I'm better off dead...

[CYRAX]

i'm better off dead...


Okay well I'm 15 and have been on probation for 1 and a half years. I was supposed to get off on Dec 28th, about a month from now. Well I allways had a problem with quiting smoking because it's easy access and it just makes me very happy when I'm having problems at home. I just had a test afew days ago and I used a home test 30 min ago and it come out dirty for marijuana. I beleive this was my last chance because i got some warnings allready and she mentioned about it getting serious. My life is perfect besides court and probation, everything is going good, good girl, not as many home problems as before, good grades, ect. I'd literaly rather die then get locked up 18 months, and I'm being as honest as possible. I told my mom i will end up dead if i get a new court date, and she just says "dont worry you aint gettin sent nowhere", but I dont beleive her...

I'm not writting this for attention, or for flamers to talk shit, im writting this because im in a very bad situation and it may turn out to the worst...

I really dont know, my girlfriend doesnt know yet and i'm wicked worried...


fuck the law.

[DylanN89]

ok man it sounds ur siuation is shitty but man if ud just stick it out and be a man and stay clean till u get off probation and get out of the system then u toke again.... dont play the system... u will only loose man.. :(

[Frivolous248]

Dude get your metabolism up and drink lots of water, and don't smoke until your off probation.

Good luck.

[CYRAX]

I allready took the test for my PO afew days ago, and just home tested tonight and it was still dirty...

I'm fucked...

I'm outta this bitch if I get a new court date...

[cuzz305]

you aren't going to juvi for 18 months

[CYRAX]

you aren't going to juvi for 18 months

it's not juvi, she said it was an 18 month rehab program.

[slipknotpsycho]

dude i don't know what else you want anyone else to say or comment on, shoulda stopped smoking when you were on probation... as impossible as it may seem... better to be sober for however long you got probation and out in the free and able to do pretty much w/e else you want, then be in prison/jail and have everything stripped from you, including asshole virginity... that's just not for me, if i was on probation i wouldn't even touch weed... probation is basicly a warning, atleast in their eyes... you fuck up that, and they take it as you dont' care about what they do to you and lock you up... fucked up situation, yes i know... but in all honesty, only you can prevent the consequences should you not follow their orders... but going to prison/jail/juvi (actually in this case if you get anything, it's going ot be juvi, which isn't anything.. trust me... lol... i can't tell you how pussified it is... atleast compared to the alternatives when you get older, i was there for well over a year...) is hardly worth killing yourself over... there's a saying, and i know it doesn't sound right in this situation, but it's about the best advice i can think of it.. "you did the crime, now do your time" even if we don't see it as a crime, they do...

just trust me dude, even if you get a court date, and get sent to juvi, it's hardly anything to worry about... maybe you have images built up in your head of what being locked up is really like (i know i did) but it's nothing like those images... it's almost like being at summer camp... no rape, no real fights unless you just have a problem with someone, i mean it CAN happen, but doesn't that someone is just going to walk up to you and start shit with you... there is no gangs or groups, there is only "friends"

if you do happen to get thrown in juvi, just listen to my advice... as i fucked up while i was in there (selling pills for [meal]trays and such...) do your time and be done with it, don't cause no problems, dont' do shit that is against their rules, kiss your case workers ass, and show off how much of a role citizen you can be, atleast here, your caseworker is the one who decides when you're 'fit' enough to be released back into society.... and you can get out relatively fast... a month at most, if you do exactly what you're supposed/need to do... read this post carefully as it may spare you extra months in the fuckhole that you dont' really need/want...

i seen alot of people in there, that liked to act all big and bad ass, fight with the CO's (which NEVER turned out well, i mean common sense tells you that you don't fuck with someone that can bench press twice your weight, when fights break out, there's something around here that's called 'slamming' basicly the CO in charge of the unit throws your ass around, it's supposed to just be seperating the fight, but alot of them just do it for fun... i remember watching this one dude get thrown all over a unit, into brick walls, the metal showers, everything.. all because he started slurring racial comments and when someone hit him he hit them back, then the [black] CO stepped in to stop the fight, only he wasn't stepping in to stop the fight he was stepping in to put the dude through hell, and i admit, the dude deserved it, may not have been regulation, but he deserved it nonetheless... anyways, point is they all ended up being bitches to the CO's, and you fight back with one of them, first you're going to get your ass beat down by that CO, then you're going to get sent somewhere even worse, and ontop of that get more time added...

just go in there acting like the role model citizen, dont' fuck with anyone, DO NOT SNITCH ON ANYONE, and your stay will be like a summer camp... the only reason i say don't snitch on anyone other then just an general honor code among 'criminals' is because it will just make your life harder, everyone wil hate you, everyone will treat you like shit, resident and CO alike, and it will not take any time off your stay, even if your caseworker says he'll let you out sooner if you 'help him out' it's not true...

another tip, if you go to a 'drug counselor' and they start asking you about what drugs you've done, do NOT tell them everything, and by far minimize the drugs you're caught for... the juvi i was in, had a drug unit, 6 months added onto your time instantly so you can go through the drug program... no longer, no shorter... then you gotta consider the fact you gotta wait in line, as there are numbers of people in gen. pop. just waiting to get a bed int he drug unit so they can start their actual time... if it you just happened to get in when everyone just started, you're fucked, that's a year, if you get in one of the next beds available... because now you don't only gotta server your 6 months drug treatment time, you also gotta wiat for the people ahead of you to go through theirs...

like i said, dont' go in there talking shit, don't go in there revealing secrets, and do not try to act all big and bad ass because of all the drugs you've done (you'd be surpised how many in there tried to act bad ass with all the drugs they've done and ended up paying for their blabber mouth in the end) do what you gotta do, and get the hell outta there... that don't mean you can't have friends in there, don't even mean you have to let someone take your trays, or bully your ass around... but whatever you do, DO NOT start anything... the CO's even if you think they're not, are constantly watching what's going on, and they WILL know who initiated the fight, and whoever did, will get the worst end of the stick...

[BobBong]

it's not juvi, she said it was an 18 month rehab program.

So what???

You're 15.. you obviously don't realize that there is much, much more to life.

Few people your age do.
You've got your whole life ahead of you and it consists of more than 18 months

You're putting far to much thought into this.

[slipknotpsycho]

it's not juvi, she said it was an 18 month rehab program.

read the post above... i know you haven't had time as i just posted all that... but where i was was a rehab program.. it may be a bit diffrent then where i went, but alot of it still applies... when it comes to juvi's and rehab programs, it's 80% of the time, a juvi-hall that also has a rehab program..

[BobBong]

I've got arrested acouple times but I dont consider myself a criminal, I mean maybe sometimes, not officialy though.

Stop treating yourself like one then.

[CYRAX]

dude i don't know what else you want anyone else to say or comment on, shoulda stopped smoking when you were on probation... as impossible as it may seem... better to be sober for however long you got probation and out in the free and able to do pretty much w/e else you want, then be in prison/jail and have everything stripped from you, including asshole virginity... that's just not for me, if i was on probation i wouldn't even touch weed... probation is basicly a warning, atleast in their eyes... you fuck up that, and they take it as you dont' care about what they do to you and lock you up... fucked up situation, yes i know... but in all honesty, only you can prevent the consequences should you not follow their orders... but going to prison/jail/juvi (actually in this case if you get anything, it's going ot be juvi, which isn't anything.. trust me... lol... i can't tell you how pussified it is... atleast compared to the alternatives when you get older, i was there for well over a year...) is hardly worth killing yourself over... there's a saying, and i know it doesn't sound right in this situation, but it's about the best advice i can think of it.. "you did the crime, now do your time" even if we don't see it as a crime, they do...

just trust me dude, even if you get a court date, and get sent to juvi, it's hardly anything to worry about... maybe you have images built up in your head of what being locked up is really like (i know i did) but it's nothing like those images... it's almost like being at summer camp... no rape, no real fights unless you just have a problem with someone, i mean it CAN happen, but doesn't that someone is just going to walk up to you and start shit with you... there is no gangs or groups, there is only "friends"

if you do happen to get thrown in juvi, just listen to my advice... as i fucked up while i was in there (selling pills for [meal]trays and such...) do your time and be done with it, don't cause no problems, dont' do shit that is against their rules, kiss your case workers ass, and show off how much of a role citizen you can be, atleast here, your caseworker is the one who decides when you're 'fit' enough to be released back into society.... and you can get out relatively fast... a month at most, if you do exactly what you're supposed/need to do... read this post carefully as it may spare you extra months in the fuckhole that you dont' really need/want...

i seen alot of people in there, that liked to act all big and bad ass, fight with the CO's (which NEVER turned out well, i mean common sense tells you that you don't fuck with someone that can bench press twice your weight, when fights break out, there's something around here that's called 'slamming' basicly the CO in charge of the unit throws your ass around, it's supposed to just be seperating the fight, but alot of them just do it for fun... i remember watching this one dude get thrown all over a unit, into brick walls, the metal showers, everything.. all because he started slurring racial comments and when someone hit him he hit them back, then the [black] CO stepped in to stop the fight, only he wasn't stepping in to stop the fight he was stepping in to put the dude through hell, and i admit, the dude deserved it, may not have been regulation, but he deserved it nonetheless... anyways, point is they all ended up being bitches to the CO's, and you fight back with one of them, first you're going to get your ass beat down by that CO, then you're going to get sent somewhere even worse, and ontop of that get more time added...

just go in there acting like the role model citizen, dont' fuck with anyone, DO NOT SNITCH ON ANYONE, and your stay will be like a summer camp... the only reason i say don't snitch on anyone other then just an general honor code among 'criminals' is because it will just make your life harder, everyone wil hate you, everyone will treat you like shit, resident and CO alike, and it will not take any time off your stay, even if your caseworker says he'll let you out sooner if you 'help him out' it's not true...

another tip, if you go to a 'drug counselor' and they start asking you about what drugs you've done, do NOT tell them everything, and by far minimize the drugs you're caught for... the juvi i was in, had a drug unit, 6 months added onto your time instantly so you can go through the drug program... no longer, no shorter... then you gotta consider the fact you gotta wait in line, as there are numbers of people in gen. pop. just waiting to get a bed int he drug unit so they can start their actual time... if it you just happened to get in when everyone just started, you're fucked, that's a year, if you get in one of the next beds available... because now you don't only gotta server your 6 months drug treatment time, you also gotta wiat for the people ahead of you to go through theirs...

like i said, dont' go in there talking shit, don't go in there revealing secrets, and do not try to act all big and bad ass because of all the drugs you've done (you'd be surpised how many in there tried to act bad ass with all the drugs they've done and ended up paying for their blabber mouth in the end) do what you gotta do, and get the hell outta there... that don't mean you can't have friends in there, don't even mean you have to let someone take your trays, or bully your ass around... but whatever you do, DO NOT start anything... the CO's even if you think they're not, are constantly watching what's going on, and they WILL know who initiated the fight, and whoever did, will get the worst end of the stick...


Thanks for the detail in your reply, I'm sure it would help alot if I was sent to juvi because i wouldn't be a hard ass and wouldn't piss the CO's off, I would try as hard as possible to be a "nice guy".

But the thing is it's a 18 month rehab program, not sure how those work but I'm probably not willing to go.

[CYRAX]

Stop treating yourself like one then.

Stop being a dick, I admit that I do criminal actions sometimes, maybe not what i consider a criminal act, but what they do.

[pu ekot]

Considering how you said yourself that you smoke to escape home problems, you probably should be in rehab.

Considering the fact that you claim you will kill yourself if you have to go to rehab, you should probably be in therapy.

[CYRAX]

Considering how you said yourself that you smoke to escape home problems, you probably should be in rehab.

Considering the fact that you claim you will kill yourself if you have to go to rehab, you should probably be in therapy.

no therapist is gonna change shit, OMFG YOUR GONNA KILL YOURSELF YOUR INSANE YOU NEED HELP, all that is bullshit man, no one makes me think differently but myself...

My mom is calling my PO tommorow, I'm hoping for the best, I'll stay away from the trees if I get granted this final chance..

[slipknotpsycho]

Thanks for the detail in your reply, I'm sure it would help alot if I was sent to juvi because i wouldn't be a hard ass and wouldn't piss the CO's off, I would try as hard as possible to be a "nice guy".

But the thing is it's a 18 month rehab program, not sure how those work but I'm probably not willing to go.

meh, rehab programs are all pretty much the same... it's pretty much bullshit imo, they try to put you in touch with your feelings, get you to understand 'why you use drugs' (like, it's so impossible to beleive someone does it just for fun? lol) and all this other touchy-feely crap... give you a homework type thing assignment weekly, no right or wrong answers tho, questions designed for them 'to see how your mind works' and what not... no one changes unless they want to, i really don't understand why these people make the effort, something like 70% of users, will go back to using within just a few months, another 10% in just a couple of years..

[pu ekot]

no therapist is gonna change shit, OMFG YOUR GONNA KILL YOURSELF YOUR INSANE YOU NEED HELP, all that is bullshit man, no one makes me think differently but myself...

My mom is calling my PO tommorow, I'm hoping for the best, I'll stay away from the trees if I get granted this final chance..


No, it's really not like that. I can't explain right now, I can barely see the keys. I will explain it now.

[BobBong]

I'm not being a dick man.. I'm simply trying to make you realize what the fuck it is you're actually saying...

You just need to stop and seriously look at what it is you're saying.

You're over reacting.

[CYRAX]

I'm not being a dick man.. I'm simply trying to make you realize what the fuck it is you're actually saying...

You just need to stop and seriously look at what it is you're saying.

You're over reacting.

Yeah I just realized that afew minutes ago, I'm starting to think of what can be possitive out of this, like preharps she DOES give me the final chance, sorry for being rude previously but i'm in a damned mood.

I'll be sure to let yall know how the phone conversation goes tommorow.

Wish me luck everyone.

[mamma puffpuff420]

u sound like u need 2 st8in out ur shit
i would imagin u brought all this on urself
quit winein bout it and take care of ur business
only u can st8in out ur life

[birdgirl73]

Good luck, Cyrax, with that phone call tomorrow. Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life in front of you. And if you can do that better with some structured help, maybe that's meant to be. One thing's for sure. You wouldn't be better off dead. You'd be dead. And you'd have destroyed a whole bunch of other people's lives in the process. I don't think you really would want to do that, but that's how it'd play out. Suicide is not a legacy you want to leave your family with, no matter how messed up they may be. It's a permanent solution to temporary problems.

[CYRAX]

u sound like u need 2 st8in out ur shit
i would imagin u brought all this on urself
quit winein bout it and take care of ur business
only u can st8in out ur life

beleive me I'm workin on it...

[CYRAX]

Good luck, Cyrax, with that phone call tomorrow. Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life in front of you. And if you can do that better with some structured help, maybe that's meant to be. One thing's for sure. You wouldn't be better off dead. You'd be dead. And you'd have destroyed a whole bunch of other people's lives in the process. I don't think you really would want to do that, but that's how it'd play out. Suicide is not a legacy you want to leave your family with, no matter how messed up they may be. It's a permanent solution to temporary problems.

Yeah your most definetly correct... I think I can play my cards right from here, with a tad bit luck. :o feelin a lil better.

[Skink]

When I was 15 the court sentenced me to 6 months rehab in a place called "Grove City PA",,,there was a helecopter scheduled to bring me there... The day I was supposed to go I hid... a couple weeks later I and my Mom talked to my probation officer and he then told the courts to lay off if I agreed to 21 days rehap in a local place... I got wasted 4 out of 21 days I was there,,,LOLz...

[TheFatKid]

Hey man, chill. If its just rehab and not juvy, you should consider that lucky. If its not overnight(idk how rehab works), it shouldn't be that bad. My advice is to kiss the judge's ass if you do have a court date, drink water and exercise, and not smoke for a while.


Best of luck to ya.

[suhl]

:thumbsup: if you cant handle getting arrested for weed you really are better off dead cause if that is the hardest problem yoiu ever handle fwll shit.. honestly if something that happens while you are sixteen other than getting sexually molested and you think death is better you are nothing more than a pussy. hate to be blunt, but seriously, if a few days in a juvenile prison is worse than death to you then you honestly are better off dead. and if you kill yourself becaise of something you read online you are better off dead. good night ace, best of luck, hopefully you dont kill yourself, but if you do you have convinced uis all it is for the best:thumbsup:

[wayoftheleaf]

Good luck, Cyrax, with that phone call tomorrow. Keep in mind that you have the rest of your life in front of you. And if you can do that better with some structured help, maybe that's meant to be. One thing's for sure. You wouldn't be better off dead. You'd be dead. And you'd have destroyed a whole bunch of other people's lives in the process. I don't think you really would want to do that, but that's how it'd play out. Suicide is not a legacy you want to leave your family with, no matter how messed up they may be. It's a permanent solution to temporary problems.

OMG you just quoted my favorite history teacher. He always used that exact phrase

It's a permanent solution to temporary problems.

lol

[CYRAX]

:thumbsup: if you cant handle getting arrested for weed you really are better off dead cause if that is the hardest problem yoiu ever handle fwll shit.. honestly if something that happens while you are sixteen other than getting sexually molested and you think death is better you are nothing more than a pussy. hate to be blunt, but seriously, if a few days in a juvenile prison is worse than death to you then you honestly are better off dead. and if you kill yourself becaise of something you read online you are better off dead. good night ace, best of luck, hopefully you dont kill yourself, but if you do you have convinced uis all it is for the best:thumbsup:

I'm obviously not going to kill myself, and how would you know what my life about to be calling me a pussy? kind of uncalled for.

Don't really respect anyone who insults me considering they dont know me, but what can I do it's the fuckin internet, lol.

The day I kill myself is the day I get a large prison statement, thats about it though, lol.

[suhl]

i guess it was a misunderstanding, i thought you said youd be better of dead if you failed your drug test. must have misreadsomewhere, my fault, forgive me:thumbsup:

[thcbongman]

Dude, you were so close to getting off and you had to violate it?

Just hope the judge has mercy, or have your mom talk to your PO and have her give you mercy since you are so close to completion. If it comes down to a choice, I'd go to juvy for far less time. Rehab programs tied to court I liken to a slow prison sentence if you aren't able to quit till you get off.

18-month rehab? Wow, that's harsh for a violation. How many previous violations did you have?

[BabyFacedAbortion]

My boytoy got locked up last year for weed for a year. He was put in a bunch of different programs and eventually got kicked out for bad behavior. He said it wasn't really that bad, even though he was put in some of the worst places with some of the worst people. He got really buff and stuff lol..getting locked up isn't THAT bad, I mean it's pretty shitty but your friends still wait for you and they still love you and usually they exaggerate the time you're going to be there for. I don't know what I'm getting at, I guess that you shouldn't worry so much about it, you fucked up and you're going to have to do time eventually..everyone will be there when you get back yanno.

[CYRAX]

Yeah it isn't all that bad and all but damn 18 months isn't straight... that's a bit too much, this would be my 2nd violation.

[cuziwashigh420]

I think you need to try and just quit smoking. Its not that hard.

good luck tho. and your not better off dead. it will all get better.

[mamma puffpuff420]

all in all cyrax..i wish u the best
but what w/e ..keep ur head up
and b positive
may b a bit of conseling wood do a bit of good

[EmericanStoner420]

hey dude im kind fo in a similar problem i cant stop smokin, i say ok tyler(my name oviously)this is the last day your gonna smoke so i get reall fuckin stoned and then i do it again the next day and the next and so on so far its been like a month and i geuss i have to go to court and my po said i cant really do much so im most likely goin to this 100 day detention/rehab center im not sure what to think anymore ive beem drinkin alot more and sam thing with smokin, i just wnna get as much possible in by next month(when im supposed to gets ent away)




ede

[spliffstar22]

you're not going to jail??? All this for some stupid rehab bullshit? I thought you were going to jail for 18 montsh, and whos sending you to rehab? your P.O. or your mom? How are you not a criminal if you do criminal actions? If you've been charged you're a fucking criminal, i'm a criminal, who cares.......If you break the law you're a fuckin criminal, even if you don;'t agree with the law..........And if your gonna act like a little bitch after doing the crime, don't fucking do it............

[ValkyrieAg]

I'm obviously not going to kill myself, and how would you know what my life about to be calling me a pussy? kind of uncalled for.

Don't really respect anyone who insults me considering they dont know me, but what can I do it's the fuckin internet, lol.

The day I kill myself is the day I get a large prison statement, thats about it though, lol.

Well then whats with this thread title?!

I thought I was gonna get to read some bullshit about a pansy ass suicidal kid that wants to kill himself because his life is so unfair and hard.

Instead I get some bullshit about a pansy ass kid who is simply sad about going to rehab cause he can't stop smoking for a little while.

To put this in perspective, you were most likely playing little league baseball 3 years ago. Childs mentality. "my moms gonna call the P.O. tomorrow"