I'm better off dead...

[CYRAX]

i'm better off dead...


Okay well I'm 15 and have been on probation for 1 and a half years. I was supposed to get off on Dec 28th, about a month from now. Well I allways had a problem with quiting smoking because it's easy access and it just makes me very happy when I'm having problems at home. I just had a test afew days ago and I used a home test 30 min ago and it come out dirty for marijuana. I beleive this was my last chance because i got some warnings allready and she mentioned about it getting serious. My life is perfect besides court and probation, everything is going good, good girl, not as many home problems as before, good grades, ect. I'd literaly rather die then get locked up 18 months, and I'm being as honest as possible. I told my mom i will end up dead if i get a new court date, and she just says "dont worry you aint gettin sent nowhere", but I dont beleive her...

I'm not writting this for attention, or for flamers to talk shit, im writting this because im in a very bad situation and it may turn out to the worst...

I really dont know, my girlfriend doesnt know yet and i'm wicked worried...


fuck the law.

CYRAX Reviewed by CYRAX on 11-24-2006. I'm better off dead... i'm better off dead... Okay well I'm 15 and have been on probation for 1 and a half years. I was supposed to get off on Dec 28th, about a month from now. Well I allways had a problem with quiting smoking because it's easy access and it just makes me very happy when I'm having problems at home. I just had a test afew days ago and I used a home test 30 min ago and it come out dirty for marijuana. I beleive this was my last chance because i got some warnings allready and she mentioned about Rating: 5

[DylanN89]

ok man it sounds ur siuation is shitty but man if ud just stick it out and be a man and stay clean till u get off probation and get out of the system then u toke again.... dont play the system... u will only loose man..

[Frivolous248]

Dude get your metabolism up and drink lots of water, and don't smoke until your off probation.

Good luck.

[CYRAX]

I allready took the test for my PO afew days ago, and just home tested tonight and it was still dirty...

I'm fucked...

I'm outta this bitch if I get a new court date...

[cuzz305]

you aren't going to juvi for 18 months

[CYRAX]

you aren't going to juvi for 18 months

it's not juvi, she said it was an 18 month rehab program.

[slipknotpsycho]

dude i don't know what else you want anyone else to say or comment on, shoulda stopped smoking when you were on probation... as impossible as it may seem... better to be sober for however long you got probation and out in the free and able to do pretty much w/e else you want, then be in prison/jail and have everything stripped from you, including asshole virginity... that's just not for me, if i was on probation i wouldn't even touch weed... probation is basicly a warning, atleast in their eyes... you fuck up that, and they take it as you dont' care about what they do to you and lock you up... fucked up situation, yes i know... but in all honesty, only you can prevent the consequences should you not follow their orders... but going to prison/jail/juvi (actually in this case if you get anything, it's going ot be juvi, which isn't anything.. trust me... lol... i can't tell you how pussified it is... atleast compared to the alternatives when you get older, i was there for well over a year...) is hardly worth killing yourself over... there's a saying, and i know it doesn't sound right in this situation, but it's about the best advice i can think of it.. "you did the crime, now do your time" even if we don't see it as a crime, they do...

just trust me dude, even if you get a court date, and get sent to juvi, it's hardly anything to worry about... maybe you have images built up in your head of what being locked up is really like (i know i did) but it's nothing like those images... it's almost like being at summer camp... no rape, no real fights unless you just have a problem with someone, i mean it CAN happen, but doesn't that someone is just going to walk up to you and start shit with you... there is no gangs or groups, there is only "friends"

if you do happen to get thrown in juvi, just listen to my advice... as i fucked up while i was in there (selling pills for [meal]trays and such...) do your time and be done with it, don't cause no problems, dont' do shit that is against their rules, kiss your case workers ass, and show off how much of a role citizen you can be, atleast here, your caseworker is the one who decides when you're 'fit' enough to be released back into society.... and you can get out relatively fast... a month at most, if you do exactly what you're supposed/need to do... read this post carefully as it may spare you extra months in the fuckhole that you dont' really need/want...

i seen alot of people in there, that liked to act all big and bad ass, fight with the CO's (which NEVER turned out well, i mean common sense tells you that you don't fuck with someone that can bench press twice your weight, when fights break out, there's something around here that's called 'slamming' basicly the CO in charge of the unit throws your ass around, it's supposed to just be seperating the fight, but alot of them just do it for fun... i remember watching this one dude get thrown all over a unit, into brick walls, the metal showers, everything.. all because he started slurring racial comments and when someone hit him he hit them back, then the [black] CO stepped in to stop the fight, only he wasn't stepping in to stop the fight he was stepping in to put the dude through hell, and i admit, the dude deserved it, may not have been regulation, but he deserved it nonetheless... anyways, point is they all ended up being bitches to the CO's, and you fight back with one of them, first you're going to get your ass beat down by that CO, then you're going to get sent somewhere even worse, and ontop of that get more time added...

just go in there acting like the role model citizen, dont' fuck with anyone, DO NOT SNITCH ON ANYONE, and your stay will be like a summer camp... the only reason i say don't snitch on anyone other then just an general honor code among 'criminals' is because it will just make your life harder, everyone wil hate you, everyone will treat you like shit, resident and CO alike, and it will not take any time off your stay, even if your caseworker says he'll let you out sooner if you 'help him out' it's not true...

another tip, if you go to a 'drug counselor' and they start asking you about what drugs you've done, do NOT tell them everything, and by far minimize the drugs you're caught for... the juvi i was in, had a drug unit, 6 months added onto your time instantly so you can go through the drug program... no longer, no shorter... then you gotta consider the fact you gotta wait in line, as there are numbers of people in gen. pop. just waiting to get a bed int he drug unit so they can start their actual time... if it you just happened to get in when everyone just started, you're fucked, that's a year, if you get in one of the next beds available... because now you don't only gotta server your 6 months drug treatment time, you also gotta wiat for the people ahead of you to go through theirs...

like i said, dont' go in there talking shit, don't go in there revealing secrets, and do not try to act all big and bad ass because of all the drugs you've done (you'd be surpised how many in there tried to act bad ass with all the drugs they've done and ended up paying for their blabber mouth in the end) do what you gotta do, and get the hell outta there... that don't mean you can't have friends in there, don't even mean you have to let someone take your trays, or bully your ass around... but whatever you do, DO NOT start anything... the CO's even if you think they're not, are constantly watching what's going on, and they WILL know who initiated the fight, and whoever did, will get the worst end of the stick...

[BobBong]

it's not juvi, she said it was an 18 month rehab program.

So what???

You're 15.. you obviously don't realize that there is much, much more to life.

Few people your age do.
You've got your whole life ahead of you and it consists of more than 18 months

You're putting far to much thought into this.

[slipknotpsycho]

it's not juvi, she said it was an 18 month rehab program.

read the post above... i know you haven't had time as i just posted all that... but where i was was a rehab program.. it may be a bit diffrent then where i went, but alot of it still applies... when it comes to juvi's and rehab programs, it's 80% of the time, a juvi-hall that also has a rehab program..

[BobBong]

I've got arrested acouple times but I dont consider myself a criminal, I mean maybe sometimes, not officialy though.

Stop treating yourself like one then.