Narcotics Anonymous...brainwashing?

Disclaimer: I am very stoned and still toking as I type this. I am spilling ash on my keyboard...

I was a proud member of Narcotics, Cocaine and Alcoholics Anonymous for almost 3 years. Then I smoked a joint. I didn't toke again until more than a year later - right before what would have been my four year clean time.

Keep in mind, I was a cocaine addict and a raving ecstasy retard. My daughter wasn't conceived yet, and my son was living with his father.

So this past March, I run into an old friend from the program. He gives me a fiver of oil, but he's clean and sober. I mention the fiver to one of my closest friends, only to discover for the first time that she and her husband are regular "partakers". This started me on 5 weeks of sitting around smoking oil. That's how long this thing lasted me - and I gave some away.

I have since gotten more oil and been smoking a lot of marijuana. I went to a concert in May (I go to concerts regularly for work, but this one was social). I was with an ex and I got drunk. Crazy, giddy, peeing my pants kinda drunk. It was awesome. I have since gotten drunk maybe 3 times. Maybe. I often drive myself to shows, therefore, I don't drink anything for fear of driving under the influence.

So lately I have been thinking I might have a problem. Is it possible to have a problem with marijuana, or am I so brainwashed by these Anonymous programs that I just feel guilty?

I work two jobs - both basically from home. I have two children who are very well taken care of, and I have very good relationships with their father and my parents.

But I have been smoking more and more marijuana lately. Like, 3 or 4 joints in a night....6 or 7 throughout a day. Some of you have read my posts about how I score my bud, so you know that my connections are flimsy, small quantities and never regular. When I run out (I will be running out tomorrow), if I can't score, I will start to get panicky. I will go through stages of panic, leading into anger, to sadness. There are times when I feel like I am trying to get a "fix" of the stuff I have been clean from for more than 4 years (cocaine). I feel like I am always on guard of myself that I don't get too crazy and start thinking I could go back to that lifestyle. I get to the point where I don't want to smoke alone, because I need someone around to keep me grounded. Yet, when I have someone here, I basically ignore them.

wtf am I talking about...I guess I am feeling insecure.

after seeing the effect of NA on my weak minded friends, i can definately agree that NA is brainwashing, just like some religons that will remain nameless.

I think you answered your own question. You're an addict. Only a person who expresses as much guilt over using would be.

If you are smoking that much weed in a day, either a)its shwag garbage, or b)you're wasting it.

Go back to NA/AA...whatever. Tell them about how your life is spinning out of control because you chose to relapse and smoke weed.

:rasta:

Pot really isn't chemically addictive, but it seems to me you're battling an obsessive, compulsive disorder. In that sense someone could be addicted to gambling, shoplifting, cleaning...anything. This is a situation where even something positive can become destructive.

I don't believe anyone is trying to brainwash you in NA. They're just battling their problems as you are. Maybe you don't agree with their methods and have to fine tune it for your own situation. I don't know what to tell you except that maybe if there was a way to channel all that emotional energy into your own well being and realize you can enjoy shows n' such without being blitzed. You can still be happy without it if you work at it. That's really what it all boils down too. We're trying to force our lives to be a good experience, and in the process, botch it all up and turn it into a nightmare. NA would probably be a valuable tool for you to keep you in a routine conductive to working out your issues and not letting them overwhelm you. Because it takes day to day self-discipline to make the good things happen and stay out of trouble.

Don't let yourself fall into a destructive, downhill roll. If you don't like NA find yourself a good therapist to help you work out your issues. Don't try to go it alone.

"In that sense someone could be addicted to gambling, shoplifting, cleaning...anything."

I agree.

Addiction is addiction is addiction....chemical or no.

Its how one uses the substance, or how they engage in an activity. If they do so compulsively and it leads to dysfunction in daily life...then its normally called 'addictive behavior'.

I don't think you have a problem with weed I think you have a problem with guilt...

thanks for your responses...definitely a guilt thing...stone cold sober right now, and getting all my business done, so I know it's not detrimental...I was pretty blitzed when I wrote that....