Should I come out of the closet?

Most of my family knows I'm gay, but I still havent told my dad. Hes very religious and would probably freak out of his mind if I him told I'm gay, and that I wont ever marry a woman. (Marriage and having kids is soooo important in Indian culture) What should I do? Should I wait until I'm on my own before telling him, or should I never tell him? Some of my gay friends say that coming out is very empowering, and that I'm basically lying to my dad by not telling him. I respond by telling them that I'm not close to my dad in the first place, so why should I even tell him? Any thoughts? Oh, and he has high blood pressure, so I'm scared he might have a heart attack or something, but I doubt this would happen. And if I were to tell him, hed probably be angry at the rest of my family because they knew for so long and didnt tell him. My mom knows, but she doesnt approve of it, and still expects me to get married even though she knows I'm not attracted to women.

i think, the longer you wait the harder it will be. just do it

If he has high blood pressure, and you're afraid he'll have a heart attack, then that's his problem. If he finds out his son is gay because he's clueless, and has a heart attack, that's his problem. You are who you are. People look at other people like they planned themselves out. Like it was my choice that I have a big nose. Again, if he has a heart attack, then that's a problem he needs to deal with himself, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. Like nightprowler said, the longer you wait, the harder it'll be. The decision is obviously yours, you've heard my advice. Good luck.

dont tell him man it will make him feel a lot better about his life.

Dont live a lie your whole life to please your parents.Be honest u have to for your own sanity

heres wut i think man: you see if your parents are fuckin enough DUMB to not even accept a natural thing of life, talking about homosexuality, then they should just fuck off.

i mean why the hell does your mother expect you to get married. your fuckin gay jeez. tell her to get married with a girl and see wut happens. i think if your dad doesnt accept the fact that your gay, well he got the problem u see. i think u should tell him. and if he freaks out, dont go into his domination mecanism.

tell him like why are you angry. because of a natural thing of life? do u think i chose to be gay? etc etc etc

and say too, if hes christian, why would god make homosexuals among living creatures.

if hes still so dumb, get the hell out. its not a shame to be gay. live your life freely, and never do something to please your parents. your goal in life is to be happy. not to give the "feeling" to your parents that they are happy.

anyway thats wut i think. good luck dude

thanks for all the responses, guys! I have a lot to think about. I dont have a very confrontational personality, so that doesnt help things either. Anyway, thanks for listening.

He's gonna be very confused, probably, we have some tell thems, nos, and wait and sees.

were not talkin bout confronting, were talkin bout acceptation and the truth. u dont confront your parents by telling em what u live. anyway...

just remember, never do somethin just to please em. this could stop yourself from reaching the happinness and freedom state u proly want to have

peace

no one should have to live in fear or deception. i'd say tell him....there stand to be major reprecussions, but if he trully is a man he will learn to get over what he wants. if it has negative effects just bring it to his attention no person should live a life to what others expect and he should want what makes you happy. i have a gay friend, and his life was basicly shit (atleast in the fact he was never happy at all) until he came out, his dad was very anti-gay but he learned to deal with it (they dont' really talk anymore, but knowing his dad, and their relationship he accepted it very well) i wish you the best of luck, and well if it does have negative effects just keep in mind people usually hate or alienate what they don't understand. try to explain to him, especially how it's not your fault what you're attracted to and that you deserve to be happy as every other human being on this earth. btw if basicly your whole family knows i can almost garuntee he knows as well and just isn't saying anything.

what are you doing in the closet? shouldnt your grow be in there?

hhaha ^^^^ thats made me laugh...you should wait till you moved out at least so he cant threaten to kick you out if hes really not that undertanding..bug then again it SUCKs to live in a lie...makes everything much ahrder

dunno if it's the same there but if he's not 18 they can't kick him out(texas state law).

where i live.....anyone can get kicked out....im sure if the state finds out about it they are fucked..but theres very little that atcually care or would run to the gvt

Yes come out of the closet. I think they should resepct you for the person you are; not your preference in relationships. Family is Family in my books regardless :)

smoke him out, then tell him.

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

dunno if it's the same there but if he's not 18 they can't kick him out(texas state law).

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I'm 23 lol Hopefully by next year I wont be living with my parents

As a parent of similiar adult-aged kids, I have nothing but unconditional love for them. They could tell me anything and my love for them wouldn't change. Of course, I also respect their privacy, so I wouldn't be hurt or disappointed if they chose to withhold such information.

My mum said that she would disown any of her children if they were gay.She is very strict i believed that.When she found out that i had been with a girl nothing changed between us like i thought it would.She loves me more than ever maybe she just thought it was acrazy stage for me i dont know and she knew i was very unhappy with the man in my life who she seen with her own eyes was not a nice person at all.She probably preferred me being with a girl than with him i dont know we dont talk about it because it is a part of my life that is over now.

Thats sweet Donnie and exactly the way a parent should be.Good for you.

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Originally Posted by DonnieDarko

As a parent of similiar adult-aged kids, I have nothing but unconditional love for them. They could tell me anything and my love for them wouldn't change. Of course, I also respect their privacy, so I wouldn't be hurt or disappointed if they chose to withhold such information.

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do it man! I know how you feel, and telling him may seem like a big deal but trust me it can be so simple, and much fun! Just make out like he already knows your gay and tell him all about the guy you've got the heat for. Then tell him you want to have a same sex marriage and have surrogate children with a lesbien couple. Shock factor will definately weigh in in your favour.

Seriously though, be true to yourself and tell him you dont like girls but not to stress about it because you've got it under control. You know what you want and its your life, so tell him to but out. Its not really any of his business but he does deserve to know all the same.

Anyway, if all else fails tell him its genetic so it must be his fault. hahaha!

If he kicks you out get a real daddy who'll love you and treat you right.

Be proud and be strong.
xo, M

when u tell him tell us what happens

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Originally Posted by SamoanLawyer

what are you doing in the closet? shouldnt your grow be in there?

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ROFL.......sweet
:)

in society today i think it is becomming easier but i dont condone that gay shit, it says in the bible in not so many words, a vagina is for a penis, a penis for a vagina

I'M BISEXUAL! I've realised that for nearly 6 years now. I have had moments that dropped hints that I'm bi to me over the years like one time dis lad rubbed my leg and I got really turned on but I didn't let him carry on or go along wit it just incase he was joking and I didn't wat ppl to know I was bi. This heppened when I was about 12 and a half. I'm 19 now. It wasn't until i started wanking that I realised. 'Coz I fantasised about men at that point and realised I liked boyz as well as girls. Although I think I prefer boyz. I still haven't come out and don't have the confidence to do it. I'm really anxious and worried about the shit you get from homophobic ppl and I'm the sort of person who retaliates to anyone who winds me up but there are gonna be some ppl that are harder than me that I maybe be scared to answer back to. I find that tokin' helps me forget about my sexuality and flirting wit fit girls helps to. :rasta: Peace!

- Aden

im bi aswell....

as far as people knowing...no-one does....yeah its annoying but i'm happy with who I am and happy with my life.....i don't think anything needs changing so why should i change it....it isn't really anyone elses business to know either...

I guess i'm not ready to come out to everyone..maybe one day...

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Originally Posted by Aden Thomas

I'M BISEXUAL! I've realised that for nearly 6 years now. I have had moments that dropped hints that I'm bi to me over the years like one time dis lad rubbed my leg and I got really turned on but I didn't let him carry on or go along wit it just incase he was joking and I didn't wat ppl to know I was bi. This heppened when I was about 12 and a half. I'm 19 now. It wasn't until i started wanking that I realised. 'Coz I fantasised about men at that point and realised I liked boyz as well as girls. Although I think I prefer boyz. I still haven't come out and don't have the confidence to do it. I'm really anxious and worried about the shit you get from homophobic ppl and I'm the sort of person who retaliates to anyone who winds me up but there are gonna be some ppl that are harder than me that I maybe be scared to answer back to. I find that tokin' helps me forget about my sexuality and flirting wit fit girls helps to. :rasta: Peace!

- Aden

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omg EVERYTHING you just said is just what im like/what happended to me.
:thumbsup:

but i dont plan on coming out. i know im living a lie, but id rarther live a lie than live in hell.

do what you feel like doing..most importantly dont think you are obligated to tell him or anyone else for that matter.its your personall life not theirs and its really none of their bussiness unless you want it to be.if you dont want them to know then dont let them know.and if they dont like it then lifes a bitch.i mean im pretty sure everyone has something in thier personal lives that they dont want other people to know and so they dont tell everyone.you never know about people.your dad might be totally fine with it.just do what makes you happy and you will always be happy..thats my motto

ok well id like to say that if you can come out then all the power to you man

i know i hate closets (dark, and what not) but thats beside the point

even if your dad doesnt except it at first hell learn to, he can't undo you being his son

good luck

later

come out when you feel its best. thats all i can say. just do it when you think its right.

Mojavpa, i know how you feel. I think that at some point you will just want to let your father know. If you're staying at home still, now might not be the time to tell him. For a while i didn't tell my parents (and still haven't officially told my father). I told myself, "My brothers and sisters don't come out at Heterosexual or say 'Mom, Dad, I like red heads,' so why should i tell them i'm gay." Eventually i just told everyone as if it wasn't anything strange.

But you know your situation. Just from experience and from friends, it might be best to wait until you are out of the house (especially if your dad decides to flip out).

One thing we all have to remember (gay, Straight, whatever) is that our life isn't here to make our parent's happy. They lived their lives, they made their own decisions, so we should be able to live our own. Parents are fucked up like that, they forget that once in their life they wanted to live their own life and make themselves happy.

those are my thoughts.

Can he not tell that you are blatantly gay? Or do you act less camp around him??
Why don't you "experiment" with girls! If you are worried it will kill him don't tell him...if you are not worried ...tell him...

sjfkefhe;phe!!!
im indian too so i understand FULLY what you are going through, im a lady, but i need to move out soon so they dont marry me off. well im only 18, but still, they wont approve of me moving out so im just going to get up and leave in the middle of the night.


i think you just need to move out, distance yourself from your family. fuck them. you will be much happier. and in the end, tell them if you want.

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Originally Posted by StOneD.aS.FuK

omg EVERYTHING you just said is just what im like/what happended to me.
:thumbsup:

but i dont plan on coming out. i know im living a lie, but id rarther live a lie than live in hell.

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Hey Stoned StOneD.aS.FuK, how old are you? I'm 19, you on MSN, maybe we could chat sometime if you're down for that?

- Aden :)

Just tell them. if your parents can't accept the way you are, than they shouldn't be your parents. Sexual preference shouldn't matter in a family (or anything for that matter.)

i was gona tell my parents that i was gay even tho im not just to see the reaction. but then i realized i am retarted so i dident cause it would be wrong

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Originally Posted by NightProwler

i think, the longer you wait the harder it will be. just do it

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bump, I agree with this

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Originally Posted by pogmoasal1

i was gona tell my parents that i was gay even tho im not just to see the reaction. but then i realized i am retarted so i dident cause it would be wrong

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omg, lmoa, thats classic :):stoned:

I understand how difficult that can be in Indian culture. You are expected to get married and have children.
I know there are guys who get married and see their lovers in private. If there's familial pressure, you may end up having to do this. I'm really sorry about it.
You can always come out to your dad, and hopefully the response will be tolerable, if not favorable. Best of luck! :)

:( I can't stand this shit! I'm fucked! Todat in college, ppl have found out that im bi and I doubt I can lie my way of it! I cnt face seeing any1 in college, and I'm so sensitie that 1 homophobic insult will destroy me! I cnt believe this. Only this morning no1 knew, and now I'm likely to be questioned by ppl in college by Friday. If I turn up 2 col on Friday, I will face my ultimate humiliation, but if I dnt turn up, my chances of sorting shit out could only fuck up more! Although any lies I try to say to save my ass aren't likely to be believed, everyone will probably see thru it. I cnt take this. I cnt even accept my sexuality, let alone accept the homophobic cunts in this fucked up worl. This is scaring me shitless. I got so much goin thru my head! I haven't got much options to sort thisn out. I can either face my embaressment or leave the country and start a new life where no1 knows me and make a fresh start. But I'm not independant enough to live alone with all those responsibilities. I thought I could move to some shitty old apartment where homeless ppl go to sort themselves out and maybe make enough money thru dealin dope or somethin 2 sort myself out. But part of me cant even see myself facing the big bad world just like that. I'm so fuckin scared! I'm 19 and didn't expect this to happen all so suddenly. I couldnt even see myself ever comin out! I dont know what 2 do!! :( |This is so depressin