just a question...

[slipknotpsycho]

is it wrong for a grown man to cry... does that make them weak, or a 'pussy?'

[ToDrunkToFish]

Not at all. I actually heard that one of the reasons why Women live longer then men is that since they cry so much more they release some bad toxins in their tears that otherwise store up in the body.

But I mean come on, an older mans long-lifed friend dies or parents die. I would never make fun of them for crying.

[slipknotpsycho]

what about someone that's not quite 'older' just old enough to be considered a man, crying just about every week about his brother being taken from him... yeah maybe i'm releasing too much info, but i'm actually confused at this point... he's been gone for quite a bit more than a year, and i still find myself in tears atleast weekly...

[Bodom Children Of]

yes

[slipknotpsycho]

yes

come on man, this is something really close to heart, i mean atleast respect that... if that's what you honestly feel, then i won't argue with it, and even respect that you have the balls to express your opinion instead of what society pre-disposes mostly everyone to believe, but dont' just give answers liek that to be an ass....

if you seriously stand by what you said, then ignore this post... but i'm being 100% serious here..

[Bodom Children Of]

come on man, this is something really close to heart, i mean atleast respect that... if that's what you honestly feel, then i won't argue with it, and even respect that you have the balls to express your opinion instead of what society pre-disposes mostly everyone to believe, but dont' just give answers liek that to be an ass....

if you seriously stand by what you said, then ignore this post... but i'm being 100% serious here..

There is no right or wrong answer to your question. What's the point in asking it?

[ToDrunkToFish]

Well whats the reason? obviously this post turned towards you and whatever is goin on in your life. What about your bro? More info and ill give you a good opinion.

[slipknotpsycho]

i dont' really know what you're asking, but basicly my brother was murdered just over two years ago, but it's not even the fact he was taken way before 'his time' ... it's just that he's gone... nwo i find myself either in tears, or near tears anytime the subject is brought up at all... at first, i thought it was just part of the mourning process, but now i'm not sure anymore... i don't really know what to think, and i need guidance i guess you could say... it seems like the pain will never subside... it hasn't even lessened and it's been two years... two years is a long time when you spend every day wondering why, and imagining what you would do if you got your hands on the person(s) responsible... i just need to know how everyone else woudl feel/act in this situation...

i dont' know if that really answers the questions at hand, but unless i had some more direct questions that's all i can say...

[yoda]

maybe the sadness is a bit frequent, but for a grown man, or any man for that matter, is not "wimpy" to cry over that kind of tragedy.

[JaggedEdge]

There is nothing wrong with anyone crying. It is a natural function that is important in our overall emotional well being.

That said, I don't know the circumstances of your story, nor will I ask. It takes different people different amouts of time to overcome their grief. If you can't seem to move on though, I think you may want to talk to someone. There is nothing wrong with going to a doctor that will listen and give advice. No drugs though.

Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with crying and I hate how society has instilled this in men. Granted if someone is crying, male or female, everytime they stub their toe, than that is a little to much. But never think, "men aren't supposed to cry." I really is just unhealthy.

[ToDrunkToFish]

Oh, man sorry I was thinking somthing completly different and was about to call you a pussy or somthin. Were the people responsible ever caught? If not thats one hell of a thing your facing knowing whoever did it didnt get punished.

How old are you too? How old was he? Sorry to keep asking questions about the obvious thing that you really dont wana talk about. But its family man I dont dought you one bit. You can never ask him what happened, you could never say you loved him that one last time or possibly your last time with him wasnt a good one and thats what your feeling. Who knows but dont worry about it man. Yea eventually youll hafta wear it off but after 2 years I wouldnt worry about it.

If anyone called you a wimp or a pussy for cryin over that I most certantly hope you punch them in the kidney.

[Bodom Children Of]

It depends on why you cry. If you're crying because you kicked your toe against the leg of the coffee table, then quit being a little pussy.

LMAO:dance:

[Psycho4Bud]

It's like what Billionfold said; it's not like you stubbed a big toe on the table. Sometimes life gives us a good kick to the nuts and we all know that will make ANY man cry!

Take care and try to have a good one!:thumbsup:

[slipknotpsycho]

Oh, man sorry I was thinking somthing completly different and was about to call you a pussy or somthin. Were the people responsible ever caught? If not thats one hell of a thing your facing knowing whoever did it didnt get punished.

How old are you too? How old was he? Sorry to keep asking questions about the obvious thing that you really dont wana talk about. But its family man I dont dought you one bit. You can never ask him what happened, you could never say you loved him that one last time or possibly your last time with him wasnt a good one and thats what your feeling. Who knows but dont worry about it man. Yea eventually youll hafta wear it off but after 2 years I wouldnt worry about it.

If anyone called you a wimp or a pussy for cryin over that I most certantly hope you punch them in the kidney.

yes they were caught, but got two years... two years for murdering my brother, i don't feel that's just, which is probably one thing that lays heavily on my conscience... i was 19, he was 17, just 2 months shy of reaching 18.... at 18, me and him got in one of the biggest fights in our entire lives... i didn't talk to him for months after that, and even after 'we'd made up' i still felt horrible about it.. i basicly kicked him out on the streets, with no where to go... so that also might play a very large role in it all....

[Polymirize]

harsh history. and no; while you may be a weak pussy for any other number of reasons slip, it's not for crying.

[slipknotpsycho]

Slipknot, if it's not to personal could you explain how your brother was murdered? You know, some details? You might as well give insight to those who want to help you.

no one but the people present in the apartment really know what happened, and none of them are talking... i'm pretty sure it had something to do with drugs, in some way or another, i have my theories... all iknow for sure, is this dude shot my brother point-blank range with a shotgun in the midsection, and everyone ran to hide guns and drugs, then they came back to call 911... even after all that my brother was still alive when the first respondant to the call arrived, which was an officer.... according to my mom (who has been known to lie, but for some reason, it seems like my brother in every aspect) lived long enough to tell the officer that he's not telling them shit... knowing the type of family this dude came from (the name is very common and well known for being in this type of shit, drugs, guns and even murder...) i believe it when my mom offered up the possibilty the reason my brother wasn't talking was because he had put threats on my mother and my brother...

[partyguy420]

dude, its perfectly normal for you to cry... i was crying when my bro went to jail...and he was only in for 2 years and one day(put the extra day on to put him in prison instead of just jail) but i think its fine for a grown man to cry. my ex says she thinks its fine to... i mean i was crying when she broke up with me... i cry when i feel the need to.. some times its over everything... some times its over nuthing... some times its just over my fucked up life... wich is actualy starting to look up... but thats fucked up... only 2 years for murder... especialy when my bro gets locked up for 2 years and 1 day for un paid fines. personaly, if you want me to.... call me up, and we will talk a little bit of bussiness about the guys....

[slipknotpsycho]

if you're getting at what i think you're getting at, no... if anyone was to do anything to him, it would be me... as i'm afriad, only the things that could be done to him to make me feel everything just, could only come deep from within the hatred i have for him, only someone close to my brother, that felt the way i did, could have enough fuel, to do what i want done to him.... but as an old saying says, an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind, and i believe that... if i were to give this guy what i feels he deserves, then it would just come back, and be a never ending cycle of hunting each other down and making them pay with their life, much in the same fashion you'd expect to see in a movie... no i'm afraid revenge just wouldn't do in this situation...

only my wife knows this, but right now i feel like sharing... almost every night, i have nightmares, and i mean the kind you can feel, the kind you wake up feeling that deeply rooted fear in, that pain, that agony... i don't know how many people experience it... but say for instance you got a gun pointed at you in your dream, you still FEEL the exact same way you'd feel as if it were real... anyways... i often have those dreams, but i'm always just seconds from being able to save him... i really feel like i'm starting to lose it.. sometimes i feel stronger, but for the most part i feel weaker... i feel weak because i'm not doing a damn thing about it.... i feel like i'm just letting my brother lay in dirt with no justice, because as usual, the justice system apppointed by the government has failed...

i don't know about you guys, but i'd MUCH rather have a convicted crack dealer running around the streets then a convicted murderer... and i know this guy and his family (well of course i've never met the guy or he wouldn't have a face, i'm actually afriad if i ever saw him i'd just lose it, and i mean to a point where i'd eat his flesh or some crazy shit, i'd just totally lose touch with reality...) he will do it again, just like his brothers... i'm usually for giving people a chance to change and having faith they can, but sometimes you just 'know' a person won't change, and you're alway sright... this is one of those instances... in a little under two years (it took nearly a year just for all the bullshit court dates... when he admitted he killed my brother, i really don't understand why it took so long) this guy will be out on the streets again, and he will do it again... maybe not right away, maybe even 20 years from now... but he obviously has no problem wtih someone's death on his conscience... he probably could have even saved my brother if he would have called 911 right when he shot him, rather than running to hide everything...

[CultureCherryPopper]

While it may suck, understand that while you may feel screwed by the system, you are one of many and there isn't you can do just sittin' and bein' depressed. If it means that much to you, work to fix it somehow. And don't mourn your bro's death, but rather celebrate his life. Don't be held back by what you did/didn't do/shoulda done, just cherish him in your heart. Remember that he understands and still loves you and always will. Love is eternal, don't be obsessed with mortal triffles.

[Reefer Rogue]

is it wrong for a grown man to cry... does that make them weak, or a 'pussy?'

No, I don't believe so. Showing emotion, in this instance crying, either from happyness or sadness I presume in no way makes them physically weaker or emotionally. Perhaps they are even stronger emotionally because they feel they can deal with their emotions by crying rather then hiding them inside and discriminating against people who do cry. I'm sick of this macho-chauvanistic bullshit, if i want to cry i'll do it and i will be no more less of a man then anyone else. I hardly ever cry saying that, but when i do i don't want to or should i feel the need cover it up in case of being labeled as weak or a pussy.

[az666]

I think it's healthy to cry, it's part of the healing process especially when mourning.
Mourning can be a long thing, some people it only lasts a week or two, others can mourn for years.
I agree with what CultureCherryPopper said!

[birdgirl73]

Not only is it healthy and good to cry, it's necessary. Oh, Slipknot, my friend, I'm so sorry that happened. You've spent this time being strong for your family and trying to suck that emotion in, but it's the folks who don't let that built-up emotional energy out who are in danger of going nuts. Or going postal. And even then, sometimes, in horrific situations like these, the emotions threaten to overwhelm you.

There are people in this world who are uncomfortable with emotions and don't like any men to show vulnerable feelings. But that's really a statement about the people who judge them and not about the ones who're expressing emotions. Nothing is sexier or more touching to me than a man who can feel and express his feelings. Truly. I couldn't be married to a guy who could not, and I think most self-actualized, sane people feel the same way.

Have you ever given any thought to a few check-in sessions with a good therapist to sort of release some of what's boiling up inside you and get some constructive feedback? Some of what you're going through right now sounds eerily like post-traumatic stress syndrome, Slipknot, which can really eat away at your balance and interrupt your functioning when the previously suppressed emotions start to surface. At difficult times in my life, work with a good counselor has made a lot of difference for me. As I told you in another thread, it helped me when I used to work for the fire department and see traumatic awful things on a frequent basis. It helped me and my husband during a rough spot in our marriage some years ago. And I'm considering a few visits again right now, in fact, after what we've all been through with my sister's illness and death. I think it'll just help the holidays feel less overwhelmingly sad, too.

Give it some thought in case that might feel right to you, too. If you have ever kept a journal of some kind, that's very therapeutic, too. Anything that'll help you get the feelings up and out is healthy. From crying to therapy. And never let anyone else tell you differently. Much love to you, my friend.

[Nochowderforyou]

is it wrong for a grown man to cry... does that make them weak, or a 'pussy?'

No, I don't think so. I cry when I'm sad or really, REALLLLLY angry, and hell, if I didn't, it would just built up sadness that can explode at all the wrong times.

So no, it doesn't make you a pussy. Crying is something to be done every once in a while to make someone feel better. If it's done on a daily basis or every few days, then there is something wrong with your emotions. A person shouldn't cry that much, just every so often when needed. :)

"It's okay to cry...crying takes the sad out of you" :p

[napolitana869]

For something like that, I don't think it would be wrong to cry everyday for 5 years. Any one who thinks its wrong for someone to cry in your situation either has no heart or is too afraid of their own emotions to face someone else's.

[suhl]

id say it is wrong and makes him less of a man unless death is involved, then it is totally understandable. and im not talking about a cat either.

[slipknotpsycho]

thanks for all the words guys... and as for a therapist, i was never really much for it, it's not like we have the money either way tho... the only thing i know to do to let out emotion is write poetry, but i haven't much felt like writing lately, kind of like writer's block i guess, the words just dont' want to come...

[Abattoir Dream]

m8, everyone cries no matter how 'hard' you are, seriously man, i cant imagine the pain you must be in... and if anyone calls you a pussy for crying, remember i called you a man for letting yourself cry, seriously man, i feel for you...

[Abattoir Dream]

as for the poetry thing, i really think you need to hear a song written by dr dre called 'the message,' its deep shit, and fits with your situation, sometimes you just gotta put up with what you feel... unfortunately..

[Mista Sippi]

dudes can cry, just not in public.
i shed tears for all my dead homies, but only when i'm alone.
i cry almost everynight because i can't be with my daughter, but don't nobody know that shit. you get caught cryin you considered weak.
only other man that has ever seen me shed a tear is my brother.
when we lost our father we were both crying like blubbering baby bitches. but fuck what you think mayne if you miss yo brother don't hold that shit inside you, just smoke a sweet and cry. you're still a man homie, everybody bleeds just like you.

[ronjohn420]

yes

dude fuck you asshole

slipknot is being personal here and all you can do is bring bullshit on his thread......

go to hell man!!!!:mad:

and slipknot.... no man, this is your brother man... cry all you want and then some........

jesus cried all the time in the gospels concerning the humanity of the world and such and he still cries for the world and cries for you to.....

youre a good man, dont worry about it man, your brother knows you care about him and he sees it (i believe)

its your life and if thats how you get out your feelings then keep on brother.....

cause if you dont, you may gun down 16 yr.old boys in walmart parking lots:p

listen to hip hop.... gangstas cry all the time

(scarface--- never seen a man cry)
I watch him dying when he dies, let us celibrate
You took his life but his memory you'll never take
You'll be headed to another place
And the life you used to live will reflect in your momma's face
I still gotta' wonder why
I never seen a man cry
Untill I seen a man die

[friendowl]

i have had my good friend die in my arms
besides that a lot of my partners arnt here today

i really do know how you feel

you are such a better man than i am
i live with a burning hatred everyday of my life
thats why i stay away from alcohol
when i drink i feel like killing people
i dont fuck around when it comes time to put in work

what works for me is "nature"
i just drive into th emountains or desert
and find a spot where no one is
after some time alone you can think clearly
all the bullshit seems a lil different

if it wasnt for hiking id be on death row
if your brother could speak to you
do you think he would want peace or revenge

if i got shot and passed i would hope someone would ride for me
but thats not very smart

[slipknotpsycho]

i'm actually not sure... he wasn't the type to let anyone get away with any wrong doing to him, but i also doubt he'd want me to put myself in a situation where i wind up being put in prison or something (somehow i bet you if i killed him out of revenge i would get 50+ years...)

[friendowl]

let me just say that you cant think that way

no body no crime

if your a planning man you will suceed

we dont plan to fail we fail to plan

its a small world psycho
one day before he see's you
im sure you'll spot him
just stay ready so you dont have to get ready

[ronjohn420]

i have had my good friend die in my arms
besides that a lot of my partners arnt here today

i really do know how you feel

you are such a better man than i am
i live with a burning hatred everyday of my life
thats why i stay away from alcohol
when i drink i feel like killing people
i dont fuck around when it comes time to put in work

what works for me is "nature"
i just drive into th emountains or desert
and find a spot where no one is
after some time alone you can think clearly
all the bullshit seems a lil different

if it wasnt for hiking id be on death row
if your brother could speak to you
do you think he would want peace or revenge

if i got shot and passed i would hope someone would ride for me
but thats not very smart
yes i know the feeling,,,
as for losing someone to murder i can not relate, although about a year ago i lost a friend to a methadone OD, i saw the night before just loving life and having fun smokin drinkin and poppin pills, the next day i arrived (i left early to sleep) as i opened the door to my friends room, my friend (J.Richards) was lying on the floor cold to the touch, i woke up my buddy........ (story not to be continued)

anyways im so sorry for you and your brother.....

are you a pussy?? hell no

should you ride for him???? thats in your hands only

as for what friendowl said, i couldnt agree more or have said it better myself....
to go out to the woods is a great way to relax
i often drive for 2 hours to reach a patch of woods in the middle of 154 acres of state protected forest to relax and smoke....

do what you need to do man, you have my condolences

[JR77]

is it wrong for a grown man to cry... does that make them weak, or a 'pussy?'

I just wanted to say that I think it is quite the opposite - I think you're weak if you don't show your true feelings....I'm very sorry about your brother...

[Cheery Cherry]

I think BirdGirl said it all...there's not much more I can add besides I'm sorry for your pain and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you crying. It doesn't make you a weak person.

*HUGS*

[tootsie roll]

is it wrong for a grown man to cry... does that make them weak, or a 'pussy?'


Absolutely not. My husband cries when horrible and distressing things happen. Now, the degree of the crying depends on the emotional toll endured. He's cried when we lost a child, he's cried when a parent died, he's cried when I wasn't so sure things would work out. (at a time of my own distress,,,,I couldn't live without him) All humans cry. Animals cry. Crying is a normal, regular part of our emotions. Not sure I'd trust a man that couldn't cry.

[tootsie roll]

what about someone that's not quite 'older' just old enough to be considered a man, crying just about every week about his brother being taken from him... yeah maybe i'm releasing too much info, but i'm actually confused at this point... he's been gone for quite a bit more than a year, and i still find myself in tears atleast weekly...


Aww honey, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's really not been so long and you are still in grief, in pain. Losing a sibling at such a young age is life altering just as losing a parent at a young age is life altering.:(
It's many years later and I still cry all the time and sometimes it just happens without warning and I find myself in tears. Just suddenly, I'm like" whoa, I'm crying."
I think crying is natures way of helping to purge the hurt. Albeit temporary.

[tootsie roll]

i dont' really know what you're asking, but basicly my brother was murdered just over two years ago, but it's not even the fact he was taken way before 'his time' ... it's just that he's gone... nwo i find myself either in tears, or near tears anytime the subject is brought up at all... at first, i thought it was just part of the mourning process, but now i'm not sure anymore... i don't really know what to think, and i need guidance i guess you could say... it seems like the pain will never subside... it hasn't even lessened and it's been two years... two years is a long time when you spend every day wondering why, and imagining what you would do if you got your hands on the person(s) responsible... i just need to know how everyone else woudl feel/act in this situation...

i dont' know if that really answers the questions at hand, but unless i had some more direct questions that's all i can say...


<<reaching thru the pc giving slipknot a big but gentle hug>>

My mothers brother was murdered in his early 30's. It was torture to see my grandparents' faces and the whole family was changed.:(

[tootsie roll]

no one but the people present in the apartment really know what happened, and none of them are talking... i'm pretty sure it had something to do with drugs, in some way or another, i have my theories... all iknow for sure, is this dude shot my brother point-blank range with a shotgun in the midsection, and everyone ran to hide guns and drugs, then they came back to call 911... even after all that my brother was still alive when the first respondant to the call arrived, which was an officer.... according to my mom (who has been known to lie, but for some reason, it seems like my brother in every aspect) lived long enough to tell the officer that he's not telling them shit... knowing the type of family this dude came from (the name is very common and well known for being in this type of shit, drugs, guns and even murder...) i believe it when my mom offered up the possibilty the reason my brother wasn't talking was because he had put threats on my mother and my brother...

Your brother died a Hero, his last thought was to protect his family. God Bless Him.

[tootsie roll]

Not only is it healthy and good to cry, it's necessary. Oh, Slipknot, my friend, I'm so sorry that happened. You've spent this time being strong for your family and trying to suck that emotion in, but it's the folks who don't let that built-up emotional energy out who are in danger of going nuts. Or going postal. And even then, sometimes, in horrific situations like these, the emotions threaten to overwhelm you.

There are people in this world who are uncomfortable with emotions and don't like any men to show vulnerable feelings. But that's really a statement about the people who judge them and not about the ones who're expressing emotions. Nothing is sexier or more touching to me than a man who can feel and express his feelings. Truly. I couldn't be married to a guy who could not, and I think most self-actualized, sane people feel the same way.

Have you ever given any thought to a few check-in sessions with a good therapist to sort of release some of what's boiling up inside you and get some constructive feedback? Some of what you're going through right now sounds eerily like post-traumatic stress syndrome, Slipknot, which can really eat away at your balance and interrupt your functioning when the previously suppressed emotions start to surface. At difficult times in my life, work with a good counselor has made a lot of difference for me. As I told you in another thread, it helped me when I used to work for the fire department and see traumatic awful things on a frequent basis. It helped me and my husband during a rough spot in our marriage some years ago. And I'm considering a few visits again right now, in fact, after what we've all been through with my sister's illness and death. I think it'll just help the holidays feel less overwhelmingly sad, too.

Give it some thought in case that might feel right to you, too. If you have ever kept a journal of some kind, that's very therapeutic, too. Anything that'll help you get the feelings up and out is healthy. From crying to therapy. And never let anyone else tell you differently. Much love to you, my friend.


As usual, words of wisdom;well-spoken. :thumbsup: The Holidays. Awful and scary at times. Best to be kept as busy as possible. Hope you have been well. Small set back here but pushing on.:abduct: :abduct: :jointsmile:

[birdgirl73]

Thanks, Toots. I'm alright. Have had a couple of bad, teary days, though, and I'd cry extra hard thinking about Slipknot going through worse than I am. Think I'm on the upswing again, though. (Caught a cold at school, which makes everything worse.)

[S.P.Q.R.]

I think crying does make a person weak. Embrace your "pain" and get stronger from it, don't break down like a little girl.

Just my two cents..

[tootsie roll]

thanks for all the words guys... and as for a therapist, i was never really much for it, it's not like we have the money either way tho... the only thing i know to do to let out emotion is write poetry, but i haven't much felt like writing lately, kind of like writer's block i guess, the words just dont' want to come...

I could tell you years of stories, but in the end, all a therapist really does is listen, act like a friend and sometimes drug you. and then YOU pay them for that honor and at years end, you've paid for their new car and dining room set.
The internet has somewhat changed that as people who therapy just won't help, find help thru others on the net. :)

[smoke it]

when heavy personal shit goes down, crying is an option

[Wesley Pipes]

i don't care what anyone says, it's never wrong to cry, it doesn't make you a pussy, actually i believe it makes you more of a man cuz your not AFRAID to show your feelings. :)

[tootsie roll]

Thanks, Toots. I'm alright. Have had a couple of bad, teary days, though, and I'd cry extra hard thinking about Slipknot going through worse than I am. Think I'm on the upswing again, though. (Caught a cold at school, which makes everything worse.)

Teary days are more then understandable.
Sorry about the cold. School and germs go hand in hand. Time for some chicken soup. Or Zicam (?) Is that what it's called? Those q-tip things. They look kinda scary. I went ahead and had the flu shot this year so I'm hoping to bypass that.

Slipknot, my heart goes out to you hon.
And anybody who thinks men shouldn't cry, they don't have a clue about life.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

it was a trip when i first saw a gangsta cry, didnt know, didnt ask, didnt wonder why.

i happen to be listening to that song

[BabySnookums]

it's so distressing sometimes....to know the one you love is going thru so much emotional pain...and there's nothing you can do to make it better. i'm too mom-ish i guess...i just wish i could hold him and make his pain disappear. just to look in his eyes, that're normally so sparkly and happy, and see more pain than you could imagine...it makes my heart break. he helped me thru my dads death...and then months later his bro was taken from us...i felt helpless watching him struggle to cope...

[Abattoir Dream]

man, i dont know about you and your situation, but i would have gone lookin for whoever it was straight away, obv. 2 yrs down the line its too late to do that but, if someone did that to my brother, i wouldnt stop till i either got them back, or had the same done to me, i would find where he lives, and burn it to the ground....