Anyone got any Funny Limericks?

[kongo]

There was an ole woman from Kilfeeling,
Who was put in jail for stealing.
So she lay on her back
And tiddled her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.:rasta:

[endo..jay]

having alot of irish in me there is a few i know

I ONCE PLAYED A PRACTICAL JOKE
AND PUT POWDER IN SOME OLD MANS SMOKE
HE GAGGED AND HE WHEEZED
BUT IT WERN'T TILL HE SNEEZED
THAT THE PIPE JUST BLEW UP THE OLD BLOKE

[WakingDream]

There once was a man named Dave
He kept a dead whore in a cave
She had only one tit and smelled like shit
But damn think of the money he saved.


My aunt taught me that.

[kongo]

Lmao!
Good ones lol!

[colton]

There was an old man from Dajealing
Who boarded a bus to South Ealing
Is said on the Door
Dont spit on the floor
So he looked up at spat on the ceiling

[colton]

Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two but very small,
Himmler has something sim'lar,
But old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Hitler, has only got one ball
The other, is in the Albert Hall
His mother, was a dirty bugger
She cut it of when he was small

She threw it, over Germany
It landed in the deep blue sea
The fishes, got out their dishes
And had scallops and bollocks for tea

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

There once was a man from Nantucket
He got kicked in the face and said "fuck it"

What's the one about the guy walking up a mountain or some shit, he slipped on a rock, cut his cock and now something, I dunno lol, haha!!!! LOL.

:D:D:D:D:D:D

[potsmokingnome]

Wish i stole my dad's book of Limmericks, it was a big book full of dirty limmericks, it rocked, wish i would've stole it from the fucker! lol

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Wish i stole my dad's book of Limmericks, it was a big book full of dirty limmericks, it rocked, wish i would've stole it from the fucker! lol

Shoot him from your window, wherever he is, then steal it :D

[potsmokingnome]

Shoot him from your window, wherever he is, then steal it :D
Nah the fuckers miles away from me! thankfully!

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Nah the fuckers miles away from me! thankfully!

"wherever he is" implied that I don't care where he is... just bust some caps man :D lol :p

Sucks that your relationship is like that, but it sounds as though it's for the best... sweet man :)

There once was a man from Sweden.. etc.

[potsmokingnome]

"wherever he is" implied that I don't care where he is... just bust some caps man :D lol :p

Sucks that your relationship is like that, but it sounds as though it's for the best... sweet man :)

There once was a man from Sweden.. etc.
Yeah unfortunately it is for the best, too long of a story to ever post hear, but sorry for going way off topic!

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Yeah unfortunately it is for the best, too long of a story to ever post hear, but sorry for going way off topic!

Meh, I don't mind, off topic, on topic, it's all the same in the end :D..

I stayed on topic back up there ^^ lol.

[potsmokingnome]

LOL

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

JULIE

[endo..jay]

Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas

LOL, that was a good'un! :D

There once was a man from Peru
... It's the one where he splits hit cock on a rock and turns into a woman haha :p I can't remember how it goes :(

[endo..jay]

the only one i know abouit peru is this one

There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo

[kongo]

Not a Limerick but here goes anyway lol.

Johnny went down to cut some wood hurah, hurah
Johnny went down to cut some wood hurah, hurah
The wind blew
The axe flew,
Johnny came home nob in two hurah, hurah, hurah.
Johnny went down to milk a cow hurah, hurah
Johnny went down to milk a cow hurah,
He pulled the tail instead of the tit,
And all he got was a bucket of shit hurah ,hurah hurah!

One of my favs,
What can I say I'm easily amused lol.

[STDzRus]

I once went to bed with a stripper
The head could never be quicker
I put my hand down
And quickly I frowned
To find out her cock was bigger!

[beachguy in thongs]

There once was a guy named Kongo
Who smoked all his Weed playing his Bongo
He snorted a line
And then, by that time
His Mom came home, Where did the fun go?

[Shelbay]

:clap: :clap:
I once went to bed with a stripper
The head could never be quicker
I put my hand down
And quickly I frowned
To find out her cock was bigger!
:clap: :clap: hahahaha---I like that one.:thumbsup:

[STDzRus]

:clap: :clap:
:clap: :clap: hahahaha---I like that one.:thumbsup:

Thanks! It came off the top of my head!

[kongo]

Hahahaha,
Good one STD!

Mary had a little lamb,
Full of tricks and frolics
So it tried to jump an 6 foot fence
And landed on its bolox.

[endo..jay]

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

[STDzRus]

I once met this girl from New Jersey
Who was just a bit too flirty
She lost her pants
Fired my ants
Fucked me left and called me nerdy

[endo..jay]

I once met this girl from New Jersey
Who was just a bit too flirty
She lost her pants
Fired my ants
Fucked me left and called me nerdy

ah yes jersey girls are sluts...i love it:p


there was a young man from Spleen
who invented a wanking machine
on the 99th stroke
the fucking thing broke
and whiped his balls to cream

[STDzRus]

ah yes jersey girls are sluts...i love it:p


there was a young man from Spleen
who invented a wanking machine
on the 99th stroke
the fucking thing broke
and whiped his balls to cream

haha!! awesome!!

I have a left nut named Charley
Who got caught on a Harley
I was quick to stand up
And Quickly manned up
When I lost my left nut and started barfing

[Az.]

Hahahaha,
Good one STD!

Mary had a little lamb,
Full of tricks and frolics
So it tried to jump an 6 foot fence
And landed on its bolox.

i heard one similar to that

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
1000 volts shot up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon

or somthing like that.;...i used to know loads but can't remember them anymore

i used to know the one your thinking of about hitting his cock on a rock and it turning into a vigina or somthing

[STDzRus]

I busted a nut on a video cassette
I was admiring the video and couldn't resist
It was a porno
About lesbian homo's
It stuck to the VCR and now I'm pissed

[Az.]

There was a man from China
Who wasn't a very good climber
He slipped on a rock
and broke his cock
And now he has a vagina

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Not ALL Jersey girls are sluts :|

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do ya' wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"

[STDzRus]

There was a man named Ping
Who had a very small thing
He went to take a piss
and barely missed
Pissed on his nuts and made it sting

[BobBong]

There once was a man from Nantuket,
Whose dick was so long he could suckit.
With a big happy grin,
He wiped off his chin.
And said,
"If my ear was a cunt, i'd fuckit!"

[STDzRus]

Not ALL Jersey girls are sluts :|



There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do ya' wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.




haha i love it!

[BobBong]

There once was a man from Nantuket,
Whose dick was so long he could suckit.
With a big happy grin,
He wiped off his chin.
And said,
"If my ear was a cunt, i'd fuckit!"

Right well.. i guess i wasn't original enough
ok then

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water...
Nobody knows what happened up there..
But now, They have a daughter!

[endo..jay]

Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!

[endo..jay]

there once was a man from madrass
whos balls were made of fine brass
and in story weather
they both clanged together
and sparks shot out of his ass

[ibreakthings]

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

[StickyFinger]

there once was a man called sprocket,
who went to the moon on a rocket.
His arse went bang,
his nips went clang,
and he found his balls in his pocket.

Mary had a little lamb,
she knew it couldnt swim,
so she took it to the swimming baths,
and kicked the fooker in.

Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon,
10 thousand volts went up it arse,
and turned its wool to nylon

[beachguy in thongs]

There once was a BabyFacedAbortion
You can take it from there...

[endo..jay]

although thongs would be easier

there once was a babyfacedabortion
who was after me for my fortune
i said i was poor
so she called me a whore
and said fuck it ill use extortion

[420ultimatesmokage]

A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a honorable discharge.

[endo..jay]

there once was a beachguy in thongs
who would dance around and sing songs
he stepped on a tack
fell and broke his kack
and now he sits around and smokes bongs


idk maybe:confused: im too high for this:smokin:

[BabyFacedAbortion]

there once was a boy named endo..jay
I thought I'd give him ass twice a day
till I looked in his pants
and had a short glance
and now we know why he's not getting laid.

[beachguy in thongs]

Hah, good one, this very day
When you made fun of your man, endo...jay
It was kind of funny
But he still is your hunny
So, now you can go blow him away :smokin:

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I love Jay a lot
and all the other bitches better back off
although he acts like a tart
and usually farts
He's all mine, you fucking sluts.

[rastabill89]

There once was a man from McNaire
who was screwing his wife on the stair
The banister broke
He quickened his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air

[STDzRus]

There was a man from Kent
Who's money was a spent
He wanted a hooker
But couldn't book her
And now his hands are all spent

[infidel818]

first of all fuck new jerzey
it has nothing of fame except bitches with scurvy
they'll suck your dick twice
thats just them being nice
but then you'll have all this nasty ass fukn blood all over the place from their gums because they r nasty slut bitches and new jerzy is gay and fuck it! :)

[Breukelen advocaat]

Every kid that grew up in Brooklyn, and a lot of other places, has heard these:

Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk.
Mussolini
cut his weenie
now it doesn't squirt

Another one from my yout:

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a frying pan.
I turn up the gas and I burn up my ass,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Pretty tame stuff these days - but, back then, repeating them to my father was a big mistake!

[endo..jay]

it has nothing of fame except bitches with scurvy


yea cuz here in jersey there is no fruit...all the fruits are in la

[infidel818]

so is all the bomb kush :)

[endo..jay]

anyhow back on topic

There was a young lady in France
Who hopped on a Bus in a Trance
Three passangers fucked her
Besides the conductor
And the Driver shot twice in his pants.