.) I've done this for years, but I must have had a dream last night that I brought them in with me, because I was positive that I left them lying around somewhere. I checked the pockets of every pair of pants/shorts I own (clean and dirty), checked under the bed, in dresser drawers, drawers in bathrooms, the kitchen, and elsewhere, in cabinets, refrigerator, oven, etc. Finally, after getting frustrated, I went to my car to get a cigarette... which I actually knew would be there. Lo and behold, there were my keys, still in the ignition. :wtf:

I am such a f#$*ing sober bastard...

Wow, the ol' switcheroo. Normally it's the stoned people that forget where the keys are.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Opie Yutts

Wow, the ol' switcheroo. Normally it's the stoned people that forget where the keys are.

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LOL... I'm the exception to that rule. I become more of a bumbling idiot the soberer I get.

this is all too good. :jointsmile:
i've done some funny shit when stoned. :stoned:
if only i could remember though. :S5:

I had a 2k limit on my credit card, but the bank said I only had 900 in available funds, and that my balance was 1100 bucks.


SOooo thinking I'd overdrawn, I called and asked them to bump my credit limit to 3k, so I could have 2k spending thinking it would put me back under my limit.


When in reality, I was retardedly high, and didn't realize 900+1100 is 2000. That, and I didn't understand why I would need another thousand so I could spend 2 thousand.

I was just stupid as shit that day.

Wake and bake. Road trip. Drove off with the gas pump still in the tank. Thankfully it had a quick disconnect thing on the hose. I took it back to the gas station, after driving 2 miles with it hanging from the side of the tank. I told them I was sorry, and got out of there fast. I would pay 100$ for a picture of the expression on my face dragging that thing back into there. That happened about 16 years ago. That was my penultimate stoner moment.

looking to buy a pizza stone for my oven, they wanted about 30 or 40 bucks. so i went to home depot and bought a concrete stepping stone 18x18x2 for $1.99. i put it in the oven a cranked it up to 500* to test it out. i figured the worse that would happen would be it would crack. WRONG, after an hour or so, it exploded like a friggin' bomb!! blew the door off the oven,bent the racks,seriously dented the empty pans, dented the interior of the oven, and broke the gas line and element in the oven. when i came into the kitchen, the every horizontal surface, was covered in pieces of concrete. lucky no one was in there when she blew. so trying to save 30 or 40 bucks cost me over $500 for a new oven,pans, and a pizza stone. what a jack ass i can be!:stoned:

My first time smoking was outside my dorm at 8 in the evening. I took a rip rip from some dank stuff and chilled for about 10 minutes before walking back. I had no conception of time and thought that it was past 11 so the dorm would have been locked and had to get in through the front. I did not want to talk to the guy who lets you in so me and my friend waited outside the door for 30 minutes until someone opened the door. The door was unlocked the whole time because it was only like 8:20. I thought it was the funniest thing ever and felt like an idiot for about 10 minutes before I forgot about it and ate some cheese sticks.

damn this thread is halarious

smoked a blizzy on the way to the mall. made sure i grabbed my wallet and cell phone. walked around the mall, tried on some shoes at the puma store. then i realized i had my phone and wallet...BUT NO KEYS!!! walk back out to the parking garage to find my truck still running and the doors locked!!! f*ckin chronic!! :jointsmile: