Vagina Eyeball.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

When I was a little bit younger there was this woman that lived at the end of my street. She had been born with a rare deformity of the face in which her left eye was an actual small vagina. We used to call her "Ol' pussy eye" or "Magnum P.I" for short.
She used to sell some of us kids that lived round there Xanexs. Sometimes we would go over there and drink beers and stuff. It was weird but kinda cool cause she'd let us get as fucked up as we wanted to. One time she let one of my buddies stick his finger all the way in her eye. We had dared him to ask her before we went there that day. That shit was gross! She actually used to date this old man that lived behind her in the woods named "Gary".
Gary was a Vietnam War veteran that claimed he used to walk "point" for his platoon. Basically "walking point" is where one man walks several yards ahead of his squad in order to sniff out booby traps or hidden attacks. He said he was always armed with a 12 guage sawed off shotgun and had literally foiled many suprise attacks by "blowing apart" the enemy......
Gary also told us he was so good that his platoon leader started recruiting him for secret one-man missions in which he would sneak into Vietnamese camps and slit generals necks while they slept. One night when we were really drunk, he went as far to say that he got to be soooo good at that, that he could actually fuck someone in their ass before they had time to die.......
This really freaked me the fuck out.
I used to see Gary walking to her house sometimes dressed in full drag. Wig, dress, lipstick, and the whole 9.........
He said the U.S government had been after him for years because of "top secret" information that he still knew.
I guess they made a good couple.
The thing that used to really freak all of us out though was the lady's pet mutant turtle......
Not the kind from the cartoon, but a real life mutant turtle she kept in a 85 gallon aquarium she had in the living room.
Now that I think about it, it did kind of look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, just without the weapons and ninja shit on.
But, it walked on two feet just like the cartoons and was really buff and strong.... It was about the size of one of the TMNT's figurines too. You know, kinda small and shit.
She had one of those big porceline castles in the aquarium that it used to live in. I only saw that fucker a couple of times, but when I did, it scared the hell outta me. This lady must've had like a hunded fish in the tank too. Mean fuckers like Jack Dempsys and big African Cichlids. I saw that damned turtle grab one of the Cichlids one time with its bare hands and eat that fucker. Scared the fuck outta me!!! She told us it did it whenever it got hungry and that's why she kept so many fish in there.
After I moved away, I heard that turtle got pissed one night and punched a hole through the glass and escaped. Shortly after, a neighborhood kid vanished and was never seen again. Everybody says the turtle did it.
I also heard Gary flipped out one night and burned the house down while him and her were inside of it.
I don't know, I haven't been down there in a long time......

discuss?

[OzzyOz]

umm that's kinda weird

my dad knew someone that was in nam' and so paranoid about that government that he actually hid guns in his walls. So if the governemnt turned on him, he could just punch into one of his walls and grab a pistol.

Crazyyyyyyyyy

my brother when he went to military school also had a teacher that was one of the people who'd search the tunnels that were often booby trapped in Vietnam... he was also sometimes on the edge, but a cool guy

[NightProwler]

cooler than jesus, thats the best story ive read in a verryyy fucking long time! i dont even care if its not true, that story kept me hooked.

[jebus]

damn, that was a great story. True or not, it somehow maintains a sense of suspension of disbelief.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

it is very true, i saw it with my own 2 eyes, lol. and my freind chewey who still lives about a block away, said that there is a New house in place, and that he did try to burn it down, with both of them in it, and that he failed, and they re-built the house, and after he got out of jail, hey married the 1 eyed wonder and they live in the new house now, and he is still a transteticle, and that they are still letting minors get shitfaced on their property, im going to go visit them soon, i feel like they are part of my family or something, lol, gary gave me my first hit of real weed too, he had like a quarter pound that he showed me, and he rolled a spliff like 1/2 a foot long and burned it with me, magnum P.I., chewey, jackson, and my girl freind becka. we were all only 12, lol. im 15 now.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

nah, she didnt moan, she said it hurts, and that there is no nerve endings or w/e in it.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

hehe, i got garys phone number, i am going to ask him if him in the wifey wants to take me and chewey fishing this saturday at the nearby river, lol. this should be fun. gary likes to fish WITH HIS HANDS. he calls it noodleing. he sticks his fingers under rocks and stuff, and wiggles his fingers, and then cat fish will actually try and EAT his hand/fingers, and then he pulls em out, and throws em on land, he is so savage, i wanna be just like him someday, except, without the crossdressing, and the one eyed wife. lol.

[ghandi]

I gotta say that story scared me ever so slightly...

[graymatter]

When I was a little bit younger there was this woman that lived at the end of my street. She had been born with a rare deformity of the face in which her left eye was an actual small vagina. We used to call her "Ol' pussy eye" or "Magnum P.I" for short.
She used to sell some of us kids that lived round there Xanexs. Sometimes we would go over there and drink beers and stuff. It was weird but kinda cool cause she'd let us get as fucked up as we wanted to. One time she let one of my buddies stick his finger all the way in her eye. We had dared him to ask her before we went there that day. That shit was gross! She actually used to date this old man that lived behind her in the woods named "Gary".
Gary was a Vietnam War veteran that claimed he used to walk "point" for his platoon. Basically "walking point" is where one man walks several yards ahead of his squad in order to sniff out booby traps or hidden attacks. He said he was always armed with a 12 guage sawed off shotgun and had literally foiled many suprise attacks by "blowing apart" the enemy......
Gary also told us he was so good that his platoon leader started recruiting him for secret one-man missions in which he would sneak into Vietnamese camps and slit generals necks while they slept. One night when we were really drunk, he went as far to say that he got to be soooo good at that, that he could actually fuck someone in their ass before they had time to die.......
This really freaked me the fuck out.
I used to see Gary walking to her house sometimes dressed in full drag. Wig, dress, lipstick, and the whole 9.........
He said the U.S government had been after him for years because of "top secret" information that he still knew.
I guess they made a good couple.
The thing that used to really freak all of us out though was the lady's pet mutant turtle......
Not the kind from the cartoon, but a real life mutant turtle she kept in a 85 gallon aquarium she had in the living room.
Now that I think about it, it did kind of look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, just without the weapons and ninja shit on.
But, it walked on two feet just like the cartoons and was really buff and strong.... It was about the size of one of the TMNT's figurines too. You know, kinda small and shit.
She had one of those big porceline castles in the aquarium that it used to live in. I only saw that fucker a couple of times, but when I did, it scared the hell outta me. This lady must've had like a hunded fish in the tank too. Mean fuckers like Jack Dempsys and big African Cichlids. I saw that damned turtle grab one of the Cichlids one time with its bare hands and eat that fucker. Scared the fuck outta me!!! She told us it did it whenever it got hungry and that's why she kept so many fish in there.
After I moved away, I heard that turtle got pissed one night and punched a hole through the glass and escaped. Shortly after, a neighborhood kid vanished and was never seen again. Everybody says the turtle did it.
I also heard Gary flipped out one night and burned the house down while him and her were inside of it.
I don't know, I haven't been down there in a long time......

discuss?

Discuss? Hell no! Keep writing. Great storytelling. What happens next?

[likemclever]

ROFLâ?¦thatâ??s a great storyâ?¦.(true my ass)

I thought you were gonna tell me Gary used to skull fuck herâ?¦.roflmao

The noodleing part is actually trueâ?¦.and yeah people who do it are crazy mother fuckers. (hillbillys and rednecks mostly)


If you go fishing..I WANT PICTURES.

great story

[Cooler Then Jesus]

haha, you guys really liked my story eh? ill write about our fishing trip, hehe. maybe get some pics too..

[Tom Swierzbinski]

You could get a shag and a blowjob at the same time from that woman. Who wouldnt want her?

[Cooler Then Jesus]

okay okay, heres a little joke for you tom

a guy walks into a whore house, and says he want something speacial
pimp says hes got a woman who cna sing the operah, and give BJ at the same time.
so he says, "ill take it"
he takes her home, and after a great blow job and a well done job of singing the operah, the whore goes to use the bathroom.
so, the guy gets up, and turns the light on.
he sees a glass eyeball sitting on the table.

[Tom Swierzbinski]

Lol, that was gross.

A south African man loses a leg in a gold mining accident. 'Shit' he says. 'Im fucked now, who wants a one-legged gold digger?'

'Me' says Paul McCartney.

[biscuits]

Dude you must be god to think of a story this good if its fake. I cant tell if i should believe this or just think its a folk tale lol.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

hehehe, its up to you guys if yah wanna believe, im sure there is WAY more unbelievable things going on right now, that are true, like Scientology...

www.theunfunnytruth.ytmnd.com

[slipknotpsycho]

i believed it up to the turtle part....

[biscuits]

I liked the scientology video those people are wack. Remember crack is wack kids.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

i believed it up to the turtle part....

dood, you can probobly google image, or video search it, hes not the only mutant turtle, people actually collect mutated turtles, like there is turtles with 2 heads, etc.

i am actually happy for the 3 of them (gary, turtle, vag eye) because they ALL have issues, and problems being accepted in life, but, now they are together as one happy family, and can all accept/love eachother for who they are, wethere they are deformed, or mentally ill. i give em some major kudos :thumbsup:

[Cooler Then Jesus]

dood, you can probobly google image, or video search it, hes not the only mutant turtle

on second thought, i tried to yaho vid search it, and found this..
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?p=mutant+turtle&sm=Yahoo%21+Search&toggle=1&cop=&ei=UTF-8&b=9&oid=0bf9fb9934240048&rurl=grouper.com&vdone=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fvide o%3Fp%3Dmutant%2Bturtle%26sm%3DYahoo%2521%2BSearch %26toggle%3D1%26cop%3D%26ei%3DUTF-8&vback=Results

hehe, ill elt you know when i find a video of an actual walking turtle, lol.

lol, YOUR A TURKEY!

[slipknotpsycho]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle anti-drug psa

i saw this, and closed the page immediately.

[m.g.]

yeah, i have heard some have had vagina's for eyeballs and others were born with shit for brains...

weird eh?

[Peach.Optimo.Bluntz]

lmfao!. That story rocked hahaha, that sounded like something Rob Zombie would have produced lmao.

[Samwhore]

thats wierd, so instead of being fingered did she get eye'd?

[Tom Swierzbinski]

Too... many... jokes...

I bet she likes playing headgames.

Boy, what a headfuck that was.

[likemclever]

im sure there is WAY more unbelievable things going on right now, that are true, like Scientology...
]

....lol....lol.....true.

[james420]

i believe it. my uncle has a dick growing from his neck.

[biscuits]

theres a finger sticking out of my forehead.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

lol, yeaaah, haaha'

[LittLeWinG]

LOL Cooler Then Jesus thats so freakin hilarous man. i literaly "rofl'ed" when i read about the mutant turtle :D you really are cooler then jesus

[willystylle]

yeah, i have heard some have had vagina's for eyeballs and others were born with shit for brains...

weird eh?

ROTFLMAO!

Does Gary fuck her brains out?

[slipknotpsycho]

lmfao!. That story rocked hahaha, that sounded like something Rob Zombie would have produced lmao.
if anything, that's just a bed time story for his children... lol i do believe zombie is just a bit more screwed in the head then that...

[TokinAsianGuy]

*tag throws up*

[lil josh]

ha!

[MastaChronic]

i wanna skull fuck this bitch

[Cooler Then Jesus]

yeah, i made it all up, i like to make up increadibly unbelievable stories all the time
if any one wants to hear a really funny story im working on let me know, ill give you a preveiw

so one day, im riding my harley down el camino real(road that stretches through california), so, i stop at a local biker hangout,so after a few(dozen) drinks, i blacked out and then, next thing i know, i wake up in the middle of a desert, laying on top of my motorcycle, i lift up my bike, and sit on it, only to see, hidden underneath my torn leather Hells Angels vest there was a 7.62x54 M60 Machine gun and a chain of ammunition, it was only then, when i noticed the sand was dark red, i look down, and notice a half eaten peyote cactus. not a native cactus to the area, turns out, i wasn`t in california anymore! it was when i looked up, the sky green, clouds blue, i was tripping. i heard some one talking to me...
i have the rest on my comp but i doubt anyone would read it all anyway. if someone requests me to post more of it, ill do so. but let me know what you guys thing of the preview?

[TokinAsianGuy]

"she's a squirter!"
"no dude, she's just crying..."

"mam, i think your eye is bleeding..."
"oh it's just that time of the month dear"

everytime she winks, she queefs.

[MastaChronic]

yeah, i made it all up, i like to make up increadibly unbelievable stories all the time
if any one wants to hear a really funny story im working on let me know, ill give you a preveiw

so one day, im riding my harley down el camino real(road that stretches through california), so, i stop at a local biker hangout,so after a few(dozen) drinks, i blacked out and then, next thing i know, i wake up in the middle of a desert, laying on top of my motorcycle, i lift up my bike, and sit on it, only to see, hidden underneath my torn leather Hells Angels vest there was a 7.62x54 M60 Machine gun and a chain of ammunition, it was only then, when i noticed the sand was dark red, i look down, and notice a half eaten peyote cactus. not a native cactus to the area, turns out, i wasn`t in california anymore! it was when i looked up, the sky green, clouds blue, i was tripping. i heard some one talking to me...
i have the rest on my comp but i doubt anyone would read it all anyway. if someone requests me to post more of it, ill do so. but let me know what you guys thing of the preview?

that is awesome

[LittLeWinG]

i so high and so confused.... :( lmfao

[friendowl]

your a cool lil homie for being only 15

[dark0ne]

there was this old lady that lived on the end of my street. she was to old to go out so my friend and i would go get her scrips from the pharmacy in the center of town. she always spoke about her husband that had been a pow since 1943 and she was waiting for him to get back to open her dress. she showed us the box and it was a wedding dress. this lady was so crazy she would cook pasta at like 6 am and you could smell it two doors away at my friend's house. this is all true, i was in 8th grade when she died. I remember them taking all of her stuff out of the apartment.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

your a cool lil homie for being only 15
wow thanks freind owl. your a cool guy too, i bet if i went back in time to when you were 15 we would get along. smokin a buncha weed with some girls, drinkin 40s on venice beach. your from that area i think right? im confused. anyway, ill post rest of story before xmas. promise.

[wayoftheleaf]

vagina eyeball...

gross..

[420purpHAZE420]

very funny story...but did ne1 watch the scientology video, it kinda freaked me out, but mabe thats just bc im high lol :rasta:

[RyanTheCaveman]

...
...
Where the fuck did you grow up?
Nice story btw. loved it.

[lardman]

That was a weird ass story. SOunds like a trippy ass movie. :D

[Cooler Then Jesus]

the more you know
the less you care...
wait...

[SocksThaClown]

lmao. I remember when he first wrote this.