i have no clue

why im posting this, i gotta get it off my chest tho- even if its to people i will never meet..

my dads got ups and downs with depression, i was said to get it maybe... well right now i could start crying for no reason... i cant stop thinking about the future, i dont know what to do or how im even going to do it, or get out of my parents place for that matter.. i didnt graduate high school, im almost 20 and im fuckin scared, scared of going insane cuz i can feel myself slipping.. thoughts of growing old alone and dying,,, or losing my parents

im shy- i have a hard time being myself to strangers

i didnt hit the backspace on this post, all just what came to my head as i was typing,,,, leave what you what about this--

why dont you ask the doctor for some depression pills and see if you feel better?

are you out of weed or something?

ya, ive thought about it, but ive also thought maybe im just really fucked up in the head.. i was a pretty popular guy in high school, pretty good looking i'd say. then i started smokin weed hardcore sophmore year. my grades already sucked so i started failing everything. junior year i got 1.5 credits all year(only passed 3 courses all year)

idk when i became so obsessed about how i look, but now when i look in the mirror im ashamed. my teeth look bad in my opinion, and my left eye is a little lower than my right, never used to be-- cuz the amount of weed ive smoked and just sitting around..

in the last couple months its gotten so bad that ill just sit at my house by myself... all day.. and smoke by myself--- like today

my friends will call me but ill blow them off becuase i get the feeling they are using me to smoke at my house, but then i let them over cuz im depressed and they make me feel like shit.. but its in my head because i think im picking up on vibes.. like- 'he looks like a crackhead' and shit like that

and its like, when i dont smoke i cant eat very well.

and that leads to my stomache hurting, then when i go out(rarely) my social anxiety has led me to puke on some occasions, never in front of people but in the bathroom--- i remember being normal, and i honestly miss it--idk what the fuck happened

sometimes i link my unhappyness to my mom, who is sooo nice during the day, then a raging drunken bitch at night smoking cig after cig, and shes 53--im very worried about her health

ok im done being a weird ass, i dont mean to bring ya'll down with me

It sounds like you should go see a doctor like Sam said. Even if it dosn't help do you think seeing a doctor will make your life any worse?

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Originally Posted by FUNKNUGGET

are you out of weed or something?

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do you, or anyone, get like that when you dont have weed?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 420marijuana420

It sounds like you should go see a doctor like Sam said. Even if it dosn't help do you think seeing a doctor will make your life any worse?

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ya i used to see a psychiatrist once a week for a DPA when i was 16, but i bullshitted the whole time.. im thinking of going back to that same guy and being straight with him this time

btw i smoked a bowl 10 minutes ago and i feel fine now

happy you feel fine, but you should still see a doctor