Disclaimer: I am very stoned and still toking as I type this. I am spilling ash on my keyboard...

I was a proud member of Narcotics, Cocaine and Alcoholics Anonymous for almost 3 years. Then I smoked a joint. I didn't toke again until more than a year later - right before what would have been my four year clean time.

Keep in mind, I was a cocaine addict and a raving ecstasy retard. My daughter wasn't conceived yet, and my son was living with his father.

So this past March, I run into an old friend from the program. He gives me a fiver of oil, but he's clean and sober. I mention the fiver to one of my closest friends, only to discover for the first time that she and her husband are regular "partakers". This started me on 5 weeks of sitting around smoking oil. That's how long this thing lasted me - and I gave some away.

I have since gotten more oil and been smoking a lot of marijuana. I went to a concert in May (I go to concerts regularly for work, but this one was social). I was with an ex and I got drunk. Crazy, giddy, peeing my pants kinda drunk. It was awesome. I have since gotten drunk maybe 3 times. Maybe. I often drive myself to shows, therefore, I don't drink anything for fear of driving under the influence.

So lately I have been thinking I might have a problem. Is it possible to have a problem with marijuana, or am I so brainwashed by these Anonymous programs that I just feel guilty?

I work two jobs - both basically from home. I have two children who are very well taken care of, and I have very good relationships with their father and my parents.

But I have been smoking more and more marijuana lately. Like, 3 or 4 joints in a night....6 or 7 throughout a day. Some of you have read my posts about how I score my bud, so you know that my connections are flimsy, small quantities and never regular. When I run out (I will be running out tomorrow), if I can't score, I will start to get panicky. I will go through stages of panic, leading into anger, to sadness. There are times when I feel like I am trying to get a "fix" of the stuff I have been clean from for more than 4 years (cocaine). I feel like I am always on guard of myself that I don't get too crazy and start thinking I could go back to that lifestyle. I get to the point where I don't want to smoke alone, because I need someone around to keep me grounded. Yet, when I have someone here, I basically ignore them.

wtf am I talking about...I guess I am feeling insecure.
gr8misadventures Reviewed by gr8misadventures on . Narcotics Anonymous...brainwashing? Disclaimer: I am very stoned and still toking as I type this. I am spilling ash on my keyboard... I was a proud member of Narcotics, Cocaine and Alcoholics Anonymous for almost 3 years. Then I smoked a joint. I didn't toke again until more than a year later - right before what would have been my four year clean time. Keep in mind, I was a cocaine addict and a raving ecstasy retard. My daughter wasn't conceived yet, and my son was living with his father. So this past March, I run Rating: 5