Hi, I'm new to these boards.

[Polaris]

And also a concerned parent of a 15yr old son. Don't all gang up on me! I'm here to try to learn about Cannabis and understand why he feels the need to use it.

I've known about his use since the summer of 2005, and have gone through all the usual parenty type of reactions: Shock, horror, despair...the end is nigh... that sort of thing.

I've spoken to a lot of organisations and his school about it, but it seems that as long as he's not refusing to go to school, stealing cars, using heroin or involved in any other misdemeanours, I've not got a problem. :confused:

Things came to a head last week, as he was caught smoking weed at school. Which then involved him being arrested, interviewed by the police, finger-printed, photographed and a DNA sample taken. He's also been excluded from school, possibly untill Easter.

My main concern is that he sits his final exams in a couple of months and is not putting in the work needed. He'd rather meet up with his mates and get stoned. What with that, and the exclusion, I'm starting to worry that he won't get to sit his exams at all.

Having said all that, he's not a bad lad. I've not had a lot of trouble with him. But his grades have plummeted since last summer and I'm concerned about his future.

Have any of you got any tales to tell that could put my mind to rest?

Many thanks. Polaris.

[friendowl]

have you ever asked him sincerly why he smokes bud.
each of us smoke for different reasons.
maybe it unlocks his creativity.
maybe he likes to laugh.
maybe it calms his nerves
there are many reasons you gotta know your kid 100%
maybe you should smoke with him to understand

[eddievanzant]

You should go to your local newspaper and tell them your school going son who stays out of trouble is in big trouble just because he happens to like recreational marijuana use. They might make a story about it.

[mrdevious]

I would suggest agreeing on a compromise with him. Let him smoke on the weekends, stay clear on school days. The important thing isn't whether or not he uses it, but that he uses it responsibly. Some people just aren't responsible enough to know not to smoke during school, before tests, before work etc. I'd really emphasize that you'll be cool with it if he proves to you that he can still keep his life together while smoking. Just really lay it down on him that he's determining whether or not he's earned your trust and respect.

[Az.]

I really don't know what to say...
At the end of the day it is up to your son, the work he puts into school, wether or not he smokes weed at school etc etc
lol there really isn't alot I could say that you don't already know, just sit down and talk to him about it...be reasonable.
As friendowl said people use it for many reasons...ask him why, you might get a more accurate answer than asking us why he uses it...he might not even know.
....
I used to smoke a hell of a lot more than I do now.....and I noticed that it was effecting my school work...so I cut down to just smoking on weekends, and that seems to be working fine for me....
To be honest getting stoned in school is probably one of the worst things he (students in general) can do!

But yeah just talk to him and try to understand and see it from his point of view....hopefully he will be honest about it.

:)

Edit: Good points mrdevious!

[del...]

well, you've heard from his peers, now hear from one of yours...

he's 15, he fucked up and got caught yet he still is allowed to go out and hang with his buds??? come on dad, do you think that will go over well with the judge? he shouldn't be partying when he should be in school...it's like rewarding him for being a fuckup! if you're not going to make him keep up on his schoolwork then at least put him to work so he knows when he goes against the rules there will be repercussions.

[friendowl]

polaris dont listen to del.
he's like the all american generic dad
who cares about the judge.
what's more important is having a good relationship with him.
if he is happy in his life he will automatically want a good future.
once he's content things will improve.
dont be a dorky dad your kid needs you to be understanding
do you smoke yourself?

[Psycho4Bud]

Here's another ol' timer dad. My rule to my boy was that school came first, after his first responsibility was done....homework...THEN he could go out without a bad word about what he did. He knew right up front though what the consequences were going to be for messing up at school. We sat down and agreed on the amount of days grounding for a screw-up. A days grounding didn't mean sitting in his room, on the phone, or playing video games either. A good days worth of work for the ol' man. He just LOVED to scrap the road tar from my quarter panels of the car!:thumbsup:

[del...]

he's 15, already in trouble with the law and close to being expelled (and who knows what else!). he needs more than a hug from dear old dad...

[Psycho4Bud]

Start bucking horns to hard and it'll esculate. By the way, when I found out the boy toked I told him that I would prefer if he were to do it in his room. I'd rather he was in the safety of his own home instead of getting busted trying to hide somewhere out on the streets doing it.

Good luck to you and yours!!!:thumbsup:

[friendowl]

maybe cuz dad only hugs him when he's in trouble.
most parents only pay close attention when there teens are
already in trouble.
we need to hear more from dad[polaris]
do you and your kid get along
what do you do for father/son activities
do you know what your kid likes and dislikes

[Polaris]

Thanks for all your replies.

I've tried the coming down hard routine with him before, all it did was cause friction, arguments and resentment.

I have talked to him at length about the reasons why he smokes it. From what I can gather it's because all his mates do and he enjoys doing it.

Short of locking him in his room for 24hrs there doesn't seem much I can do about it, but try to keep the lines of communication open and hope he's sensible and responsible about it. (Now he's been caught red-handed and suffered the consequences, he might just come to his senses.)

By the way I'm his Mother not his Father.

[friendowl]

well moms
it could be worse
what are your views on marijuana

[Fengzi]

Damn Del, a bit harsh aren't ya? That's cool, just trying to get your point across.

Anyhow, I've been smoking for 23 years, since I was 13yo. Since I started smoking I've earned two bachelor's degrees (graduating with honors), learned a new language, and am now a professional in the semiconductor industry. Any of the kids on this board would take one look at me and figure I'm some straight, tight-ass adult. No one would look at me and think I smoke weed.

Quite a few of my friends from school, whom I used to smoke with, have also become quite successful. Some have failed miserably in life but that didn't surpise any of us. The bottom line is that if a person has what it takes to be successful, it will happen whether or not they smoke. If they don't have what it takes, simply not smoking is not going to make it happen.

I'm also a parent and can understand your point of view. Fortunately, my little one is only 2 years old right now, so my big issue is potty training, not whether or not she smokes. My suggestion to you is not to forbid your son from using marijuana. It won't work. He'll still use it and the deceit/ anger that results will drive a wedge between you. Instead, just talk to him about your concerns. If you don't approve, let him know, but also let him know you aren't going to forbid him from using it. Like others have already mentioned, compromise and tell him you don't mind if he does it on weekends but during the week you want him to focus on school. Hopefully he'll realize your trying to work with him and go along with the plan.

[Kryzco]

In my personal opinion

if he's not doing his work, then he should not be smoking

He needs to have priorities

and if he's solely doing it because his friends do it

then maybe he shouldn't be doing it

Then again you know boys will be boys

You are going to have to lay down the law on him, and of course there will be hostility as there is with all teenagers

Just have a heart to heart conversation, talk to him like a friend and let him know that his education is important, and there will be other times to smoke, but he needs to get back on the right track

In my opinion, Mrdevious said it best

Always use a recreational drug responsibly

If you can't do that, then you shouldn't use it in the first place

[Polaris]

I tried it in my youth, but didn't like the way it made me feel, and haven't touched it since.

A couple of my friends smoke it recreationally. I feel that as long as it's used sensibly and responsibly then it's no worse than drinking socially.

In fact in some ways it's better than drinking socially because you never see a bunch of stoned people rampaging around the streets after closing time causing trouble.

I suppose my main concern that it's illegal and I don't want my son to have criminal record (which he managed to escape 'this' time) and be constanly in trouble with the law.

[del...]

mom...my bad.

if he's that far out of line and he respects you so little that he'll disregard everything you say then he probably needs outside help to realign his path. he's already shown his responsibilty level and is showing his lack of respect for you by continuing with the same behavior that got him in trouble in the first place...he needs to realize this can affect his future, immediate and the not-so-distant. have you talked with the school guidance office? they can probably give you a lot better advice than we can and are much closer to the situation.

[graph]

Kick your son's ass. I smoke cannabis and go to college, and try really hard. I just know where my priorities are.

In my opinion, I think a lot of kids like your son give cannabis a bad name. He's a bad kid, not because he's smoking, but because he can't smoke AND control his school. People like your son are the reason why people like you don't get all the necessary facts about cannabis.

Now, let's say for a moment he wasn't smoking, he was doing something perfectly legal for his age. Let's say he loved to go to the movies. Now, if he was to start skipping school to start going to the movies would you keep letting him go on his free time? If you did, I don't think you would be a very good parent.

Crack down on your kid. If he thinks he's mature enough to be smoking, he should be getting straight A's in school.

[del...]

now that wouldn't be a bad way of going about it...issue him a challenge and let him toke a bit only AFTER he maintains a b average...? but still he is young and needs to realize there are places and times for it...but that should happen with that b average.

[Polaris]

Del. I'm seeing the head teacher at his school tomorrow with regards to outside assistance and his future at the school.

As I said before he's not a bad lad. There are a lot of other kids in his year that are worse.

I have not been complacent about this. I've sought advice from various bodies and his school. But they seemed to think that it wasn't a big problem because he was still attendeding school and keeping out of trouble....untill now.

I expect I will be inundated with offers of help now it's gone this far, something I wanted from the outset.

[Theduderino]

And also a concerned parent of a 15yr old son. Don't all gang up on me! I'm here to try to learn about Cannabis and understand why he feels the need to use it.

I've known about his use since the summer of 2005, and have gone through all the usual parenty type of reactions: Shock, horror, despair...the end is nigh... that sort of thing.

I've spoken to a lot of organisations and his school about it, but it seems that as long as he's not refusing to go to school, stealing cars, using heroin or involved in any other misdemeanours, I've not got a problem. :confused:

Things came to a head last week, as he was caught smoking weed at school. Which then involved him being arrested, interviewed by the police, finger-printed, photographed and a DNA sample taken. He's also been excluded from school, possibly untill Easter.

My main concern is that he sits his final exams in a couple of months and is not putting in the work needed. He'd rather meet up with his mates and get stoned. What with that, and the exclusion, I'm starting to worry that he won't get to sit his exams at all.

Having said all that, he's not a bad lad. I've not had a lot of trouble with him. But his grades have plummeted since last summer and I'm concerned about his future.

Have any of you got any tales to tell that could put my mind to rest?

Many thanks. Polaris.

There are many individuals who smoke cannabis on a daily basis and are probably the most productive people during the day when they work. When is the best time to smoke? Usually after all your work is finally completed. Now as for your lad, it's his mindset that is the cause of plummeting grades. He is basically rebelling school. Is cannabis the cause of that? Well, no and a bit of yes.

No because I've known a lot of people who are slackers and they are totally against drugs or even alcohol. They just like to hang with their friends and rebel against school because it's boring, stupid, etc.. Yes because, like having a few drinks, it's fun to smoke and one can easily forget their responsibility and want to smoke day and night. Just keep in mind, it's the same with alcohol - many in college prefer to go out to drink and party then to stay home and study.

Now concerning cannabis itself. The best way to understand it, is to simply smoke it. It gives you a relaxed, goody feeling while making the simplist of things seem funny. The munchies occur since food also tastes much better and you tend to want to have more. Your eyes dry out a bit but any eye drop remedies that, and your body gets a bit de-hydrated but a glass of water remedies that as well. But while you're on it, you tend to want to chill out, watch TV, play some games, etc.. Basically homework and cannabis don't mix too well, but that also depends on the individual since there are those who work hard no matter what they're on.

Is it wrong for your lad to be smoking? Personally I think it's fine but he needs to be educated in knowing that smoking should be for only when he's done with everything he has to do. Besides, like having a nice glass of wine, it's nice to have one after you're done with everything. I never like being toked knowing that I have an essay to complete tomorrow, I just feel like crap all night.

But unless you try it yourself, you won't be able to relate to your lad because he'll just rebel and say you don't have any idea. Smoke with your lad once - trust me it'll be a big surprise for him. Then just talk it out and let him know that it's fine but that he has to get his responsibility done because his life is very important and it's crucial that he gets that degree. Also, to make it more motivating for him, tell him that if he doesn't get good grades, he'll not get into a good schoool, therefore eventually getting a sucky job that won't pay for his cannabis. If he works hard then he'll a good life going and be able to afford as much cannabis as he likes ;) .

But if you are still interested in finding out more about cannabis, check out the site: http://www.erowid.org/ . They tend to tell the truth of things without all the 'just say no', 'drugs kill' BS.

Well good luck and hope things work out. But if your lad is a good boy, then I'm sure he'll turn out just fine. Everyone has their bumps in the road they must face.

The Duderino

[friendowl]

graph your a good hombre
i like the way you tell it

[graph]

graph your a good hombre
i like the way you tell it
hahahaha, I think so too.

[Fabolous]

okay hello, i might as well enter thing Post with my comments

Okay i been smoking since i was 9yo (Now 17), and from my view from this is that he needs to crack down on some of his work. talk to him and set some rules, something like if you get meast up grades, no going out with friends for a week to get High.

i mean hell even i know for the past years that have went back that your work needs to come first before any type of partying.

Friendowl is right that there's many reasons why people start, i know my was with stress (With being poor and parents breaking up etc etc), and if it's just because his friends do it that's just wrong. i don't think anyone should be doing anything simply because there friends or someone they know is doing it as well.

but back to what i was saying just set some standers for him, he doesn't seem to care what punishment he gets so the best thing you can do is just be there for him when he is in trouble and not be a ass about the little things.

[Fan o KmK]

i saw this post and i just had to say something. being a 15 year old kid myself, my opinion might not be as valued as these parents on the board but i think you should definatly understand and allow him to smoke (because hes gona blaze no matter what, its better you guys have some kind of agreement and that you know he does it in a safe place etc.) freely since you said that originally you didnt have much of a problem with it.

cannabis is also, in my opinion, the number one bonding method. if you and your son share a spliff or something, or even just allow him to blaze in his room, then cook up a big pie or something for his muncies lol, im sure youll be amazed at how much closer youll be. trust and being able to tell your parents anything is so important.

however, if you decide that having a talk with him that his grades are going to continue to drop no matter what (100% his decision) that he cant smoke anymore, he will simply rebel and find himself sneaking around, hiding his smoking stuff from you, and being overall much more stressed out and hormonal.

just my 2 cents, im sure it will all work itself out, most people dont smoke cannabis their whole lifes. good luck polaris, you sound like a good mom lol.

[Fan o KmK]

sorry for the double post, just one more thing.

please dont base your opinion on cannabis smokers by reading posts on this board. there are so many that are just completely fucking stupid burn outs that are going nowhere and you shouldnt get your impression from them. (partly referring to the thread below this called "help" lol)

most of us are very well educated, smart, have a great grip on everything around us an ontop of that, are happy to have a nice pile of weed on our desk waiting to be rolled up lol.

uh i think i was gona say something else but i forgot lol. w/e.

[da haze meister]

I am 15 years old. I have told my mother that i smoke numerous times. She refuses to let me until im 18. I used to get stoned before school but I fucked up and *almost* got caught last week, so i will never do it again. Just not worth it. I still use after school and on the weekends. I try my hardest to keep my school work in line, i study hard, i work hard, and at the end of the day, i reward myself with a few nice bong rips on a friday afternoon. I do not view this as wrong. But, i think that although you shouldnt totally crack down on him, he fucked up and got caught, and you need to make this clear to him. sometimes we can go through life being confused as to what to do and what not do do, what to keep at and what to stop.
My two cents.

[orangeman]

Threads like these and the content in them make me sick. Whats the big fuss over cannabis? Why cant we use it around the public without being looked at, stared down, and possibly arrested for it. People who smoke cig's dont get as much attention and it's even more dangerous than weed. Why isnt it legalized and why are you here asking us about what you should do about your son? I'm 15 and I use weed on the daily now and I still get good grades and have a very healthy social life. If your son is having problems and using cannabis they are always gonna blame it and try to make it seem like it's always doing damage. They glorify moments like this so they can exploit cannabis yet again and convince parents it's a social disrupter and just plain "evil" It isnt the cannabis, it's your son. If he's having trouble in school it's him not cannabis. I was flunking but me using weed decided to do better so my mom cant say that its the weed thats making me fail and all this shit. If I were you I'd continue to let him smoke but I would get more down on him about his schooling.

[imagoober]

Schools just not big on everyones list, maybe he just hates school! i did i still graduated, not with great grade but i did it for my mom, and she wouldnt let me fish after school if i didnt, so the problem isnt weed, its school, mabe you need to give him an inscentive, think what he likes, what he like to do. and tell him that you want him do do well for YOU and him and if he does youll help him buy doind things for him! and if you have to maybe take somting away and dont return it until things get better at school. but if hes going to smoke and im sure he will, its better to let him do it at home where its safe! also make sure he knows how stupid he was in smoking at school! and tell him for doing shit like that he will be punished! i would recommend not talking the school about this they just fuck things up, tell them your going to deal with it! good luck i think you son is just like i was at his age and hates school but in the long run i wish i would have done better even thought i hated it!

[minnesota man]

I think if his grades are dropping, he can't smoke. Smoking pot greatly impairs your learning abilities. School is important and if he can't smoke and make A's, then Dad's got to nip it in the bud.:D

Hey, thanks for asking our opinion. You're a cool dad and he should respect that you made the effort to ask a bunch of potheads. Because the news and the government and the laws about weed are assbackwards and convoluted. Just like everything else in government.:mad:

[orangeman]

Smoking pot greatly impairs your learning abilities.

Didnt I tell you people like to wait for subjects like these to come up so they can say "it fucks up your learning ability?" Bull shit. When I'm high I can concentrate on what ever I have to do like 10 times better than I could ever do sober. In fact studying isnt even boring when I'm high.

[Fabolous]

Smoking pot greatly impairs your learning abilities.
Fuck you man you are so wrong!, i am a heavy smoker with higher B's and A's (before i got kick outta school (Because i moved BTW))

[minnesota man]

Hey Orangeman, that's great that you can hack it. Polaris' 15 yo can't. What I mean by impairing learning is that pot makes you stick to an idea whether it's a good idea or a bad one. Yeah it opens your mind but in my opinion, if grades are not good (high B's and A's), then the kid should quit smoking bud.

Dad, would you consider letting him smoke a joint once in awhile if he maintains good grades?

[minnesota man]

Fab, that's good that you where able to hack it too. Why did you get kicked out of school? That's another thing, schools don't take kindly to kids smoking pot in school.

[PaRanOiD81]

polaris dont listen to del.
he's like the all american generic dad
who cares about the judge.
what's more important is having a good relationship with him.
if he is happy in his life he will automatically want a good future.
once he's content things will improve.
dont be a dorky dad your kid needs you to be understanding
do you smoke yourself?


if hes that, then your the born in east LA dad probably handing your kid a tek9,a 40 and a blunt... wtf kind of shit is that to say?

I myself am not a father but have had the opportunity to raise 3 childern, all of whom are getting to be wonderful people, with no checkered history... nothing of what you speak of anyway and well one thing is right.... your son is smoking for a reason. Trying to find out what the reason is will basically solve your answer to making him stop or at least cut down.

One thing is for sure, he is not putting his priorities in order. Getting high is a reward like the other guy up there said and it is a privilage, one that we can't take for granted. Which is what your son is doing. You want to stop him from smoking, don't give him any money and tell him to improve his behavior and his grades and if he does it then he can get rewarded. But try not to be too harsh or hard on him because crayz kids will just pack up and leave before you know it. I can't really tell if he was raised that way where he would dream of doing that but I guess you should know how to address it. But definately put your foot down, your the adult, not him. if he were to kill someone with your gun, its your fault for letting him.... same thing with weed, if he were to get killed or kill someone, you would be at fault because you knew and did nothing about it.

[God v2.0]

FOR ONE! Pot is against the law and so there are SERIOUS and very REAL repercussions when you get caught, it doesnt matter if the laws are right or not because the consequences are the same either way. You have to be a fucking idiot not to see that.

Polaris, i think that you should be very firm, hit your son as hard as you can and tell him that if he does it again then you're gonna have him arrested, its going to make you son very mad and hes gonna rebel, he will think he is above your authority but he isn't if hes 15 then you own him and you control him so USE THAT AUTHORITY DONT BE A PANSY (have dad do it if you cant)

Dont let the little punk get away with whatever he wants, thats bullshit. You're ruining your son if you just let him do what he wants, he already has a CRIMINAL RECORD at age 15. If i were that kids parent i would beat him to within an inch of his life unless he proved that he was fixing the shit he made of his life.

Now of course you should take that with a grain of salt because im one extreme guy. But you have to lay down the law, if you dont now then you haven't in the past and all that gonna happen is you're gonna release another degenerate with no discipline into society where he is gonna fail, and whos fault is that? YOURS. Take some god damn responsibility, you raised him and let him know that. You put a roof over his head and feed him, don't let him use you and then wind up fucked up.


A more rational solution would be to limit him to only smoking on the weekends AFTER he has proven that he did all his homework. You should set up guidelines for him as well, like he can have a friend over and get high if he reads a book (Get some Kurt Vonnegut, like slaughterhouse 5 or cat's cradle, its fun, entertaining and mind expanding to read books, PLUS it will instill good habits in your son that will enrich his life and make it more worth living for him)

But bottom line don't let the boy control you, or threaten you because YOU are the boss not him (dont lord it over him because it will piss him off but he needs to understand that his actions have SERIOUS consequences)


REAL LIFE IS FUCKING HARD! SO DON'T LET HIM START IT UNPREPARED...

[graph]

I like the book idea. Not a lot of kids these days read, and they really should. Or, I could just be saying this because I'm a huge Vonnegut fan myself. Besides, your son needs morals.

P.S. If you ever plan on coming back to these boards, I'd think we'd all like to really hear how it went.

[geonagual]

You need for him to envision his goals and what it will take to get there. At his age in his life he has already created two of his ways of being. He will learn the 3rd and final way of being when he is set free on his own. So, you still have a chance. Good luck

[robert42]

Be strict with him, lay down the laws, he shouldnt smoke at 15 im sorry any1 who thinks otherwise but u shouldnt be allowing him out its like rewarding him for misbehaving.

lay down the law with him u gotta be firm to be nice.

[TonyD]

For a bunch of potheads a lot of the people here have some very conservative views.

[Skink]

For one I think your a cool Mom... I like the fact that you are seeking advice,I've not been here long ,but don't recall to many who sought the boards for guidance,Kudos...

Your son likes smoking pot more than school,Why???? He is more than likely pulling the wool over your eyes... You do sound a bit lenient,I don't know if that's good or bad... You need him to open up to you and running around finding a solution will widen the gap... More One On One would be my first step...

If this was my task and I thought he was rebelling with pot,,,I would try to make pot a useless tool to rebel with...

Lets get back to the cool Mom,,, I think your son needs to find out how cool you can be... I think he needs to feel you are out for his interest,but instead I believe he feels you are the enemy,again I believe the solution is more one on one and less running around finding a solution...

Is there a dad in this mix??? if so what is his take??? does he care??? is he part of the problem.... Is he there to help???



Good luck cause you gonna need it...

PS: I grew up in a dysfunctional family and smoked pot to escape pain and fear of the future...

[CrAzYpOtHeAd]

And also a concerned parent of a 15yr old son. Don't all gang up on me! I'm here to try to learn about Cannabis and understand why he feels the need to use it.

I've known about his use since the summer of 2005, and have gone through all the usual parenty type of reactions: Shock, horror, despair...the end is nigh... that sort of thing.

I've spoken to a lot of organisations and his school about it, but it seems that as long as he's not refusing to go to school, stealing cars, using heroin or involved in any other misdemeanours, I've not got a problem. :confused:

Things came to a head last week, as he was caught smoking weed at school. Which then involved him being arrested, interviewed by the police, finger-printed, photographed and a DNA sample taken. He's also been excluded from school, possibly untill Easter.

My main concern is that he sits his final exams in a couple of months and is not putting in the work needed. He'd rather meet up with his mates and get stoned. What with that, and the exclusion, I'm starting to worry that he won't get to sit his exams at all.

Having said all that, he's not a bad lad. I've not had a lot of trouble with him. But his grades have plummeted since last summer and I'm concerned about his future.

Have any of you got any tales to tell that could put my mind to rest?

Many thanks. Polaris.


I understand your concern. You should sit down and talk with him. Tell me your ok with smoking cannabis, as long as he use's it responbily, im 15 also and i also have some exams coming up soon (GCSE exams) my dad knows i smoke and dos'nt mind as long as i use it responbly. Im not going to smoke when it come's nearer to my exams, which is a choice i chose on my own. Tell him that you would rather have him smoke it at home where you know hes safe and is not going to get arrested, and not at school (and not to go to school stoned), what you could do is ask him to only smoke cannabis on the weekends, this way you won't have to worry about him and school and you've just got to make sure he's using it responbily. He does sound like a normal lad, but obvoiusly if his grades are down then he needs to cut down on the toking a bit. But if he can feel that he can talk to you about it then it will help him alot :) I hope you get everything sorted out and have him get the best grades he could possibly have. Peace.

P.S: lol, i think its pretty sweet you came on a cannabis forum to ask other stoners :p

[CrAzYpOtHeAd]

I tried it in my youth, but didn't like the way it made me feel, and haven't touched it since.

A couple of my friends smoke it recreationally. I feel that as long as it's used sensibly and responsibly then it's no worse than drinking socially.

In fact in some ways it's better than drinking socially because you never see a bunch of stoned people rampaging around the streets after closing time causing trouble.

I suppose my main concern that it's illegal and I don't want my son to have criminal record (which he managed to escape 'this' time) and be constanly in trouble with the law.

Well yeah, i guess if you "allowed" him, this could put you in shit too. But if he's responible enough and you explain to him very carefully not to let ANYONE know your cool with him smoking it, and that you only want him smoking on the weekends and to be VERY carefull, then i think he would be able to do that, and if he refuses to do this then i would just say that how im giving him the oppurtunity to do something on his own and be responsible for what hes doing, and that your giving him a chance to take responibilty and act adult about this whole thing. But yeah, dont come down hard on his ass like Del said, this will just push you and your son further away from each other, and he'll still be doing these things you don't want him doing (or doing them even more just to spite you). So yeah, my advice is to have a nice adult conversation with him about all this, and remember to remind him that your only doing this for his own good. But yeah, asking him to only toke on the weedends should help his grades improve.

[Polaris]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies.

Several of you suggested sharing a spliff/bong with him.... personally I would feel uncomfortable doing that. I fear he would see it as giving him the green light to smoke whenever he liked.

As I've said before, I've tried the tough approach, to no avail. So maybe now is the time for compromise and bargining. Maybe turn a blind eye at the weekends as long as his schoolwork is done during the week.

What I really would like him to do is, lay off the cannabis altogether, untill he's able to take a more responsible attitude towards it and use it purely recreationally. Maybe that's just a pipe dream. ;)

[robert42]

i hear u polaris its hard, if hes gonna do it hes gna do it

so maybe ur right lay down some rules for it, make sure he dont waste much money, and allow a lil smoke on the weekend if hes good

but let him know by no means is this a green light

[graph]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies.

Several of you suggested sharing a spliff/bong with him.... personally I would feel uncomfortable doing that. I fear he would see it as giving him the green light to smoke whenever he liked.

As I've said before, I've tried the tough approach, to no avail. So maybe now is the time for compromise and bargining. Maybe turn a blind eye at the weekends as long as his schoolwork is done during the week.

What I really would like him to do is, lay off the cannabis altogether, untill he's able to take a more responsible attitude towards it and use it purely recreationally. Maybe that's just a pipe dream. ;)

You, sir, are a master of the pun.

Anyways, the compromise sounds like a good idea. As long as he does his schoolwork, that is. I'm glad to hear everything's going better (I think). I'd like to see your son laying off until he starts doing better in school as well, but hey, you have to take the good and the bad, right?

And yeah, I just got through listening to the opening theme song of facts of life.

[Polaris]

I would just like to add that it's been a revelation coming to these boards.

I fully expected to be hounded off them. Instead I've recieved a warm welcome and some very sound advice. A lot of my stereotypical views have now been altered.

Again, many thanks to you all.

Polaris.

[friendowl]

the facts of life
damn homie thats old school
mrs.garrett is so fine

[friendowl]

polaris

blaze up with us.

[LIP]

Admitisly he's only 15, so maybe he shouldnt be on the weed just yet. I smoked cannabis since i was 10, and to be honest, im damn rpoud of it. IT never screwed up my education, and i belive cannabis is a good thing, and if he can enjoy it without going over the top, then fair enough, but if its conficting will school, and the pigs, then something has to be done.

Remember, cannabis cant kill... never has, it never will because its 100% harmless, so its not as if hes endangering his life.

Myabe you should just talk with him, and make an agreement. You seem like good parents, wanting to find out about cannabis. Most parents think their opinions on it are facts, and this is what makes them shit parents.

Most cannabis smokers are normal people, with normal lifes, its not like smoking tobacco, but a damn site better for you.

Welcome to the site, and enjoy yourselves.

[robert42]

lets have a group hug i sense the moment

can u feel the love

[soxsuk6432]

now that wouldn't be a bad way of going about it...issue him a challenge and let him toke a bit only AFTER he maintains a b average...? but still he is young and needs to realize there are places and times for it...but that should happen with that b average.
A beter way of going about it would be to say his grades have to be the same or better. Because if he couldn't get a B average before asking him to get a b average now would be difficult. Tell him if his grades drop you won't allow him to smoke. Unless theres a good reason like getting a lower grade in a class he's struggling in. Really just tell him he has to put fourth maximum effort or he won't be aloud to smoke.

[larken75]

Polaris,

I would have to say that I definitely respect the way you are handling this. It's not just the steps you've taken but the fact that you are intelligent and open minded enough that you sought information from an obviously educated source. Most parents would simply look at the legal and moral issues and clamp down with an iron fist. This simply does not work. You have to find a balance of heavy handedness and simple understanding. It seems that you are trying to find this very thing and should be commended for your efforts. Too many parents go to one extreme or the other, and that's why we have some many screwed up young adults. I was the youngest of 6 and by the time the parents got around to me they had very fair and understanding parameters that I respected because my friends did not have them. Some ran wild and some could not do anything. The result is that I am just about the only kid that made it out of our neighborhood and made anything of themselves. As a sidenote, my parents managed to have all 6 of us graduate in 3 different decades in a neighborhood most would not want to visit let alone live in.

[Fan o KmK]

FOR ONE! Pot is against the law and so there are SERIOUS and very REAL repercussions when you get caught, it doesnt matter if the laws are right or not because the consequences are the same either way. You have to be a fucking idiot not to see that.

Polaris, i think that you should be very firm, hit your son as hard as you can and tell him that if he does it again then you're gonna have him arrested, its going to make you son very mad and hes gonna rebel, he will think he is above your authority but he isn't if hes 15 then you own him and you control him so USE THAT AUTHORITY DONT BE A PANSY (have dad do it if you cant)

Dont let the little punk get away with whatever he wants, thats bullshit. You're ruining your son if you just let him do what he wants, he already has a CRIMINAL RECORD at age 15. If i were that kids parent i would beat him to within an inch of his life unless he proved that he was fixing the shit he made of his life.

Now of course you should take that with a grain of salt because im one extreme guy. But you have to lay down the law, if you dont now then you haven't in the past and all that gonna happen is you're gonna release another degenerate with no discipline into society where he is gonna fail, and whos fault is that? YOURS. Take some god damn responsibility, you raised him and let him know that. You put a roof over his head and feed him, don't let him use you and then wind up fucked up.


A more rational solution would be to limit him to only smoking on the weekends AFTER he has proven that he did all his homework. You should set up guidelines for him as well, like he can have a friend over and get high if he reads a book (Get some Kurt Vonnegut, like slaughterhouse 5 or cat's cradle, its fun, entertaining and mind expanding to read books, PLUS it will instill good habits in your son that will enrich his life and make it more worth living for him)

But bottom line don't let the boy control you, or threaten you because YOU are the boss not him (dont lord it over him because it will piss him off but he needs to understand that his actions have SERIOUS consequences)


REAL LIFE IS FUCKING HARD! SO DON'T LET HIM START IT UNPREPARED...
that is fucked up...if you were my dad id kill myself.

[The Colonel]

Hello, I am also new to this board. Just had to get that out of the way..
But Polaris, when I was around the age of 15, I got caught with weed at school and was in sort of the same situation your son is in. My home life was fucked up but after i got arrested i went to a "rehab" center and cut down on my smoking. I still smoke today and have a great family life and am doing good in school. So what im saying is get him some help and let him see the bad shit that can happen from unresponsible pot smoking and he may relise that other things should come before weed.

[Polaris]

Hi. Just a quick update.

I've got yet another meeting with his head teacher on Weds morning. At the last one I asked for him to be referred to a local drug awareness organization. Which they've agreed to do.

I'm hoping that he might take on board advice from someone who is impartial and not an authority figure.

[Skink]

Hi. Just a quick update.

I've got yet another meeting with his head teacher on Weds morning. At the last one I asked for him to be referred to a local drug awareness organization. Which they've agreed to do.

I'm hoping that he might take on board advice from someone who is impartial and not an authority figure.
Does he know what you are doing??? Are you open about it???


I'm not saying you have to condone whats going on,but you need to convey your love for him and accept his decision unconditionally... You need to approach him as an adult and by all means he needs to feel that not smoking during school or smoking as recreation only is his decision...

Education is good,but if he feels you are constricting,confining or commanding him,,, he will break free in retaliation or spite,you did tell him what you are doing???

I do want to see him post here and see his views,everyone is different and blanket advice may not help you at all... If he is not allowed to see this thread it just proves you are not open with him,,,if he is not allowed to post to this thread it proves the same thing...

Finally my question about Dad was ignored why???

[Fan o KmK]

Hi. Just a quick update.

I've got yet another meeting with his head teacher on Weds morning. At the last one I asked for him to be referred to a local drug awareness organization. Which they've agreed to do.

I'm hoping that he might take on board advice from someone who is impartial and not an authority figure.

ok um. if hes done any research or knows anything, a local drug awareness orginazation is simply going to put him in a room with a ton of anti-drug people who are to him, going to appear as flaming homosexuals who simply dont know what the fuck theyre talking about and hes going to rebel. atleast thats what i would do if my parents did that to me. i duno, i wish we could offer you more advice but i think youve got what most of us think in the last 2 pages of this thread.

peace.

[420purplehaze420]

atleast its not crack!

[HiddenBeauty]

Hello and welcome to the boards :D

Do you spend alot of time together like going places etc?Maybe you could use the carrot and stick method,tell him if he does well in his exams you will do something to celebrate with him.If you show how much doing well in his exams mean to you he may take notice.The reason i'm saying this is because by your description of your son he is a good lad and not a waster like most are so you are quite lucky really.You could show him a list of jobs he will be doing if he does crap at school too or ask McDonalds if they will employ him for the day if that don't change him I don't know what will.

[TonyD]

The drug awareness organisation is going to be full of people telling him bullshit facts that aren't real. What's more he will know there not real.

In my opinion that wasn't the best decision but who am i to tell you how to raise your son.

[Polaris]

The drug awareness organisation is going to be full of people telling him bullshit facts that aren't real. What's more he will know there not real.

In my opinion that wasn't the best decision but who am i to tell you how to raise your son.

I feel that I've at least got to try this approach. It will be an informal, impartial chat. If they can get him to open up a little (something I can't do) then surely that's a step in the right direction. If not, then I'll know that I've tried, and that's not the right path to go down.

I've accepted (though I'm not happy about it) that he's going to smoke weed regardless of my opinion. Just maybe he'll heed some one else's advice and be able to take a more responsible attitude towards it.

[Polaris]

Finally my question about Dad was ignored why???

Hi Skink, Appologies for not answering your earlier post.

Yes his Father is involved. Although he's re-married, he does have contact with him regularly.

He's of the same opinion as me, perhaps even more so. He can sometimes aggravate a sitituaton by completely over reacting. But this time, thankfully, he hasn't gone all 'Victorian Father' on him.

[Skink]

Hi Skink, Appologies for not answering your earlier post.

Yes his Father is involved. Although he's re-married, he does have contact with him regularly.

He's of the same opinion as me, perhaps even more so. He can sometimes aggravate a sitituaton by completely over reacting. But this time, thankfully, he hasn't gone all 'Victorian Father' on him.
I just want to stress here what I believe to be most important...

Heart to heart!!! No one knows more about your son than your son... He needs to open up to you or someone he will... People smoke pot for different reasons,I picked it up again to help my lack of ambition...

It's not Black and White and you need to Know why before you can begin to solve anything...

Good Luck!!!

[bubbles603]

I am a 41 yr old Mother of two and have been smoking since I was 20. I do not do it around my kids (only when they are not home) and my hubby and I both have normal jobs, house, cars etc. My Hubby is an engineer and I work in high tech sales. We do not consider it to be any more dangerous than having a glass of wine at night. We only smoke on weekends and most of our friends have no idea we smoke. We have never used any other 'drugs'. we both started in college and it has never affected my education, career or life.
I am also an artist and my husband plays music. We enjoy it and are hurting no one.

[SyR1S]

Just let your sun do it on weekends / After his school work. And those anti drug meetings (well the ones about mairjuana) are just complete bullshit, they will prolly tell your son how marijuana will make him try crack and then heroin and then he will od. Its just lies.