mental cheating???

[muncheemama]

what do you all think about porno in a commited relationship? I personally think it's "mental cheating" and while some might see that as too harsh, i believe the act of someone peeling one off to the image of another woman or man just isnt very cool...watching it together as a type of foreplay is fine, but to hide and lie about a stash is deceptive and wrong...guys and girls whats your opinion? how would your partners feel? is my opinion one of an oversensitive woman, or is it rational???

[DonnieDarko]

I don't think that masturbation by any partner, with porn, or just thinking about that cute secretary in the office, should be considered cheating. In a perfect relationship, you should be able to discuss this openly with your partner and work toward trying to share fantasies with each other.

Even President Jimmy Carter admitted to having "lust in his heart".

I do agree that hiding/lying is dishonest and wrong ... but I wouldn't call it cheating.

[LIP]

I dunno, i guess this is where double standards may come in, cos a man can look at porn and have a wank, but when i woman does it the guy gets pissed off about it all...

I wouldnt like my gal to do it no.

Then again, if its a good relationship, im not sure you'd need to.

[Carisma]

A pretty sensitive subject that is...

Honestly, from a nature point of view and from the view of our urges,
it appears obvious that men have more needs for sex than most women.

Maybe he's not in the mood to have sex and please you as he only would like
to release some pressue, knowing that if he'd do so with you, he'd likely dissapoint you and you'd feel used.
If it's not frequent, he likely just didn't want to bother you for that. Watching a porno to it, just speeds things up and he might be more open for love and tenderness again, all just for you.

If he's not watching them, he could well be thinking of others while wanking, couldn't he? And for a fact, that's neither controllable nor bad in my humble opinion.

It doesn't have to be that, but it's one of the possible answers though. We _are_ different after all, and we very much feel different in especially that respect, mostly.

If it doesn't happen all week, I wouldn't worry.

Just my 0.02$

Cheers,
Carisma

[birdgirl73]

I think I probably have fairly lenient ideas in this area, but to me, that's just a guy being a guy. I'd definitely prefer it if the guy didn't hide this part of his life or lie about it, but perhaps he does that because he can anticipate what the reaction on the female partner's part will be.

Yeah, men do have stronger urges than we do, and they have sexual thoughts a lot more frequently. They just need to blow off that steam, and frankly, I think porno or a fantasy about someone else is a heck of a lot better than cheating. I truly do just think this is a guy thing and that, unless his solo porn activities become excessive and he is no longer interested in the real sex part of the relationship, it doesn't have much reflection on his attitude toward the relationship.

[Carisma]

I think I probably have fairly lenient ideas in this area, but to me, that's just a guy being a guy. I'd definitely prefer it if the guy didn't hide this part of his life or lie about it, but perhaps he does that because he can anticipate what the reaction on the female partner's part will be.


That is certainly one reason. Ever read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? It'll explain a lot about us men and you women and is a highly recommended read.
We men are not talkative, especially not about such subjects, usually. Women like to express their feelings, we do not(again mostly).

If we know that a woman understands and accepts that we are/think/feel different in many respects and does not treat our way as being wrong, we might get more talkative as well. There is no 'wrong', just 'different'(except if you judge it on morale which is implied by society)

Just my opinion on that matter.

Cheers,
Carisma

[Fan o KmK]

thats fucking stupid. every guy in the world has watched porn and wanked it. no girl is ever going to stop that.

[beachguy in thongs]

If I had a girl who was hot enough, and available enough, I'd feel no need for porn.

[Az.]

i dont think it's cheating unless you are doing it behind someones back....

I know my girlfriend has porn (its actually mostly gay porn lmao) on her computer...
things might be slightly different for us though because she is at uni, and we are having a bit of an open relationship....where she doesn't want to go and see guys...and I do...lol

that actually sounds really harsh....but thats the way things are at the moment....theres more to it than that but not going into detail...

What Carisma said is actually very true....

[Carisma]

If I had a girl who was hot enough, and available enough, I'd feel no need for porn.

I'd agree, though just temporary... If the setting/way/place of sex is always the same, even the hottest girl/woman on earth will get boring after a few years. Harsh words maybe, but true nontheless.

If you want a fulfilled sex life for more than just 2/3 years, you'd have to make sure to satisfy your partners' need and yours, and make sure to bring some new life into it by changing things from time to time. Place/setting/style/location/whatever. To get that far, you have to talk, which brings us back to the issue than we, as men, do not like to talk about feelings... understanding each other helps alot to bridge the gap.

Just my view of things.

Cheers,
Carisma

[420mory]

what do you all think about porno in a commited relationship? I personally think it's "mental cheating" and while some might see that as too harsh, i believe the act of someone peeling one off to the image of another woman or man just isnt very cool...watching it together as a type of foreplay is fine, but to hide and lie about a stash is deceptive and wrong...guys and girls whats your opinion? how would your partners feel? is my opinion one of an oversensitive woman, or is it rational???
mental cheating!!
nice !
:D

[muncheemama]

If I had a girl who was hot enough, and available enough, I'd feel no need for porn.
i am definitely hot enough, and normally he stays satisfied, during this time i was away for 8 weeks in a bigger city about 3 hours away..on bedrest for a difficult pregnancy...but we saw each other pretty often, it was a bad situation to begin with...part of me cant blame him, thats a long time...but the other part wonders why he would do it when I asked him not to..oh well, at this point he has tried to make it better but im afraid post partum emotions have made more of it than necessary..let me say, i dont mind most porn, because i am (for sure) hotter than any (most) porn star skanks around, but at 8 or 9 months prego, you dont feel that sexy..just seemed disrespectful

[willystylle]

Usually porn starts with a snip about how it is meant as an educational tool, not for under 18's, etc. If you see it in it's true light then yes, use porn in a committed relationship. if you see it as an escape from your marriage, it becomes a bad thing.

[beachguy in thongs]

i was away for 8 weeks in a bigger city about 3 hours away..on bedrest for a difficult pregnancy

Many people would lose respect for a man who cheats on his pregnant wife.

But, I think you have to give him a break on this one. He's probably imagining that all the girls are you and, maybe, he secretly likes seeing you cheat on him, as long as it's in his own head and through, only, his eyes.

Seeing his munchee "hot" mama performing sex acts, on anyone, turns him on.

[poorprincess]

I dont think men need more sex than women.
I dont tell my boyfriend bullshit like, dont masturbate when I'm right here.
I want my bf to jerk it some times because
a. it keeps him appreciative of my pussy(not that I need help).
b. I like to walk in on him and help.
c. masturbation is like working it out, and it increases stamina.
It's a natural thing and it's selfish to tell your bf or gf that they cant perform self love if they so desire. You cant cheat with yourself.

now if they masturbate more than they wanna fuck you then it's a problem.

[Ganjasaurusrex]

what do you all think about porno in a commited relationship? I personally think it's "mental cheating" and while some might see that as too harsh, i believe the act of someone peeling one off to the image of another woman or man just isnt very cool...watching it together as a type of foreplay is fine, but to hide and lie about a stash is deceptive and wrong...guys and girls whats your opinion? how would your partners feel? is my opinion one of an oversensitive woman, or is it rational???


Well what about fantasy of the mind? What is that?

Have you ever thought of another guy when your with your husband in the act?

But yeah a secret stash. I dont know why that need be going on but then what about a secret stash in the mind. Whats the difference? :twocents:

[Euphoric]

Theres a difference. Besides you cant make someone not think or fantasize about things, thats fascism

I read that porn activates endorphins in the human brain, releasing an opiate like chemical. This would mean that porn addicts are actually opiate addicts.
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/being-human/drugs-alcohol/mg18424750.800-porn-panic-over-erototoxins.html

[beachguy in thongs]

I'm having my opiate receptors removed.

[Midnight Baker]

There is nothing wrong with viewing porn and pleasuring yourself. A lot of couples will rent a naughty video and watch it, have sex while its playing (do what the porn stars do) and its a great way to spice up the relationship. If your not around for whatever reason and he wants to look at some porn and wank it...count yourself lucky! because it could be worse...he could be out looking for a play date.

Now if he doesn't want to have sex with you only watch porn and jerk off all by himself there is obviously a huge problem.

[Midnight Baker]

Why does he feel he needs to "hide" a porn stash from you? Hiding something from someone is done for specific reasons. Reasons that involve the person they're hiding it from. If anything i think you shouldn't make him feel bad about having porn, embrace it and use it together. It'll be fun, very sexually arousing, and it wont be that black cloud that hangs over the relationship.

[willystylle]

I feel sorry for the ppl that have to hide everything. I'm practically addicted to porn, so my collection is HUGE, and proudly displayed in my DVD stand.
Even weed and alchohol lies around everywhere with me. Its like you go into every room in the house and theres a pipe or bong waiting to be lit up. If you go to the toilet there's a bong sitting on the cisterne(sp?) so you can toke up while you take a shit...

It's the only way to live, man.

[muncheemama]

Why does he feel he needs to "hide" a porn stash from you? Hiding something from someone is done for specific reasons. Reasons that involve the person they're hiding it from. If anything i think you shouldn't make him feel bad about having porn, embrace it and use it together. It'll be fun, very sexually arousing, and it wont be that black cloud that hangs over the relationship.
he hid it because he knew prior to buying it that i would be hurt by it. that is/was the problem, i guess i felt entitled to my hubby respecting my wishes while i was away growing his child...he ditched the evidence before i came home, but he forgot to put the dvd player back in the living room(goddamn my PI like mind)..he was lonely and bored, and i think he had some resentment about me being gone...the dark clouds are fading, we are happy still, i just have trouble not throwing it back in his face when we fight...but i promised to stop, so i will. oh, and i will say that I have not ever ever ever ever ever thought of someone else while with my hubby, thats just weird.
and mental fantasies for him are something i cant control, or ever find evidence of, ignorance is bliss...